₦airaland Forum

Sureplug123:
funny you brought this up, if I disclose my current location, you'll be amazed but forget it. Like I said, there are Laws in the WEST but DV is still prevalent.
Kentucky has the highest domestic violence statistics in the United States, with 45.3% of women and 35.5% of men having experienced domestic violence.They even kill themselves.

Mindlog:
It is not about defending Nigerian women, we have mentally disordered persons in both Nigerian men and women, just as we have in both Caucasian men and women, whose personality disorders thrive on their dysfunctionalities.

I have worked in psychiatric facilities in Africa and presently here in the UK, so I base my opinion on my lived experience.

Sureplug123:
you are far from reality. DV is hear to stay and there's nothing you can do about it. If Chris brown can abuse Rihanna, then who are you?

Even the law can't save you, no one can.

Sureplug123:
I smile when I see your comment.
No one is coming to save you, that's the reality.
You are helpless.

Mindlog:
Since location is a factor, let's assume you as a Nigerian man is married to a Caucasian wife and live in the West in a house you are paying the rent and you feel disrespected by her, will you beat her when she provokes you?

Sureplug123:
[b]these persons you've mentioned, can't disrespect in my house. [/b]That's the difference.
Until we all go back to the basic ; LOVE AND RESPECT, nothing will change.
The west have laws but DV is still prevalent.

Mindlog:
Don't forget that the 23 chromosomes out of the 46 you carry about is from specie that bleeds for days without dying , so what does that make you?

emmanuelbrown26:
Scare if what and who? Is only a simp that's always scared of what he knew nothing about not somebody like me.

emmanuelbrown26:
Since somebody has decided to be CIA in digging people's past, well, whatever that comes from specie that bleeds for days without dying, I don't think it worths any stress.

emmanuelbrown26:
I would hv loved to gv answers but since emotional is being attached to it, no need of dishing answers, I hate emotional beings

Sureplug123:
you've made valid points but they only apply in an Ideal situation and the situation is never Ideal. You made mention of my sister and parents, we are related by blood and blood is thicker than water. The wife is the only stranger in the family.

Sureplug123:
These same women respect their fathers and brothers but will never respect their husbands.

No woman truly loves her husband, when push comes to shove, she'll pick her child over you.

Sureplug123:
One question everyone is avoiding is why these [b]woke women worship their pastors [/b]and not their husbands.

Until we go back to the drawing board, DV will never stop.

emmanuelbrown26:
I know sir TONY is trying to protect d women at d same time telling d dangers of domestic violence but trust naija ladies, since sir Tony has already told them what they wanted to hear, that was when they started coming out to say rubbish without understanding d message.
I left where I was a volunteer bcs of d woman's ways of handling some domestic violence, call a spade a spade, but she was too biased or too emotional in handling domestic violence.
A woman would come and lay a complain of how d husband wanted to slaughter last night and bla bla. When d husband was summoned to hear his own side of story, u would find out that it was d woman's stubbornness that led to d assault and husband never wanted to slaughter her, u see in dealing with women matter, my brother, one has to be very very careful.
This day if I see where man d beat woman, baba I no dey put hand, na sit down dey look I go dey

emmanuelbrown26:
Nobody is hating anybody my dear sister. All we are saying is that women should stop playing d victim card all d time. U guys should stop supporting evil, it doesn't pay rather it fuels and escalate issues.
A woman can't be shouting at a man like me and u expect me to fold my hands or u expect me to clap for her, is not done and won't be possible on my side.
If a woman want care I will gv it to her in abundance, if a woman want love I will shower it to her in abundance but if a woman want wahala I will give her war upon war

Sureplug123:
your gender will continue to wail

emmanuelbrown26:
Men at d upper echelon of judiciary knows that d law won't work

Sureplug123:
this right here is why Men will continue hitting women.

Sureplug123:
How old are you?

emmanuelbrown26:
D judiciary itself knows that naija women are very manipulative and trickish in nature that's why d system is like that.
I spent some time in Ghana, their system made it in a way that if u violet a woman, u are in for it.
Something happened btw a Ghana police officer and his woman friend in d compound we rented.
D woman friend came and started a fight with d officer, she did all she could do in other to use it nail d officer but d officer did not yield to her tricks, at a time we got pissed off but d officer signaled us not to act.
It was after d whole drama and we were able to bring d situation under control and d woman left bcs of us.
The officer started telling us the rules in Ghana against violenting women. U see, u such situation, if it had happened here in naija, believe me d woman for collect better slap to reset her brain.
What I'm trying to say is that d men in charge of d judiciary knows that if they should implement it here, problem go dey bcs our ladies never mature for such law to take its place here rather we should be talking about orientation and awareness against domestic violence but I'm sorry to say that it won't still go far.

Sureplug123:
I'm not against you, I only pointed out something. Him and Tonye were having a logical discussion before you barged in, you simply became emotional.

NOTE; women don't have the right to abuse men. You can't pick a snake with your hands and not expect it to strike.

iykejohnson:
I will agree with you that the judiciary has failed us and some Judges are biased but still remember they don't judge with emotions but they Judge with evidence being brought to them.
Let me use this Osinachi case as a case study.
If an autopsy comes out tomorrow and she didn't die as a result of DV. The husband is likely to triumph in court if enough evidence is not brought out that he had been battering his late wife

emmanuelbrown26:
Some women deserves better beating

Daradared2:
9ce one op!

may God give us the wisdom to train our kids the way its should be. Our parents really failed us especially raising a male kids. Am talking from experience. The more we take that both gender has their roles to play, no one is superior than the other, the better for us.

I rest my case!

Mindlog:
And you think we don't have such men in abundance?

You think we don't have men and women whose personality disorders thrive on inflicting either physical and emotional pain or both on others?

As you have said you have volunteered, working a NGO, do also make effort to volunteer in a psychiatric facility.

TONYE001:
In the past few days, I have read a series of arguments on DV. Some quarters believe that the media is unnecessarily being too loud about violence against women and deliberately underreporting violence against men. Other people argue that women who are victims of DV must have brought it upon themselves. One writer on this forum wrote that "a man can never beat a good wife." In other words, this writer implied that all female victims of DV are bad (disrespectful, abusive, disloyal, wicked, etc). But are these claims true? The statistics above objectively prove that violence against women occurs at proportions far above violence against men worldwide. This does not deny that there are men that are victims of DV, but If we continue to separate DV along gender lines, we may never get to its roots. I wonder why DV is now discussed in two contexts: against women and men. Do we imply that the effects of domestic violence against men and women differ? Or does the law prescribe different punishments for men and women who kill their spouses?

Saying that only "bad wives" are victims of DV is shocking. We tend to sit in the comforts of our homes and assert skewed opinions that are nothing but baseless. Most of what we know is limited to what the media reports but we manage to alter the narratives of events in ways that suit our beliefs. For example, because some of us have concluded in our hearts that only "bad wives" are victims of domestic violence, whenever we come across stories of women that are physically assaulted by their husbands, we quickly assume that they must have done something terribly bad to warrant her husband's actions. We do not query the husband, and we are hardly bothered that the man may have infringed on the rights of the woman. We do not bother that this may have been a case of attempted murder, and if nothing is done, the husband may eventually kill her, or another victim. Our entire focus falls on the woman, and we begin to probe the "evil" she must have committed. I ask, aside from a direct and immediate threat to life where alternative actions are impossible, is there any other acceptable reason to assault a human or to commit murder? Assuming a wife abuses her husband, does this qualify as a reason to physically attack her and inflict varying degrees of life-threatening injuries on her? If this were so, would the wife be also permitted to assault and kill her husband if he abuses or disrespects her? If we continue like this, our society would become a replica of the animal kingdom where actions are directed by primitive instincts rather than objective reasoning.

Why do spouses physically assault themselves? Why would a husband hit his wife? Why would a wife attack her husband? To get to the roots of domestic violence, we must trace the causes. Economic problems, husband's drug/alcohol abuse, husband's family interference, husband's suspicion, religious and cultural misunderstandings, husband's remarriage, and children from previous husband's or wife's marriages were some identified causes of DV (Rahnavardi et al., 2017). In a local study (Igbolekwu et al., 2021), 82.3% of respondents believe that the major cause of DV against women is the economic dependence of women (or wives) on men (or their husbands), 52.3% agree that communities tolerate and encourage some abusive behaviours, and as much as 61.5% of the respondents think that some religious and traditional beliefs support DV.

A BBC report (Obidiebube, 2018) made a shocking revelation: Section 55 of the Penal Code (applicable in Northern Nigeria) allows a husband to physically assault his wife as far as it does not cause serious bodily harm. What is more shocking is the Law's definition of bodily harm. The Law defined bodily harm as harm severe enough to warrant hospital admission for a minimum of 21 days! Ironically, we also have a Violence Against Persons Prohibition Act for 2015 that stands against different kinds of violence. This disparity in the law further makes it difficult to secure justice for victims of DV.

Some of our cultural practices support DV. Historically, in the Igbo culture, for instance, the dominant role of women "is to make pure wives for their honourable husbands. In marriage, they are expected to be submissive to their husbands, do housework and domestic chores, farming, and bear children" (Egbo, 2021). But are these roles still exclusively for women today? [b]Times have changed and the economy has become complex. These days, to maintain a home, both husband and wife have to earn some money. If a husband and his wife leave for work at 8 am and return at 5 pm, would the husband be fair if he expects his exhausted wife to hurry to the kitchen and begin to pound akpu for dinner because it is exclusively her responsibility according to the African tradition? In some instances, if the wife fails to do this, she is considered disrespectful and not submissive and she may be beaten. Some of us are hypocritical without knowing it. Civilization and technology have happened to the original African tradition but instead of accepting and living with all the good changes that come with these, we tend to be selective. We accept changes that suit our purpose and favour us and deny changes that may favour others. For example, we accepted Western education because it promises to improve our lives. We accepted computers and other technological devices because they ease our lives. But some of us refuse to accept that role of the African woman in our society has greatly changed. With the advancement of knowledge, we now know that men and women are both humans and no one is above the other. They both have equal rights and equal responsibilities. Cooking, washing dishes, bathing children, and sweeping are not exclusive roles of women just like going out to look for money is not an exclusive role of a man. [/b]

I believe the first step to stopping domestic violence is redefining marriage. Some of us have lines in our heads separating the responsibilities of a husband and a wife. In real sense, such distinct lines do not exist. Couples ideally should live in a fluid environment where things flow naturally. The idea of marriage is to have two people come together, support each other, and improve their lives while mutually enjoying their days. Marriage is a way of life and not an obligation where responsibilities are shared and delegated. In marriage, any capable hand can meet any responsibility without waiting for anyone. A husband should be able to bathe his children, sweep the house, do the laundry, and cook breakfast whether or not his wife is at home. A wife should be able to do these things, and provide/contribute money for upkeep on impulse.

By God's design, true love should be the fuel that should power the home. This is lost when people marry for the wrong reasons. If pure, undiluted love is lacking in any home, domestic violence is likely. If you love your wife as you love yourself, you would never raise a finger to hit her, unless you can hit yourself. If you love your wife absolutely, you would not have unrealistic expectations of her. If you love your wife as you love yourself, forgiveness, moving on, and not archiving faults should be natural habits.

Dear Parents, it is high time we began to raise our children the right way. If we train them well and demonstrate good examples before them, they would not grow to become monsters to their spouses. Dear fathers, if you hit your wife in front of your children, expect the same from them when they grow. If you sit in the parlour, watching TV all day without helping your wife in the kitchen, expect your son to be a bad husband when he grows up.

The government has a lot of roles to play in combating domestic violence. Strong laws must be made and the government must have the willpower to enforce these laws.

As private citizens, we also have roles to play if we must kick out DV. The mind-your-business culture is not African. Here, we do not mind our businesses! If you suspect your neighbour is a victim of DV, act immediately and report to the authorities whether or not the neighbour confides in you.

Our religious leaders must modify their teachings and encourage their members to take decisive steps if being abused. Members should be encouraged to separate from their spouses and they should be supported. Our religious leaders must be willing to get the authorities involved if they suspect that their member(s) is/are victim(s) of DV.

As I conclude, I would like to leave this last note to victims of DV. Please, prioritize your life over anything. Your life is paramount. Separate yourself from your spouse now that you still can. Beyond this, you should also report him/her to the authorities and ensure he/she is prosecuted and put behind bars for a long time. If you take these actions, you would have successfully protected future victims of your spouse.

Tonye001.

LibertyRep:
The presidency may soon write a petition against this lecturer to that school.

Gamesmart:
I just went to watch the video, and within the first 30 seconds of watching the guy, I was already forming the opinion that all is not well with him just by watching his rocking back and forth movement. I concluded either he is mentally-ill or he is a druggie.

And lo and behold, he soon mentioned he takes drugs.

Now, based on the lessons I gave you yesterday, do you think it shows high IQ to use a drughead as a general representation of Nigerian men? Does that sound logical, factual and makes sense in your head.

Answer and try not to be senseless.

Hint: Don't be a woman and use "the exception, minority or self to make a general rule".

https://www.nairaland.com/7047493/why-there-many-single-guys/16#111476459

Simps, Bratislava and DoctorOlasDesk, report here to support your deity's nonsense and illogical opinion and get the validation of your masculinity for today.

motymop:
so this man has 2 legs and 2 hands yet still depending on his famous sister

here on nairaland, they say it is only women who are entitled but the reality is that many men in this country are also entitled.