So no scriptures on marital abuse and divorcing on that ground?

Should people who divorce based on grounds of abuse be judged by Matt19v4-8 and other bible portions that are solely based on adultery?

And what happens to a man or woman when their partners fail to meet god's expectations in marriage?

The problem with people is that,they don't go beyond quoting scriptures and what they are told? If you are quoting scriptures,give some logical response to the subject and stop quoting out of context.

Again this thread is about marital abuse,divorce base on abuse,vows and what the bible has to say about it?

salt 1:

Why did you single out marital abuse? What of not finding your partner sexually appealing? Or quarrelling with your mother-in-law? Or her not respecting you because you became broke?

Any EXCUSE (because that is what they are) for ending a marriage should be weighed against the backdrop of the Bible. That is, if you believe in the God of the Bible in the first place. If you don't accept the Bible standard, go and look for another accomplice who will tell you your position is ok and not to worry.
But that person won't be me. Relationships aren't easy and can always be worked upon, instead of thrown away.
If you check research results, second marriages last even shorter than first ones. So rather than hastily throw the first one away, why not build it to last?

well i stated that from the beginning. This thread is about the vow,god or the bible and marital abuse?Well i guess you don't have a scripture for or against divorce based on marital abuse. Yes a perfect relationship is not easy to maintain,and people like you are always hard on divorcees and reasons are not important to you,so you should be able to prove your points against any reason for divorce.

It is easy to quote scriptures from outside the fire.What will you do if your sister,mother,father,brother or kid is a victim of abuse?

salt 1:

Vows have conditions, right. The vow of marriage has one condition: "binding till death".
If you realise how long it will last, then you will take care before plunging into it. And if you have already contracted it, you live with the results of the decisions you have taken.

You see, this discussion reminds me of when Jesus and His followers had a similar discussion on marriage,
Matt 19: 9 " whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth committeth adultery
V12: He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

That is God's standard and He's not lowering it for anybody's sake.
Unless, of course, you have no intention of meeting Him in heaven

You did not answer my question.What did the bible say about marital abuse?

salt 1: I am unashamedly anti-divorce. Separation for adultery? Yes. But divorce and remarriage? NEVER
The vows are religious. And even if it wasn't clearly spelt out in the Bible, a vow is a vow. Ever heard of swearing to your own hurt but not changing your words.
God keeps His promises to us and He expects us to keep the promises we make to others.

Now where is the vow in the Bible
1. Rom 7: 2 For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.
If this is not "Till death do you part" I don't know what is.
2. Eph 5: 28 men to love their wives ......but nourisheth and cherisheth it
Doesn't this sound " promise to love, cherish and protect "


In this adulterous era, people are making fun of everything godly. And they can have a field day; marrying and divorcing at will. But that doesn't make them right. It seems as if people are looking for every reason to quit their marriages. If they had the understanding that marriage is for life, and that no adulterer will enter heaven, they will give some thoughts before hopping into a relationship that they plan to hop out of at the slighest sign of trouble.

Vows have conditions,people change and what happens when a partner stops loving..then the other should hope and stay right?Don't your think your explanation of that scripture is isolated and distorted?And what does the bible say about marital abuse?

TCD: Long Suffering is one of the fruits of the spirit

please what is long suffering?

ATMC: Nice topic, my take is this, i think god's concern is one doing his will and living to fulfill his or her purpose...now if a spouse is being abused in a marriage, d person should find out whether he/she is in god's will in d very first place. Again, in as much as god's word says god hates divorce, but wisdom remains a defence! So there's a time to quit d marriage if it be d only option especially when d union was wrong from d begining. Aside all these, its important for one to define what he/she refers to as abuse...a situation where one defies marital principles and gets punished for dt shouldn't warrant a cry and push for divorce rather, such should make amendments.
God's will for d abused partner is to seek solace in him and not to revenge but to love d partner unconditionally even while awaiting his judgement on dt spouse and trusting him to judge right...this is simple and difficult considering a lot of factors but dt's his will...it sometimes sounds foolish...
Talking about marriage vow, its cultural that is man-made. There's no laid down vow and dt's y it seemed to differ in various denominations.

so you mean someone in an abusive relationship should wait on god until he does something and what happens to those who never made it out?

Busy_body:

Na wah for this incessant onslaught of God/Bible/Church witchhunting galore abi na jamboree, wey dey permeate this atmosphere of late, hmmm. If this is indeed a genuine from-the-heart-matter, why pit people against each other to blaspheme and why is this not in the Religion section!!!


Anyway keep going, no knowledge is wasted, I am sure someone would pull out a verse from the Bible soon to support the motion that marriage vows is Biblical, and then your wish for your almighty tingod to be dragged on the floor would start to be granted with comments such as "a drunk must have written the Bible" or "God is wicked", etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.


Don't mind me and my musing biko, carry go like I said...

Don't get it wrong ok,i am not trying to cause a war here. I am trying to find an answer why divorce as a result of persistent abuse will be against the will of god,or is being in an abusive relationship a proof of obedience to the vow or god's word..I don't think the vow is a death sentence or abuse sentence where once you are in there is no way out.

isn't there a separation between what god is saying about marriage and the vows made at the alter?Aren't there conditions whether acknowledge or not that keeps or annuls the vow?Please this is not a war thread, i believe it will help someone out there, may be this is the time for people who kick against divorce on all grounds to make their points.

I don't want to put this on the religion room,i want a balance view on this subject.
CC,jenny,debrief e.t.c i'd love hear your views on this,I am searching for a balance.

I, ____, take you, ____, to be my lawfully wedded(husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

I have seen on Nairaland land how some are hostile to people who escaped marital abuse,and their arguments are based on ambiguous religious grounds because I am yet to get a concrete explanation for their stance.

They say divorce is against the will of god,and it is a dishonor to ones marriage vows. So I have two questions for the house

1.What is god's will for an abused spouse?
2.Are marriage vows traditional,cultural or religious things?

Please no attack on anyone,if you don't agree with someones view,politely state your points.The floor is open!

maclatunji:

Didn't you read that Johndoe has been married for over two decades and counting?

Thank god for him then.Unfortunately everyone can not tell the same story,he should give them a break. 20 years of marriage,and he talks like this...a good principle is a good principle and if he is a matured person,irrespective of who is dishing out the info,he would have at least acknowledged the wisdom in the post..but unfortunately gray hairs does not represent wisdom. Great men with great marriages are men that know how to stand from the outside and analyze situations, men with patience and verbal restrain..20 years and he still talks like this?

And by the way, those deacons and pastors cheating on their wives have long marriages too...but if yours is perfect glory to god,amen..give others a break,especially when you don't know what they have gone through.People change,we are humans and sometimes we don't see these things coming...and pls don't start with your "prayer changes things and god will guide you" cappings,except you are not Nigerian

Guitarlife: Don't you get it? She stood before God and man and made a convenant .She swore that she was gonna stand by a man 'in plenty and in want, in sickness and in health till death did them part' . What kind of woman makes a meal of such words.
Was she not aware that things could go awry when she was saying those ?
What am on about is that if she knew quite well that she was gonna skeddadle when and if things hotted up. She shoulda keep her mouth shut.
She could have asked the priest to skip that part and not gone ahead to bellow into the mic when she knew she was just there for the good.
Yeah! What I'm saying is that when she took those vows, she already signed up to die if that was what it would have required to stay in the marriage.
Why don't you read the marriage vows again and then tell me if it's not bondage yes it is. If you can't stand the freaking heat then don't even walk into the oven.
Is that too hard to comprehend ? In conclusion all divorcees are cowards simples especially those who walked out on a marriage cos their lives was at a risk.
They don't have any respect for their words so don't expect me to have any respect for them.

sl

I feel for you seriously.And what is your point?

Guitarlife: Was he lying ? As long as he is saying the truth honey, he is welcome. By the way is he ?
We need to drum it into the ears of people preparing for marriage that they will not have a covering over their head if they petulantly make a wrong choice of spouse as a result of effemeral things and divorce them latter.
Infact, we need to make them realise that on here, the punishment for such cowardice is the gallows. This will make them look beyond the brazillian and peruvian hair.
What moral stand does debrief has to put up such a satirical thread. How can you possibly give something you don't have.
If she felt the need to post on here albeit compulsively nothing stopped her from using far more ethical headings like 'The facts I failed to acknowledge going into my first ever marriage' or 'Avoid this mistakes and I am talking from personal experience' you get my drift do you ?
Johndoe, congrats and may you live long enough to enjoy your marriage into it's 70th and 80th year.
You don't know how much of an inspiration you are to us single lads. Now we know holding down a family is not rocket science.

Why should someone be held responsible for the moral shortcomings(serious one for that matter) of another even if na marriage union?No matter your marital stance,if it is not working it is not,you can't kill anyone for not making it,especially when the marriage is a totally failed one.You are just ranting,just like the average loose valve out there without giving proper logical reasons for your rants.

Johndoe and co,pray u marry a good woman,cos its your type that cheat and sleep with little church girls instead of facing realities-the deacons that preach against divorce and sleep with choir girls.Why can't people just make their points without attacking,insulting and forcing their myopic religious mes*s into people's throat.

This no be common sense?Great points,I just hope they learn.

The distrust in the environment is so much that people don't put much effort in developing the relationship together before going into the marriage institution. Guys are afraid to be "mugus", women have "back-up plans" and I am not in anyway against expanding you circle of friends.It is easy to state rules,out their the game is different..it's complicated.But most importantly have an expectation,know what you want, so when you see it you can identify it.

my 2 cent!

Woman no be pekin for God sake? These people are so dumb,na man dey decide the se-x and yet they won't allow their wives to have peace.And the ignorant women are busy running around looking for babies and even sleeping with pastors,its sad..

pekin na pekin,human na human.

debrief08: Yes, life goals mattered, He was the oly man apart from my dad who really took interest in my dreams and aspirations, always encouraging me to say it out, most people especially men from the Orth particularly that I had met thought me to be too ambitious. He loved my ambition, loved to get me to talk about my goals, love to share with me on his too.
Philosophy, hell yea, I was done with Lchurchy" people who will speak "christainese" and yet commit all sorts of wicked acts, he was different, logical, questioned a lot of the things I had come to question, he was smart, never just accepted anything, always scrathed beyond the surface.
When it came time to marry, some people told him he and I would go to hell and he said God is not a wicked and vindictive God like them.
While preparing for the wedding he faced so many things that I would give up on us severally but he never for a day doubted that he made the right choice. Again he was honest, he said the truth sometimes even when it hurt me not to hurt me but because it was true and needed to be said.
All in all he took charge, never made me feel scared or insecure and I knew I would be safe with him and my Dad loved him, he was sceptical but the day they met, according to my dad their own sparks flew.
My Dad asked him questions and he had questions too for my Dad

How is the intellectual compatibility before and after marriage-intellectual interest?I can't stand "nollywood babes",ladies who can't discuss things beyond nollywood,gossips and tori for town.

50calibre: A woman is not meant to have self confidence what so ever as a man might will mistake it for arrogance.

Women should remain weak

What a world!

Cosmass:

My answers to all of those above are yes. He stated he needed time and space and a sign from God. I asked him if it was because of the argument we had, he replied "yes". It has been 2 weeks plus since this happened and I just told him maybe o make things easier for him since it's like this, I suggested we just break up. He said time/space, that he is waiting from a sign from God. I asked him how and he said he would just know.

Then what kind of love puts people through this kind of hell..no communication for two weeks?

No matter the argument,a matured person should be able to settle issues and address the problem once and for all instead of waiting for stupid signs.Seriously, some Christians should learn to take responsibility,this "the lord spoke to me" and "waiting on god" thing is spoiling many things.

Adam did not wait for God to give him a sign before he identified eve as his wife.There is a reason why God gave us the ability to take decisions and think with our minds.No matter how close you claim to be to God,He can not walk with some one that has no expectation,vision or desire for something,and contrary to popular preaches,God does not throw or force things on people.Be careful of people that always push things to God,men should learn to take responsibilities for there actions and decisions (Proverb 16:1-3).

Leave church things aside for now, come out from that religious circle for just a minute-Now look at him with a neutral eye(hard) and ask yourself these questions

1-Will he help me fulfill my dreams/goals in life

2-Is he the kind of man i want to marry

3-Will he be a good role model to my kids

4-Is he the type that take responsibility for his actions easily

5-Does he respect you as a woman

6-Is he the kind of guy that will defend you even from his family when necessary

7- Do you trust him

If most of your answers including the last are yes,try to talk things out with him,but be careful so you don't wait for too long.

my 2 cents!

Find what works for you and always keep the communication door wide open!

Too many rules,and yet divorce rate is going higher everyday.

WOMEN are taking the lead..trust me.

We talk about men every time cos men are easily caught...its a 50-50 thing,stop crying abeg.

Cheating is wrong yes,but gone are the days when its just a man's thing.

Nigeria:the Sitting room of sanctimony!

There is a relationship between sanctimony and social backwardness..this people tire me i swear,always quick to judge and condemn people..

@op,stop disturbing yourself...some people here have no ability to think on their own.You have done nothing wrong..pekin wey go spoil go spoil even if you implant bible inside their head.

After they will say they don't see the signs,keep asking..your body go soon tell you.


These ladies need serious wisdom..abi metal adrenaline,i don't understand why u are still not on the run.

Sisi_Kill: Important Question Alert - Please who is this IHEDINOBI and how do we go about cloning him?

No need for that.There are many IHEDINOBIs out there.Out there they are called.."nice but boring"- he mentioned that in one of his comments.They tell them to improve there swags(translate=no idea),they are the back up plan..lol..nothing i never hear. They say they want the thrill,and sometimes abuse is part of the package,and I've stopped interfering in abusive relationships cos most times you'll end up looking like a fool..lol..just let them be,when they are wise enough they will leave..

This whole thing is a complex situation,we have been addressing the products of many underlining factors.Parents need to work on their daughters,and men need to show good examples to their sons.It's product of the war between the misplaced egos=LSS of some men and the low self esteem(LSS) issues of some women,and cheating,abuse e.t.c are all rippling effects.The fight against abusive relationships must start from the home where these girls grow up,we are yet to have a united front against this thing.Churches still preach submission,"man is the head" e.t.c,you cannot even tell if it is African tradition they are preaching or something else from the bible.And what about pastors that abuse their wives and husbands,and it was before our eyes a bishop slapped a young woman,and yet majority of his members are women..lol..(a perfect husband model).we will keep going in circles in this war,and for those of you who still think the girl is a witch,come slap my witch sister first,id*i*ots..the church,religion or whatever should be separate from the state,you cannot justify physical abuse based on religious grounds- he is yet to be brought to justice. The government is doing little or nothing,and of course they know if they do the law will start with them.

Don't give up shall..there is hope for our children!

Staying..i hate that word...that word killed my mom

I wish i can tell my mom's story..its hard to live with an unhappy person.Some people have no idea what it means to stay in a abusive relationship,you die slowly until you loose your true self.I watched a smart,agile, confident and strong business woman (my mom) fade away as a result of constant abuse.The lost of identity is the worst part of it all...i wish i can post all i have written.

I am not taking side,but no matter the reason, abuse of any form must not be tolerated.I have sisters,and to be frank i am really
worried especially knowing that some a..h0.le exist who can not differentiate between normal marital problem and physical abuse,between normal argument and verbal abuse.people have reasons of going into marriages (love,money,virginity..e.t.c),and some of these reasons are insane but it gives no one the right to abuse another,if you can't stand seeing someone leave them alone.

For those that walked away,be proud..its not easy to defy a sanctimonious society like ours.

If he is not prudent,then he has not earn the right to know.If you start giving him info,he may start thinking you have enof,he will either spend more or push more financial responsibility to you to fulfill his spending habits..this kind of people are hard to live with especially in funny financial situations,they don't know when to stop.

But i feel you guys should discuss money matters,who pays what,i mean come up with a financial plan for everything.communication is the key..but how do u communicate financial matters with someone with a different financial attitude?

He is your husband,so you have no choice but to talk things over with him..and if giving to your parents makes him behave funny,then you have to keep it low or change the way you do it around him.But don't forget your husband and kids are priority #1!

Most of these ladies complaining are poor conversationalists, have no life,and t cannot hold a conversation for more than 30 seconds except its Nollywood gossip or tori for town.

Then again rejection is not funny,so when u front christian sister, what else do you expect from a brother that is trying to pls you as a christian babe?Minus play na bad thing dey sweet pass,but its in everyone.


may be you should start being yourself so that a brother that is afraid of being labeled a fake christian can see you and love u for who you are.

This whole thing is the rippling effects of hanging around hypocrites and sanctimonious people(NIGERIAN CHRISTIANS) who are always fast to judge people,so everyone lives in denial or cannot be their total selves.

This what your get when you bribe parents to force their kids to marry someone you love want.May be he was looking for a virgin,lol and it is obvious you don't know what to do with her.

First,if she is not ready to settle down,pls divorce her before she brings something home..something similar is happening around me now,she is now infected with HIV and luckily for the old man,he is negative.

So, if you can not talk sense into her head ( i don't think marriage is where u talk sense into somebody's head,its for matured people)look for another option.Next time date someone before u marry them,don't just marry because u feel you are old and ready.

it is only in Nigeria where the success of a marriage depends totally on the wife. And why do people think the success and the failure of a marriage depends on the wives?

The man only changed the rules and improved his timing..nonsense.For women with cheating husband..may be this can work,give it a try,since you are expected to keep you man focus.

what its wrong with having one..i have a crocodile and she is 11 years old.They can be tamed,as long as she is not extremely hungry u can touch it even in the water.

Rule 1:if you offend her, no touching for 1 month

Rule 2:Don't feed a hungry reptile with your hands

Rule 3:Warn strangers

They are normal animals.

And snakes are cool too,lol..but its sad if ur neigbours keep releasing holyghost fire on the poor things..Nigerians!

A country where fools are given attention.this woman never disappear..nonsense.

Pastors are the worst sets of people after politicians..sorry to offend pastor worshipers and those that go to church,no offense.

No matter how they screw up they'll still reverence them.Wife beating is common among pastors,its a normal thing. Pastor recommendation my head.Na so one illiterate called a pastor came asking for my sister's hand in marriage,i told my parents that if it happens i will shoot them.I called the id_iot of a pastor and warned him not to even say hi to my sister or else he will receive the beating of his cursed life,and i will beat him in the anointing..god spoke to me that your sister is my wife..nonsense,i was mad..men i rained insult on him,nonsense.Girl wey just enter uni...

Tell you friend to leave,she is building on the wrong foundation.But why do women endure abusive husbands like this,why is this becoming the norm?

Debrief,CC and Jenny,you people must not stop talking oooh,its sad.

Please leave her joor,she is the only balance we have here.She can be gentle sometimes.....

I hardly see couples that talk about different things for hours.Intellectual compatibility among couple is something i find difficult to trace.

You see one interest in politics,economics and others,and the other can watch Nollywood movies all day.One interested in football,the other thinks being passionate about football(the drinking,argument and shouting)does not make sense,and football fans act like kids.

And the most obvious is where one partner is more educated than the other.

How do you deal with intellectual incompatibility in marriage and remain happy?How important is intellectual compatibility?