₦airaland Forum

faith551:
OK let's settle this, Beamborla are u married or betrothed to this man?

Errrrm...
Married to be betrothed




But application is still ongoing
You can table your interest for consideration

Lala247:
Lol nah dat wan u go see common get ur bags lets go

Beamborla .. Oya wey dat keke

Yesh! Let's ride.

The keke right outside.


Kinglekan, you know I king love you, baby

faith551:
I could be anything from innocent to rough, you just name it and I'll prove it

You no go stay one place?

I no dey do again

faith551:
I dnt mean am a broke ass nigga, Am just saying the money ain't available now, my container is on the high sea. You know say money no be problem lol

Container

High sea

faith551:
Nne just remove the pocket in the "pocket wise" and leave wise, I think that will do

Nne just remove the pocket in the "pocket wise" and leave wise, I think that will do

Lol...
That pocket is necessary

kinglekan:

kinglekan:

Seriously? Someone is about seducing your wife away and you ain't getting feisty?


Lala247, you can have him. You need not tag

Lala247:
Hmm font know about pocket wise ..
Dont think he can afford it

Awwww!

You for lie small na. Anything to get kinglekan jealous

kinglekan:
If I catch u dis nyt ehnnnn!!!

Yes told me not to come back home

faith551:
Lol funny girl, dnt worry I'll buy the world for you, starting with nairaland

Oh my!

Kinglekan

Lala247:
Chai see rejection everywhere .. Noo oh kinglekan cant dumb u lie lie his a good guy

On a second thought, is faith551 tall, dark and handsome facially and pocket wise?

kinglekan:
Beamborla prefers the canoe!!

Lala247:
Chai too young ..
Dont worry take beamborla shes cute

Lol
Lala, I'm in my early thirties



You want kinglekan to divorce me ni?

Lala247:
Looool beam

U see ur hubby, they leak ur secret

That's why I want to lease him out.

Lala247:
Dont worry i'll holla at u if i go there ..

Oite

Lala247:
Oh lol might have to come to jos

Pls, do.
You won't regret it

Lala247:
Hmm keke nah different story dat thing almost threw me inside gutter .

Most of the keke's over here are highly pimped o
They have doors, curtain or whatever it is for rainy days and a set of speaker. Serious gbedu inside keke

Lala247:
Dont u get on bus?

Nope I have my personal driver
(I wish )



We don't do buses that much in Jos plus they are restricted to some areas. We did more of bike before it was banned(mehn, I love flying bikes when there is no cold, though)

We only have keke napep and taxi and most people including myself prefer keke napep

kinglekan:

1. The Perverts

These ones cannot be placed in a particular age bracket. They span from young to old. You find them mostly in BRT's and Molue's. (Our ever happy standing committee crew)

They are always looking for an avenue to stand behind anything FEmale and "tap current" (in their minds, age is just a number ). Like my padi Albeto2k go talk, "Konji na bastard".

The last one I experienced was on a BRT. I was relaxing when all of a sudden the elderly woman standing beside me shouted at the elderly man standing right behind her "Oga hold dat thing ooo, nor let am touch me again"

2. The Toasters

These group have this particular track by Iyanya ft Don jazzy "Gift", on repeat mode in their head. They are constantly looking for anything in skirt. Their sole mission is to find out what is underneath it. (Orijin101 how far nah? )

Once they are about to board a bus, they scan very well and locate the prettiest chick on the bus, if nah only guys dey dere, dem go just wait for the next available bus.

3. The Religious

These ones have been banned on BRT buses since its inception, so you would find them mostly in the regular 14seater buses, Molue's etc.

The moment the bus is about to move you would suddenly hear a loud shout, enough to give a hypertensive person an instant cardiac arrest.

There are a particular set that never seize to amaze me. You find them on most public transports with a jersey (you know them naa ). I have noticed a couple of times that the date of the program on the "jersey" are past.

4. The Sarewagba's

Literally translated: Run, come collect.

These ones are always advertising their goodies. They wear all sorts of micro mini (The type wey Ronald4lif dey sow for yankee ), leggins, tank tops wey nor be their size and all manner of clothing that exposes something just to lure their preys.

You don't want them sitting in front of you, else they expose the crack of their bum for your viewing pleasure. You don't want them sitting beside you either, else they keep rubbing your shoulder with their massive milk factories.

One more thing if you find one sitting in front with the driver and you love your life come down SHARPALY!!.

5. The Sleeping Crew

These ones ehhnnnn!! Infact they can sleep till rapture. . Once the bus starts moving them don dey sleep. Their sleeping pattern can make you laugh till you pee on yourself.

You don't want to meet or have the chronic types sitting beside you. They nod, snore and drool. The only time they wake up is when they hit their forehead on the metallic surface of the backrest in front of them.

Twaci u sef dey this committee ooo. She slept only to wake up after her bus stop to shout "Ewo!!!!" . You are not alone dear, me sef enrol in this committee today. I slept off few metres to my bus stop only to wake up at the next bus stop. I trek so tey I con dey swear for all my enemies.

6. The Ignoramus

These folks would appear so cool you would hardly notice how clueless they really are. After the bus has covered a few kilometres, you would hear them asking the person beside them; "Bros, Abeg shebi na Ikeja this bus dey go?"

The person would be like "Nooooo!!, na Abule Egba this bus they go ooo". Like Aunty Twaci dem go come shout "Ewooooo!!! Driver stop, stop, stop, make I come down"

Hehehehehe

7. The Yokozuna's

I hope we all haven't forgotten that WWE sumo wrestler? Well except you were born in the era of justin bieber.

These group are majorly the extremely obese market women. Choii!! You don't want to find yourself anywhere close to them. They are partly members of "The Sleeping Crew" and the stench from the sweat trickling down their body can make you nauseous instantly.

These ones would occupy half of the seat leaving the other three passengers to compete for what is left. Their usual slogan is "Make una shift nah".

8. The Aproko's

While these ones are not so ubiquitous, you are sure to encounter them once in a while. Pull out your phone and start typing and their long necks would be right above your shoulders with their bulging eyes fixed on your screen.

They are constantly evading passengers privacy with their long necks as though they are expecting a back alert on your phone.

Mtcheeeeeeeeeeewww!!!

9. The Staff's

We all know them. Our Men in black, but most times in mufti when assuming this role. No need for another epistle here.

10. The Happy Family

Have you ever been in a hurry and waiting patiently for the bus to get full and all of a sudden God answers your prayers, a family of 7 just shows up (Father, Mother and 5 Children).

Your face glows at the thought of the bus taking off soon, only for the family of 7 to occupy just two seats and then say "Aunty abeg make dis my pikin manage for your side".

11. The Beggars

These ones never have enough money to get to their destination. They get into the bus and after a few minutes they tap you and say; "Aunty, please help me add N50 to this money"

If they are not successful at this they form tough face and each time the conductor asks for money, you would hear; "Conductor this place too tight, I nor fit comot my money". Only for them to get to the bus stop and......

Well you know the rest.

12. The Instructors

Mostly women who have no idea what downshift of upshift means nor have any clue as to what the function of the clutch is.

They always seem to be experts at tutoring the driver on how to drive well. You would here things like; "Driver move to the fast lane naa" , "This driver too slow, see as him dey drive like learner"

13. The Story Tellers

Loquacious would be an understatement to describe this folks. When you meet them on a bus, you would assume everyone on the bus is their family member. They are always carefree, cracking jokes and have a repertoire of never ending tales. (Most of which na ZOBO ).

I love meeting them sha, they keep the bus lively especially in traffic.

14. The History Keepers

These ancient keepers tend to be in their 70s and above. They are always ranting about the good old days before independence. They would talk about the colonial era down to this democratic dispensation.

They are the only ones who bought peak milk for 2shillings and witnessed the death of Muritala Muhammed. Infact the most infuriating thing about these folks is that when you talk they are quick to shut you up with statements like; "What do you know?", "Keep quiet my friend", "Listen to me...", etc

15. The Consumers

These folks are astounding individuals. They always seat close to the window of the vehicle. Don't get it twisted, its not really about the breeze.

They are gluttons in disguise, chilling to unleash their monstrous appetite on anything that they come across. They keep buying and swallowing, from gala, to puff puff, chin chin, plantain chips, cake, pop corn, Fan Yogo, kunu, zobo, etc.

They won't stop munching and drinking till they get to their bus stop. These ones can finish 1Million Naira inside a bus.

16. The Thieves

They come in different shapes and sizes, ranging from young to old. Their mission is simple, they sit beside you and your wallet, phone, and any other valuable becomes history.

I had an experience with one sometime ago. He sat beside me for about 10mins and highlighted from the bus, before I could say Jacksparrow1207, all I had left was my charger.

17. The Grammarians

You know them already, the likes of Wole Soyinka, Chinua Achebe, Patrick Obahiagbon, etc. They appear on NL with moniker's such as TheSonOfMark, Borrusia, etc.

They always appear quiet, but if you like yourself and want to live long to see your great grand children, please don't taunt them. Else what would be left of your self-esteem would be worse than a cadaver.

You would hear something like "You must be sardonic, lugubrious, to orchestrate such diabolical plot of pseudoclassic mesmerism".

18. The "Gbagaun" Specialist

They are not hard to find, as a matter of fact you find them on almost every bus. Well each time I encounter them, I pray a simple prayer to God saying; "Lord please seal his lips with spiritual adhesive".

If these folks are not properly managed their gbagaun can deflate all the tyres. If I venture type one of the gbagauns here, NL server would immediately start experiencing issues.

19. The Silent Fart Machines

Very difficult to detect, as usual they are not limited to a particular age group. These folks have been sent through time to make your time on the bus miserable.

They produce these deadly gases at intervals and are the first to raise alarm and cover their nostrils to wade off suspicion.

Make Una Fear God ooooooo!!!!

20. The Customer Service Reps.

You know them already, high heels, flashy dresses, designer bags, heavy make ups, etc. Once they get inside the bus their phones starts ringing.

Most times I think they purposely skip the intro "Welcome to the blah blah Call center...." and get straight to the point in "resolving customer complaints" .

These ladies keep talking for as long as they are seated in the bus comfortably. Every other person murmuring or mumbling at their incessant phone calls can GO AND DIE IN THE LAGOON.




Cc: Ishilove, Lalasticala, kingtom, stephenqueen, Tosyne2much, Lala247, Ipledge, Mirexxx, Prettythicksme, Lanicky, wristwatch

E long
*yawns*


Nice write up, though, I'm yet to experience any of the mentioned scenerios except that of the fat people.


Kinglekan, stop threatening me... I wee not modify my comment

kinglekan:
Lolzz, Must u put pepper ni

What are e-wives for?

kinglekan:
Correct Guy. . I yab u small inside oo. But na joke oooo

As the apology plenty like this, origin101, I have a feeling the yabbing pass small

Compared to NL, the comments ain't that bad

aguiyi:
if you think Ghana has forgotten and forgiven Nigeria for that event then you better have a rethink .

people react to things differently , that people were not killed then does not make it less a xenophobic act.

Also be reminded that we are seeing this killings because of CCTV and digital devices with cameras that are very common this days, in those days, there were just a few people with such gadgets so we cant conclude that no body died in that event

What has what transpired between Nigeria and Ghana got to do with South Africans killing foreigner in SA.

Maybe Ghana cried to them to help them carry out revenge on Nigeria for deporting them and other black nations for not coming to their aid back then.

30 days in Atlanta and Jenifer, no no for me

Figurine, half a yellow sun and Mr and Mrs are on point. I think Ije is okay as well

Looking forward to seeing Oct 1 cos I saw the behind the scene some days back and it captured my attention.


Nice work, missyclassy

aguiyi:
relax , Xenophobia is an unreasonable fear or hatred of foreigners or strangers or of that which is foreign or strange.

do you have another definition of the invents that brought about GHANA MUST GO in Nigeria?

Back then, Nigeria was littered with illegal immigrants which made life difficult for the legal occupants of the country. There were people from other countries but those from Ghana were more in numbers.

They were not killed of out the county, they were told to leave the country. Nothing was done to foreigners who had legal right to stay.
In S.A, they don't want to know if your stay is legal or illegal. And they openly profess their hatred for Nigerians and that did not start today. I'm yet to come across a Nigerian who hates people or anyone from Ghana just because of his or her nationality.

It is worthy of note that Ghana deported Nigerians first.

aguiyi:
the summery of my post is that we all should be mindful of our actions and inactions cos nobody knows tomorrow.

the same message goes to oba akiolu of lagoon and his supporters

No doubt, your message is a good one but there are better and neutral ways to present it without linking it to Buhari or any other person.

I've seen something like this earlier today on NL but couldn't reply cos I was occupied.

aguiyi:
shagari and Buhari laid this foundation of xenophobia in 1983 and 1984.the word "GHANA MUST GO" reminds us of a lot. immediately he won election, south Africans decided to treat his country men the way he treated other countries citizens when he was in power.

they only up graded it with killing to draw more attention and possibly dare him and see what his foreign policies will look like.

what has he even said about this attack of his country men in south Africa


we should always remember that no one knows tomorrow.
you can insult me all you like, the truth is that, xenophobia has a definition and its one of Buharis legacies to Africa

Really?
It amazing how people distort history.

What do you have to say about the other non Nigerians?
Did Ghana not deport Nigerians first?

Walahi, I tire for some people sha. This is all you could make out of the unfortunate incident happening in SA. In your bid to discredit Buhari, you had to justify the killings in SA.

Hishuula:
pls help me on this thing,i need this thing move to
frontpage .pls you can help me modify your post and help
me add this link www.nairaland.com/2257006/urgently-need-nairalanderspls#32733809 this is my life

You should direct this to any of the mods.
I'm not one of them. Maybe ishilove or farano can help you. These are the two I know of

Front page?