₦airaland Forum

Omonigeriarere:
Unless your story is cooked up, you owe her no apology my friend.

If she feels remorse, forgive. If not, silence is the best answer to 80% of what is happening in your household right now.

Definitely, I only apologise when I am at fault but on this I didn't because I was very convinced I was not at fault so I did not. . ..and that silence has made her realise her mistakes.

KoolBigk:
This cracked me up! you gave her "abara gbigbona " & called that a caution, na wa oo!

Meanwhile, you need to man up, go apologies to her & after normalcy has being restored, sit her down & explain why the extravagant life she's longing for can't be met currently.

Let her know everything you doing is for the betterment of the family. What I see here is lack of communications between you two. It would do you lotta good if you can set up a business for her as well.

PS : Take your family out occasionally, to give her a treat.

Exactly what I usually do, taking my family out has always been a part of me from day one but now trying to compare me with others or makinv me run another man's race is a no !

jaxxy:
U must never listen to a woman when she is ridiculous and yes sm if them(l won’t say most yet) loose their minds and morals over peer and societal pressures, the urge to impress at all cost. It is very wrong. She wants to enjoy the good life without working or planning for it. How??

She now seeks to frustrate u to doing the unthinkable Bt if u are a real man to u tell her to shut the Bleep up. Also let her know u have such good plans Bt if will for the right process and will get there soon. Never let a woman put u under pressure to do the unthinkable or ridiculous For a quick taste of good things in a totally wrong way. If she’s in a hurry let her put heads together with u to see how the family can grow by legal means instead of doing nothing and complaining like a complete ingrate.


U will regret it and still loose ur masculinity trying to impress sm1 who has chosen to be foolish.

Keep working on urself and have a plan for a better life.

Women Like ur wife I completely ignore their temporary urges and ridiculousness and run my race aslong as I’m following my good plan. Lol

Thanks for this, exactly what I am doing trying to be my the best on daily basis without running another man's race.

asapeola:
Dear Ademidedavid, I decided to reply ur post cos I av experienced ur situation personally: Just fresh from NYSC, I was teaching but I had an ex who sometimes moaned abt my paygrade (just abt 33k/month then). She would ask "When r u gonna get a car?" And I would be like "Are u normal?" (In MC Macaroni's voice). Then she nearly confused my life when suddenly she said "My friend's boyfriend just gave her (the friend) 100k for fun." Bros, we talking abt my slightly over my 3 months salary o! I argued it as a man but i was worried (as u were) that my woman was bn influenced and I just cant help it. Eventually, it turned out that the 100k wasnt actually a gift but for other purposes. But what if i had done something drastic just to "meet up"? Na so i for just kee myself for nothing.
Many people have bashed on u here, some actually right and some too extreme! I still wouldnt wanna bash for u laying ur hand on ur wife cos I wasnt in the situation u faced, ur apology may depend on ur wife's reaction after that action of urs. Did she stop nagging? Did she realise she's overstepped her bounds n shocked? If she did, then u may apologize. Its always amusing when people say "walk away" lol...dem neva jam a woman in all her glory of fury.
On the flip side, I would suggest u c her moans as her own way of wanting a better life for her family. Trust me, even if uv got all the money in the world, women wld still moan for the nearly impossible like "Making love on the moon"[left][/left]. I really do believe u want the best life for your family and i also must commend u for bn open n honest abt ur finances, pls dnt be discouraged! I was trained that way too but it doesnt mean we shld be careless abt how we spend it. Encourage her to always save from whatever u gv for monthly upkeep and her own income. She needs financial discipline and for her to appreciate hw difficult it is to save and watch money grow.
Thank God ur a civil engineer and a lecturer, well I dnt no hw tight ur schedule but I think u shld start practising ur skills by the side more. U could start by looking for small building projects to consult for (even if na just bungalow) and u also need to update ur skills regularly. I have a civil engineer colleague (tho we r in the power industry), but he gets small jobs via referrals mostly and yet we work for a private firm!
Lastly, an advice from a brother, U need to be careful with ur wife cos when a woman starts getting so influenced from the outside...its always not easy to turn their heads back in. Just gats continue to talk more with her n show her all d cards, hopefully she go reason with u.

God be with you bro and ur family.

Its a long story, Aye! No vex!!!

Thanks so much brother, I took my time to read and digest your write and its so helpful, I so much appreciate your contribution. God bless you and yours.

LegitGirl:
Woman beater spotted! Get out of my mentions!

Please, take it calm LegitGirl

NEPA officials were in my area last week with their loud speakers telling us all to go and pay ooooo that government didn't give them anything. In fact we don't know how to pay 2months NEPA bill now. And they have threatened to even start disconnections.

Ybaby:
You are welcome sir.

You are going higher beyond your imagination this year.

All your wife wants will be chicken change to you and guess what you will not compromise your morality

Because you are alive men will be able to feed thier family through companies you have created.

Your divine Angels will help you. You are already the provider in your household and that will never stop. I appreciate you for providing for your household. God Almighty who made you the head of that home will uphold you.

I see you healthy and wealthy. God bless you bro.

I am sending you kind thoughts my bro.

Amen in Jesus name, I also pray for you and yours.......much appreciation

seanwilliam:
imagine somebody you dey feed, cloth, house, sponsor and practically responsible to every of her demands..and yet she still get the audacity to follow you talk anyhow... as I dey read the op post, I just dey put myself in such position, and dey imagine what I'll do to her that she will forever and ever and ever regret in her life.. imagine spending the largest part of the salary you toiled 30 days for on a woman and she is indirectly telling you " what have you done for me"... 30 days of insult you get from your boss, co worker, you denying yourself some life luxuries etc and person still get mouth to tell you say you no try Hahahahahah

.
I trust the almighty God, he no go give me that kind wife. Cos I dont even want to think of what I'll do for her. ..

.



This is the solution if I were you ...
1. Start taking overdose of red pills
2. Start reverse psychology on her
3. Spend more on your kiddo
4. Start investing
5. Comot mind for her matter ( if you dont, you go get hypertension)
6. Whenever she picks argument with you, walk out and go lodge outside.

7. Do like you dont care
8. Ignore her antics
9. Never make the mistake of having heart to heart talk with her.cos when a lady starts misbehaving, den no dey hear word..
10. Let her realise her mistakes and come to apologise herself.
11. Make she go out go find work by herself.. cos if you establish her, she no go appreciate..





Most painful words to me this life is make person tell me " what have you done for me " ( saying it directly or indirectly)after I hussle day and night for me and you..and you have the guts to tell me that word?? Even my mama no fit tell me that kind word make I gree

I just weak I swear, the statement dey always echo for my ears......thanks alot

Ybaby:
Very true!

That is the true nature of life. We are meant to increase to go higher.... she is calling you to increase. Will you answer her?

If she goes to the USA tomorrow it is because your income is much better and you can provide it. So na prayer.

Pray to God. HE hears!

Alright, thanks so much...unreserved gratitude

Poorboy:
ok I see, lecturing job is stressful, look for another Federal Government job for her.

If you want her to do business there will still be some issues.

Or you look for a state government job for her, if you live in your state.

But don't kill yourself and don't get emotionally stressed.

God will make a way....

I told you I wanted to marry with that my salary but when I was given the marriage list nobody told me to look for investment and combine with my salary before I marry.

As stated earlier I am building 5 self-contained rooms in Abuja here for rent.

Thanks so much for this, I so much appreciate and will work towards it.

Ybaby:
Ah!!

side chics are even more expensive....

Baba mi double your hustle!

You are footing bills I commend you but your wife wants to travel to Dubai.... How far when will this be possible

Even if I triple it and she travels to Dubai today, tomorrow she will want to travel to US and another time she will prefer Canada

Poorboy:
Why does she not like your job?


It's a job with security, what you need is strategy to grow, think of what can give you money in your environment. Save money and start it.

You know how you got your Federal Government job, so that is how you will do to get one for her.

Its not bro but a lecturing job.....I have been trying all means to do so but she just doesn't like the job. ..

Poorboy:
she graduated from a private University. Then she is from a well to do home, so step up your game.


Look for a federal government job for her, even if it requires you paying money. It will help

I am also a Federal Government Staff on 8/2 earning about what you're earning.

So I understand how you feel it's not easy.

I base in Abuja

Well understood but how do you get a federal job when there is no opening yet and she doesnt even like my kind of job .. Also on level 8 step 2

Poorboy:
Broke man ,broke man if her father is not broke will she be totally dependent on you.

How old is she?

Is she educated?

Does she have a job?

Is the other sisters married and doing well than you people?

Is she from a wealthy home, like she is used to comfort already?

Which state do you reside?

See you cannot satisfy greed, your wife is a greedy person. How can your wife ask you to look for money for her to travel out then you feel you have a wife.

Work on your emotions don't allow the term wife to make you try to impress, if you put yourself in unnecessary pressure to make money and die before your burial another man will already be sleeping with her. She is the money type.

Tell people the truth and let them know their worth, I once told my fiancee I am not your responsibility, if you can't survive quit.

Don't regret beating her, though I don't subscribe to that.

Thanks bro, the elder sis is unmarried yet and not from a that wealthy home though she graduate from a private uni......

ModelX:
Bro what can the righteous do? We live in wicked times.
That Emeka Ike ex-wife abandoned 4(four) little children including a baby. Four!
My brother, wo, I have nothing to add. God save us.

Thanks a lot bro, I appreciate and cherish your contribution.....may God bless you

Prenonjebose:
My guy, apologize for smacking her and let that be the end of it. Don't waste your energy trying to make it up with her. As for her attitude, maintain your stand on living within your honest means of livelihood. Don't go out of your way to get involved in illegal stuff to meet her demands, it doesn't end well.

Thanks so much, well noted

ModelX:
Op, nothing do you bro. Abeg watch this interview Emeka Ike gave about his ex-wife.
https://www.nairaland.com/5854214/emeka-ike-blasts-suzanne-emma


To paraphrase that yoruba proverb "dog wey wan lost no dey hear the hunter's whistle "
As someone here rightly pointed out, these are the kind of women we have today. There is absolutely nothing you can do.

Thanks so much, I appreciate.....if we are facing such then what does the future hold for our kids?

Mariangeles:
That will just add to your problem.

Your income is barely enough for your family...
Why do men find it hard to take a break and BE ON THEIR OWN?
Must you be with a woman? You say your woman is a problem, yet the solution to that problem is another woman?
Most times, you men are the cause of your own problem.
First of all, you don't take caution to carefully choose someone you're compatible with, then add to that a mistress? You'll just ruin your life by yourself.

Thanks

Shinny1:
Please apologize to her and promise her and yourself never to raise your hand on her again...make sure you don't tell her your total income again.. maybe divide it by 3 and tell her one part cos must times we might earn high but after all expenses and saves,you realize that the money is not as big as we think...
Tell her how you want her to cut away from her friends so as to face her marriage...cos they are impacting on her negatively...

Thought I could go in the way of my parents, they were so open in their finances and it is still working for them for 47years now in marriage .......I guess I have to disclose certain percentage of my total income , thanks so much for this

Mystery9:
Many immatured women going into marriage. Oga, don't pay her attention. If she wants money by any means, use a part or parts of her body for ritual(tell her this). Reasonable women live in peace with their husbands making as low as 50,000 naira.
I don't know why some women enjoy driving their husbands into extra marital affairs. Probably they are agents of darkness sent to destroy homes.

I swear, I am really finding a way to just make myself happy and I am avoiding the thoughts of having a side chick

njelrapheal:
is she engaged like is she a stay at home wife

She needed huge amount to start up her business then but she's engaged with some little things now ......

Exc2000:
whatever you do never rush an apology, she provoked you, demean your hardwork and made you feel like a poor lazy man, the moment you apologise for her bad behaviours then your are calling for highblood pressure and early death, because she would continue repeating such demeaning atititude and continue giving you mental torture and abuse in your own house till you are pushed to steal, or do whats not right


now to simple fact

Is She right to mentally toruture you after providing a house, cloths and food for her? Hell No

Are you right for getting angry and reacting (although not tolerating violence) yes you are, studies shows that bottling up angere and keeping mute to an emotional abusive partner like your wife is one of the first cause of mental issue

Thanks so much, I appreciate this.

jesmond3945:
but my brother you must find a way to nip this in the bud o. It is just a matter of time your wife would fall into temptation.

Exactly what I want to avoid, but I will talk the talk with her tomorrow..... Much gratitude brother

meetme01:
You don F-up. Raising your hands on any woman talkless your wife has degraded you. That's the bitter truth.

Back to the main issue. Your wife needs your unreserved apology. You need remorseful which is through your attitude. Let her know you are deeply sorry.

To her, is she not working? Why have you refused to set her up in a biz? One problem I have realized in today's marriage is, finance. It's really creating a lot of issues in most marriage. As a man, if you earn from three sources, declare only two. Let her know how the money is spent to the last kobo. That was the initial problem, you need to fix that part asap

Thanks very much for this piece of advice, I am very open to the last kobo heaven bears me witness but she knows all sources of income which I must work on......once again, I appreciate

Mariangeles:
Next time, walk away from the situation.
Take some time off to cool off.
Some people will deliberately push you over the edge to react violently, disappoint them by walking away.

That has been the way but I can't just hold myself today.

Mariangeles:
It depends on the manner with which she told him...

The most painful part.....shouted at me like I was some kind of log of wood.

travelland:
It's good know that you work but if you're generous with her and your kid she won't insist that you should hustle for more. I don't want to believe that she's a wicked person as you paint her to be. It's because you're not giving enough and she's probably finding it hard to continue keeping quiet. Most women want their husbands around the house not outdoors all the time unless he's not doing enough financially. Let her also work to cater for her needs too but if you're the stingy type also try adjusting. Stop cautioning with your hands, she's not a Goat

I am not painting her black, I love and cherish her just saying it as it is......she knows my salary, once it comes in I transfer larger part of it to her, I am open with my ATM password and I am not the outgoing type.....I stopped drinking long ago, if I am stingy to my family with my finances the why am I working?

travelland:
Mr cautioner, hope you don't continue this way, if your wife can't tell you to go out and hustle I wonder who can encourage you in this life

I am not the lazy type, I work hard to cater for my family, I am a federal worker and still didn't relent on that, a level 8 officer.....that was the statement that got me vexed, despite my hard work?

Oluneutral:
Fine, apologize to her for raising up your hands on her explaining to her that it wasn't intentional that it was out of provocation and calmly tell her that you can't do more than you're already doing presently, so you advise her to spend her money the way she deem fit, afterall, it's her money.

Thanks a lot, she's asleep now.....I sincerely appreciate.

Oluneutral:
@op, you left some points out. Is she working? If no, why? Is she handicapped? If yes, why can't she use her money to create the type of life she wants for herself? Why is she pressurizing you make more money when she can do such?




But op, you fucccked up seriously by laying your hands on her.

She's into her own business......that's my only regret, I wish I never raised my hands on her.