₦airaland Forum

do you think the guy was daft or just plain daft?

is that posed to be tears

a bland look and a smile?

is that love or what?

hope , in this gae and time we can

learn such sacrifice

can you spot them!

feel free to share your experience



11. "The Undercover Ho" - This type of ho often goes unnoticed in the community, and can only be detected by a trained eye. She holds down a decent job during the day, but is secretly hoeing around with at least 5 different trifling men. Two of these men are married, and at least one of these men is dating her best f riend. !


10. "The Church Ho" - Her hair and nails is always done. This ho is in church every Sunday and carries a Bible with her at all times, but spends Tuesday through Saturday night of every week in a different club. She is sometimes mistaken for the Undercover Ho.




9. "High Class Ho" - (also known as the "Glamour Ho") - This type of ho rocks Prada and Versace, and only dates players, ballers, and hot callers. She is most often the cause of some fight in a club (i.e. Source Awards). She tries to act like she's got class but confuses regular English with Ebonics. She also has trouble with simple arithmetic.




8. "Old Ho" - The OLE Ho used to be tight "in her day," and thinks she still looks good for her age." She tries to wear all of the Soul Train fashions, thinking that she will blend in with the rest of the hunnies. You can find her at any club on any given night, gringding on the dance floor during any song, with any man, of any age.




7. "Nasty Ho" - This ho has not exactly been blessed in the looks department, but is usually very popular with the men for her other talents. Most often, she has a "tight" body and be found working in a strip club.




6. "Sneaky Ho" - The sneaky ho cannot be trusted in anyone's home or with anyone's man. Money and other personal items "turn up missing" not long after she's gone. She is always "dipped" and can never remember where she's purchased the coveted item of clothing. The Sneaky Ho aspires to be Undercover Ho but has already made too many enemies by stealing.




5. "Bourgeios Ho" - This type of ho is educated and professional woman with many credits to her name, she dresses well and has a sophisticated circle of friends. To the outside, these women are perfect, however these Ho's have multiple partners and sleep with married men like "Undercover Ho," perpetrate on Sunday like "Church Ho," get played by men just like "Stupid Ho," obsessed with name brands and status like "High Class Ho," and best of all, Bourgeois Ho looks do! w n on all the other Ho's.




4. "Project Ho" - This Ho is living ghetto faboulous, squeezing money and trinkets out of her drug dealing "babies daddies." She likes to fight, and you will most often hear her before you see her.




3. "Stupid Ho" - She is usually very cute. The Stupid Ho keeps a string of men who constantly come over after midnight for booty calls. They often return to eat her food, watch her cable, and borrow her car and/or money. She complain s about them to her friends (i.e., Sneaky Ho and Project Ho) but never does anything about it.




2. "Crazy Ho" - This is a popular ho. Although she is very smart, the Crazy Ho is virtually an upgrade from the Stupid Ho. She has the same terrible luck with men, but unlike the Stupid Ho, she seeks revenge. Her areas of expertise include slashing tires, keying cars, making prank calls from unlisted numbers, visiting the trifling man (or other Ho's) jobs, and appearing on Judge Mathis for any of the aforementioned activities.
And Finally!!




1. "The Stank Ho" - This is perhaps the most popular Ho of them all. the Stank Ho has appeared on shows such as Ricky Lake, Jerry Springer and Jenny Jones. She has eluded herself into believing that she is beautiful, ad she sleeps with everyone to justify it.Her choice of wardrobe most often includes spandex (of every color), bra tops, and stripper shoes. She has a permanent "unwashed" look about her that cannot be removed with any amount of water or soap

EXPLAIN IT TO THE GORILLA

A married couple at the Zoo walks past the gorilla enclosure.
Says the woman: "Mark, do you know that gorillas are the only animals which resemble men in their behaviour Look, seeing that no one is looking, l'll expose one of my breasts to it and see how Hot it gets just as men do".

Mary then exposes one of her breasts, and, sure enough the gorilla begins to get a hard-on and grabs the bars of the enclosure as if it wanted to break free. "See - says the woman - "Now I know why you react the way you do, men can't control their animal insticts just like gorillas can't".

Says Mark: "Now expose both breasts and let us see what happens". The woman exposes both breasts to the gorilla and it gets very excited and is now desperately trying to escape from the enclosure. Says Mark: "This is incredible, now pull your skirt up, turn around and expose your bum to it and let us see what will happen"!!!

The woman pull her skirt up turns around with her bum to the gorilla which by now, extremely aroused, breaks free from the enclosure, grabs the woman and starts yanking the clothes off her.

The woman yells: "Mark, what do I do now? Please, help me"!!!
Mark replies: "Now give it one of the excuses that you usually give me:
* That you don't feel like it
* That you have a headache
* That you're tired
* That your throat is aching
* That it is still too early
* That I must understand you as a woman
* That you are depressed
* That you are in one of those days
* That you are having a very busy week
* That all you need is just to cuddle up
* That you're tensed up
* That you have to wake up very early tomorrow
* That you woke up very early today
* That you walked for long and your feet are aching
* That caresses and hugs is all that you want today
* That you're so tensed up that all you want is a good massage to make you relax
* That you feel like watching TV - That you don't wanna miss the soap
* That you're from the Hair salon and therefore you can't move and spoil your hair
Go on, explain all that to the gorilla and if it understands, if you can persuade it, then I promise you that from today on I'll accept your excuses"!

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.

He shoots his friend to death.

Wife says "If you continue to behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".

=================================================

Small Boy wrote to Father Christmas," send me a brother"

Father Christmas wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"

=================================================

What is the definition of Mistress?

Someone between the Mister and Mattress

=================================================

Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??

"Without Information , Fighting Everytime"

Wife replies," No, It means,

"With Idiot For Ever !!!"

=================================================

Three Feelings:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant and

Panic is when both are pregnant.

=================================================

Teacher: Do you know the importance of period?

Kid: Yes, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got

heart attack & our driver ran away.

=================================================

Some women asked a man who was travelling with six children, are all these kids yours??

Man replies; No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints.

=================================================

Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.

1st: What does yours look like?

2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?

1st: Forget mine. Let's find yours!!

=================================================

A Son asks the difference between confidence and confidential.

Dad says, you are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's

confidential!

=================================================

Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should

talk about sex.

Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom! Tell me, what you want to know.

Mother Faints,

Tragedy of Men - Enjoy the humour

Thought 1

When we are born, our mother's get the compliments and the flowers.

When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.

When we die, our widows get the life insurance.

What do women want to be liberated from?



Thought 2

The average man's life consists of:

Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,

Forty years of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end,

the mourners wondering too.



Thought 3

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."



The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.

The man was astonished.



He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road.

Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take

one more step a car will run you over, and you will die."



The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening

around the corner, barely missing him.



The man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.



"Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you when I

got married?"



Thought 4

Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride

as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to groom.

They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her

father and placed some thing in his hand.



Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by bride.



The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.



So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life.



Then he raises his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, "My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me."



The whole audience including priest started laughing but not the poor groom.

9 Words Women Use

1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is on e of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever : Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, 'cos they know it's true.

can't live with them can't live without them

but we are allowed to study them

well guys we talk about women

in relationships and we look at better ways

to understand and well amuse ourselves with their gist

enjoy



When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and

said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly.

Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know

what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.



She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly,

why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the

chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't

talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what

had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory

answer, she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn’t love her anymore. I

just pitied her!



With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated

that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She

glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten

years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her

wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had

said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of

me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a

kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several

weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.



The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something

at the table. I did'nt have supper but went straight to sleep and fell

asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did

not care so I turned over and was asleep again.



In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want

anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She

requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a

life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a

months time and she did'nt want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.



This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to

recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of

our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going

crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd

request.



I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and

thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to

face the divorce, she said scornfully.



My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was

explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we

both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy

in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. >From the bedroom to

the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in

my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, don't tell our son about

the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside

the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the

office.



On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my

chest, I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I

hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realised she

was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair

was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I

wondered what I had done to her.



On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy

returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to

me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy

was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to

carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me

stronger.







She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few

dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my

dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so

thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly

it hit me, , she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.

Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.



Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum

out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an

essential part of his life. My wife

gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my

face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last

minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through

the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and

naturally. I held her body tightly, it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held

her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I

held her tightly and said, I had'nt noticed that our life lacked

intimacy.



I drove to office, jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the

door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind, I walked

upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not

want the divorce anymore.



She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. Do you have a

fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I

won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I

didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each

other any more. Now I realise that since I carried her into my home on

our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Dew

seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the

door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.



At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my

wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and

wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.



The small details of your lives are what really matter in a

relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property , the money in

the bank, blah, blah, blah. These create an environment conducive for

happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be

your spouse's friend

and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have

a real happy marriage!

@post

baby baby

how na,you dont ro me, i am lexus, rolex and a duplex

how far wetin u wan drink champagna(pronounce as spelt)

i gerram,

wetin be ur number, make a call you from p 900 or nukia commuincator



_{that really happened oo}

omo the level of intense dislike here

dey trip me gan

the point the poster

is trying to make is lost to me oo