₦airaland Forum

My two year old used toyota corolla visited the mechanic less than my friends brand new Hyundai elentra. He spent 5x more on total repair cost. Though he went to dealers while I used road side. After 7 yrs the corolla is still strong and ready to do additional 3yrs problem free but the Elantra has started crying for a change.

@ Femsyn

What response do you call childish? Are you married? For how long? Let me tell you, during marriage counselling, there are times you tell the particular couple at fault pointblank, the truth to his/her face. Let's analyze his story, he is thinking about divorcing a lady who has done nothing wrong other than confess BEFORE MARRIAGE her infidelity. In order words, he wants to make the lady, a single mother, putting her at a risk of not re-marrying for no fault of hers. If the confession, was made after getting married, he forgave and found himself in this situation, your response of calling us childish will make a lot of sense. You are a man and may never understand what that lady goes through in that house. All I said earlier in my post is to let him know that people out there appreciate that woman he despises, so he should learn to appreciate her.

If he is wise enough to filter the truth from all these posts and not go after what he loves to hear, that should be some good counselling, and that counselling is what he sought for by narrating his predicament. You said, trust is more important than love. But I tell you that...trust and forgiveness are both elements of love. God is a loving father that is why his forgiveness has no limit. Because we love God, that is why we trust in him.

My advise to OP remains, if he is a christian he is obliged not optional to LOVE his wife cos that was his marital vow. Meaning that he must forgive and move on, else he will be breaking the marriage covenant and sinning against God. This is some counselling, because it is direct does not mean I am not helping at all.

Divorce is hardly a solution but running away from the solution. You have an arrogant man. And you need somebody he respects a lot if you can that person to do the magic. Since, he was once caring find out what went wrong though this is a very difficult task. If there is something about you that made him happy in the past, you can replay them again, find out other things that make him happy, there must be a couple of them. Making him a happy is not what you signed up for, but it is needed right now to save the marriage. Nicer income can be a good news but does not guarantee respect since he is arrogant. Above all prayer and dialogue. Talk things over with him at his best mood, it's possible there is something he heard about you that changed everything, that he never bordered to discuss with you.

@ Poster

You are lucky I am married. I would have asked you to divorce her for me to marry, so that you can come here and whine again how you can get her back after being so unfair to her. That you should have trusted her but now you miss her so much. Please my dear, cherish what you have because you will regret it if you lose her cos I observed from your post that you never said anything wrong about her, it shows she must be a wonderful woman.

There is practically no reason for you to spy on her because she never gave you a reason to do so in marriage. I will not sympathize with you cos you have to take the truth the way it is. To err is what makes us human. She confessed before you married her therefore therefore she deserves her peace. Lack of trust is your emotional problem, the earlier you deal with it, the better. Some married men have seen worse and are happy in marriage. Love and forgiveness are intertwined. I am sure, she is making every effort to make up for that past mistake she is presently being punished for but your selfish self will never notice them. Please, don't be fooled by people's sympathetic advice. FORGIVE HER because you have never done so and ask for her forgiveness for all the sorrows you have put her through because she must have taken note of all your spy activities and probably grieved in silence.

@DCMG,

Okay I understand where you are coming from. May be had a bad experience but there are a lot of wonderful women out there. Some will love you so much that they can even give you all they have, they find it difficult to demand from you because they care about you first. I only pray such women come your way so that whatever bad experience you had before will be a thing of the past.

@Sophyrocks

Don't take me serious, I was only trying to scare him. You can see that he is already very scared.

@DCMG

You can not be in marriage and satisfy yourself alone. Marriage is two people coming together to become one. By being one, they share almost everything joy, sadness, grow together etc. But because it is not a perfect system, crises can arise like in the case of the poster. There is no smoke without fire, there is certainly a trigger to the wife's behaviour. As meaningless or serious the trigger may be, if it can be found out, the solution to the problem is not far-fetched. But if the individual in question is being impossible as in OP's case, you can ignore her completely (withdraw attention etc) for a while as a temporary solution only.
For your own good, leave Sophyrocks alone cos if she prepares for you? ........................

@Sophyrocks

I suspect you are either born again OR married now to a wonderful husband. I fell in love with all your contributions on this topic, superb and unbiased. Before now, you never believe women can do wrong, the man must always be at fault. Thank God for the transformation, I for dash you 100K but I dey broke at the moment.

@Sophyrocks

I suspect you are either born again married now to a wonderful husband. I fell in love with all your contributions on this topic, superb and unbiased. Before now, you never believe women can do wrong, the man must always be at fault. Thank God for the transformation, I for dash you 100K but I dey broke at the moment.

I am yet to understand why some persons take sides with the woman. If she had cheated in return without his knowledge and informed him about it later as a way of getting even, that may be acceptable. But telling him to his face and DARING him while indulging in the act is disrespectful and unacceptable. It's either the story is not true or the couple are not based in Nigeria. Most persons can forgive a repentant cheating spouse, but only a few will forgive his/her spouse if the act is being done in his/her home or on their matrimonial bed...because of the disrespectful manner the act was committed. This can be likened to wife's case and she has no justification for that.

Please, find out if she is pulling your legs but after you confirm it's real, check the paternity of your kids. Your wife is a hardened individual so you must be very careful the way you handle her. If she is courageous enough to cheat and tell you to your face, it's either that she suspects that you are still cheating after your confession or she is convinced that you are a weak man.

My Advice: If you actually told us the truth (your case is that of a sinner who repented and sought forgiveness not because you were caught but her case is that of an unrepentant sinner. The former is pardoned by God and later awaits destruction). If she cheated once and informed you to let you have a share of her ordeal, endure your cross and make peace. But if she is still in the act, deal with the situation decisively cos it is no longer excusable. Be firm and let her know that you have already paid the price for your sins that she will definitely leave the house without the kids if she indulges in that act again and stand firm by your words and prepare strongly for what may come out if it. That you erred does not take away your rights to ensure order in your home. Even a pastor who confessed to adultery still has rights to stop sexual immorality among people of God. You must always guard your home strongly (with LOVE)

In ideal marriage setting be it traditional, christian, or Islamic, the man's responsibility is to provide while the woman takes care of the home. Modernization has given marriage a better perspective of collaboration which is often misinterpreted as partnership. There is no partnership in marriage, it is an institution like any other institution where there is a head who is solely responsible for the success or failure of the marriage. Marriage is a team effort where man, woman and kids have specific roles in the team and any person in the team can stand for the other in event of unavailability. Every member of the team should take part in policy making for smooth running of the home since two heads are better than one BUT note that he who takes the full responsibility should take the executive decision when the need arises. Anything contrary to this will lead to a breakdown of the marriage institution.

A woman ought to support financially, if the husband finds it difficult or cannot do it alone. The husband needs to assist the woman in her areas of duty if it will be tiring combining bringing in proceeds and meeting up with her domestic responsibilities. Sharing financial responsibilities does not give her rights and privileges of the head of the home. It is strongly advised that long term and critical decisions MUST be agreed by both parties but day to day running of the home should be deliberated and ruled by the man as the officer in charge.

I only hear the world REAL MEN whenever domestic violence comes up but never REAL WOMEN. Only one side of the coin is always talked about and the other side of the coin gets away with hers. Its true Africa is backward in dealing with the issue but must never follow the double standard of the western world.'Anyone involved must receive a similar punishment whether a man or woman, there must not be the world weaker sex. Some men have suggested silence but have never met troublesome women who silence. They push you around, hold unto your clothes and get them torn, some throw objects at you even dangerous objects which get to hit you. Some men cannot endure extreme abuse and retaliate (they are human) others walk away from the scene. Funny enough, some keep hitting the man on the back even when he is making an attempt to leave the scene.
Domestic violence will decline when both parties involved get similar punishment, else one party will always take opportunity of the unfair advantage and we shall keep talking about this issue. It's worthy to note that respect begets respect, deal with people with respect in words and action, you will most likely get the respect in return.

Some comments here are amazing. If everybody was to mind his or her business there will hardly be any discussion on this forum "why do ladies do this, why do guys do that or why Russia has invaded Ukraine etc". These are topics for discussions, you contribute, learn from it or ignore completely if you don't like the topic. Calling the posters names or claiming he doesn't mind his business is a waste of space.

Most ladies are always proud of their wedding ring though few are indifferent about it. If she stopped because her husband does not wear his ting is immaturity on her part. I do not wear mine for reasons I communicated to my wife while dating and yet she refused to understand.She stopped wearing hers and I pretended not to notice and was never bothered at all. Eight months later, she started wearing her ring again thinking that removing hers was going to spite me.

WOMEN may die from men abuse instantly and may MEN die from women abuse gradually. From the story, the woman's action always prompts such a reaction from the man. I heard some ladies suggest the man to walk away whenever the wife pours out the venom but never advised the wife to endeavor keeping mouth shut from dangerous utterances when provoked. A lot of emphasis is laid on the physical abuse exhibited by men but there is no corresponding effort to the verbal abuse by women. True solution, comes when cause and effects are properly evaluated. My suggestion is the woman to prepare for reconciliation and never divorce. If she hopes for the man to change and desists from hitting her, then she should also prepare to control her tongue because whenever we hope for a change, it must start with us. I offer this solution because it has worked for 2 different couples I know.

@kulyie. If your mum had your ideology, you would not have existed in the first place. Marriage is an institution like any other institution. Every institution has a HEAD who leads by giving directions. If the leader of your home cannot tell you what to wear......the leader of your work place must give you the corporate dress code and you must comply.........likewise the leader of your church.......... if the leader of your state pronounces a curfew, you must not step out within the stated period and so on. BUT there is a room for dialogue in marriage, a man may have his reasons for certain directions (will prefer not say instructions). You have the right to convince him why you wish to do otherwise. Remember the love factor, he can give way to your persistence.....and the submission factor, you can let him have his way for the interest of peace.

Please, don't be indoctrinated by the western way of life. We can copy the good ones and leave out the negative ones.

It is true the post talks about abusive men but the real problem lies with the nigerian society. Violence is deeply rooted and in many homes both husband and wife are culprits. Most husband beat their wives because the wife is weaker and defenseless. In the same manner many women beat their househelps/maid/nanny because they are defenseless as they wish to keep their jobs. The later happens more often than the former and nobody seems to take note of that. This shows that if the reverse were to be the case, most wives will beat their husband because there are cases of husband beaters especially when the woman enjoys a body size/strength advantage over the husband. There is a great need for education against violence in the society and should not be limited to men alone as many women do not realize that they are as guilty as men. (What a man can do a woman can do even better ). On a serious note, such education should start from parents as they bring up their young boys and girl, the law should also provide appropriate punishment for perpetrators of domestic violence (between couples) or (couples/househelps).

A girl cannot return to her parent's house because it's no longer her home. Her home is with her husband cos they are now one in body and spirit. She ought to stay back and defend her home. Whose home shall a man run to if she has a wife who nags him to death or is determined to end his life (there are such women though few in number). Is it not funny if such a man returns to his father's house. Some persons on this forum will call him useless man. Every problem has a solution only if you are determined to solve it. God has given a woman plenty of powers to control a man and the home. These powers are manipultive in nature. Through submission and tenderness a woman can soften a man, manipulate and control him like toy cars. She can even deal with him at the appropriate time if she does not wish to forgive. In our time, women prefer the powers given to men, they prefer physical confrontations forgetting men are often physically inclined creating more problems rather than solutions. Until women view gender equality in its right perspective, and realize that their God given powers are much superior to men's power which makes them the home makers and home builders, there shall be less conflicts in the home, less divorce rates, stable marriages and definitely no need to go back to parents homes.

Some habits can be stopped, some can be overgrown but few may never be stopped. Do not relax and hope they will overgrow them, do something/give it a try and let events take care of itself. Suggestions; show great dislike in any manner that seems best to you whenever they display such habit. Threaten to beat the 5yr if she repeats such, if you are lucky she may not stop but will not display such habits before you.

@ KaloKalo

Do not expose your ignorance. DirectTV and DSTV are not satellite companies. DSTV leased 20 transponders from a french satellite company called Eutelsat. The satelitte is a communication satellite called w7. There also have w4 and other fleets of satellites. The Nigerian Communication satellite (NIGCOMSAT-1) built by the chinese was de-orbited in November 2008 after the solar arrays assembly failed, it was the first satellite exported by the chinese government. The Nigeria satellite company had customers before the failure of the satellite, if you read the papers shortly after the event; one of the customers was furious and made damaging remarks against NIGCOMSAT Ltd. All over the world bandwidth has never been sufficient, a Nigerian communication satellite is supposed to provide a certain amount of bandwidth, internet service provider or Direct to Home providers like HiTV or DSTV can lease such bandwidth. Telecom companies too can lease bandwidth for backup or backhaul. You may or may not have a direct benefit from a satellite company cos you liken DSTV to a satellite company. Rather your benefits are reduced tariff, if the service providers pay less for bandwidth or direct benefit like satellite phones. Back to the topic, it is commendable that Nigeria engineers built a NigeriasatX. Note that Nigeriasat 2 replaces Nigeriasat 1, the satX is experimental. Remember the space program was initiated by Obasanjo, he tried his best to revive the telecom sector, the financial and power sector and felt the space program especially the satellite communication can improve the ICT sector like the telecom sector. Though it is unfortunate that NIGCOMSAT-1 failed, lets not despair and give it a second chance as the replacement comes up in December. It will surely generate money for the economy as bandwidth is never sufficient and possibly generate more employment no matter how little.

@premachaz

Have you ever worked in a space industry? When you comment on a topic you have neither the background nor experience, you sound so stupid. These engineers have been previously trained in surrey on knowledge transfer when nigeriasat 1 was built. Years later, nigeriasat 2 needed to replace nigersat 1 which is near its end of life and an experimental nigeriasatX was to be built alongside nigersat 2 by those trained engineers assisted by the british engineers. Having been trained earlier, they can produce their designs and specifications in line with their goals and objectives. I cannot give you details of the satellite techology, but know that when a bright and smart engineer is given the right training in a particular environment, he can reproduce what he is been taught at least in that same environment. Building the satellite is about assembly, integration and testing. Most parts are being ordered from different manufacturers. The difficult part is the launch technology, that is why it is limited to only few countries.

if only married people asked you out, it means you are attractive but you have a bossy nature or tough looking. look into yourself once again, make it deep this time, ask your male friends single or married even brothers to give you an honest evaluation of yourself in line with relationships with men. there are some certain attitudes of mine i did not accept b/cos it came from my wife only to be shocked when repeated/corroborated by any of my sisters. we often have faults we are not aware of.fervent prayers shall also help cos of divine plan , cos its not good for a man or a woman to be alone.

Sometimes, women push their husband into cheating. Some women constantly accuse their faithful husband of cheating at any slight suspicion cos of this all men cheat mentality. This hurts so much that the man may decide it to cheat in order to feel better or get justified for these series of accusations. (Remember how bad a child feels/cries when wrongly accused). I know a friend who started cheating on this ground.

Any woman who does not like your manner of approach, personal hygiene or age will simply stay on her own. But if she still wants to go out with you, RUN cos she is out to suck your pocket dry.

@Topic, The difference between the pope and General Overseer is
1. Most GOs are founders of churches while the pope is not a church founder
2. The church of most GOs are family business while the reverse is not the case
3. Overtime, the GO churches tend to weaken; sometimes after the death of the founder: Idahosa, ZOE ministry but RCC is ever strong
4. There are many General Overseers but only one pope
5. Should I continue?

Hello Monitor1,

Please assist me with this VIN: 1NXBR32E57Z827015.

Thanks for your assistance

Hello Monitor1,

Please assist me with this VIN: 1NXBR32E57Z827015.

Thanks for your assistance

Dear Monitor1,

Please, kindly assist me with this VIN: 1NXBR32E57Z827015.

Thanks for your assistance