₦airaland Forum

Legendguru:
U have no choice

I want to afford our women some perspective. So if you re a man in this forum and cheated before now...please hit like

Thank you. I thought she's got the license to advise us. Apparently she's still a sample for the post. The original post was about lonely Nigerian Girls in Canada...Girls not Guys! She's flexing feminism oh. Dey there! There's no basis for comparison and justification of any sort. People forget...world's women population is staggering. Do you get that. And the risk of lonelines increases and is even graver for Nigerian women that migrate. Be smart girls. Look after yourselves

greenandy:
Your first explanation is enough to put decent people off:

if you are lonely because you can't find the right man to vibe with, better leave planet Earth, and go to settle in Jupiter.
In Jupiter, you can find the right man to vibe with.
Mtcheeeew. Building your fence so that no man can climb it.

adetes:
Attention seeker everywhere

Seriously....with all them fatness why wouldn't ppl look

KingLennon:
If alex is feeling sad how will an average Nigerian feel? To all those that shouted 'Sai Baba' in 2015. How market now?

We need attitude change . I visited Nigeria last month. It’s my second visit as an adult. My first was 15years ago and how thing's changed. On 25th June, I got pulled over by a team of plain clothed police officers led by a certain Michael. I was taken to Surulere police office with my female companion. They had said it’s a stop and search routine. No problem. Coming from a tough neighbourhood myself, I know it’s about my own and that of others security. But what followed next was the most traumatic thing I ever witnessed. I was bullied, harassed and forced to hand over my mobile phone. At Surulere police office I was forced to unlock my screen and they really enjoyed going through my whatsapp. One officer was intent on calling a certain number, literally to frame me while the Ibo officer was more interested in chatting my female companion up and asking for contact numbers. Why Michael the boss was calling me names.

But I was lucky tbh. My sister visits Nigeria a lot and had warned me not to take my phone to Nigeria so I had bought one on arrival. I work with the public and I couldn’t deal with losing organisation sensitive data and stuffs on my phone. To be violated the way they did was hard to take. But it's Naija. It's pranging out.



Compared to 15 years ago when I was 21 and now 36, Nigeria is in real trouble. But credit to every Nigerian doing their best to better themselves and the country. You can easily see how most people want things to improve but we ‘ve got to begin with attitude change. I refused to give the police money and I was let go after more than 3hrs waste of my and tax payers time. To the people and individuals bent on killing of this beautiful country, please have a change of heart. Hopefully a new way of educating our kids and technology can change the future for everyone like we are experiencing in banking and hospitality industry.

velai:
Shame on igbo people... Igbo against igbo...
I am just imagining what our Biafra will be like.

And they want me to do Biafra. Sorry but No thanks!!!

Trivia:
They say events come at you either as blessings or lessons. My marriage has been half of both. I married from a relatively richer family, and I must add that the fact that my wife came from a wealthy family, had absolutely no influence on my choice. I met her when her parents were not as wealthy as they would later become, and we were in love. At that time, my parents gave me a ‘mid-budget vehicle’ shortly after my graduation from a state University in Nigeria. And so, even though my father was not Dangote, he could afford quality life and education for his children. My wife’s parents over the years ascended in wealth and riches, and our wedding was relatively big. Dowry from her side of Nigeria was expectantly high, and I paid it with relative ease.

Fast forward to seven years afterwards, when as a man your financial apron-strings to your parents has had to be cut even before leaving your parents’ house, as you make your way for yourself. I have come to learn that these apron-strings are easier to cut for a man than they are for women, especially women from comparatively well to do backgrounds, and hence the troubles for the unwise woman in this situation.
Leaving the comfort of my father’s house in Ibadan, I could afford a mid-income apartment in a sub-urban part of Lagos, with few house gadgets and facilities. My business was doing great, and even though not luxury, our living was comfortable. But then, comfort is subjective, for no matter how much sacrifices I put into stocking my abode with items to ensure comfort for my wife, she and her parents always believed I could do better. They rarely visited, and when they did, would sit in a corner with their noses in the air, and as they leave shortly I would swear they will take a long bath in hand-sanitizers when they got home. Nonetheless, I did do better, and over the years things went on fine at the expense of my personal self-care.

And then came that family-finance stifling recession. You assure yourself that things would be fine, and all you needed to do was double your hustle. Hustle doubled, and results reduced. Bills increased, and nagging followed suit. I have found out that a woman’s nagging on her husband could either be overt or covert. I’d take the overt nagging any day, over the quiet and obvious discontent. At least with the expressed discontent, you can target your financial attention. No matter how much you try, her communication reduces and you know why. She starts visiting her parents more often, and discussing financial choices with them. They start dropping hints into her bank account. She starts paying some bills and buying ‘luxury food-items’, but you cannot complain, even though you know where the money came from. Yet you double, nay, triple your hustle and hope for better days.

And that’s when the problems started- A classic case of he who pays the piper. Her parents start giving instructions without consulting you. It starts with suggestions, and then downright directives on how your home should be run. But you are the man of the house and you direct otherwise. Short of them laughing at your effrontery, they are infuriated that you dare overrule their wishes. Who are you? You observe the gradual disappearance of your wife’s respect for you, while you notice that her parents don’t even factor your presence in any equation. You are vilified, and your wife is torn between obeying her parents’ wishes and abiding by your directives.

I give you an example. This here school is where my children will go, because that’s what I can afford and they are happy in this school, you say. And the response through her, of course because they don’t call you directly but speak to your wife. They say, ‘what? That school? Okay, find a better school in your neighbourhood and let us know how much it costs.’ You get to know about this when your wife starts hunting for a new (expensive) school. I can’t afford that for the two of them, you say. ‘Don’t worry,’ she responds. ‘Mummy said she will pay for it.’ Now, domestic violence is a big matter to the state government and the news is rife with men sent to jail for wife battery. Otherwise, you would have sent those series of slaps in quick succession, enough to wipe her make-up clean off and change her phone network. Besides, if you had done that, her parents would be glad to take her back in their huge mansion, while you battle for your children’s custody or even access to them. Since you can’t react, you swallow your anger and put your foot down, albeit tenderly.

But things did change for the better part of 2017, far better than before, and during the festive season you conveniently sent bags of rice and vegetable oil to them. Occasionally, you send recharge cards and cash, no matter how small to them, while maintaining your physical absence. You can now restrict your wife’s visit to them. I must add, that the respect has grown tremendously, and hilariously too. Now they call for permission before they send her on errands. Now their calls always go unanswered because I am busy, and they graciously understand, and just wanted to check up on you.

Lessons: In family relationships, money is important. Your love is noticed when supported with money. Maintain your respect with strategic absence. Money used strategically buys your wife's (and in-laws) respect. Teach your wife to always reveal lesser information than necessary; the less you reveal to people (in-laws) about what goes on internally, the better, and more respect both of you get. There can only be one captain in a ship, and as a husband you need to put your foot down, sometimes diplomatically. Your ships must sail in one direction, and orders are from only one captain. As much as possible, reduce or eliminate holes in your matrimonial walls, to prevent matrimonial lizards from creeping in. No matter what you are going through, you will go through it. I knew that that phase would pass, and I pray I live to tell this tale to my kids when they are about to get married. Importantly, I have learnt that my boys should pick from a home and not a house with arrogant in-laws with the feeling of entitlement. And if you can avoid it, try not to marry a woman from a wealthy background, unless you can assure yourself of her humility.

I'm just wondering if you have asked a bit more questions. Thats.. ones you need to direct to yourself and get some honest answers from n to yourself. I say this cos I think you ve a good marriage. Money can never damage a marriage built in love and understanding. By the way nothing can ever be enough in life. We re always in the process of becoming. From what you said I'm just thinking all your in law's done is to support your family and their grand kids. Nothing is wrong with that. How about pride..confidence? Sometimes, we guys suffer a lot for our pride and hubris. How about communication. Talking more about your struggles with all the stakeholders in your household. Having family, having kids makes you potential grand father and in law. I'm sure if your in a position to support ur boys when they re settled you will not hesitate. What I'm saying is; having that honest conversation does help. That communication first with your wife is imporrant and developing the right and responsible relationship with the in laws is equally very important. I don't think your in law is undermining you, more like you guys have not been communicating well. It doesn't matter where and unto state u re married to if don't have the right communication, respect and humility. Relationships is a hard work. It's not easy but money isn't everything to it. I'm sure your in law would like to be proud of you guys. They know everybody ain't equal. They also know how hard you work. I want to challenge you to make your marriage work. Forget the excuses and don't be intimidated by money and status. We 'em men bro. Good luck

Shaev7:
I will advice you adhere to this mans opinion, so that you may not end up wasting more time on Jamb. Meanwhile in addition, accept it just as he has said, then write JAMB in your first year and watch how it goes. Discipline is not all that relevant in our society (Nigeria) again. It is now a confused and failed state, so anything goes for anything. Success bro.

Please do not accept. Do not settle for less. Impossibility is nothing. Smash your JAMB n give a me shout.

khristal87:
I wonder y people give advise on issues they know nothing abt. U shud ve jst kept mute instead of spilling rubish.

It's not rubish...but rubbish. And you can't spill rubbish! Well to go from Med Surg to Animal Science is more than useless. Retake your jamb and live your dream. Do what makes you happy!

CaptainJeffry:
This case is delicate and requires maturity when handling. By your actions, you have simply pushed your wife into the arms of that dude.

Do me favour...his actions? So much respect for this guy mate. He's too good for a husband. It happens sometime, good guys get shit partners. This case is a divorce for me. Just fast track the divorce before she sends you to an early grave!

femo86:
These guys are determined..


I love this German coach jare..

Thank you. You can tell this group really wants to play for each other. Credit to the coach for restoring some dignity and commitment after years of hopelessness

freakthingz:
Cus if they turn and accuse of sexual assault your life will just flash before your eyes

Please tell him!!! Majority of JS1 SS1 2 & 3 students re kids oh. I 'm assuming these re underage school girls. Well this post is non starter. It's called being professional. If you re not fit to teach just walk. Compare this to bankers bro....The teacher and his pervy thought haba. Touch any of them n you ll get done for years.

stenlydxlite:
someone please, post the link to live stream.

Please help us. I had the previous games on BT sports but it's not happening today. Any link pleaseee

iSlayer:
So the Degbam and Deywell gangs now operate in the IMO side of Ohaji/Egbema local government. That's a repercussion of been situated close to a cult overrun Rivers state. A Rivers state where interacting with cultists is as common as chatting with your neighbor.

No...It's a common knowledge that certain areas in Imo state is a no-go area particularly for strangers. It's been there for years. What's happening differently now is that news of such crimes is readily accessible. Every murder now is associated with cult groups but it goes beyond that. When visiting Imo state do your research properly.

Ilefoaye:
This is Super Storyyyyyyyyy.

havn Quickie inside car doesn't nid to be unclad.

Looks more like murder to me. Looks like someone trying to get away with murder. Possibly someone drove that car and victims in there. They can't be having sex in that location. No chance!

Kobicove:
This guy doesn't look so well...

This guy looks so fit. He doesn't need to be overweight to be healthy. Some thick comments here. Even if he's one min away from death, the family deserve to know what's happened to him. It's a serious allegation and I hope Davido can clear himself of any wrongdoing. I think a video once surfaced of Davido n his lads beating up someone in a voilent rage. When you re young and rich u pretty much need a proper management team. Is he getting that at the min? I dont think so. This lad is a huge talent but he really needs to get away from bad press. Falling from grace to grass can be really quick. RIP to the dead.

ishowdotgmail:
Our women will go into extinction one day with the way oyinbos they hook dem up everytime

No chance. We have more than enough. You have to worry for the girl here. You would expect dating a black girl they will mix up with black people. No way! As you can our sister is alone!

Evaberry:
....

why won't he be happy na

he has a biracial daughter.

he knows abroad money will start pouring into his life

someone to help with his 12 children.

I won't be surprised if this man suddenly wants to go over there and live with her.


is it not Nigerians
fear them!

lemme come and be going jhur

Sorry but you know nothing about family. Money isn't everything. ''Fear them''...we start with you first. Bad belle.

cstr1000:
For an african standard, Nigeria now has some decent depth.
Iheanacho, musa, Alex iwobi on the bench. That is impressive.

And they ve very good years ahead of them. Leon Balogun was outstanding today. Credit to the manager too. Cameroun back four couldnt run and they like to play out from the back. Hopefully they will come charging upfront again on monday and we can bury them with pacey counter attack. Good job guys for today. Finish it all off.

Let the Igbos vote to stay or leave like it's done everywhere in the world. The one outcome here is taking ownership your own destiny. They have never had a chance. If they eventually decide to leave, nobody expects them have it easier and like history suggests it's gona be tough few decades but I can assure you there's nothing to be missed about Nigeria. Hausa will not miss Igbos either so why the fuss. Let my people go joor! This will benefit everyone. Everyone will be found out. There ll be no hiding place for any region and only option will to improve our regions or individual nations. When a process or system isn't working you change it for good. Nigeria has never worked, not even for the prince and princess of the north. Sorry Nigeria, you had your chance but done absolutely nothing to justify any demand royalty. This is not bout igbos alone, if you think yorubas forgotten June 12 then you re deluded.

Looks like a case of allergy. Please go and see your GP first.

You can tell the team is playing with fear of counter attack. This team is a bit inexperienced. I understand there's injury issues but the coach could have called on more experienced campaigners. A draw isn't a bad result but that's not good for confidence when you ve got a double header with Cameroon. No creativity in the middle worsen by slow build up play. It's not the strongest SA display but I reckon they re sensing this is an open game. As long as we don't lose that's ok by me tbh

saintneo:
I must watch the final at Nnamdi Azikiwe Stadium. Heading to Enugu on Friday.
El Kanemi going down.


Enugu Rangers for life.

Do u stay in Enugu. I desperate for Sunday game please. Inbox digits pleassssseee

saintneo:
I must watch the final at Nnamdi Azikiwe Stadium. Heading to Enugu on Friday.
El Kanemi going down.


Enugu Rangers for life.

Do u stay in Enugu. I desperate for Sunday game please. Inbox contact pleassssseee

DrinkWater10:
Rangers are already champions.

Do u stay in Enugu bros? Can u help me with Sunday ticket please.

Anyi44 how can I get hold of tickets for next sunday. Please email me. Tried to send email but the system wouldnt allow me. Please anyone else help me. Plan to get to Lagos saturday and Enugu sunday. Possibly too late to get a ticket? Guys help me.

phinaluv:
Now who re we to believe??Tiwa con dress lyk Beta pikin now wey her marriage don't dey crash
May God help dem sha

I will believe both of them. It's tough for both of them cos u get the feeling they love each other. For a man to come out about wifey's infidelity that's something. They 've both lost it and it's very sad. I hope the guy gets over his trouble and rebuilds his life for the sake of his loved ones especially his young son. No marriage is ever so perfect and Tiwa can learn from this. The guy needs help and the nutters Tiwa need to divorce are the wrong people around their marriage causing all the carry on.

JAZES:
The tongue is d smallest organ of d body yet it can destroy a man who doesn't know how to control it.
It's better to keep shut than to say a word you will regret.

True. Very damaging. Pride and ego. How on earth did he manage to get this job.

It's been very poor from Oliseh. I will ve to say this job has come too early for him. That change just before the break was poor decision making. Looks impulsive to me. It will be tough for him to come out this kind of performance stronger given the start he's had. The whole super eagles thing is a sad one. Guinea thoroughly deserve their win. It's hard to fathom where we go from here.

It's hard to be a Nigerian player tbh. I think the lads played really well. In a championship like this one, players should be allowed to really express themselves and get the big game experience but there's so much pressure for Nigerian players to win all the time. This is the difference between the two teams. Tunisians drew their first game yet they re the team more relaxed and composed. They played with so much freedom and I think that's what u expect from championships like this one. Nigerians could have just gone for this match and play to their strength. This team is a nice team but I feel for the group, the pressure to win all the time might inhibit their development. And well done to the referee for todays match. He didnt allow the North Africans to intimidate him. I don't rank the North Africans including Egypt outside Africa. They re a joke. One or two flashes of brilliancy and that's it. The rest is pure drama and this ref today didn't buy into that.

datigbogirl:
Oh I see you've even accepted dr dumbness here but just too ashamed to admit it....you're a fan of Losers.

I have accepted that u cant take away any credit from what Jossy have achieved as we ve been told here on Nairaland! And that u smack of sheer jealousy and that's my opinion!! Seriously ve u got bipolar?

datigbogirl:
Only someone like you can sound like one who's never worked cos I'm very sure I can employ you in my bar to sell drinks as a result of your joblessness which makes you think everyone else is in your miserable state....console yourself with dat...bum.

Where I've reached you can never see cos you obviously don't have the mental capacity to get there, you can only make mouth all you want but dats wat you'll forever amount to-a mouthed vagabond....you'll never know wat its like to be ME cos you're busy chasing shadows on TV which you'll only realize at d end of your miserable life! For you life begins at 70.

You're a waste....fooolish foool.

Nobody wants to know what it's to be like a thick arrogant twatt. Go on and make front page like Jossy Onwude for the right reasons. U will ever get the attention and affirmation u crave here. We know decent practitioner when they turn up. U? U re a low fantasist and if u still think we should not celebrate Jossy Onwude because he's studying in the Philippines, well you can go n jump river Thames. U will still not get noticed u see.

datigbogirl:
You're a just a slimy tout which makes you beneath me....I won't stoop to mud-level. its in your best interest you refuse as you can't live sane and will run nuts with the fact of my status. You and your possibly quack fantasy tv doc personality can go end yourself....d real docs shine at d bedside and in d theatre and not on some tv personality show....something you're too superficial to grasp...permanent foool.

Sorry but what's ur frustration all about. I really don't think u re a basic GP. U sound more like someone who's never worked. U hide behind the keyboard to talk down a top and classy final year medical student and think that's perfectly right. No, its called delusion. People like urself are the real scumbags of this earth. Go get busy a bit and with all ur ego, LOVE urself hahaha