I Have Changed My Mind, No Longer Getting Married To My Muslim Fiance

I thought marriage is a shared effort between two parties. You share the joy, the difficulties, the happiness and thorns that comes along with it, but i was dead wrong yesterday. My fiance and I had a deep talk yesterday about possible challenges we were likely to encounter if we ended up married. After drawing up a lsit of those challenges, I felt like I could work round those challenges, however the only one i could not accept is his claim that he will not assist me financially should I have any financial issues in future.

I was surprised at this and asked if he was serious. First, I rarely ever ask him for money even when I get broke occasionally like everyone else, but how can I be married or even have a fiance that wont support me financially? For God sake, I am not an island that breeds and survives on its own. I am a normal human being like everyone else. My fiance stood his ground in spite of all these points I made and said "nope, I aint doing that."

What even hurts is the fact that he helps his friends and family out financially when they are down. So why should my case be different? I have come to realise that the reason for this might be tied to the fact that I am successful. He is sees it foolish to be there for me if am broke and to cap it all, he expects me to take care of our needs financially at home when we get married. We once made plans to save up for a car, but he stopped paying and told me that I should buy the car myself. According to him, the reason why he stopped paying was because I own a buisness while he is a salary earner. Is it crime to be successful?

I feel so sad, disgusted and realise that I can't go ahead and marry him. If I have to feel single while being married? What is the use of getting married in the first place If i cant count on my partner to be there for me. I don't think it is all about exchanging sweet words. Mere words are of no use to me. I receive sweet words everyday, so its no big deal. I have female friends and we assist each other sometimes, because everyday is not Christmas and sad situations happen that could make one go broke. I have worked myself hard for years, and I wont add to my workload after marriage. It is not worth it. Nah.....too much liability.

Anyway, this morning I told him I needed a break. I think we both need the break to think things through. We need to find out if we are suitable for each other or not. As far as I can see, I don't think so. Not any more. I thank God, he told me this on time before I took such a huge step as marriage. Abeg,let me focus on my business and friends that truly care about me. Can you guyz imagine?

Sneezes

Dyt: Sneezes

Bless you!

Erm... erm....
*Sneeze*

You guys scaled through Religion, i wonder why Finance should be a problem when you both a well-to-do.
Thats why i stand on being yourself in a relationship. You never rarely asked him for assistance so he built his mind on that.

During the relationship you should have noticed how he react in terms of money.

Anyway, Whatever works for you girl...go for it!

Wish you the best.

I don't belive the op one bit

I don't believe her either.
Just spewing rubbish about... Next abeg!

victorian: I thought marriage is a shared effort between two parties. You share the joy, the difficulties, the happiness and thorns that comes along with it, but i was dead wrong yesterday. My fiance and I had a deep talk yesterday about possible challenges we were likely to encounter if we ended up married. After drawing up a lsit of those challenges, I felt like I could work round those challenges, however the only one i could not accept is his claim that he will not assist me financially should I have any financial issues in future.

I was surprised at this and asked if he was serious. First, I rarely ever ask him for money even when I get broke occasionally like everyone else, but how can I be married or even have a fiance that wont support me financially? For God sake, I am not an island that breeds and survives on its own. I am a normal human being like everyone else. My fiance stood his ground in spite of all these points I made and said "nope, I aint doing that."

What even hurts is the fact that he helps his friends and family out financially when they are down. So why should my case be different? I have come to realise that the reason for this might be tied to the fact that I am successful. He is sees it foolish to be there for me if am broke and to cap it all, he expects me to take care of our needs financially at home when we get married. We once made plans to save up for a car, but he stopped paying and told me that I should buy the car myself. According to him, the reason why he stopped paying was because I own a buisness while he is a salary earner. Is it crime to be successful?

I feel so sad, disgusted and realise that I can't go ahead and marry him. If I have to feel single while being married? What is the use of getting married in the first place If i cant count on my partner to be there for me. I don't think it is all about exchanging sweet words. Mere words are of no use to me. I receive sweet words everyday, so its no big deal. I have female friends and we assist each other sometimes, because everyday is not Christmas and sad situations happen that could make one go broke. I have worked myself hard for years, and I wont add to my workload after marriage. It is not worth it. Nah.....too much liability.

Anyway, this morning I told him I needed a break. I think we both need the break to think things through. We need to find out if we are suitable for each other or not. As far as I can see, I don't think so. Not any more. I thank God, he told me this on time before I took such a huge step as marriage. Abeg,let me focus on my business and friends that truly care about me. Can you guyz imagine?

i can imagine it alright.

@poster, quit lieing jorh. It takes you no where!!!!

Fabricated story with only one purpose. Attention seeking

Mynd_44: Fabricated story with only one purpose. Attention seeking

And i think she is getting it already.
Smh

Mynd_44: Fabricated story with only one purpose. Attention seeking

Why do you think she is seeking attention? yall need to grow up!

What if she just needs your input or comment to the subject @ hand?

If you dont have anything to contribute just hit the back button and let the thread be.

Attention seeking

victorian: I thought marriage is a shared effort between two parties. You share the joy, the difficulties, the happiness and thorns that comes along with it, but i was dead wrong yesterday. My fiance and I had a deep talk yesterday about possible challenges we were likely to encounter if we ended up married. After drawing up a lsit of those challenges, I felt like I could work round those challenges, however the only one i could not accept is his claim that he will not assist me financially should I have any financial issues in future.

I was surprised at this and asked if he was serious. First, I rarely ever ask him for money even when I get broke occasionally like everyone else, but how can I be married or even have a fiance that wont support me financially? For God sake, I am not an island that breeds and survives on its own. I am a normal human being like everyone else. My fiance stood his ground in spite of all these points I made and said "nope, I aint doing that."

What even hurts is the fact that he helps his friends and family out financially when they are down. So why should my case be different? I have come to realise that the reason for this might be tied to the fact that I am successful. He is sees it foolish to be there for me if am broke and to cap it all, he expects me to take care of our needs financially at home when we get married. We once made plans to save up for a car, but he stopped paying and told me that I should buy the car myself. According to him, the reason why he stopped paying was because I own a buisness while he is a salary earner. Is it crime to be successful?

I feel so sad, disgusted and realise that I can't go ahead and marry him. If I have to feel single while being married? What is the use of getting married in the first place If i cant count on my partner to be there for me. I don't think it is all about exchanging sweet words. Mere words are of no use to me. I receive sweet words everyday, so its no big deal. I have female friends and we assist each other sometimes, because everyday is not Christmas and sad situations happen that could make one go broke. I have worked myself hard for years, and I wont add to my workload after marriage. It is not worth it. Nah.....too much liability.

Anyway, this morning I told him I needed a break. I think we both need the break to think things through. We need to find out if we are suitable for each other or not. As far as I can see, I don't think so. Not any more. I thank God, he told me this on time before I took such a huge step as marriage. Abeg,let me focus on my business and friends that truly care about me. Can you guyz imagine?

Yes we can!

Here we go again, love of money is the root of all evil, I love money and all the evil that comes with the love of money. Delete his phone numbers and BB Pins and get down with a supportive dude.

pele..let it out
But for the life of me I cannot fathom how you guys made it through religion and eventually succumbed to money.

. . .@Sijo wadup, hwz ur brk/leave, hope u're cool!

victorian: I later realised, that because am successful. i own a buisness while he is a salary earner. Is it crime to be successful?
we both need the break to think more carefully , if we are suitable for each other or not. Me, i know we are not anymore.

@Op, u've made ur decision already, so why tellin us. . .or do u want us to give u reasons that'll mk u change ur mind?
And. . . Yeah, we've known u're successful. Tnx for letting us in on it. *winks*

.

@ OP
Better you found out now. If your decision makes u happy then stick with it dear.

I'll tell you something poster, that man of yours never wanted to marry you. Or he changed his mind along the line and did not know a better way to bail out. Else, which reasonable husband or husband-to-be will want to do that and even let you in on it? Nonsense. Continue your life jor, it is well.
It takes but a minute, to meet the chosen one. So who's to say that you won't meet him today?

@Godmothr,my decision has given me, a sense of peace &more clarity. lastnite, i was a total wreck emotionaly. Today,am better...@ Billyonaire, i wil try..thanks.. @ James-dman, all u cud pick from my r/ship story is- am successful? may God help your mindset. Am telling my true life story,cos it sounds absurd even to me!

@Rocktation, thanks. av placed it behind me. Life goes on..na wa... thanks to all matured thinkn frnds here. d lord is my strength..wow.

*yawns*
To think i went outta my way to wish u a happy married life in the other thread... What a waste. Op, get a life; u're wasting valuable bandwidth.

Dead story.
If it is true, both of u are weird and were in a strange relationship. Where do ur kind come from?! smh

Rocktation: I'll tell you something poster, that man of yours never wanted to marry you. Or he changed his mind along the line and did not know a better way to bail out. Else, which reasonable husband or husband-to-be will want to do that and even let you in on it? Nonsense. Continue your life jor, it is well.
It takes but a minute, to meet the chosen one. So who's to say that you won't meet him today?

Exactly what i wanted to type before just seeing yours.


By the way, why are Nairalanders so childish? If at most of you's young ages you haven't seen anything in life doesn't mean people don't have experience every passing second.

Is there a medal to be won if she seeks attention on nairaland?


@OP, like earlier saidn he is coming up with that excuse because he doesn't know what else to tell you to make you loose interest. Deep inside him, he might just have felt you are desperate to marry because first you ignored the religion difference and secondly ignore the fact that you are older than him. That might have made him scared.

No sane man will not assist his wife when she is broke. Dated women who her far richer and comfortable than I am, neither have I NEVER asked them for a dime nor have I tried attempting to share responsibilities with them.

I do the basic and more and when I am broke, they always know. So why won't I do the same and more for my own wife?


By the way, what happened to the engagement ring? Bring am make we go sell am to aboki, make we use the money do faji. That you kin guy fit even buy GL (panda) ring give you so check well well before bringing it before aboki go use vex chook person with daggar.

Well, damn! Girl, you seemed so happy and sure in the other thread that you had found a wonderful man. And now this! Did you not talk about finances before? Something like this should've been discussed long ago, so you would know where you both stand. Anyway, look on the bright side: At least you found out now, before you got married! Keep your head up!

Selfish Dude
There is a saying in Nigeria this hand wash this hand the other hand will wash the other

Vikin: You guys scaled through Religion, i wonder why Finance should be a problem when you both a well-to-do.
Thats why i stand on being yourself in a relationship. You never rarely asked him for assistance so he built his mind on that.

During the relationship you should have noticed how he react in terms of money.

Anyway, Whatever works for you girl...go for it!

Wish you the best.

my point exactly

Vikin:
Why do you think she is seeking attention? yall need to grow up!

What if she just needs your input or comment to the subject @ hand?

If you dont have anything to contribute just hit the back button and let the thread be.

Attention seeking

Girl I am still waiting for all the photo
How soon can you sent the photo?
Be nice

You see! @op, thank God you took my advice to shine your eyes wella before getting married to him. Nigerian guys of today are fast turning into gold diggers. They want to marry high earning women all in the name of marrying an "independent woman" so that they can shy away from their God-given duties of being the main providers of the family! So many women have fallen into this trap thinking "oh! he admires my abilities, he is proud of my achievements" only to wake up to reality the night after the honeymoon! because the truth is that we women love to be taken care of even if we have our own money. FACT!
Men!
p.s,There are still some good self-respecting ones out there who still firmly believe in taking the lead roles in caring of their wives and kids finances even though their wives earn higher.
Goodluck to all of us!

moroh: pele..let it out
But for the life of me I cannot fathom how you guys made it through religion and eventually succumbed to money.

because whether you like it or not, money is more important than religion in marriage.

luckgames:
Girl I am still waiting for all the photo
How soon can you sent the photo?
Be nice

Luckgames, what do you want photos for?

Imagination will do!

Please, abeg