₦airaland Forum

U sure made me laf wit those jokes

Your sec's actions were quite suggestive but
Good for you. Wetin u bin dey xpect.

51 days is soooooo funny
How dumb can sm pple get.Reli a good thing we aint got no blondes in Naija.

Now I can say HAPI BUFFDAY ADBABY and many happy returns.

Hey fellas remember I said to laf responsibly. Anyway, I got some stupid questions with the smart answers.


Boy: May I hold ur hand?
Girl: No thanx, it isn't heavy.

Girl: Say you love me! Say you love me
Boy: You love me,

Girl: If we become engaged will you give me a ring?
Boy: Sure, what's ur phone num?

Girl: I think the poorest people r the happiest.
Boy: Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple.

Girl: Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
Boy: Don't you want to improve?

Boy: I love you and cud die for you.
Girl: How soon?

Boy: I wud go to the end of the world for you.
Girl: Yes, but wud you stay there?

Man: You remind me of the sea.
Woman: Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
Man: Because you make me sick.

Wife: You tell a man smth, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
Husband: You tell a woman smth, it goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

Mary: John says I'm pretty, Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think Peter?
Peter: I think you are pretty ugly.

Girlfriend:", And you are sure you love me and no one else?"
Boyfriend: Dead sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.

Son: Is it true Dad, I heard that in parts of Africa, a man dosen't know his wife until he
marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country son.

Nice ones there

Now I say, wat a wife?

@ adbaby
Wat? r u saying dt der r not enough cooks in heaven to feed moda Teresa right?
Nice one though and happy buffday in advance.
@phenomenon
Who gave u d mis-info on ha buffday?

Obj, Atiku and Taylor.C. were in an aircraft heading for Aso rock.
Taylor turns to the other two: I can make 1 Nigerian happy by throwing out a #1,000 note. Atiku in his stride says: I can make 2 Nigerians happy by throwing out 2 #500 notes. Obj spoke up: I can make 5 Nigerians happy by throwing out 5 #200 notes.
The pilot turned to his co-pilot: I can make 15 million Nigerians happy by throwing the three of them out of this aircraft.

Though unbelievable, na true, I was there when it all happened.

Yawa

This flight was heading 4 Kano. Along the way the worried and anxious pilot addressed the passengers: Everyone sud plz be seated and try to remain calm. There is a serious technical problem here and it's proving very difficult. Hmmm. Make your confessions now and try to seek peace with God because we do not know the eventual outcome of all this.
A panick-stricken man turned to his wife and confessed: Darling u have to forgive me. I've been sleeping with the house-help. His wife replied: Don't worry, I forgive u but u also have to forgive me because I've been sleeping with your driver. The man replied: Don't worry, I forgive you too.
Some minutes later, the pilot addressed the passengers again saying that the storm was over and the problem had been solved. The enraged man and his wife shouted back "No Way Pilot!!! This plane must crash".

                                  De wowo
A genie appeared to Obj and asked him to make a wish, just one wish. Obj replied 'plz make me beautiful'. The genie hissed and replied 'I said wish not miracle'

Very funny

Good one. It's really funny.

Nice one there. If u've noticed all parents were either 1st, 2nd ar 3rd during their school days. Abi

Gurl no b lie
U said it all

Hi guy, ur jokes r hilarious. Kip it up.

Nigerian Airways Pilot Address

Good morning ladies and gentlemen.
This is your captain (Boniface) welcoming you on board the Nigerian Airways.
We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in @ the bakery.
This is flight 126 to Lagos. Landing in Lagos is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the south. If your luck is in our favour, we may even be landing in your village!
Nigeria Airways has an excellent safety record. Infact, our standards are so high that even terrorist are afraid to fly with us.
It is with great pleasure I announce that since starting this year, over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off.
To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary Bongo tea and Okin buscuits.
For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there is really a God.
We regret to inform you that today's flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television but for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Al Barka where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking allowed in this plane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the warning system on the engine telling us to slow down.
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiatic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark.
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten you seat belt.
For those of u who can't find a seatbelt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat and for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase.
Enjoy Nigeria Airways.

Hahahahaha
I've heard of him and even know him.
He hears only left and wrong neva right.

That na bad mouth whey u get O.

I've seen it all

Q.   What's da tallest man u eva saw?
A.   The tallest man I eva saw was getting a hair cut in heaven and a shoe shine in hell.

Q.   What's da stingiest man u eva saw?
A.   The stingiest man I eva saw went into the darkest room to chew his tobacco so his
       shadow won't beg him 4 some.

Q.   What's da darkest night u eva saw?
A.   The darkest night I eva saw, a raindrop knocked on my door and asked 4 light to hit 
       the ground.

Q.   What's da longest dog u eva saw?
A.   The longest dog I eva saw, his head was in New Jersey n his tail was in Orangebourg.
      When the head was dead, they had to telephone the tail that the head was dead.

Q.   What's da coldest day u eva saw?
A.   The coldest day I eva saw, the sun rose with an overcoat and went to make a fire.

Q.   What's da lowest person u eva saw?
A.   The lowest person I eva saw can sit on a coin with his feet hanging down.

Q.   How hot have u seen the day be?
A.   I've seen it so hot that two pieces of ice were walking up the street fanning
      themselves.

Faith in Doctor

A woman had been sitting by her sick husband's bed, watching and praying for his recovery but he continued to get worse and she continued to loose hope.
After some days, the man was so weak, he cud barely move any part of him.The local doctor came around and announced to her that her husband was dead. Ofcourse, she screamed and wept bitterly but the supposedly dead husband, on hearing that, summoned enough strength to speak and told his wife: 'Darling don't mind him, I'm not dead yet'.
She replied' shut up. Do you know better than the doctor?'


                        True Love
A man and his girlfriend decided to end their life on earth together.They went to the edge of a cliff and agreed to jump down.
The man jumped first and as he was falling and screaming, the woman closed her eyes and said 'True love is blind'. She turned her back and retraced her steps.
The man in the process of falling opened his parachutte and said ' True love never dies'.

Funny

Nice one mimi
That wife hmmmmm

Good 2 know u can say sorry.
Apology accepted.

Really touching

That's nice

Funny funny
How do I begin 2 blame the ungrateful n suspicious husband.

That was real funny
U gat me lafing all da way.

No dear I'm not. It just didn't sound like a joke 2 moi.
Besides, it's Aiphie not alphie.
Ciao!

Hahahahahahah Nice un there Tobiit.

@Topic
If that wish cud come tru then so many things wud b just d opposite.Like the world might have been rectangular or triangular in shape!!!

Funny one there
Well, tall 'chick' with big ass and long legs really describes an ostrich.