₦airaland Forum

lazy bum they call me
But i know better
Its hard just being me

was born this way,you see
Not that am sorry i about it
Go eat shit if you hate me for being me

Fair coat,handsome,free and a prince
Truth is if i were you,i would hate me too
Lil kim said that first

Whats that scent?
Better yet who that chick?
Ass soo fab,skin so fresh
I was born for this i know instinctly
Women.
Its time to get my mack on and skillz to play

Truth be told
Virgin i am
But mad skillz i know i got
No one taught me jack
Watch and learn

Me:hi sexy
Her:hi handsome
Me:wanna shag?
Her:i was hoping you would ask,i was born for this and you

***you see peeps,its that easy,maybe not for all of us sha,now its time to go to my shag pad**
me:dont stirp i wanna take you this way
Her:hmmmm

****her warmth fills me awww,no one said it would be this good
Faster she says
Faster,i go
Harder she screams
harder,i pound
Hold me she moans
I held onto her like my life depended on it
Pleasure springs from the pit of my belly,spinning harder n harder
Wooooooooooooooooh am coming,am coming,am coming
My loin.s on fire,pleasure pain,i pound faster,pleasure,pain,pain,pain,pain excrciating pleasure em pain.lights fade
I cant feel my legs,i open my eyes to see her walk away from me.wait isnt that my::::::::

I look down,what used to be my lower half,,is now a ,mass of strands,am dying,her words i hear!!!!!!!!   Thankyou,now you would be the father of thousands
Then it hit me.
I havent ever met anyone like me,
Who ever had sex
What we desire kills us
Our pleasure brings death
A hollow laugh escapes me
I would give my fading breath to be ugly
Not to have this wings
Alas its not to be,
Thus this is my story

The story of the drone

whats it with people

And bikes?admit you

Like it or gi stick your head into sand

Ha  kilode?

Dont you think you are too old 4it?
Why waste money,?
Why not change your car?
Its juvenile?
Which lady would date a  biker
can you outspeed a car?
Its dangerous?
Do you have a girlfriend?what is she saying?
Nigerian roads arent good
Why are you trying to act western







Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeish

Leave me da §^&% alone!

Its my life,
My passion
My vent
My thrill
My drug
The high for me
I would prolly outlive most of you leave me alone!


No i wont give you a ride
No i wont race you
No i wont stunt just for your thrill
No i wont drive to work
No i wont tell you how much i got it


Get a life would you?
Go rub your ass on a tree,
Or go yakk on someone else
My fist is getting itchy
My helmet could in honest mistake hit you in the face


I fell,so what? Did you pay my bills?

so please dont question me about my bike for  i dont question you about your wife!

why?
What ever could she have done?
What could have warranted it?

What harm could she have done'?
Cept delay the general by 5 at most 10minutes

But no,black and blue they had to beat her
Cloths they tore,tears she cried saying letme call my father,you are lucky to to be alive the general said, her body they exposed, rage fills me and shamed fill me,

Sir high n mighty
Her dad you should have allowed her call
For a nobody he isnt
My band of brothers he was
Rednecked he was too
Forgive you uzo would never


Backpain she nursed for years
Worsen it i hope you havent
Her phone not available it squeals
Free you cant go,pain a million folds you shall
Experience,justice has always being a bitch and a prostitute,so that i dont wish you, payback in multiple fold shall be yours,

Your loved ones shall know what it feels like to be powerless in the face of force,helpless in the presence of brutes

I might be part of the squeaking masses
But my words shall ring true
For my friend you turned to news
Her pain brought you glee
Her tears made you feel a man,s man

I pity you
Her pain is gonna end
Celebrity status you gave her
Yours n yours is just startin




Uzo,being trying to reach you,do letme know how you feel?

;De i know it

Heeheee

Blockage of blood from flowin outta:, :, :

Actually a certain self aclaimed joblessss person

Gave me heads up

Lawd where did u pick that up from'?

Impressed i am

U even had gami in turmoil ova it

what does priapism mean?

Tried looking it up

Cameup empty,is it a slang''''?


Gam caled me darl

U must be really upset oi

someone whose opinion i take

like very seriously,just said

my writting has gone mush

that i should care if one Psychotic bitch is reading(note its a direct quote o)

so since i aim to please this person, and am too tired to write

here something i wrote a few ago in my not-too sane moments


p.s:gami one word from you and its the hole for you


THAT EMBARASSING STIFFY!


I DONT KNW IF ITS TAT AM GRACIOUSLY ENDOWED
OR MY DRAWERS HAVE GROWN RIDICLOUSLY SMALLER
BUT ON MOST DAYS I ALWAYS FIND ME HANGING
ALITTLE BIT FURTHER THAN THE HEM OF MY BOXERS,
AND IF I HAPPEN TO BE IN ANY O POSITION OTHER THAN D UPRIGHT {WAHALA}THEN I AM IN TROUBLE

WITH THIS KNOWN FACT ,U CAN KNOW HOW IT IS TO HAVE TAT CHEMICAL REAVCTION WHICH CAUSES THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION

'EL STIFFY'


,HONESTLY WITH THE FABRICS DRAWERS OF NOWADAYS ARE MADE OF ,EVEN THE STIFFEST OF JEANS CANT SAVE THAT EMBARASSING RESULT
NOTE ITS NOT AS IF AM A RANDY DUDE ,BUT ATIMES 'EL STIFFY JUST WONT LISTEN TO MY INSTRUCTIONS,ALL IT TAKES IS A STEAMY THOT{I TRY AND PURGE MYSELF OF SUCH}AND USUALLY AM ABOUT 90%SUCCESSFUL,BUT IT IS TAT 10%TAT REALLY BOTHERS ME,THEY SAY MALES THINK ABOUT SEX EVERY 7MINS ,BUT IS IT FASHIONABLE TO ALSO BE CARRYING A STIFFY EVERY OTHER 49MINS

Gamine:
awwwww

lol, thanks for the emphathy

but i cant be down for that long

bluespice:
not pathetic actually,
can't quite place the word. . .
trusting?
too trusting?
very trusting
yes very trusting
almost innocent
no u are not pathetic
u are simply playing love like it should be-
simple
uncomplicated
spontaneous
fun
and beautiful

you just made me feel blue

and i cried

Puppy love” is a good term for describing your take on romance: fun, frisky, playful, cuddly, and young at heart. No matter what your age or how many times your heart has been broken, you are an eternal optimist when it comes to love. You are not someone who proceeds cautiously when you meet someone you find attractive. You are likely to fall passionately in love--or at least lust-- quickly, spontaneously, and with total abandon. Holding something back for later is a concept you can’t quite grasp, especially when it comes to the joy of creating a new and exciting relationship. Yes, COMMITMENT can scare you. That one word may explain why you are still single at thirty, forty, fifty, or beyond. But you love, absolutely love, the concept of intimacy, sharing and relationships. If only you could find that special one, you would be set for life.


thats whats said about my perosnality

pathetic huh?

am gonna find a deep , dark, murky hole and crawl into now

that drunken bugger!

A drunk walked into a bar crying. One of the other men in the bar asked him what happened.


“I did a terrible thing,” sniffed the drunk, “Just a few hours ago I sold my wife to someone for a bottle of champagne.”


“That is awful,” said the other guy, “And now that she’s gone you want her back right?”


“Right!” said the drunk, still crying.


“You’re sorry you sold her because you realized too late that you still loved her, right?”


“Oh, no,” said the drunk. “I want her back because I’m thirsty again!”

  CAUTION

i can change from zero to bitch in 2.5 seconds

that i saw on a car whilst driving to work this morning(yeah am one of those with those kinda annoying jobs)

the evil within came to fore

i overtook, swerved rather abruptly

almost forced her off,a few meters more

came to a crawl right in front of her

by this time ,peplexed she was, fun i was having

i want to see the bitch , i want to see the bitch, i want to see the bitch

my mind screamed , i am spoiling for fun,bitchy, bitchy bitchy,come out lemmie get you

and out the bitch came,swerving outlane,countered her move started smiling,but unfortunately i came to my turning

had to veer off, with a thumbs up sign to her, suffice to say , i got the five fingers

but fun i had regardless


when next i see her stop her i would liar i would call her

for the bitch within her took about 4minutes to manifest

should i be blamed for riling her up?

or should she be blamed for pasting

i care  less actually, i enjoyed taunting her

good to know you

Are finding your

Rhytm with rants

Lets have another

Whatever happened to the usual suspects today?

lord,naughty

We both know

I am,hungry we both

Know i am,scared we both

Know i am,miracles we both know

I want,gamine's writeup we both know i want

Her love(lol not gami) we both kw i want

Need i say more lord?for we both know what

I want





Ps:gamine i hav tapped into ur post nice one

a break from the rants

this gave me a laugh

office party


After the annual office Christmas party blow-out, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.


After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.


"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?"


"Even worse," she assured him in her most scornful one. "You made a complete jerk of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the chairman of the company to his face."


"He's an arrogant, self-important pig, piss on him!"


"You did. All over his suit," Louise informed him. "And he fired you."


"Well, screw him," said John.


"I did. You're back at work on Monday."

lets revisit this:

who is a player,you or i?

ok, so am in my late 20s, well an average job in a company that has more name than salary paid to workers, have my own apartment ,drive a german machine.

get the picture(note i dont necesarrily have money in my account o)

and am certainly not the finest guy on the block, but now am suddenly marriage material and the chicks that wont even bother to say hi , say 5 years ago suddenly just

ring to say hi, am like hi, i dint know you had my number , they like of course i do, just have being busy thats all(for 4 freaking years . ya right!)



am sure some of you brothers are going through this too, suddenly you are being considered, a tad responsible or managable , you are now a very close friend, what you would do to gross her out before doesnt , faze her anymore

we are slowly yet steadily being wormed in like a a spider would lure its prey, pray tell me who exactly is the player now!

men for wanting to score more skirts than the number of fingers we have on our hands ,whilst in school

or the women , as they approach mid/late 20swho set their sights on you and sink their claws into you till you have not even enough room to squirm?







^{wrote this awhile back,decided not to edit it,and i think it merits re-visiting}



disclaimer:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::dont you for any reason think it is about you::::::::::

Methinks you need a bottle of Schweps!

i reckon i would need something harder

ok lets have a lil bit of wily rant





coming right up

predator stalks predator

i am feeling rather chatty today

but to wired up to writegood

not that i am anything near good

a predator has natural preys

some predators are preys of others

what happens when predators of

equal footing meet?

say a tiger and a lioness

a leopard,panther or jaguar?

what gives?

a stalker stalking a stalker

who doubles round to stalk

whilst being stalked?

interesting?or better yet confusing?

thats what i am today

yesterday was a day of hurt

today is a day of confusion

'i cant be clever' made that happen

so stalkers circling eachother,one willing to go for the kill

the other hanging back,but by no means a coward

not making sense she?dont worry am as confused too



i am lost yet,the occasional burst of light i think i see

from the eyes of that whom i stalk,i got tired wanted

to breakoff the circle of stalking,but that burst of light

keeps me hoping,i feed strenght and resolution off

it, thus another circle of circling begins,still no promises

but its a circle i would willing go through anyday anytime

have i lost it?have i lost my predatory instincts,am i

too grounded in this?sadly the answer would be yes

a tiger turned to a housecat thats what i feel like

but by no means do i abhor it a 100%






now i have lost it:::::::this ramblings have to stop::::::::i shall not be labelled a ward7 case

sir,

your previous writeups

i have seen,and the evil

lurking within you i can

imagine,so fear not i

i know you dint write

at your best,which goes

to prove you are also err

a gothic enthusiast!

you killed the guy

how did you kill the guy?

killing the guy itself here isnt the joy

it is the how the guy died that you should derive satisfaction from

when ever you feel without a life purpose you live off the high of the kill

i like that word the kill it means the actual thing is not what is killed, but how its killed

you need to know the how,put more emphasis on it than the what was killed

if i were to write what you wrote i would say

i killed the guy

the guy died a slow and agonising death

i shoved a pipe slowly and delicately down his throat

then proceeded to lightly tap the pipe with my hammer

removed his toenails with rusted pliers,poured hot oil on it for effects

mounted him on a pike and turned his belly to my dart board

his screams of agony gave me an overwhelming thrill

he passed out.with the attention of an ER nurse i nursed him back to conciuosness

i wanted his full attention when i work on him, i dint want him to miss any moment

for him,death would take a leisure stroll to

he would stop to drink coffee

fill his tank

decide halfway,he doesnt like his outfit

go back home to change it

if it was left to me death would take a well deserved day off that very day

pain would work overtime.





thats what i would write

good sir, to correct you we arent gothic enthusiasts

we just love to rant, you would love it too if you joined us

life is a rant!!!!!!


            _{2008 nov 30th  sir rantalot aka ariblaze}

bravo bravo bravo


this

its just not fair, one ends up having secrets and things that just seep the life out of you,

strikes a very painful cord in me

a question?

who suffers,the pretenders or the pretendees(lol,i mean the people pretended to)


and to answer your question yes,its a legit rant

it would get better though if you give a personal experience to it

of course you are allowed to hide behind the disclaimer,or claim the fifth afterwards

if that doesnt work, we have got your back

is everything ever really okay with

sons of adam?

the answer my dear ma, is no

some people bottle it up, some people vent it

venting has different avenues

i certainly don't want to be that guy that would snap someday

with my ak 47.:::::::and start target pratice with the objects of my discomfort

nah, thats not me.this page is designed exclusively for me and anyone else

who feels the need to just let it all out


the equilvalent of screaming my lungs out

in as much

as i am flattered to be compared with him(saw some of his writeups)

i am sadly not him

am not one for having multiple profiles

know me for who i am,the good, the bad or the ugly



@gamine

wetin do ambulance?

the blind two eyed man

am a little short of titles

should i say the sledge hammer

because i certainly feel as though i just got one rammed into me

lol,funny how bluspice's rant about ignorance

and my rejoinder about been blissfully unaware,comes back to bite me in the ass

meeen,talk about being a clueless fool,why dint i guess,afterall it takes all but a minute to change personalities

hmmm,i am at work and for whatever reason since yesterday up on till this moment, the only song playing from my earpiece is whats beef by biggie

but i refuse to let that influence me, even though you don't owe me anything,is it fair that i don't know?

why would i even ask that question,it makes it sound like i think am important

its funny what knowing how a person writes can tell you,

it took one post and that familiar stirring,further investigations left me blown

i wish i can say i see the humor in it,but honestly i don't

well there is absolutely no use fighting the storm

when the person you are rolling shotgun with ,has unstrapped you

the man with two functional eyes and yet remains blind

nagode



:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::i need a smoke:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

lol

bluspice or bluespice

aha

i think i get it now

who banned you?

whatcha do?

stillwater:
Loved now. Did I tabun

you? tabon?

you are incapable my dear

just when you say you loved it

it means you dont love it anymore now

but when you say you love it,its past present and hopefully continous






bluespice and gamine ?

i feel hollow


she dint exactly promise she would call

come to think of it,she dint exactly promise anything

cept of course,that we would have a storm to wade through

ignorantly,i was estatic,atleast because of the 'we' part'

the phone call never comes,she has the number i know,yet to call she doesnt

promised not apply pressure,yet i feel way beyond clueless,i have being rendered

virtually impotent with my inability to get through to her,via mails or phonecalls(the latter because i don't have her new number,or she probably hasnt gotten one yet,but she could still easily have gotten across)

could it just be because of my last mail to her?i wasnt exactly tactful(in all honesty i havent ever been,am the kind of guy who would jump first then worry about my chute later,suffice to say i have gotten a number of bumps due to this approach,but hey i am still kicking)

back to the mail, could it have been because of it?

or can it just be the pressure,or the seemingly pressure that might come from her family front?

really wanted her at goatee's(ref:goatee gets married) wedding with me,but that dint happen

its been 14days at the very least since her last email

should i or should i not mail her?

what would i say?

am thinking about you?i missed hearing from you?

missed your long emails? or your pleasant voice?

gah! it was even better when i got the answering machine




i sound like someone pinning at the very best and a stalker at the very worst she?

am beginning to feel that way,but then again i remember what she said about the storm and i feel

as though, she just needs to get through her personal issues first, her words 'let me know i have enough strength to deal with this'

this being: me,us,her family,the mode of our meeting,and what the world would say of it

hollow i feel, pain is long gone

strength to move on i can't seem to garner

work is a welcome distraction

on 2nd thoughts,maybe i am just the stalker

seeing everything in my minds eye, because thats what i want

i must be getting delusional,gash i need to get my mind straight

get my act right

just googled profile and mindsets of stalkers now,just to confirm we don't have anything in common


i must be losing my mind,or i have lost it already,

the heart i lost ages ago, now the mind follows

she says she stalkers me on nairaland(lol)

maybe i want her to read this, maybe i want her to know this

or maybe not

maybe this is just a rant to confirm am not losing my mind

maybe this is just all a big lie(but i am sure it isnt)

maybe she is as confused as i am

maybe she can't care less

maybe i am a stalker

maybe i am indeed delusional

so many maybes

but one thing am sure about is this:

i feel very very hollow.

stillwater:
Awww this is beautiful I loveddddddddddd it

loved or love??

that is the question

@bluespice

hmm

seems you dont know the blissfulness of ignorance

the writeup had me spinning in circles and then calculating

is she claiming ignorance or just yabbing us ignorant ones.

i had to bring in my ignorance of calculus to play

but ignorantly forgot my Dy'Dx and ended doing additions and subtractions

the bliss of ignorance, to be aware and yet blissfully unaware

to be aware that our lifestyle in lagos,isnt very healthy yet be unperturbed \

the ignoramus isnt always the fool

he just chooses to be unaware








::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;now am more confused then when i started::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

And the boy grows older

Year:1997-00
Location: searching…
Venue :niteflight
Purpose: all night partying, drinking smoking and all accompanying vices

Gone are those days, when the above was the sync ,,,,,we would look forward to Friday night with a passion,lectures on Friday were usually cut short , so as to reconfirm night arrangements with our respective beaus, for others last minute servicing of the vehicle(you certainly don’t want your car $%*&up in front of the crème of the school)
For some of us, those are the only days our bass box boosters actually rep the reason why we got em in the first place, NOISE ah whole lotta noise…
8pm, the convergence begins,boyz start to prep up,da ladies start to get set
9pm, arrive at the half way point(that’s where you get to hook up with your boyz,whilst accessing the potential threats to your crew of ladies, gossip here is at the highest levels)did I say loads of beer, get dunked in this phase
12:30am:gallons of beer guzzled ,partial slurred speech, with the temperament of the devil himself we setout
12:37am:after a rather dangerous but lame attempt at formula 1 racing with other drivers,and the girls screaming either in fright or thrill we arrive the joint., niche…e
12:40am: dancing starts
1:40am: dancingand drinking
2:40am: more dancing
3:40am:more dancing
4:40am:dancing and taunting other club boyz
5:40am.we start to headout
7am:if you are lucky you are in bed, if not probably headed for a test scheduled by a sadist lecturer in school




Year:now
Location:lagos
Venue:searching,,,,,
Purpose: unwind after a seemingly tiring week, or just cos you haven’t had that kinda fun in a long while
Monday through to Friday has being all work and more work ,throw a few queries from that boss that doesn’t like you very much, you haven’t seen your boyz since like ages, you all decide this Friday will be hookup day, lets catch up on everyone
8pm: stuck in lagos traffic snarls and you begin to curse gently
9pm: still in traffic the last hour has seen you advance err.err 800meters
9:30pm:you are still in traffic, beat ,grouchy, call the boyz for a rain check(of course they don’t agree)
9:40am:you get moving and suddenly its an open expressway in front of you what caused the traffic in the first place?(am inclined to accept what people say about winch people just causing traffic for the fun of it)
10:30:you get to the boyz,leave your jacket in the car,throw your tie as far away as possible, get hand shakes and bearhugs from the guys,the same comments of our fat/lean you have grown
10:32:same bonding of beer, gossips go on
12:30am:someone decides it been a longtime since you all went clubbing and for whatever reason you all bob head and agreement and decide to go(bad idea)
1am:at the club,just past the meaty,sweaty,rude and very big bouncer, loud music assault the ears,the people crush starts as you make your way to the bar
1:15am:Dj plays one of them songs that give you the nostalgia you hit the dance floor
1:30am:you are tired,music too loud ,too much squeeze on you by the people around,you shoes have been harassed over a dozen times,you start to think,it was prolly not a good idea coming to the club
1:45am:you know it was definitely not a good idea
2:00am:you are dead certain it wasn’t, but now cant go home, because just last week someone got robbed along the road
2:15am: you wish you were related to the nightcrawler,or whats that guys name in the movie ‘jumper’
2:30am:gosh it just keeps getting worse
3:00amL:cant the time go any faster?
4:00am:cant sleep, cant dance ,cant drink cant sleep in the car for the fear of been jacked,a motionless zombie
4:30am:you have had it to the hilt and ready to brave whatever odds,hug your boyz,tell them how much fun you had,make may to the car and driving home suddenly turns to the best thing that has happened to you in 15hours
5:00am: open gates, notice and ignore that very nosy neighbor that always wants a scoop about everyone peep from his window
5:05am:flop on the rug, and you wonder why you ever thought going to the club was better than sleeping at home
7:00am:if you are lucky still sleeping, if not…, up and about to make your way back to the office
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;who stole my youth away?:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

lol


you are indeed a silly

na me you dey play violin for?

@stillwater



my name still remains , sir rantalot

could you have forgotten so soon.








and goatee gets married


the first time i saw him

i laughed my ass off, then i disliked him(we were 13years)

a lil after that i pretended to tolerate him

2 breaths later,we hung out,then we had mutual friends

by age 15, there was no denying it,goatee was officially my friend

he still walked like a peacock though, and i still did the occasional sniffle at his ways

the youthful #@#%%^^&**(()))*&^%$$##@@ we all did as a crew

his tendency to exaggerate was renowned,but now we dint care, cos when he talked we knew what

to sieve off and what is concrete ,was one of the first people to teach me how to drive, then he fell off my bike

had a few on and on relationships in school,and colorful nicknames we had for all his wannabe girlfriends(note: me i was single oooo)


left school started working

like joke joke he started dating this lovely girl

yesterday i was at his bach eve, today i am writing this from the church

goatee, has betrayed us, thought we said marriage was for sissies? real men dont get married,

or atleast not before our vision 2013, now he has left the crew,and i hear rumblings from other crew members

like one has billed his for January another February yet another may and December's !!

Gosh, whatever happened to honor amongst brothers? vision 2013 is turning sore now

i cant and i refuse to hold the torch alone for that long,i cant recruit new crew men, for the singular reason that i cant take my history back with them,



very unfair i tells you.

enter goatee's mumsy looking radiant in her iro and buba

'Ar--- how are you, its being a long time oo,

you people seem to be enjoying Lagos life

efe wa ile mo

so now, you know you people are all friends and its time for transition

when are we coming for your wedding?'





my plastic smile is intact

my frames protecting

my bloodshot eyes(aftermath of no sleep)

and the words just don't come out of my throat

what do i tell her? vision 2013? that her son dint follow the script?

or that the one i pine for, i havent heard from in 10 days

and suddenly the storm thickens,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,








who says life is not a rant?

why wont i rant?

haven't heard from her in 9days now

not a word, not a sentence

and for someone who doesn't believe in silence its baffling

i feel ever so rant like ,

sweat n booze,,,,,,,,,,,,

i like it,,,

now thats a rant

pray tell what did the guy do afterwards?

chase you? act as if noting happened?

and what did you man do?


more rants peeeeople lets catch the rant bug






at gami

spoken well?

i never do that

bluespice

where is your rant?












where in God's name is she?