₦airaland Forum

It could be as a result of d witchhes. In their village

Football vs Sex. 1. Going to your bf/gf without being invited = OFFSIDE. 2. Dating a girl today and having sex on the same day = FREE-KICK. 3. Condom = GOALKEEPER 4. Condom breaks = PENALTY 5. Abortion = RED CARD 6. A girl with lots of energy = CAPTAIN 7. Having sex without a condom = OWN GOAL 8. Taking a lot of time without coming = MAN OF THE MATCH. 9.Banging 3 girls in a day = HAT- TRICK. 10. Having many chicks and banging all = MVP 11. Having sex with your ex = FRIENDLY MATCH 12. 8 years of sex without getting a child = ARSENAL 13. After 2 rounds, u request for more =EXTRA TIME. 14. Taking it gently when having sex = FAIR PLAY 15. Biting her n!pples = SUAREZ 16.Two legs on shoulder = THROWIN 17. Asking her 'how do you want it' = Taking instructions on the sideline. 18. A lady using pills after sex and later still got pregnant = DEFENSIVE ERROR 19.Girl being pregnant = GoOoOoOallllll and man running away= disqualification 20.Ur guy collect ur girl= True pass 21.Having sex with a girl..and your mum open d door= Injury 22.You and your girl break up= Game over 23. Girl tell u to stop= YELLOW CARD 24. Turning ur girlfriend to your wife= full time play Pls single guys play full time and enjoy ur marriage... Football vs Sex. 1. Going to your bf/gf without being invited = OFFSIDE. 2. Dating a girl today and having sex on the same day = FREE-KICK. 3. Condom = GOALKEEPER 4. Condom breaks = PENALTY 5. Abortion = RED CARD 6. A girl with lots of energy = CAPTAIN 7. Having sex without a condom = OWN GOAL 8. Taking a lot of time without coming = MAN OF THE MATCH. 9.Banging 3 girls in a day = HAT- TRICK. 10. Having many chicks and banging all = MVP 11. Having sex with your ex = FRIENDLY MATCH 12. 8 years of sex without getting a child = ARSENAL 13. After 2 rounds, u request for more =EXTRA TIME. 14. Taking it gently when having sex = FAIR PLAY 15. Biting her n!pples = SUAREZ 16.Two legs on shoulder = THROWIN 17. Asking her 'how do you want it' = Taking instructions on the sideline. 18. A lady using pills after sex and later still got pregnant = DEFENSIVE ERROR 19.Girl being pregnant = GoOoOoOallllll and man running away= disqualification 20.Ur guy collect ur girl= True pass 21.Having sex with a girl..and your mum open d door= Injury 22.You and your girl break up= Game over 23. Girl tell u to stop= YELLOW CARD 24. Turning ur girlfriend to your wife= full time play Pls single guys play full time and enjoy ur marriage...

daviyjones:
Every man's dream is to marry/date a figure8 girls, who will marry the fat ones? Will they be begging guys to date them?

This is not fair!

I hardly see guys fatansizing about fat girls. Even nairaland guys.

To my fans pardon me no list this time.

nah dahz not true. I fr one trip fr fat galz ova,dey r my greatest turn on especially if d girl is bobbysome in nature,damn I could do anyfin to have her. Rili ðunno if is cos of my slender nature dah I got d auto attraction fr dem fat n conspiciuos galz.

Happy Easter

Win N2500 worth Airtime,
Who was the original owner of the cock that crew when Peter denied Jesus three times?






Terms and condition strickly applied

vfactor:
I don't mean his degrees. I mean the litracy level in his country, Zimbabwe

in 1980,Public education in Zimbabwe was made free and inequities from the existing colonial system lessened. Education was declared a basic human right by Robert Mugabe's incoming government and racial integration pursued.
Almost same way you could ask why is the literacy level high in the western part of Nigeria,cos almost every home has a Phd holder

gerona:
Gambia has only one university, it makes business sense to establish a university there. Running to the bank for a loan.

lol,u kynda sund Ibo....gues u late on tym cos my ibo friends av taken d last canoe to Gambia

vfactor:
Zimbabwe has literacy level that high? Then what re they saying about Mugabe?

most of Mugabe's degree are honorary

haywire1:
Bro stop day dreaming, it can neva

n wah bcumz of u by chance it doz?

They call it Africa but I call it HOME. There are facts about Africa you wouldn't believe and you never knew. Below are some fascinating and shocking facts about Africa you never imagined:

1. The Gambia has only one university.

2. Equatorial Guinea is Africa’s only
spanish speaking country.

3.Samuel Eto’o is the highest paid Footballer of all time, he received about £350,000 weekly and €20million yearly.

4.A person from Botswana is called
a Motswana, the plural is Batswana. A person from Lesotho is called a
Mosotho,the plural of Mosotho is Basotho

5.Nigeria has won more football
cups than England.

6. Zimbabwe’s President, Robert Gabriel Mugabe is the world’s most educated President with 7 degrees, two of them are Masters.

7. Al-Ahly of Egypt is the richest club in Africa.

8. Didier Drogba is Chelsea’s
highest goalscorer in European competition.

9. Johannesburg, South Africa is
the most visited city in Africa.

10.. Zinedine Zidane wanted to play
for Àlgeria, but the selector rejected him, saying they are already many players like him in the team.

11. President Jacob Zuma was given a special award by Fifa for refereeing on Robben Island during his years as a political prisoner.

12. President Robert Mugabe was
jailed for 11 years for fighting for freedom.

13. President Robert Mugabe is
Africa’s oldest Head of State and the world’s second oldest Head of State. He was born in 1924.

14.Seychelles is the smallest country in Africa,it covers a total area of 453sqkm,it is also has the most educated Africans. Seychelles’ literacy rates (Adult: 92%, Youth: 99%) Zimbabwe is 2nd (Adult:
91.2%,Youth: 99%).

15. Timbuktu is the foundation of Education,it is said to have the first university in the world in the 13th century

16.Rwanda is a better country for
gender equality than England and USA.

17. Somalia got its first ATM on
October 7, 2014 and went off after 15minutes.

18. South Africa has the most Grammy award winners in Africa.

19. Africa is home for the world's most celebrated celebrity of all time,Micheal Jackson.

20. Ethiopia has the most airports in
Africa.

21.Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe is rated the 4th most poorest president in the world with a worth of $18,000.

22. Eritrea’s President, Isaias Afwerki is the least richest President in Africa.

23.Ethiopia is Africa’s oldest
independent country, it has existed for over 3,000 years without
being colonised.

24.Haile Selassie 1 was the 225th
and last Emperor of Ethiopia.

25.Nigeria has the most monarchs
in the world.

26.Angola has more Portuguese
speakers than Portugal.

27. President Jose Eduardo Dos Santos has ruled Angola since 1979.

28.George Weah of Liberia is the
first man to win World, European and African footballer of the year
in the same year.

29.Swaziland is the only remaining
absolute mornach in the world.

30.Zimbabwe is the only country in the world were almost everyone was a billionaire at one point that even a loaf of bread was sold for 6million Zim dollar.

31.Graca Machel of mozambique is the only woman in Africa who married two presidents and became a widow to the two presidents. President Samora Machel of Mozambique and Nelson Mandela of RSA respectively.

32. Luada in Angola is the most expensive city in the world.

33. What we term Civilization now started from Egypt.

34.The First Africans to play in both the English league and premiership league where Bruce Grobbelaar in of Zimbabwe in August 1981 for the liverpool club side and Peter Ndlovu in 1991 for conventry city.

35. Manchester United Football club does not have any African playing for their senior team.

36. Somalia fought the longest war against colonial power,the war which started against great Britain and Italy in 1895 until 1921 and recorded the first air strike in African Soil.

37. Somalia has the first African democratic president Adam Abdullah Osman who graciously made history as the first head of state to hand over power to a democratically elected new president Abdirashir Ali sharma arke in June 1967.

38.The world's largest diamond was the Cullinan, found in South Africa in 1905. It weighed 3,106.75 carats uncut.

39. The world's biggest hospital is in Soweto.

40. Africa would have been an estimated US $100 billion better off in 1999 if malaria had been eliminated years ago.

41. it is almost imposible to hold a small wedding in Africa. The idea of a private wedding is unknown and is greatly frowned upon. Friends and relatives expect to be invited to a wedding and to play a role in the ceremony.

42. Madagascar is the home of the worlds largest as well as the smallest chameleons. Almost half of the world’s chameleon species live on the island of Madagascar.

43.Four of the five fastest land animals live in Africa - the cheetah (70 mph), wildebeest, lion, and Thomson's gazelle (all about 50 mph).

44. The world's biggest frog is found in Cameroon. Named the goliath frog, their body can be one-foot long.

Africa is truly blessed....feel free to add yours

Ftc shuld incase it makes FP

Horllamideh:
translating dat is sumhow but d meaning is close to "witches in your village has finally gotten your password"

hahahahahahha..

tosyne2much:
Bros, your story just can't end like this na

nah didn't end dre,updated some past bfr I went to bed. Go tru d remaining of d updates u will see d continuation. 10x fr takin tym 2 read my ugly ordeal

Nneka123:
What is that?

A one Eye snake searching for a hiding place....

Horllamideh:
ur story is the most hilarious,i laff so hard and loud sotay my rummate playing pes on his laptop look me lyk "awon aye ti pada get paddy yii"

pls translate I don't undastand yoruba. Na my ordeal b dat ooo in d hands of a woowoo gal.more update cumin

Cont'
While In bed I kept praying to God and asking for forgiveness maybe He just decided to punish me for my previous sins and at same time asking him not to protect me cos I started developing that feeling of fear I couldn't just explain,I prayed I don't die before I wake the next morning. Not too long when she joined me in bed,at about 3a.m I felt her touch on my chest,I acted as though I was dead asleep,I felt her fingers run through my chest down the lower part of my body, I just kept mute hoping to see what she is up to and all that went through my mind that night was if I die I die,what ever happens that night I would bear the cross after all I consented to her coming over. When she ran her hands down my body and I didn't respond or reciprogate her actions she stopped and this time used her tongue on parts of my body she felt was sensitive,I could feel her tongue move slowing through my earlope then slowly into my ear,she took some to lick meas though I was I stick of candy in the hands of a naïve kid who is just having a taste of lollipop for the first time.
Kai see gogbe...
Na that night I sabi say night get eim own spirit,all my effort to resist her proved abortive,the it dawn on me what my friend Basil tells me"Slim do u know that d young man between your legs got a brain of his own? When he is in charge everything discharges" as she kept touching and doing those naughty things thoughts kept running my mind,guy u know say u dey Bleep up? How u go give girl TP to come all the way from lagos and u no do anything? Yet I still kept me dignity and acted like a gentle man but the young man in between my legs acted in contrary,at that moment the body was willing but the soul was weak,where I fell just the same goliath fell was when I felt something cold moving up and down my "john tommus",that moment I felt shivers down my spine and goose pimples althrough my body, all I could remember was that I woke up at about 11a.m feeling weak and naked with my arms and legs tied to the four corners of the bed.

My experience is a bit different. Having to meet her live bfr meeting her on social media.it all started when I travelled to lagos for the chrismas and new year celebration when I met this certain girl on the 31st of Dec during the pass over night I was damn soaked & wasted in liquor(a mixture of bacardi Vodka,magnum & a lot of hennessy).in my highness,the only thing I could recall was that we exchanged numbers though I barely knew what I was typing in my phone,she got my phone, typed in her number dialed her number so she could get a missed call on her phone. After a long period of drunk chat,we had to bid each other good bye,I could recall she pleaded I call her when I get home but I was too high and weak so I didn't border calling. Two days later,she called, I was like who is this pls? when she said is KEMI the lady you met at RCC during the pass over night. Three days after our first conversion via phone I travelled back to Uyo,we only communicated via phone calls.days turned into weeks,weeks turned into months. On several occassions I hadd asked for her pix but she refused saying until we meet again before I can see her. So I had to cook up a means to know what this Kemi girl looks like since she refused revealing to me her facebook,2go,twitter username or even send me her pix as MMS. Since I got her number,I had to use her number to searched through FB & boom I saw her pix and full name.
When I saw her pix I was like whaaoo this girl is loaded and a perfect description of God image,asides her charming looks,what actually threw me off balance where her XXL Oranges,cos that's one thing that trips me in ladies,an essential criteria for my taste of girls is you must be bobbysome so incase mistake happen wey fit lead to belle my children no go suffer of malnutrition.
After some months of phone chat and love talk especially from her ends,she offered to come to Uyo from lagos for visit in one of the weekends and to travel back on monday. I sent her some transport so it wouldn't look like I aint man enough.
On thursday prior to her coming I had made sure I cleaned everything in my house,bought new perfumes/body spray and washed all of my utensils,that I even went as far as buying Red wine to spice up the evening/night since she will be arriving late.
On her way down to uyo she called almost every 5seconds,all I had in mind was man make the chick come d weekend na no going out or seeing the sun cos we go lock our sev in side cos am go make her scream all night,speak in all manner of tongues and beg for more cos of the naughty/dirty things I was gonna do to her as par say na Akwa Ibom guy I b,that I even planned on giving her the best kiss ever at the park when I go to pick her but the muse wenched and everything turned sour when I got to the park cos the picture of her I had imagined/fantacized about coupled with her voice on phone which was angellic and magnetic was the direct opposite of her in real life. That moment I left like putting her back in the same bus she came with that night so she could go back to lagos,all what ran through my mind was what would my friends and neighbours say when they see this girl,she was like taiye taiwo,OBJ and Mr Ibu put together,no b say I too fine but when I see Kemi na then I believe say I b leonado diCaprio. I had to manage to smuggle her into my room that night with out been noticed by anyone but luck ran out on me when a friend(Ebuka) of mine came to check on me that night though I had called almost everyone on my phonebook to inform them that I wouldn't be around all through the weekend till monday evening. Not upto two minutes when I had gone to get sleeping pills for myself so as to induce some sleep so I forget about the mess have gotten myself into when Ebuka came checking on me,Kemi was in the shower when he came in,according to him he said he had to wait to know who was in my room since I had called him earlier that day to inform him that I Would be away till monday. As he sat in the mini sofa waiting for my return when Kemi walked out of the shower,according to him they both exchanged pleasantries,during the process of his inquiring of my whereabout when I walked in,on seeing me he walked straight to me,held me by hand and took me to the gate,I could see disappointment on his face,the first thing he said was Chris what's wrong with you where did get such creature from,are you sick or you have started taking crack? I was speechless,I had no excuse to give that moment,after much talk and advice he walked away,that moment I felt the earth could open up and swallow me. After a while alone and trying to swallow the truth in all he had served me I reluctantly walked back into my room. On getting back to my room I met her half naked with her top still on and a pink pant around her coca cola shaped waist,at first I wasn't moved neither did I feel anything,instead I just walked staight to the bed and laid down

GhostProtocol:
She is a nairalander with very big, yello bress. I've been trying to suck it since I registered, to no avail

choi....laf wan kill me.
Culdnt help laf awt so loud dah pipo arund me av bin wondering wahz rung wif me. Man u funi die

No pishure of d abunna....I dnt bliv n no appropriate med advice

This is a perfect view of African china's song...singing in African china's voice poor man wey steal maggi dem go show him face for crime fighters,rich man wey steal money dem no go show him face for crime fighters

Any way na way, any hustle na hustle...some pipo dey talk as if dem no do bad finx pass d niqqa. Oyibo woman I go chop ur dollar,I go carry ur money disappear,u b d mumu, I b d master *singing in osufia's voice*

Not all men of God r men of God some r god of men

When the guy doing sign language heard
APC's results in Kano he did sign of the
cross

I always knew diz Amoeba guy is on cheap expired drugs....all this his ranting is politically motivated,they are trying stop voting in some part of SS and SE so as to give the APC upper hand against the PDP from the North,but sorry to burst your bubbles cos is the end that justifies the means,,,,,cummulative score will tell

Barely 2hours from kick off of accreditation process,indigence of enugu south have been welcomed with a bomb blast along WTC,obiano

Barely 2hours from kick off of election accreditation process....the indigence of enugu south have been welcomed with a bomb blast along WTC,obialo


Pix coming soon

THINK ABOUT IT:-
During the time of President Obasanjo,
Nigerian Artists sang songs like;
•'Nigeria jaga jaga' by Idris,
•'Food no dey,brother water no dey'by African
China,
•'you don hit my car' by Tony Tetula,
•'we go flog politicians koboko,
•Dem just dey do us ojoro' by Oritse Femi▶
Because there was so much Hunger and
Corruption everywhere
During GEJ's tenure, Our Artists are singing
songs like: ⏪▶ ⏩
•'chop my money' and Testimony byPsquare,
•show you the money' by Wizkid,
•'Emi Omo Baba Olowo' by Davido,
•'Emi ni baller' by Miss Kedike,
'Limpopo' by Kcee,
•'Bank Alert' by Illbliss,
rands and naira by emmy gee
dorobucci by melvin records
•'Godwin' by Koredo Bello,
My frnd this simply Means that hunger don
reduce....
Please and Please don't take us back to Egypt
when we are almost at the
promise land.....
Oga GEJ Surulere while
BABa Buhari Pullover,
VOTE FOR CONTINUITY
VOTE GOOD WORK
VOTE JONATHAN
iamTUC

this people na robot them be,abi na force dem force dem enter the plane? the problem of this country is self inflected , later dem go put d blame on the fed gov

got this question begging for reasonable answer(s).
After Buhari was released from jail, he divorced Safinatu(his first wife) for reportedly receiving financial assistance from IBB while he was in jail.. .
The question is: how was he expecting the poor woman to survive and carter for herself and the five children they had while he was away in jail?
Isnt this a show of sheer wickedness at its peak and possession of the heart of a beast?
fellow Nigerians most especially women/girl child ruminate on this before voting.....

got this question begging for reasonable answer(s).
After Buhari was released from jail, he divorced Safinatu(his first wife) for reportedly receiving financial assistance from IBB while he was in jail.. .
The question is: how was he expecting the poor woman to survive and carter for herself and the five children they had while he was away in jail?
Isnt this a show of sheer wickedness at its peak and possession of the heart of a beast?
fellow Nigerians most especially women/girl child ruminate on this before voting.....

got this question begging for reasonable answer(s).
After Buhari was released from jail, he divorced Safinatu(his first wife) for reportedly receiving financial assistance from IBB while he was in jail.. .
The question is: how was he expecting the poor woman to survive and carter for herself and the five children they had while he was away in jail?
Isnt this a show of sheer wickedness at its peak and possession of the heart of a beast?
fellow Nigerians most especially women/girl child ruminate on this before voting.....

got this question begging for reasonable answer(s).
After Buhari was released from jail, he divorced Safinatu(his first wife) for reportedly receiving financial assistance from IBB while he was in prison. .
The question is: how was he expecting the poor woman to survive and carter for herself and the five children they had while he was away in jail?
Isnt this a show of sheer wickedness at its peak and possession of the heart of a beast?
our nigerian women/girl child ruminate on this before voting.....
Like · Comment · Share

got this question begging for reasonable answer(s).
After Buhari was released from jail, he divorced Safinatu(his first wife) for reportedly receiving financial assistance from IBB while he was in prison. .
The question is: how was he expecting the poor woman to survive and carter for herself and the five children they had while he was away in jail?
Isnt this a show of sheer wickedness at its peak and possession of the heart of a beast?
our nigerian women/girl child ruminate on this before voting.....
Like · Comment · Share