₦airaland Forum

Give your brother the money abeg,tithing is not by force,you guys should read your bible.

Matthew 25:40:
"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

This is simplest form i can give you,cos most Nigerian Christians are zombies.

joe4christ: Dearest in the lord i beg you by the mercies of the lord not to make that mistake, tithe is suppose to be given in obidience to the lord and not to attract God's judgement as a result of breaking God's command.
For the scripture cannot be broken, God is not steering at your resources each time you pay tithe, all he want to see in you is your obidience and persistence, what belongs to God is God's dont ever trade it for anything.

Here are some references:

Mal 3:10 - Bring all the tithes into the storehouse so
there will be enough food in my Temple.
If you do," says the LORD of Heaven's
Armies, "I will open the windows of
heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing
so great you won't have enough room to
take it in! Try it! Put me to the test!

Ezekiel 44:30 The best of all the firstfruits
and of all your special gifts will belong to
the priests. You are to give them the first
portion of your ground meal so that a
blessing may rest on your household.

Numbers 18:21 "I give to the Levites all
the tithes in Israel as their inheritance in
return for the work they do while serving
at the Tent of Meeting.



Leviticus 27:30 "'A tithe of everything
from the land, whether grain from the soil
or fruit from the trees, belongs to the
LORD; it is holy to the LORD.

Leviticus 26:3 "'If you follow my decrees
and are careful to obey my commands.

Shut up!

sexlog: u are a disgrace to womanhood for stating cheating is a normal thing!

which womanhood?

MRbrownJAY: pls dont get offended by my words, but unfortunately, if you are cheating on them then you definitely cant LOVE them. its a no brainer!
if you had any idea what love was, you would surely know that, the one thing LOVE will stop you from doing, is HURTING the person that you cherish the most.

so, unless you understand that you DONT love these guys, you can never move forward in your search. hopefully someday you will find LOVE and will finally understand what i am saying.......and you wont need NL to KNOW if he is the one or not

my advice to you: drop them both and look for someone that you genuinely love/care for, who you want to spend the rest of your life with, and then marry that person.........but since cheating is something "normal" to you, i am sure marrying some donkey (that you dont care about) wont be a problem either.

don't waste your energy,she has made up her mind already.Look at a dumb response,so cheating is normal?Naija men ride on.

2nkechi: thanks for ur advice. but u know u wouldnt want to be in a situation where ur parents are not in support of ur marriage. thats my only fear or dey tell me "i warned u right from the get go" wen tins dont go well.

7 years what a waste.The same parents will sit at home until their daughters die in abusive relationships.They will fight to stop you from marrying someone you love,but they will do nothing to save you from abusive husbands.make your choice,but let me make it clear,when problems start coming out,it will be you and just you alone.One year is really too small to know anyone especially Nigerian men.

Zenanted: Generally, ladies dnt luv guys dat luv them
But for both partiest we need to undastand this 5 Love Facts
1-If it's because of her eyes or her lips
or her great body.
-It's not love, it's a LUST
2-If it's because of her intelligence or
insight about life.
-it's not love, it's and admiration
3-If it's because she cries everytime u
try to leave.
-it's not love, it's PITY.
4-If it's because she makes u forget 2
study and sleep.
-it's not love, it's infatuation.
5-Love - is when you don't know why
you seem to be attracted to dat person..
(Love has its reason, and that reason is
unknown!),
And Make Sure That In Search Of A Perfect
Person
You Don't Loose A True One,
Because
Perfection Is Fantasy
&
Truth Is Reality

MR DREAMER,WAIT UNTIL E REACH YOU!

queensmith: It doesnt turn me off? I find it quite adorable, plus any shy person will gain confidence once they start getting to know you. It will probably make dating more interesting than with cocky types.

Being shy does not necessary mean one lacks confidence..most leaking mouths called talkative have f_ed up esteem issues.

It will be hard thing to do..ideally everyone should be given a chance,but in this case..i just can't.

I love eating fruits in the dream cos its free..especially in feast and charity events.I am even toasting a girl in the dream,she has refused to give me her number,hopefully i will have a spiritual girl friend soon.After dating her for at least six months,if all is cool i will have a spiritual wife.Lord pls touch her, i just need her number.because of her i sleep as early as 7pm so i can have enof time with her before day break..lol.

If you don't dream about things you do in real life what else are we expect to see in our dreams..religion is seriously killing us.
Please eat as much as you can..it's free.

men shame dey catch me

They never learn!for better my aXX..marriage vows should be held on a clean and mutual ground,once you life is at risk it means you should leave.She committed suicide,and i wonder what her family did. the husband is an ahole,if na my sister i will blow his fing brain..bullshit.I am angry,nonsense...it was plain ignorance and foolishness on her part..sorry if anyone think this comment is harsh.

Both genders are guilty.i dey find nice girl,they are hard to find i swear.

This naija women bashing is getting really scary.Men i swear una don put fear for my body..I use to think these guys were joking until a i dated my first naija girl.I know there are good ones,but....

It will be nice to see a naija lady that will first propose this idea.Whether i am rich or not,i will go for a low key wedding.

duality: lots of people will keep saying; i want a low key wedding but look at the streets, halls, hotels and churches every Saturday, what do you see? your guess is as good as mine.
lots of ladies are hypocritical about this issue.

I totally agree with you."I pass my neighbor" mentality won't let them be themselves.

it's really a difficult situation to be in especially when only one party is seeking for the solution.

OP,from your reply i don't think you guys communicate very well,even before your marriage.Something is just wrong somewhere..this story is not complete.If his current behavior is not something you are used to,then i feel he is cheating or having an emotional affair and the guilt due to his love for you is creating an emotional distance between you guys.(just my idea,i may be totally wrong).

it's had to find a solution when both parties are not involved.You have to speak out,you have to scream until he hears you.Until he gets involved,it is really going to be hard,get him to listen to you,you have to speak out so you don't die in silence.

Be strong,everything will be fine.

Mentalities like this one are the reasons why Nigeria will keep going backward.After corruption,religion is our second worse curse in Nigeria.

Ignorant people,una never suffer yet,na the beginning be this.

Thanks guys.

I think this issued is settled.There are so many details i cannot not post here,i just can't.I have decided to move on with my life.i have called her to discuss my stance,she is not taking it too well.I am afraid i cannot proceed with the relationship,i don't see us happy in the future,i cant get pass the flashbacks,questions and more questions.

She has been a wonderful friend,but the damage is just too much to bear.I am taking a break.

Thanks again.

I see how ignorant people can be.

Libyans are suffering now.I know a lot of them, the media will never cover their current pains and regrets.And pls guys,don't ever compare Gaddafi with any Nigerian leader, he was a gift to Africa.

your responses show why we will always remain backward, ignorant morons.

ftmom:
This section continues to get very interesting but I want your opinion . . . . .  I suspect a lot of these stories are just that - stories, real make-believe. What do you think?


Just to clarify - I mean the relationship stories like "draft game"  "lazy wife with kids not in school" etc.

You are wrong.This is what i am currently facing right now,and this is just part of the whole thing.And i wish i dey dat creative to be a script writer,but far from it.

Men the thread done turn ipad thread, na cheating or something like that cos am too, lol.

@moremi2008
I don observe the way you dey ginger anyhow when woman talk comes up.Well,this is an online environment you can be anything you want to be.Na people like you dey fall in love anyhow.Imagine how the ipad thing keeps coming up again and again, i may be wrong.

For those that are still contributing,thanks for your points.I have more questions than answers.I thought when people find out about affairs like this they get really mad.i mean fight,scream or something to make a point,I was totally speechless.I had high expectations you know,i bragged about her strength and all that,but she fall my hand scatter.I have forgiven her,but the damage has been done. i don't think it will ever get normal again,i am not sure its worth sticking around.She has really been a very good friend,i just don't know what went wrong.

Moving on is not going to be easy.I have problem with trusting people and its getting worse.It's not going to be easy trusting another girl,or putting so much effort into something that may disappear one day-i may be reacting.But beyond this point,its really going to be different.

But one question first,why do most women, even married women encourage double dating for young ladies?It's always ok as long as it's a lady involved. Pls, it's just an observation within my small sphere,don't get me wrong.Keep your options open (aka double date) is the normal slogan now.

It's time to keep my own open too,like wide open.If you want to be with someone go all out for them or just stay away.if you can't totally trust,just have fun and let them have fun too, just saying.

Metalgoong:
@OP

Welcome to the playaz world. . . .  Please go get as many girl friends as possible, bleep them all, and then choose the best wifey material amongst them. My guy no  dulling!!

Most of the guys here are on the same page.Men i fear the devil in me ooh, I am not sure i want to take that path.

moremi2008:
No amount of words will make a mugu see the light. A mugu is always a mugu! As for me oh, there is no amount of begging a woman can do to make me take her back after she slept with another man!  I will only take her back on the condition that she brings me the head of the guy she slept with in a gold-plated calabash! 

I hope no be me u dey call mugu? because if na me,u are describing the wrong person.We are both independent people.She hardly ask for anything and that's one aspect of her life i love.I don't spend any how cos i got a lot on my table,so its either you deal with it or u bounce.This is my first serious relationship,and i had a lot of expectations.well shit happens, Right now,i am channeling all my energy into my postgrad, no time,when my head is cool i'll face the matter squarely.

From what i have seen in most relationship around,the cheating,games,double dating e.t.c .,they are just chain reactions of what  lack of trust can do, or something like that.People just want food wey don done,no body wants to build,and when someone is trying to be good,people just take them for granted.

We are all angels until we are caught, na the pattern.

There so many conflicting versions to the whole thing or right now i just cant take any explanation.
We knew each other for a year plus before i travel for a two years course.And since most of her friends are guys,this is one part of her life i never went into,now i think i made a mistake or something like that.In the first few months outside Nigeria she complained about a close male friend crossing his allowable space,i told her to deal with it.But few months after, i discovered the friendship was still on,this led to our first major misunderstanding.After that phase i heard nothing of her male friends until the affair issue came up.it lasted for more than 5 months,but according to her it was shorter than that,but the guy kept replaying the whole thing over an over,i saw several mails.Now i remember the words of my friends, "oboy catch fun ooh,woman go do u something one day, "may be they are right.

Before this,we always had problems with boundary issues.She is very close to her male friends,but i have never had problems with this,but i warn her about certain lines i am uncomfortable with.There was no improvement,so i ignore that part and moved on, i really don't have energy to keep tabs on anyone, but right now,i am not sure if that was the right approach.Actually i expected nothing less,cos i was completely and totally committed to her,and i have to reassure her of my love like every fing day.Any text msg or mail without ending it with i love u, go turn to wahala, i mean i gave my best.

Her relationship with the guy ended few months after i was due to return but failed to make it.Then she accused me of cheating and all that,and asked for the password to my mail.I was like mails are suppose to be private things,she refuse to listen and insisted that my refusing was the proof she was looking for.I gave it to her, gave her one week to do her investigations and then change the passowrd.The problem started when i had to ask her too for the password to her mail.Then she said with a low voice tune, " make your heart no break for the things u see inside, there are mails that will shock you", and yes she was right, i found hell.That was the first time ever to access someones mail box.

The guy was practically in my spot.The words they exchanged were not different from ours, the way they talked about their whole experience and shits.And this guy was also engaged to another person.And things that are  not suppose to be shared,she did with this guy, and i was like,where is my special place?For now i am dealing with all these myself,cos i practically boasted about her among my friends.My friends go go kill me and her if they find out.My mom is madly in love with this girl,she does things she has never done  to us, send food even to her office,cook special meals for her, god,what else do women want,what is too good to be true,LOVE?

There are so many conflicting and connecting dots, still watching shall,God dey,nothing do them.

forgive my errors.

Thank you all for your answers.You all have great and conflicting points.Like i said for now,i just want to be neutral until my head is clear a bit.

@freesia
She wasn't trying to end it.To the best of my knowledge we were open.I think she is matured enof to know i can take any reason or explanation if leaving was her plan.I will explain further how i discovered it.

@ronkebp

Can you really give ur best without trust in a relationship?but ur points are noted.

@dayokanu
men the experience is hell,i don loose weight,i never come on cam to chat with my family because of this.Na now i understand why guys dey cry before they turn playboys,the flash backs no get part two.You just do't know what to believe again,i can no longer do things i do naturally with her.

@mutter
How can u love someone and u are unhappy around them,na love be that?explain if u can.If this statement "Women are very vulnerable, especially when they are of marriageable age." is true,what is the proof of strength.Men are also vulnerable when it comes to faithfulness too,we all are exposed,the problem is falling.And yes she was courageous to an extent cos i discovered it my self.May be the guy would have also attended my wedding,she introduced him as a friend.Thanks,you made good points.

@tatyour
There so many funny dots that are connecting and others that are not.She may be remorseful,but what are about the reasons behind it.I personally no get time for games,its very straining,guys and women wey dey do am get strength, the simpler the better.

@chaircover
thanks for your reply,i have been expecting your response.I guess the ball is in my court and u are very right an on point.

@chioma134

Premarital sex has nothing to do with unfaithfulness.Anyone that will cheat will cheat,whether they  engage in premarital sex or not, I am a christian, but i am sorry to say i fear "church women" more than women of other religions.I have seen it happen over and over again,and the funniest thing about it is that we do talk about it a lot,fornication and all that in the church,but right now all that is making no sense.

@moremi
I know say na this kind story you no won hear,i have been observing your comments,and i am not surprise at your stance.Thanks,noted.

But the question is, how important is faithfulness in relationship outside marriage?why do girls easily think it's ok to double date or have a backup plan?Just few days ago i was discussing with a female friend and she told me that in a women forum in church, they were asked not to put their "confidence" in men as per relationship,and they should always use there heads in any relationship.Is this not a bad advise,and by confidence  i assumed she was talking about trust because she could not give me the details of the whole gist.

Why is cheating among this naija generation so common, right now i dont care what religion you are when it comes to marriage,na peace i dey find.I don't see too many shit inside church.Well, i guess you can trust no one.Is it  this hard to find someone to trust and someone you love so much.I mean,how do you actually trust people,does it actually exist in practical terms or it is just something we naturally expect within certain context.

What is love,what is trust?Can someone pls answer.

@MrBrownJAY

You know is hard to just walk away.after years of total commitment,years of sacrifice and efforts.Walking away and starting all over again is the problem.Is it better out there?It will take God's grace to put such effort into another relationship, still cracking my head.

Men i tire for the whole thing, wetin she want i no give, i never recover from the shock.Men i have never been in a state like this before.I tried to find out why,but no explanation is getting into my ****ed up head.The problem is that i still love this girl,but the trust part is killing me.She has really been a good friend,i just don't know what went wrong.

How long does it take to recover from a heartbreak, LOL, heartbreak counselor,the thing don reach your door, lol, i am dying and i am laughing.

Thanks for your replies.

@MRbrownzJAY
the matter is actually before an elderly person that has been keeping an eye on us.She confessed to her before i found out,and i have confirmed from the her too.But the damage and the effects are done already,for now i am kind of neutral trying to find a concrete reason to stay or move, right now i am not even emotionally stable to hear any version of the story.And yes you were right on point.How can one just throw away something we've built for so long.

Just neutral for now.

@taryour
I am seeing it that way.I fear i may not be patient enof to wait for it.i am just confused right now.I mean what will make i lady do that and still don't want to let go.The shock is killing me.

I want to know if it is worth fighting for your relationship after an affair?

Does it ever get normal again?

What is love without total trust?

We are not yet married,and I am really battling staying in the relationship after the whole hell of finding out about the affair.Despite forgiving her,I still feel some emptiness in me,I feel this hole inside me that just wont go away.

I still love her,but I can no longer boast about her,the feeling of seeing her as special is gone.I am still trying to see if I can really let go or just move on.If I move on,I am afraid I may not be the same again.I gave my all to this lady,I almost lost my social life because of her.

Is it worth staying in relationship outside marriage after an affair?

Your heart is not free yet.Either you are not yet healed from the hurt he caused you,or the guilt of ur affair has created a wall between you and ur husband. Unconfessed sins can kill slowly, you need to release your heart,forgive and let go.If he has been trying, learn to trust again.

May be his actions bring back memories,just let go and free your heart.No matter how you love someone,if you've crossed a line,as long as u keep it secret especially when it is eating u up from within,it will finally eat your love for that person.Guilt and unconfessed sin can kill love.

Check your heart

The problems with dating today are unrealistic expectations and too many rules (or games)