₦airaland Forum

OP's husband is a masochist. He's a natural submissive. This marriage won't work for the simple fact that she's not the dominating type of woman. She needs a strong figure as a husband. I also got that he loves her way too much and she doesn't love her husband. If she did, she'd have found his gestures cute and tolerable.

PussyFucker2:
If that is the most beautiful selfie in Nigeria, then mine is the most beautiful one on earth.

Bunch of ugly girls

Narcissist alert!

In the year 2001, my parents decided to move to Abuja due to the numerous riots happening in Kaduna at the time. That same year, I was also to move up to a new class in my school, ss3. My parents wanted me to change to a new school in Abuja and finish up my secondary education but I refused because of all my friends I'd miss in school. So it was decided I stay with my aunt, a widow, and her 3 kids and only come home(abuja) for the holidays.

My aunty was stable financially, but my parents were doing much better financially. My mum stocked the woman's kitchen (amidst her complaints) and made sure my bank account was in such good stead that I'll never need anything from my aunt.

That was the worst one year of my life! Aside the fact that I had to do all the chores in the household, I was endlessly ridiculed non-stop by both her and children. They called me names. Called me a thief. Said I'd get pregnant and disgrace my mother. Anything that would drag me to depression, they did. One day, I was reading for my WAEC in the tiny sitting-room whose rug also happens to be my bed every night when they all ganged against me.
"what do you know you're reading sef!"
"what do you know?"
"you'll fail!"
"we are outside gisting and you're here reading? do you think you're better that us? come out jor!"
And they dragged me outside and made me the central theme of their mocking that night.

My self esteem dropped to an all time low. My only respite was school. I also made sure I enrolled in all out of school lesson that would keep me away from the house. she fed my mum lies about me and once, when my mum came to visit made her brutalise me while they watched and laughed, all for something I didn't do. I couldn't tell my mum because she's one of those tough stance women that believe strangers rather than their own children. Years later, when I told her, she still didn't believe.

I met her a couple of weeks ago. Jeez! she sells skochis infront of the shrine. RIP. This such a cold way to go.

If you think about his statement deeply, it could be that the guy is indirectly telling you that as much as he's into you and all that, you shouldn't expect a wedding (or that kinda commitment) in the nearest future.

Oh well, sound city or not, they're clearly making their buck.

Caveatemptor:
Jenny1010 reminds me so much of a poster called Amya. Lots of fake stories.
For your information this story has revolved around clubs and bars in Unilag for ages.
We used to debate about it back in the day in a hypothetical way.
Decades old story.

Jackass troll!

I get you completely @OP

While I never go out of my way to "test" these guys, I have been out on couple of dates where guys just want to ply me with alcohol. I know the reason why they keep ordering for another bottle on my behalf even when I say I'd rather not have anymore. They'd beg, insist, cajole e.t.c Unfortunately for them, they don't know my head is too strong for alcohol. I've even been drugged one time when I went to use the restroom. I consumed the booze and still didn't feel anything. The residue was proof at the bottom of the cup. Tramadol.The guys are always so disappointed when at the end of the evening I'm still very alert and I'm not even buzzed in the slightest! It even more disappointing if the date happened in an upscale hangout where booze cost an arm an a leg. I'm not called ammaya for nothing!

Nope! Not even for 10 billion!

A 46 year old man who I consider very intelligent and at the very top of his field told me I'm the 2nd most intellectual sound and intelligent lady he's ever come across in his life. And he meant it.

ROSSIKE:
For a woman you sound really clued up. Sorry to sound chauvinist.

Don't worry, I get that a lot!

I really don't understand why people think that refusal of the U.S to sell us arms has anything to do with the gay law. Except for south Africa and Mozambique , Every other country in Africa either negated the law or went as far as making homosexuality illegal. Same for all the middle east countries and Asian countries and some countries in south America and Caribbean America. So while they might try to mount a little pressure now and then, it's really isn't much of a biggie to them as there are actually more countries against homosexuality as a way of life than there is those for it. So why would they decide to finger Nigeria amongst all the other countries.



The U.S's interest in Nigeria is way bigger than the gay laws everyone seems to be talking about! It's not about the oil either (a little part is though). Nigeria is the only country in Africa that has the makings of a world power. Population, check. Natural resources, check. diversity check.

Now, what people don't understand is that Nigeria's present backwardness and underdevelopment has been artificially engineered by the west post independence to keep us perpetually underdeveloped (I will not go into details). Inflicting such condition on countries that have potential for greatness greatly increases the powers of the suppressors (the west). They sincerely don't want any good for Nigeria cause it affects their own economy. For example, Nigeria is the junkyard of Millions of American used cars, with the automotive policy put in place by GEJ and the high import tariffs put in place for used cars, that will mean a loss of billions of dollars of revenue for the U.S. It's not restricted to cars, but everything! So don't you think they'd fight any genuine development that may be coming our way?


I've said it time and time again, America is the sponsor of boko haram! They seek to destabilize this country just so we'd never really grow.

One reason why I had great respect for GEJ was refused to be used as a puppet and he refused to bow to their wishes of making Nigeria their dumping ground. He knew what he was doing, but Nigerians didn't. They crucified him when he was only looking out for Nigerians. He said one day Nigerian will realise what they had and miss him. That day would most definitely come.

There's something that PMB did which I like though. He asked to purchase
weapons and he didn't ask them to come and fight boko haram on our behalf
which is the open invitation America is looking for so they'd come and
completely destroy Nigeria.

ahamonyeka:
Americans refusing to sell weapons to nigeria is a way for nigeria to subscribe to the anti-gay law.
This is something my igbo brothers can do more better than the Americans.


Wetin dey for your sokoto e dey for sokoto.

Nope!

The U.S's interest in Nigeria is way bigger than the gay laws everyone seems to be talking about! It's not about the oil either (a little part is though). Nigeria is the only country in Africa that has the makings of a world power. Population, check. Natural resources, check. diversity check.

Now, what people don't understand is that Nigeria's present backwardness and underdevelopment has been artificially engineered by the west post independence to keep us perpetually underdeveloped (I will not go into details). Inflicting such condition on countries that have potential for greatness greatly increases the powers of the suppressors (the west). They sincerely don't want any good for Nigeria cause it affects their own economy. For example, Nigeria is the junkyard of Millions of American used cars, with the automotive policy put in place by GEJ and the high import tariffs put in place for used cars, that will mean a loss of billions of dollars of revenue for the U.S. It's not restricted to cars, but everything! So don't you think they'd fight any genuine development that may be coming our way?

I've said it time and time again, America is the sponsor of boko haram! They seek to destabilize this country just so we'd never really grow.

One reason why I had great respect for GEJ was refused to be used as a puppet and he refused to bow to their wishes of making Nigeria their dumping ground. He knew what he was doing, but Nigerians didn't. They crucified him when he was only looking out for Nigerians. He said one day Nigerian will realise what they had and miss him. That day would most definitely come.


There's something that PMB did which I like though. He asked to purchase weapons and he didn't ask them to come and fight boko haram on our behalf which is the open invitation America is looking for so they'd come and completely destroy Nigeria.

zeongeon:
Useless country called Nigeria..Employers are just taking advantage of the job situation in Nigeria to maltreat and degrade the youths...why will one go to school come out with good grades and earn rubbish..Employers know that becos of the no job situation youths will take anything even a nickel that's why they just keep insulting pple.

I am sounding like this cause my mum, uncles and aunts told me how things where during there time. According to my mum she worked in 3 different places in 3 months before settling down for a job she finally decided to settle down for, my uncle said you can see a colleague today and tomorrow you won't see d colleague not cause d colleague is sick or anything the colleague has changed job, my aunt said u can get a job with ssce, typing/commercial school cert..infact any certificate or degree u had there was a job waiting for you, another of my aunty said how you know a graduate is with his new pan 504 and his flat, my uncle said then pple where happy to send there kids through school knowing after schooling there kids will get job and in turn train them.

I have an uncle that entered into exxon mobil with ssce certificate while in mobil he went to uni got bsc, msc and phd...when I hear my mum, uncles and aunts I just weep for our generation and Nigeria.

Did it ever occur to you that the reason it's at way is that graduates and educated folks at that time generally were lesser in number compared to present day. When there's a lot more supply than demand, it's only logical that saturation will occur.

AAinEqGuinea:
There's a lot at play here and at the end of the day, Blacks (AA, Africans, Carribeans.. all African descendants) allow themselves to be played. whites will make instant judgements based on what they believe is your race and this ideology has been meddled into every social order they created or control. They are not protesting to bring an end to this. The world's neediness to be politically correct has only pushed their culture of hate more underground. When their hate reappears we see events like crazy white boys going into schools or church shooting anyone black... AA, African or Carribean (they're not trying to distinguish accents). Their Police remain suspecting a person of color is guilty of a crime when white people are just a culpable of crime.. this is only a small window into the magnitude of their hatred and it certainly impacts people. in fairness, they've been like this for centuries, at least the American ones have.

To answer "How can we make these successful drug dealers, athletes, artistes understand the need to make their own community better by sowing into it as the whites do ? ??"

When I learned about African slavery, I often thought to myself, "what made Africans remain slaves for so long, in many cases they outnumbered their white slavemaster, 100:1, and black people today want to get tough in my face being mad".. only part of the answer lies in the reality that Blacks unconsciously taught the slavery to their next generation who ultimately accepted their place. It wasnt considered horrible slavery to the slaves like we see it today because at least to them they had food, shelter, water, and a sense of security. Today this is the trap many Black people EVERYWHERE still fall into except the reward has evolved, especially when it comes to white people and their jobs, money, education, religion, etc etc etc. They dont see it as slavery, proudly playing along, thinking a person like me is a reverse racist for calling it for what it is. Convincing the drug dealers, the black student, the black crook politicians, the evil black man every where of this is only the beginning of raising awareness for the need of a communal effort. Goodluck! this is part of the reason why we're so behind and slavery still remains imo.

Learning the gory details of slavery will help you learn a lot about white Americans and Black people and the extremes Blacks will go to when they think they need to survive. It's laughable seeing this same behavior in Black people today and they dont see themselves as slaves either.

Thank you very much for this. While I was reading some books on slavery, I read that the abolition of slave trade in America didn't actually go well with some of the blacks themselves because they're used to being owned. Going out their to fend for themselves was even a bigger risk to them, so they whined and cried when they were freed. The feeling of dependency is actually the root cause of what is happening to the AA's. Generations later and they haven't actually been freed of the shackles of mental slavery.

It's really nice for the westerners to come over see things for themselves and give positive reviews about our beloved country. While Nigeria is far from perfect, it's still a lovely place to be unlike the gloomy, catastrophic and dour picture the western media paints.

Well, just be yourself. Be simple, respectful and direct and don't do anything to overly impress. Fortunately for you it doesn't matter so much even if his sister does not like you as she wouldn't be living with you both. All that matters is that he loves you. He does right?

I always had this feeling preelection that Buhari will make a terrible president despite all the goodwill he seemed to enjoy then. Everyday his goofs reaffirms my thoughts.

l laugh!!! I saw it coming!

This is exactly what we were telling those other non-northern tribes propelling Buhari during the election but they claimed they know it all. APC south western faction, you see yourselves!

Misogynist!

A brilliant writeup.

A country does not develop through social welfares such as this. This type of social welfare is for an already developed economy that can afford to throw endless money into an endless pit which this situation is likened to.

Paying 5K monthly to the poorest people and feeding all the school pupils does not eradicate poverty, rather it increases it! it creates a feeling of dependency and encourages poverty. lot's of funds are expended in these schemes, but at the end, the country will gain nothing if you look at the bigger picture.

Rather than use the non available funds for these schemes likened to pouring water in a basket, the government should as the OP said give out loans to people who merit it and who would build big business and employ labour in doing so, oils the wheels of capitalism.

While capitalism does have it's bad sides, it's the honest to God way we can get out of these rut.

It's a dog eat dog world. There will always be poor people and 5K will not make anyone rich over night, but will surely put the country inside serious gbege!

Capitalism rocks baby!

It's not restricted to these though. Some men who doesn't fall to these categories still cheat.

Archie30:
To think that it's ok for men to cheat is ridiculous. And that coming from a woman is really sad. Any woman who accepts infidelity as given or norm is absolutely lacking in self esteem. Why would you stay with someone who cheats on you? Sex is like eating? U 're a joke! Sex is everything about intimacy, it's your own sanctuary. Men would never condone partners cheating either and that's how it should be. Your opinion is very misleading. And I want to let young people coming on here to be mindful of individual opinion. You definitely deserve someone who respects your love and sanctity. Don't be taken for a ride. There's no justification for cheating...for a man and a woman!

You miss my point completely. If you're part of the 5% that wouldn't cheat even where there's ample opportunity then kudos to you.

Now, let's leave hypocrisy aside for a minute, I'm sure some of the men who hastily condemned my post had cheated on their wives or will cheat when the opportunity arises. My opinion is not why men cheat. So I'm not justifying a cheating man. My opinion rather is on the womenfolk and how they shouldn't raise their husband's to godlike status so as not be disillusioned much later.

I was raised to always expect the worse and always lower my expectations in everything. It makes you a happier person and in whatever situation you find yourself you'd never be sent careening in disappointment and bitterness. It has nothing to do with self esteem rather it's the way I manage my situation and it's made me be at absolute peace with myself at all times.

A story. My big sis got married 11 years ago to this nice guy. In her eyes he could do no wrong. To anyone who cared to listen, she told of how her husband is the best in the world cos he doesn't drink, smoke nor womanise. She even bragged about lt to her friends. I remember telling her at that time that she wasn't being wise raising him to godlike status as humans are infallible and can never be perfect, and the earlier she knows this the better it would be for everyone. she dismissed it as the rantings of a small girl. 3 years later, he started drinking, keeping late nights and had a girlfriend by the side. My cheerful, bubbly sister became sad, disillusioned and filled with disappointment.

I hope you now get where I'm coming from.

oseod:
I totally understand what you mean
..married women should lower their expectations so as not to get heartbroken or mindf**ked when they find out their spouses are unfaithfull to them.
In one sentence, they should expect the worst

You're 500% correct
U feel completely heartbroken when you expect so much from someone or elevate someone to a certain level in your mind and all of a sudden you figure out the person was a complete fraud, or falls below expectation.

In the end you're the one who is heartbroken and left in a mess not the person in question.

I'll give an example
There was a girl I admired a lot while in school, she was everything I was looking for in a woman and more than anything, she was very active in church. She was heading more than one society in our schools parish at the time.
I had always admired Godfearing women, not because i'm a strong Christian (cause I'm not) but because i've always wanted a woman that would bring me even closer to God.

Now there was this guy(the friend of a roomate) who always gave us this gist of one random babe he met (side chick to be precise, they weren't dating) how she was scattering his head and stuff they did (I mean explicit stuff, rated 21, no rated 30 kinda stuff stuff I can't say on a forum like this.. wormsayin)

At the same time I was telling them of a babe I had my eyes on in church.
So it was like this for a while till one random day, we were all taking a stroll and all of a sudden (guess who it was ) *mrs my wife in my head* was walking towards us, before I could even tell the guys *this is the babe I was talkin bout* he had already greeted the girl, she passed and he was like 'hw fr, na the babe I dey tell u about be dat'

I wanted to die!!! As if I should kill him!! And I was like dat for days, no..bout 2 weeks tellin my self stuff like 'all women are sl*ts' and stuff like dat, until it dawned on me Dat I was actually the fool

I was a fool because i was nudging her based on her outward appearance and behavior, I forgot taht she is also a human being 'imperfect' and every human being has certain tendencies

Who knows if she had been struggling with stuff like that and she's probably in church looking for Gods grace to stop some habits

In the end I was the one angry and bitter because I raised her to *angel level* and I forgot that she's a human being..


+
Nobody should accept infidelity from a spouse
But we should accept that the spouse in question is human no matter the vows he/she took on the day of the wedding and humans are imperfect..
If anything, this "accepting your spouses human nature" will help u when making judgments and prevent you from making rash decisions and even prevent you from running mad wit anger or hate or bitterness

Humans break promises, we aren't God
We can only try to fufill promises
We have all broken one promise or the other in our lifetime

Moral of the story
Hope for the best......
.......but expect the worst

Thank you! You put it more better than I ever could.

onatisi:
many of u condemning the op have a problem understanding the op. The op is not encouraging or celebrating infidelity but trying to let ppl know what to do if it happens to them, deliberations on this thread has mainly focused on why men have sex outside marriage. U can't follow ur man everywhere he goes ,if he has sex outside and u get to know ,what will u do? Kill urself,divorce him,or forgive him ? That is what the op is saying , and the op concluded that women should understand the sexual nature and psyche of a man and that the fact that a man has sex outside marriage doesn't mean he doesn't love his wife wholeheartedly.

Thank you. You understand me completely.

Joavid:
A woman created this thread

A realist.

slyfoxxjoe:
Only a woman with extremely low self esteem would condone any form of cheating from her man.. reason being deep inside she thinks she doesn't deserve or would never find anything better.. I strongly suspect OP is one such woman.

Quick question. If you were a woman and you find out your husband slept with another woman what will you do?

a. Kill yourself by overdosing on pills.

b. divorce your husband and take your kids.

c. None of the above.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating for cheating husbands rather all what I'm trying to do is to let women know that if their spouse cheats on them, it's simply not the end of the world. They should not consider suicide. They shouldn't become bitter and depressed and feel they've failed as a woman just because their husband screws another.

jaybee3:
I think your attempt at downplaying the significance of a cheating partner is apt but you've failed to consider how the act of cheating in it's entirety reverberates around the foundation that a successful marriage should stand on. In other words, the ripple effect of cheating

Yes cheating to us Men at most times is simply defined as sharing ones body.

These are some of the direct impact of cheating in a relationship:

The obvious STI's
Finance
Trust Issues (both Present and future)
Increase of anxiety on the receiving partner
Emotional Imbalance and in turn cloudiness of judgement when it comes to real issues

Cheating is not a non-issue. It's a terrible thing. Yeah. My message is for those women who might decide to commit suicide at the mere thought of their spouse cheating on them.

I do not condone cheating in anyway. Whether I like it or not, men will cheat, and possibly keep cheating. Just want women to accept that reality.

Coming from a pseudo-feminist, it shouldn't be all that alarming.

I was reading a thread yesterday about a young women who tried to commit suicide because she found out her supposedly perfect husband was cheating on her. If she were my kid Sis, I'd have dashed her free slap for that stupidity. This same lady was just justifying her husband's actions when after an argument he pushed her so her hard she banged her head on the edge of a glass table (in the risk of a permanent head injury). This same lady condoned and even justified her husband hating her OWN mother for the flimsy reason that she made some strong recommendations while they were planning their wedding. And suddenly she finds out her husband had a plethora of runs girls at his beck and call, and she overdosed on pills! You've got to be kidding me!

Now, I know my opinion on cheating males is going to be hugely unpopular amongst the female folks in the house (especially the married ones who for some reason think their life's happiness is tied to their spouse's fidelity). I'm also not making excuse for the male folks for cheating, I'm just trying to be realistic about this society. For some reason, men cheat. Most men infact. The sooner women realise this, the happier marriages will be. Sex is not love. To men especially (and me too) sex is just a function that can stand on it's own independent of love and even affection. It's like eating.

Don't be 100% sure that your husband is not cheating or will not cheat on you. That will be living in a fools paradise my dear. It has nothing to do with how pure or holy you were growing up. let's lower our expectations as far as marriage is concerned, and I bet you you'll have a happier and fulfilled marriage.

Or you can always choose not to get married. Divorce is also an option.

Yeah, Yeah I know about the bringing another woman into the house or infecting HIV to the poor innocent wife. Yeah let's hope your husband is sensible enough to not commit to these ladies and he's not stupid enough to not use protection.

that's her kid sis not her.