₦airaland Forum

how u go complain better select which category u fall now now before time pas

@ anusman
every body dey talk, u sef dey complain of shit, are u not d originator of the whole shit business. u beta enjoy d thread or i report u to otunba Gadaffi.
loose apetite ko, lost apetite ni,

@ ituen
tx a lot man, knew i have a pally in u. at least na u dey act as knight in shining armour for all chiquitas on nairaland

@ Chi Rose
tx for the honour jare, i go make u my P .A in shiticology

@ tufe
i wonder how your shit go look line, knowing ure so fine infact finer than ,  u know what i mean!

@ lolabbey
follow me go toilet, u go know which category i dey

enjoy guys

Hi Guys, it is time to take stock of our shit. I hope u are not eating or about to eat before eating dis, coz u sure dont need food after dis:
Ghost Shit
That's the kind where you feel the shit come out, have shit on the toilet paper, but there is no shit in the toilet.

Clean Shit
The kind where you shit it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Second Wave Shit
It happens when you're done shitting, you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realise that you have to shit some more.

Brain Hemorrage Shit
Also known as "Pop a vein in your forehead " shit.
the kind where you strain so much to get it out that you practically have a stroke.

Log shit
The kind of shit that is so huge that you're afraid to flush the toilet without breaking it into a few pieces with your toilet brush

Drinkers shit
That is the kind of shit that you have the morning after a long night of drinking - its most noticeable trait is the skid marks left on the bottom of the toilet .

"Gee I wish I could shit"[i][/i] shit
Its the kind of shit where you want to shit, but all you do is sit on the toilet with cramps and fart a few times.

Spinal Tap Shit That's the one where it hurts so much coming out that you swear it was leaving you sideways.

Wet Cheeks Shit Also known as "The Power dump"
That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.

Liquid Shit
The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, spashes all over the inside of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute.

The Crowd Pleaser
This shit is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone.

Mood Enhancer
This shit occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, allowing you to be your old self again.

The Ritual
This shit occurs at the same time time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper

Guiness Book of Records Shit
A shit so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations

The aftershock shit
This shit has an odor so powerful that anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is effected.

The Honeymoons over shit
This is any shit created in the presence of another person.

Groaner
A shit so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance

Floater
Characterized by its floatability, this shit has been known to resurface after many flushes

Ranger
A shit which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper

Phantom Shit
This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit putting it there

Peek-a-boo-shit
Now you see it, now you don't. this shit is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control

The bombshell
A shit that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to shit (i.e. during love making or a root canal) or you are nowhere near shitting facilities.

Snake Charmer
A long skinny shit which has managed to coil into a frightening position - usually harmless Olympic Shit. This shit occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinkers shit

No wonder all states schools are drastically increasing their fees. Only God will help us!!!

@ lola
y u dey beg dem say make dem no fight. abeg the field is sufficient enough for you. FIGHT ON!

@ poster
pls explain the joke

@ tufe
whatz wt dis space wastage. are u laying ur bed already?

#[sub][/sub]watching events unfold with the eyes of the wise#

yeah, im back,!! *_{recuperating after some mosquito wars}*

u all better bhave or i set some of those juicy mosquitoes on u!!

@ifyalways
beta watch your mouth o before i ascend on you.

NO ONE has yet given be a juicy answer. God what is this thread turning to , are u to yab urself all day or to TELL EVERYONE WHAT GETS U EXCITED. thank God say Ituen's source of joy is Tessy's mammary glands, others what are u wating for or are u scared

@ Tufe
i aint scared of no one just watch out for me!
[color=#006600][/color]

HI NLANDERS,
I was in church i.e canaanland y'day, and believe u me. Bishop Oyedepo did what was contrary to everyone's expectation. He just declared a praise galore saying the devil is a liar. What with the recent pronoucement in the Guiness book of World records that winners chapel is the biggest church building in the whole wide world.

So my advice is this, stop criticizing any and every one. DO SOMETHING TO PUT THE NAME OF UR COUNTRY ON EAGLES WINGS. CIAO

@ night nurse
u and dis ur condom jokes. na only God go deliver u sha! any way cool

Dear Nlanders,
Lets play a game and lets see how long it lasts. Here's how it goes:

IN ONE SENTENCE, PLS TELL THE HOUSE WHAT GETS U EXCITED. If possible, attach the picture of such action(s)

As for me, My answer is:
I GET EXCITED WHEN KILLING MOSQUITOES

*watching events unfold with the eyes of the wise*
hmmm hmmm hmmmm hmmmm

@ifyalway
ify, ifyko, ifygbam, hw far, na yoke i dey help u yoke o!! we no suppose quarrel now? What happens to sisterhood? abeg no give all those macho guys (like tufe wey dey fear no sign cheque but like beta thing) opportunity to put we sisters asunder.

By the way, i dey thing of setting up a forum: Nairaland Sisters Coalition (NASICO). I wan make u my Vice con put Tessy baby for Secretary, aristotle as legal adviser, others go apply but ur own post na automatic!! .Of course, na me go be chairperson *_{who no like beta thing}?* . About my arse, well seeing is believng, but na im be my USP

thanks guys for the complementation

@ ifyalways
i don like u pass make u dey yab me. my name na ashaby no be ashy or shud i ask " u go school at all? ". common spelling u cannot known abi na known sef

@ tufe
_{searching for who is asking her on a date}
just carry ur cheque, sign am and leave it blank, i dey come

nice one

How about tongue to anus?

:oNo shaking! Its a form of advertisement!
He'll know i got a lot to offer

A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish.
By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, "Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake. You see that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish. The problem with this is that this is the last chicken in the house. I'm afraid I'll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!"
The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food. The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer.
A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man's table and says, "Listen up, pal. That is MY chicken you are about to eat and I'll warn you whatever you do to that chicken I'll do the same to you. You pull out one of its legs, I'll pull out one of yours. You break one of its wings, I'll break one of your arms!"
The man calmly looks at the chicken, then sticks his middle finger in the bird's rectum pulls it out and licks it. He then gets up, drops his pants, bends over and says, "Your turn!"

I'd definitely spend val hugging my teddy. No fun 4 me! cos i just got free!!!!

demo[i]crazy[/i]

WHY ARE WE SURPRISED?
LIKE FATHER , LIKE SON!!

I sure hope the little girl added some mayonaise coz that my favourite

@ Ituen
why the rhetorical question, what goes around comes around of course! It might be ur turn tomorrow OOO!! ^{i no go do like say i know u o}

As a goal-driven but loving person, i HAVE to strike a balance between my career and my home. To me, there are no two ways about it. Shikena!!

just a fews days am not around u turned this place to a .

@ Tessybaby,
Hi girl, good to have u back. might not believe it but i personnally miss d way u give it to these guys real hot. Way to go girl!!!!

@ Clemcy

Behold Clem's offspring _{haa haa haa}

u guys are out of this world

Not to worry, they are both mammals!!!!

nice one

@ poster,
Haba, cant u guys just let Ituen be for a while. Shey na im send una make u no fine reach am? _{God, i hope dis Ituen guy dey 'lookable' sha. dis is a case of blind trust!}

@ Ituen,
Ituen, where is Tessybaby? Abi u don put am for family way? abeg call us if something don shele!!