₦airaland Forum

It doesn't really matter. I've seen people who don't live together have a relationship of more than ten years. Guy ended up marrying someone else.

It's really important to really spend time with a person before starting a relationship. I'm sure if you'ld seen this side to him, you won't be have been quick to marry him. But that's beside the point now as you two are already married.

Only you know where the shoe pinches, so it's really only you that know if there's still hope in the realationship or not. If walking is the only reasonable solution right now, then by all means, walk.

He's quite similar to my ex who disses me at home and praises me in public.

@op

you should probably try to work things out with him. Whatever the arguments, you guys should probably try to sort out.

As someone pointed out, the ring wearing could probably just be a fashion statement and many people do that.

Nigerian men are taught to be domineering from childhood and the girls are taught to overlook their excesses and be humble. Try working on yourself if you really love him as you say you do. Women her have learnt to run their homes but still make the man feel he's the king of their lives.

Mods, please move to the right section. Thank you.

lindabon:
@OP, maybe you don't give yourself time to know the guy well enough before allowing your emotions take over you. Before being serious with someone, its good to give the friendship phase time to mature (about 3-4 months), before bringing in the emotions . During that time, you may have evaluated how a relationship with that person is going to be, sorted your emotions out and then next thing is to make up your mind whether its worth getting serious or not

you cannot choose those you fall in love with. It just happens. Emotion is not a switch you can turn on and off at the right time. You can fall in love with a person instantly for variety of reasons excluding the person's pocket or looks.

If i want to drain a guy's account, an eatery won't be my choice.

iice:
[color=#9900ff]I don't think it's overrated. There is nothing wrong with the institution. Rather it has always been people who are the problem. And in this day and age, it's not compulsory to be married. [/color]

while it's not compulsory to get married, try not getting married and watch yourself become the outcast.

Checking up on me huh? I never said i was right. Just making my own opinion.

Pointless  to me, not the society. @sexkills

@sexkills . . .oooooh how i love promiscuity!

@bekay, don't get me wrong, i don't hate the institution of marriage, i just think it's pointless.

^^^yeah she'll feel lucky for a day or two . . . .after that?

@sexkills . . . I respect you opinion . . .

Lax75:
A well-awarded appraisal of the institution. What alternative would you prescribe for this over-rated obligation though?

there's no alternative Lax. . . We are doomed with 'it' till eternity i guess.

Thanks kool j . . . .happy you share my sentiments

Okay, i've never been married before so what i say here is really not conclusive.
I really think the whole marriage thingy is overrated. People get married because they have to, not because they want to. It's an obligation dictated by the society. If you want to get into society's good books, get married at the right time, have kids and probably be a responsible individual and you are applauded for living the perfect life.

Marriage is not bliss. Marriage does not translate into happiness. Many people i know who got into it with this mentality are living unhappy married lives.

Marriage is just an unnecessary bond between a man and woman till death throws them apart!(not that this applies any longer) but seriously?

Methinks society created this union/bond in other to make the society more harmonious. Imagine a society without marriage. . .pure chaos i tell you. Aside this, marriage is in no way beneficial to individuals themselves. And please don't tell the essence of marriage is offsprings. . . .that's total bull****

My opinion

When you know deep down the relationship won't work (am i talking to me self here or what? Yeah Amya, you gasta move on!)

Oh geez!!! What have naija babes done again!

My exact situation now. Fell in love with this dude recently who i hardly know, he's not based in the country. We clicked, got talking and we got really close, but i couldn't ask him if he was in r/ship as it'd kill me if his answer was yes. But i suspected as much. Now he's back to his country and i have no means of keeping in touch with him.

He's probably back to his real life and his girlfriend, and here i am, dying in silence hoping that atleast they'd be a way i can reach him to let him know how i feel about him.

^^^Nigerians are really great people! You are a lucky one . . . Best of luck on the new relationship.

^^^Sorry guy, i really don't know any rock title with those words. Probably check out a music shop or something.

Olaisrich:
The poster did not mean that she was desperate just because she stated her age to be 25 yrs as some u people portrayed it to be,
she was only impliied that she is getting closer to or she is at marriage age and that her present personality can hinder her in keeping husband not getting husband.She only observed some personality traits in her life that can affect her later on, and it can be fix if she is committed to do so. This is what a lot of people{male and female} will not be sincere enough to observe,remember getting an husband sometimes can be easier than keeping them.

Thank you very much! only you seem to understand me.

MzDarkSkin:
[color=#0055bb]@ poster
why dont u spend more time trying to figure out just WHO Amya is and what it is that she truly wants instead of subjecting yourself to such predicament? ive been there sister. i still have work to do but ive learned enough to know that until i am fully comfortable with myself i cannot be with another other wise every flaw or mistake i make i would make a big deal and id just feel awkward all of the time. luckily i have someone that is patient and is truly inlove with me for me. i feel much more confident and ready to do what ever with him than i was say 1 year ago because we were able to grow together and mostly because ive taken the time to figure out what it is that i truly want and how to love me.  [/color]

I'm not miserable or something, in fact people who know me(in real life) think i have it going good for me. They think I'm probably not in a relationship because of my fierce independence. Rather than pity me, they actually admire me. I'm actually comfortable with myself right now, but a smart person should look not only at the present, but also  at the future. And that's what I'm doing. Thanks for the advice anyway.

CyberG:
No need to rush, you are just 25 only! 2 and 5! What happened to enjoying your single-hood?

You are only doing all these to snag a man and after that what happens? Getting married just so that your friends also see you got "married" is the worst nightmare for the guy and he would hate you for trapping him. However, your story sounds familiar. . .it happens to everyone so yours will no be new. A girl pulled this off some years ago and I met her at a friend's wedding and guess what? When ladies were asked to come and catch the bouquet, her friend stood-up and tried to pull her up but she refused. . .LOL. Well, we chatted later and I already met her friend somewhere else, then she was asking me some very funny questions. Well, your guess is as good as mine: now she is 31+, fat (I mean FAT) with a big stomach, looking shorter and still searching. The advise to you is you need to change your attitude and hope because it is easier to get a fuckmate (since you only need guys for sex), much less a real BF and then a real husband!!! If you change only to get the guy, well he will divorce you later when he finds that he's been conned and request a refund of the wedding expenses, cost of the time spent chasing the fake you, and bride price, if he paid any.

I'm not really in a rush to snag a man. . . i just hope not end up cold and alone due stupid mistake people make. I want to avert that mistake now and put my life into perspective.

[quote author=[CHocolaTE]link=topic=742685.msg8992801#msg8992801 date=1314154046]
When I saw those silly posts that made it sound like she must get married very soon at all costs, I was filled with anger. Why do we punish ourselves like this in Nigeria?
People just foolishly succumb to societal pressures even when it holds them back and inconviniences them?
You people must have heard others saying that a girl MUST be married at ages 25 to 30 and so you stupidly go all over the place regurgitating what you heard. Dont you fxcking think? ? ?
What if the girl is not emotionally/mentally ready at that age? Or hasnt found someone that she can truly be a companion with? Marriage works best when you can understand and rapport with your spouse but because of moro.ns that go about saying things that they didnt think through, people feel a need to get married at all costs even when they clearly shouldnt be married at their ages. Later on when the marriage fails because it was done to avoid stigmatisation, you f.ools will be the ones asking why did they get married when they were not compatible with each other.
@AMYA, darling, you are simply an introvert. Introverts tend to get weighed down and fatigued by social interactions. It is completely normal to be introverted. Just find a man that is also reserved and shares your interests, trust me, they are out there, when you find him, you can do the asking out regardless of what 'society' says. Best wishes.r on when the marriage fails because it was done to avoid stigmatisation, you f.ools will be the ones asking why did they get married when they were not compatible with each other.
@AMYA, darling, you are simply an introvert. Introverts tend to get weighed down and fatigued by social interactions. It is completely normal to be introverted. Just find a man that is also reserved and shares your interests, trust me, they are out there, when you find him, you can do the asking out regardless of what 'society' says. Best wishes.[/quote]Jeez!!! No way did i mention i really wanted to snag a man by hook or crook! I just I hope to settle down sometime in the future (don't we all) and since I've never really had a good relationship like every-other person, then must be something i must be doing wrong which i hope to adjust.
The truth is if marriage was really my problem, i would be married long ago. Surprisingly, i get proposals for marriage from people i never dated which i turn down because it's just not my thing to marry someone i really don't know. I just hope to find a guy that can tolerate all my excesses, and when i do, i don't want to mess it up.

[quote author=BABE! link=topic=742685.msg8990965#msg8990965 date=1314127427]Weren't you the chickala that had the Facebook-break up problem? Another Maga don mugu you, or na the same Facebook-guy you dey talk about?

Nawa for people o-- Chei! See how y'all are talking asif she's 70. How won't most marraiges end in divorce?-- When people succumb to the fo[i]o[/i]lish pressure of the society to get married at an early age. At 25? Nawa! No wonder people just get married anyhow nowadays. Anything goes! Quite sad.

Amya, you need to get your sh1t together. If your character is repulsive, then you need to change. If you're snobbish in nature, you need to start acting more friendly. It's for your own good, not anyone's.

That being said, don't mind the society and their noise. Take your time. Don't rush nothing. Marry the one you can live with for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. Since you're the type that get bored easily, it's only advicable to wait FOR THE RIGHT ONE! If you don't, you're probably gonna end up cheating on him.

Be open, and seek and you shall find. And if you can't find, don't inflict purnishment on yourself by settling for less.[/quote]The facebook issue with that dude is recent, the relationship i was talking about here happened 5 years ago. It ended because it was getting too serious and i didn't want to take it further than that even though i really liked the guy, but i was young and didn't want to get tied down that early. He was 30 and i was 20
I'm really not a bad person, and i never snob. I'm a friendly person, but i don't keep friends. I enjoy my own company better than anyone else's.

I'm not really in any rush to get married or hook up with a guy, but i only hope not to mess things up when it finally does happen (whenever that happens). I look around and i see people in lovey dovey relationships all around me, and i just wonder why my own is different.

You know the same way there are smart young good-looking guys, there are also the older pot-belied ones (All Nigerians)
For every girl that goes after the moneybags, there's another going after Mr young and smart. Since pot-belied moneybags are not getting criticisms here, the girls who follow them shouldn't.

Princek12:
As this is a Nigerian forum, references to a particular sex may be reasonably construed as an implicit reference to Nigerians. Also, dear, I love my Nigerian women; I do not hate you all.

However, whatever comment I say is a constructive criticism of Nigerian girls, and I am sure you yourself know in your heart of hearts that those criticisms are true. I just hope that my Nigerian sisters change their ways and act civilly and act like reasonable women. For example, responding with an attitude to advances from guys is an uncivilized way Nigerian girls act, and my mere criticism of that behavior does not mean I hate Nigerian women.

This same pot-bellied, fat guys introduced to them by their friend that the Nigerian girls are taunted for following are not from outer space! They are Nigerian men for crying out loud! It goes both ways!!!