₦airaland Forum

tunmiluabi:
I appreciate your lines and I thank you for making me understand a lot of things I might not have known. Also permit me to look at your feedback line-by-line and word by word.

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My bro every man has a 3 months grace to get his shit together:

If it takes 3month for a man to deliver to his family in time of tribulations and challenge. What time frame might we allocate to woman to heal after being involved in a life threatening accident that took away all her great attribute for performing any role as a wife? Can we say 3month, 3years etc. Same question can go the man what if?

Life happens and most wives especially in a society like NG prefer to be married at least for appearance sake so for a woman to go from angel to witch ... it takes 3 months.:

Are you telling that marriage is so Artificial that the society need to redefine its requirements... Maybe there should be a law that states explicitly - that considering the natural state of mind woman and the maximum period for a woman to go from an Angel to a monster... A divorce proceeding can commence after one year when either of the party is not able to provide a certain percentage of material expectations, Maybe it should be a criminal offence? Maybe we will all sit and think well before we get into an "artificial contraption".... pls just saying. Are your telling me that WOMAN is inherently weak and deprived of any sense of good judgement and GRACE? Are you indicating that the WOMAN is mentally and spiritually WEAK by nature. My parents, in the face of the worst situations they have lived together for 55years, even they still hold hands till date. I take inspiration from their life. My mother at no point in time said anything bad about my father even when we knew he was wrong, neighter did my father. I am not perfect, but I have foundation that kindles my believe. Even the best and the richest people have their problems?

Now for better for better not worse ..... that statement does not supersede the man being an infidel or worse than an infidel when he cannot provide. They will be together but he will leave by himself when the fury of hell is brought on him:

If the man is infidel because he cannot provide, what is a woman who cannot BELIEVE and see through the situation. The word INFIDEL as used in the Quran needs not be taken out of context context. Muslims on the forum can expatiate. I would like to know.

No one is more resilient than women - she is programmed to carry a child for 9 months - but no matter how.much money she has..... for emphasis I will repeat no matter how much money she has - [b]she is not programmed to shelter, feed or cloth a man least of all her husband:

Yes I agree. As human we are capable of doing what pleases our hearts. I would have believed aside fro wisdom, mental and spiritual resilience takes precedence in all life matters. The consequence of a life without them is glaring. If the WOMAN can see through nine months of excruciating pains and still was able to give birth even when there no guarantees that child will live. What do you think is the lesson learnt? All she does is BELIEVE. It just like attending primary, secondary, university and even spending a lot on master degree for rare knowledge. Still life does not guarantee anything to anyone. Its never weakest or the strongest that wins the race of life. Its our capacity to wait for that CHANCE and TIME that matters. Opportunity come with preparation. Is the resilient WOMAN able to stand FAIR and FIRM. I believe it take a special WOMAN to see this.. There are so many. We have women who are married to the poorest of the poorest men and still come out unshakened. I will share a typical example with you if time permits. There are so many men who are married to women with terrible life challenges long before they got married... So are even disabled and even cant bear children. It takes the special MAN to see beyond the situation. There are so many. I really think you line undermines the natural capacity of the spiritual resilience of a woman. I have a mother you know.. I can still remember events.

See the bible said worse than an infidel - meaning he will be treated worse than an infidel:

Yes it true again.. They are only emphasizing the place of the MAN in a home. His failure is the failure of his family. He has to perfect his ways to enhance his family. Failure to do is tantamount to a gave consequence. There is no point for me to even tell the position of the Holy Books on the woman who betrays her husband... When we use the Holy books for definitions that requires more explanation and we refuse to STANDOUT, we will be digging more holes than we can fill. So I will be staying away from using the Books. We need to remember that our children can either be male of female. Our position goes a long way in shaping their future. If we teach your children to make money we need to emphasized that life is beyond the materialism that come with it, hence he/she might priorities money over affection, and would prioritize lust or love. There are still so many rich who are not happy and there some many wealth married woman who are not. Same goes for single males and females. Rather than living our lives, our deprivation and fights through our children there is need to always emphasis the grace that comes with living with or without the wealth that comes with living. The truth is that any of these does not guarantee any happiness for anyone no matter you status or state of mind in life.

A man is practically useless in a family setting if he is not providing :

I would beg to disagree. It takes a great family to stay together in times of challenges. It takes grace for them to overcome. It takes a wise man/woman to see through the situation. If man is lazy, I agree it is terrible, if a woman is lazy it terrible. But take it or leave it, Living is choice but life does not even guarantee you a happy ending. So behind a a successful woman is a man with grace and behind a successful man is a strong woman. If your read through history most great people rise though the ashes and with the support of the Special people who are able to trust and believe in them. It does go a long way.

My overall take on your position: No aspect of life is guaranteed not even to the richest, poorest, the strongest or weakest. No amount of hard-work will position you. If LIFE chooses they can remain poor for life, for all it cares. Time and chance are spiritual. It for the SPECIAL ones only and its not negotiable. If that time comes and life imposes a marathon on you, you can step aside, continue or start all over again. You can even fill yourself with HATE. Life does not speak our language. I am a living testimony to this. I graduated as computer Engineer (not with the best of grades though). I believed I could never get a job I so desired, not to forget that I had in my SSCE (6 - A1, 1 -A2 and C4 in English). What if I was not educated. I will sit down now and blame myself as if education guarantees wealth. In the face of challenges we all need some one to lean on. I have had my share of brilliance and struggles, have no doubt that either of these can surface at anytime. There are some many of our sisters and brother suffering absolute injustice but because the society dictates how we much react, and who is responsible for what roles, they keep quiet and die in their silence. I started a business which took us so far but was not really promising. Although that was one business I always loved and cherished but life gave it bashing. If the one you married ans trust can not see your struggles but spit it in your face. Its time to redirect your energy not matter the consequence. Thanks to my upbringing and the support of my Aged parents and siblings. If I may tell, my wife too finished with a distinction from Yabatech but all she got for SALARY did not pass for brilliance. She is tremendously brilliant. Still, we lived on the low...

I never realised what I thought was not useful 14years ago was going be my JOKER. I was forced to go back, dusted my books and fought to be relevant again. On the day of my interview they did not believe I was so CHEAP. The agreed take home with benefit salary was R115,000 naira per month. But to my surprise, the offer received had a different amount. I give God the glory and still cry till date. Never realised I could earn that much despite lack of real profession engagements. I passed test with minimum of 80%. I cried and cried when I saw the results. But grace smiled on me. Please note that I only received my appointment sometimes in November 2019. It was a prioritized position. I asked myself WHY NOW? Not after I have lost everything. I will forever be grateful to friends who stood with me not by me, who saw me responsible enough to feed me when I had nothing to eat, who borrow me clothes and shoes for my many interviews. I thank my my friend who borrower his best Suit for the last interview. I also thank the one that gave me his shoes and tie as well. I did have my times and I thank thank God for the experience. But most importantly my aged parents who said they don't want to hear complain, they wanted me to live again. I am a generally happy person, I am not perfect, I get angry, I cry and I will not claim to be a saint in the challenges that ended my CHERISH MARRIAGE. There is really no gain without pain... It was my journey and I embraced with all sense of dignity. For the record I NEVER HAD ANY WOMAN EXCEPT MY WIFE. Moreover, I did not have time... I was only dedicated to overcoming my challenges.

We can say whatever we want to say. Life will never pay a good person with evil. It will only test your resilience to see if you can manage the situation. Constituency and dedication is gift I will continue to cherish. I did not let my challenges change my person, I still smiled, even when close friends and family members knew I was not happy. The bathroom was my friend, that was my space to cry and when I am done crying I will leave and smile again. Nobody till today know why I moved out (at least from me) but I will keep it like that. I will have nothing to gain or loose. I only decided to tell my story after many advice on similar issue on this forum. I get taken aback by the comments and wonder why we can sit behind the desk an spit FIRE instead of reconciliation, yet we want to have a relationship or we already have one. In a relationship you will never know the truth. Be quick to judge but be patient to spit it out...

Thank you.

Arrewa:
he acted on his own interest

Denko2721987:
Awka ibom and Ibo marriages dont always end well most especially becos of the love lost between the older generation. There is this hidden hatred between them that I don't seem to understand.. The younger ones don't have issues but the bad blood from the old generation still lingers on, runs deeps and eventually sows discord among the younger generation.. Its shame anyways becos when the whites start been racists against us, its largely becos we do not also love ourselves.

sarrki:
Every other state or region learn from Lagos


Lagos is the leader

Any political leader in Lagos is the head of modern day leader

Argue with prove from your region or state of origin

afecgivers:
I done dey suspect you, are you a journalist.

afecgivers:
Even now that I'm married..its not very easy forgetting such love. But! I'm very comfortable with my wife, she is one in a million.

afecgivers:
Yes! I'm a southerner! She is from Adamawa and a christian. Our separation was 85% my fault. You know fulani hardly forgives. I hope you understand.

afecgivers:
I missed one of my funlani girl friend. She was a bank manager, i was self employed.

She bought me a 2001 CRV Honda jeep, she bought me expensive shoes and clothes, i used one of the most expensive perfumes ever and during our relationship i got close to herdsmen where she bought me 13 cows to be taken care by those fulani's. Do you know what! The relationship couldn't work.

When there is true love nothing count.

Op if you truly love this guy, you won't come here and begin to talking about "Stingy". One thing i will never forget about my fulani girl was that she was able to prove to me that nothing matters to her when it involves loving me.

Op can you go extra mile for a guy you truly love? Remember! Giving can always come from both sides just to prove a point but not mandatory until after you are both married.

Liliantalks:
yes a woman Pusey is her value , I ain’t gonna cm here denying it ,, as a man can u marry a woman without sex?? I can get a didilo to pleasure myself till enternity, can you do soapy forever?

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COdeGenesis:
Typical, Akwa Ibom man. He can sell his brother out because of a woman. If the op was your brother's wife, would you advise her to leave the home? Small quarrel she dons run come social media come dey rant, instead of her to talk it out with her husband. You will be shocked this issue can get resolved in a minute. I hate it when people who can't even maintain a relationship dish out negative advice to people. That Uyai gurl is a fish. The typical girl who has nothing to offer in a relationship than sex. I pity any man that would marry such a low thinking babe

COdeGenesis:
Akwa Ibom , men. Once they see women, their reasoning fails. I can see. She should just abandon her marriage over a little quarrel. Besides, this is a one sided story. Women can be very deceptive.

COdeGenesis:
Bros, I am not here to argue about who got wisdom or not. I am just saying that Uyai babe is just being demonic. My advice to the lady in questionis is to talk the husband and iron out issues. Let him know how she feels and how her attitude is really hurting the whole family binding. She should once in a while buy clothes for herself n save some money even if its 5k a month or 10k. That is all I said. That Uyai babe is a fish

COdeGenesis:
Typical AkwaIbom Girl mentality. Lack of good judgement and no sense at all. Dont listen to her. Marriage is about understanding. No one stoped you from saving. You can take out a part of your salary to get some things for yourself and save while reducing other expenses. You know the solution to the problem, just say sorry and let peace rain. I am sure you such an amazing woman, I am much like your husband. I can be rash when situations aint going too well. But there is this babe that understands me and knows how to get me to shake off those things. You need to communicate with your husband and let him know how you feel. Play with the man, be friends together. Nothing can make me keep malice with my wife. My dad has never kept malice with my mum. My mum earns than my dad. My dad is egoistic but with all the money my mum has, she still gives my dad that respect. Please go n talk to your husband as a friend. Let peace rain. Next time dont bring issues about yiur family online and make people insult your husband. Please, i beg you.

MizJaY:
U hit d nail on d head. A BROKE MAN WITH EGO. That's my husband.

Zoie:
The average Nigerian man suffers from an extremely weak self esteem that needs to stay constantly bloated to stay functional.
That's why they chase after ladies who treat them like shi.t and avoid ladies who show them love. The hunt makes them happy. The thrill of having to constantly woo a woman makes them feel good. Makes them feel she is better than the one who shows love even without being wooed..even if the former is a retired runs girl.

ucdeboy011:
Dat is the power of tida

Jaeis:
What's really up with living a couple's life? OP I'm sure you're bothered that her ex has over fvcked her right? That's lame bro.

You're a funny guy. Living a couple's life proves she can be loyal and submissive (just an assumption).

My girlfriend lived with me for about 2-3 years on and off back at school and I can count the number of times we had sex. It's not entirely bad

OP let the past stay in the past, she's with you now and that's what matters. All you gotta do now is support her because it's not easy getting over an ex you dated at length (it's not gender specific).

Fvck Okafor's law it's for the movies

Bennysam:
Even with good economy a man supposed to be matured mentally before marriage, at least 30 years of age you people should stop copying white people and come here to talk nonsense