₦airaland Forum

shaybebaby: Then we need your voices to be louder so we can drown out the cacophony from the likes of op and his ilk. But then again, my good friend Sophie who rocks reckons that he might have started this thread with the intention of riling females. I'm starting to think that she is right. Surely, no one in their right minds like you correctly asked would have such thought.

These threads are emerging as reactions to the audacious feminist rants and chants on here I believe.

Talking seriously,though largely unexpressed in fora including this,the very idea being discussed is what very many Naija men believe and look for when thinking of 'I do'.Funnily,a large percentage of women have keyed into same as preparations and criteria-meeting wisdom to finding him. For a long time to come,our society must hear this anthem: men and women are distinct but the same!

shaybebaby: I should probably start avoiding threads like this. It tarnishes the overall image of Nigerian men.

Please read on and see the redemption we need!lol Of course,a good number of Naija men are doing great.

shaybebaby: See why I decided to follow you? If majority that is written on nairaland is like this, it says a lot about our society as Nigerians and frankly it's depressing.

Thanks. In Nigeria,the distinction between education and enlightenment is well illustrated.It will take a real miracle of proper enlightenment and exposure to the best of values for very many to get full rehab from the culture of destructive patriarchy that most men have been raised to cherish.

Great dad. Some evils need immediate 'treatment' before the law steps in. Yes,any evil against a family needs some 'treatment'-proper whipping as response 1.

Well,for a mad and irredeemable cretin this is true.

For a normal man,a wife is a wife;an equal friend who has decided to live permanently with him in love as he has too.

A marriage is between two adults who love each other and FREELY decide to build and live their lives together.

Where is religion,parental control and ethnicity in this definition?

Nobody should have a say about marriage outside the intending couple. What is important is to insist on the blessing of their parents. If the parents withhold this,na their own headache.

Only a foolish man/woman lets go of true love on the altar of deferring to matchless ignorance.

She is YOUR daughter,do you need anybody's permission?

Hope you do same for others when they come too. Equity in body fashion is good for all!

Glitterdust: I am in my early 30's, married with two kids. Living with my MIL and two of my husband's nephews... (btw, I am a stay-at-home mum at the insistence of my husband..

My husband and I have always had issues but the basis of my story isn't the constant battery, emotional and psychological assault.

On thursday night, I had a minor misunderstanding with one of my husband's nephews and it resulted into a fight where the two boys pounced on me and beat me up. Hubby was not at home at the time so I called him but the phone went off after I mentioned what happened ..I called him severally but he refused to answer so I called my folks who advised that I should wait for him to come back.

That night, he didn't come baick but from the telephone conversations I heard, he was calling and speaking with MIL and his nephews.

On friday, I called him and spoke with him briefly. I was already fed up with the marriage and had decided that if he makes it back home that friday night that i'd tell him that since he was clearly unhappy in the marriage and constantly reminded me that he made a mistake marrying me that we should separate for sometime. He didn't come back that night and also didn't take my calls.

So on saturday, I packed my things and left with my kids for my parent's house.

On sunday, I did a test and found out that I was pregnant. I haven't called him and he hasn't called us either because he always made it clear that he didn't care about me or the kids.

I want to send him an sms and tell him about the pregnancy. What do I do?

I can imagine the agonies,but stay strong and find peace through this sad noise.

You did the right thing in moving out.A true hubby won't behave so stupidly.He would have preferred you were killed?Nothing justifies such an infirmity-I am sorry to say this about your hubby who hasn't learnt to be a hubby.

As foolish as he has acted in the specific scenario,it is better to dignify him with the news of your pregnancy as such a sick mind may turn around,if you don't tell him,to deny the pregnancy and accuse you of infidelity.

Just a note to those who are men only in name and dick: you are giving us a name so bad with your irresponsibility.

If my nephews or anyone younger than me in my family even touch my wife,I will personally beat the hell out of him/her before I ask to know what happened. If you are older or obviously stronger than me,I will get you locked up in a cell for a week within 20 minutes of such an act.

This tale has messed up with head.Madam be strong.

Amen to your prayers. What about a prayer for those men who should take the full blame for adultery scenario underlying your psalm of curses?

Let me help out: may married dicks that won't rest from roaming about in ways that hurt love and ruin trust especially with greedy single babes be dried in Jesus name.Amen!

The irresponsibly married should be married;marriage is a free choice made to permanently love and find fulfillment in one man or woman.

The greedy young girls who stay materialistic opportunists to cause their married sisters agonies by playing koso with their hubbies,life is an echo that gives you what you give it.

baby124: At puberty, i will explain fully to them what it is. Why they should wait to do it till they are adult, and why they should never engage in such act unprotected.

Under puberty... i will first ask where they learnt about it from first before i know how to answer such a question.

This is what I will do. Thanks for sharing.

Essentially,all clear expressions and manifestations of love,affection and attention do the bonding magic. Yes,lots of attention matter.

Meanwhile,please do something about the bi-weekly visit o.You are doing well,but we all know that lots of attention is what a family-wife and kids-will need most o.

Anyway,well done for your efforts!

Ngokafor: ....wives? ..no way!
..infact as the self-appointed 'guardian' of apolonius on this thread..i hereby decree that thoughts of multiple wives or polygamy shall not be his portion..Amen!!!..

..I want him to live long..hehe..

Amen,pearl Ngo.

shaybebaby: .. Beautiful, just beautiful! Mama and papa apolonius, una do well oooooo!

Thank you dear.

Interesting piece,my response to some of the issues raised:

-he does not need to marry if it is for the sole reason of keeping his friends from raiding his quietude with their constant presence.

-more importantly,from my experience and all I know about men,the reason why a man with all it takes to marry won't marry is this: he wants to have his cake and eat it!

Many men who have all it takes to marry are staying as reckless and irresponsible bachelors.Yes,because for very many of them women are 'pleasure warriors' to be conquered.

-the whole ideals of the spouse/bride we want to fall in love with are delusions. Rarely does a man come with the complete package a woman wants and vice versa. The key and choice to the issue of marital dreams is to carefully watch out and fall in love with someone that tick the essential points and find fulfillment in it.

By the way,why do we take years preparing and searching for jobs and can't even make modest efforts to find the one we truly and happily can love?We just have to learn as men that you don't walk around for love,you work vigilantly for it!

Mr Jonathan should focus on giving Nigeria the visionary and responsible leadership it needs than play desperate credibility and re-election politics.

In my books,Jonathan represents the worst leadership Nigeria has had.And he is determined to sustain this banner of incompetence and corruption lately.

Was just wondering if assault is the response....If he is a random guy,slap him.

shaybebaby: Congratulations to you and your wife to be. She is one blessed person and I wish you every fortune, happiness and plenty of off springs. Your owe the world more mini- versions of you.
E pain me sha that I just returned from naija, otherwise I would gate crashed to come and chop rice, dance and celebrate with you.

Thanks. We sure have many years ahead to cross paths. Someday,somewhere and somehow we shall see and share joys.

Something deeper than the scenarios is going on. Unfortunately,it will take real wisdom and intelligence to unravel if they have crossed the borders of the average affection that should exist between them.

Ngokafor: ..hey you lady please take timeoo!..i was going to recommend him to one of my sweet friends,now you want to snatch him from 'us'..abegoo...

..@apolonius dont mind her,if you are still single and searching, i have a sweet,fresh-face, skin and decent babe for you.She is also a good cook..so what do you say?..hehe..

... just kidding but i honestly love reading your balanced comments on men,women and relationships...if thats how how you really are then your wif is/will be a lucky woman...keep it up.

Thanks for your kind words. Bless you.

traware: A very nice pat on the back for you @apolonius.By the way,@Ngokafor since he is such 'a real/good man' why must he marry just a wife and not wives?Eh?Why should he limit himself to just one woman when there is always a steady stream of young,fresh faced women always available for men from age 18 to age 120?

Thanks bro.

On 'wives',you want make Lady Coco and the titans of feminism chew you alive?

shaybebaby: Who is? But that self reflection and examination is what matters because that is the only way to grow and become a better person.
I sighted your post on the other thread about what family is about, are you single?
From what I am sighting, I could dash you one of my fine friends.
Observing mode activated!

The human spirit is a 'god',it connects with the 'personalities within us' even without having to see us. I appreciate your comments and do cherish your intelligence-real intelligence enchants me greatly.

I found love over 1 year ago,and it has been so beautiful that we are saying 'I do' in September,God willing. You know how it is when you have had interesting relationships,and then true love happens in a way you decide to marry early and quite young?This is what my story is that I can only thank you for your genuine offer.

But who says we can't go beyond sharing beautiful ideas on here and be proactive in connecting great guys and babes together across states and around the world?

I am grateful.

shaybebaby: I think you are one of the few sane ones. Will follow you and read your other posts to ascertain if I'm right or if perhaps this is just one moment of clarity in the sea of insanity. . not that you are or should be bothered by what I think, just looking to reassure myself that all hope is not lost and that there are still good peeps out there, good peeps sound of heart and mind.

Thanks. I am no saint,just one consciously trying to shatter the curtains of autocracy and the patriarchal concept of marriage as servitude that have denied us true love,fulfillment and enduring marital peace.

Lukman was prominent in our petroleum industry for decades,but left no known legacy.

I hope in the beautiful elegies and dirges his class men and women-the Naija elite-write to honour his exit they will remember the vanity of loots.

May Odoba grant him mercy for his unpatriotism and sins;and his loved ones the courage to bear his passing.Amen.

Vito Corleone in Mario Puzo's Godfather said it all: a real man loves his family.

I respect and adore men who love their families. Great guys;beautiful pictures!

LyndaRoyce: ^^^^^chilli you know exactly what my body system need right now......
#talking amidst mouthful#
It tastes stale....
***runs to the toilet***
Urghraaagghhhhhh *spits out*

Hello everyone
Aluta&Apolo when is the date?
I would be obliged to be your little bridesmaid.......
**do not pass me by o**

Hmmm the two nollywood lovers..... I greet oo
**they know themselves**

AC,the prayer warriors are on their knees for us o. It is interesting to know we have tireless intercessors o.

RoyalRoy: The Alien came along but the humanoid refused to dare the odds


Too bad.

Media plenty wey we go use communicate na.

Well,I was around too though.

EternalBeing: Thanks. I really hope to see more of your type around. Too much movies etc... has caused too much of misplaced priorities. Also, I expected qualities like financial power, spiritual maturity, ability to whether any storm etc.

Thanks;your additions are essentials too.

shizzleStar: GBAM!

She too needs to do same, her defiance and irrational decision led to all these (she allowed the negative emotion from their argument) by refusing him to use the chair. They both need some emotional control upgrade

I agree with you. Well said and thanks!

cococandy: Not all men are born alpha. Alpha males are the ones who stand out among their peers. Depending on the parameters and social requirement of the time.

Natural flair for leadership AMONG THEIR FELLOW MEN
Physical strength
Financial standing
Good looks
Sex appeal
Dominance etc etc.
The best men among other men are the ones defined as alpha.
Alpha males are the males other males wish to be like. There are only few of these around and they can have any woman they want because they more attractive than other men around.
Alpha males don't need to sing the 'I'm a man' anthem. Deference and submission come naturally to anybody who encounters them because their leadership ability isn't in question.

Being a man doesn't automatically make you alpha. Being able to lead your fellow men is what makes you alpha
Enough of this misinformation.
An alpha male can be totally soft with his woman and still be the alpha among his peers.
It has nothing to do with the relationship between you and your woman but has everything to do with who you are compared to other males.



Just like aphrodiate females are the sensation among other females.they have men at their beck and call willing to eat out of their palms.
We are digressing sha.

I just wanted to correct this impression making the rounds.
Some guys may even start thinking that their 'alphaness' has to do with how able they are to subdue their women while in the real sense there's nothing alpha about them as they could be wimps compared to other men

I have an issue with your defined features of the alpha male. It's mostly superficial,darling.

"...looks,sex appeal,..."Are you kidding me?Yes,bodily beauty is great but reiterating it in various ways makes mockery of the concept of the man.A man is a man;'alpha male','real man' are such dubious concepts and adjectives that give false meanings and corruption to the man identity are postmodernism's cocktail of shit.

Great to see leadership there,but I expected high features like intelligence,emotional maturity and a capacity for love and affection,visionary-professionally and in core indices of his life,and refined mannerisms. I can go on and on.

What do you think darling,and how are you?

alutacontinua: He he he
so, una scarce?





Seriously, it takes a lot of 'see-finish' (like my people will say) to be landing slaps on each other.
if he's done it once, high probability he'll do it again
but again, op has failed to address the important questions asked,

An adult that slaps another sure has greater problems than is manifested in the 'slapping' symptom. More often than not,if the slapper is determined to recognize this and consciously try to work on the deeper infirmity that this act mirrors they should be fine.

More importantly,many of us Naija men have this barbaric worldview from the wrong 'macho upbringing' that we had that unconsciously taught us that an animalistic physical expression of feelings is ok.

It is an infirmity we all have except for people who have acknowledged the existence of this mental deformation and worked on it.

If she loves him and he is consciously working on being better and saner,let her stay on.

damiso: How did you know sister Ruth is not a virgin eh edwife come o is this Coogar's sis Ruth ? R231 you sef dey waka

Aluta and Apolonius una no dey sleep ni and yeah where is ewuro1.

Hello everyone..I know I said i wont complain but this humidity na waya

We dey keep vigil for una na.

orbis: Bros do you mind on expantiating on your reasons?

Merits: they are more intelligent and wiser with hindsight to add value to your life as you do theirs. Less materialistic and quite selfless and generous. They have in quantum the kind of mental connection the younger are won't to lack: can contribute to every topic of conversation, and reason more logically than emotionally.

Demerits: they have this tendency to be authoritative and subtly domineering. They crave lot and lot of attention. There likely will be a man present in their lives from the past;the age difference keeps them sustaining some alternative tie with someone of their age as a plan B. They can be unforgiving and easily reactional in ways your mates or younger babes won't do. In some cases,they are very desperate and will go to unusual ends to keep you. For the average Naija man,you may not be proud of people identifying you with them. Experience tells me that it just may not work out with them for marriage and the times and choice will haunt you for awhile.

Of course, some of the reasons are better left unshared for personal honour guard and charity.

Caveat: mark you,these points on dating older ladies is from personal experience and may be more subjective than objective.