₦airaland Forum

Nubian,

To the earlier poster who said that Black women were tired or something like that. I don't think it is right to discount someone eles' experiences. If she does not feel loved, revered, and admired by Black men then that her experience. It is like you telling me your toe hurts, but I saw "aw naw, you are just imaging it!" Now I don't agree with everything she said, but a lot of what she said has much truth in it.

I too find many black males "talk the talk, but don't walk the walk!" If you take note, I did qualify it with "many." I know quite a few black women who feel very disheartened with Black men. So I feel her pain some.

I find a lot of Black males that talk this "blacker than thou" rhetoric to be very fake and hypocrital. Most of them buy wholeheartedly into white supremacy and at the same time claim to be "down" with the folks.

If you love black women as you claim, why do you feel the need to denigrate them? Anybody can see through facade.

A grown man pushing 30 dating a 15 year old child. He is a pedophile aka predator. What in the hell does a 28 year old man have in common with a 15 year old. Honey he is looking for an easy lay. This relationship is totally between unequals. Psychologically you are worlds apart. I know I can easily manipulate a 15 year old boy.

And for these fools telling you it is okay. I bet if you were their daughter, they would have a different story.

If you are in Nigeria, if your parents don't care, you know society doesn't. Honey he just want some easy, fresh, gulliable, poo-tang.

NatureBoy,

I am an American of African origin (10th generation).  You mentioned that white men aren't generally interested in Black women.  FYI I don't know any Black American women that are attracted to the average white boy.  The majority of the sistahs don't find you physically attractive.  You simply aren't built well, and that pale pasty skin, thin lips, hawk-like nose, flat butt, and whiney voice that bode well with me.  You are simply unattractive men to most Black American women.  Now Africans may be a different story.  There is a lot of colonial residue left.

I like my man with thick lips, dark skin, thick thighs and calves, a tight round butt, and wholly hair.   Men of African descent are simply more physically attractive than European origin. 

For me to even given of man of European orign a chance, he must be dark and very ethnic looking.

Nferyn,

You mentioned that AA were distinctly America.  Of course, I am an American, 10th generation.  Yes we have our own distinct culture that influences the entire planet.  Again, who are you people?

Chinai,

Girl I am feelin' your post.  I know how you feel.  Interesting I was having a similar conversation on another thread why some sistahs may feel the need to reluctantly go outside of the family to find a suitable make.  People really did not like what I had to say. And I know you can attest to this, very few sistahs are attracted to the white guys.

What a stupid thread.  I am not an African, but I know what you say is bull crap.

I have seen beautiful Ghanian women and 99% of them are Blue Black.  Stupid!  I love their complexions. They have such rich, beautiful, mahogony skin.  It reminds me of velvet.  

It reminds me of an co-worker was talking about how she had not had a decent date in a while, and the "damn Africans" want stop pestering her.  She said "I don't find them attractive.  I think they are ugly."  Now would you expect a non-African of African descent to care that she made that kind of comment.  I was so mad.  I had to let her know I have laid my eyes on plenty of good-looking African men.  It could be I prefer men with that look.  Why?  Because all the darn men in my family have "that" look, and that is what I am most attracted to in men.  

I have seem some gorgeous Nigerian men, and I have seen some "butt bootie ugly ones."

What a stupid thread. I am not an African, but I know what you say is bull crap.

I have seen beautiful Ghanian women and 99% of them are Blue Black. Stupid! I love their complexions. They have such rich, beautiful, mahogony skin. It reminds me of velvet.

It reminds me of an co-worker was talking about how she had not had a decent date in a while, and the "damn Africans" want stop pestering her. She said "I don't find them attractive. I think they are ugly." Now would you expect a non-African of African descent to care that she made that kind of comment. I was so mad. I had to let her know I have laid my eyes on plenty of good-looking African men. It could be I prefer men with that look. Why? Because all the darn men in my family have "that" look, and that is what I am most attracted to in men.

I suspect she likes you a lot as a person, but she may not be attracted to you as a lover. I have been in situations like that. I really liked the man. However, I simply wasn't not attracted him in a physical way.

I think she is just trying to let you down softly and not hurt your feelings. She also probably doesn't want you to disappear from her life, which is selfish. She knows you have more than a passing interest in her.

I would strongly suggest moving on and distancing yourself from her. It would be in your best interest.

My father told me to never go to any man outside the family for anything. There are no free rides. A man doesn't give money and stuff for nothing. He wants some ass.

Makeda,

Hey girl.  I am glad you found a good one. You go  girl. 

I have never been the type to be more African than the Africans. I rarely wear African clothing. It is the same when you hear Nigerians in Nigerians say in reference to other Nigerian, "he/she is more British than the British." I am very well versed in African American/America history and culture. So I have a strong appreciation for who I am and where I have come from.

So if you should ever see me at an event in Nigeria, I will have my sista girl Sunday go to meeting hat and a sharp dress or suit, with pumps, no stocking. It is simply too hot.


Nia,

I appreciate your sentiments.  Thanks.

Don't involve yourself in her affairs. Let her know what you think, if you feel the need. But don't let her involve you in it. It is her issue, not yours.

Bringing the man to her house is wrong. Then again, you never know what is truly going on with the husband and her. I repeat. Don't involve yourself in OPP (other people's problems).

Her lover is probably going to black mail her for money.

Good advice from Whitelexi. You can't go around flaunting. You will attract the wrong kind of women. If you are looking for more than fun and someone who cares for you as a human being, get to know women and be their friend. Don't go looking for a girlfriend. This will give you an opportunity to see their character, and for them to see yours.

If you are a flashy guy, you will attract like females.

Meri Later,

BigSis

Idek,

Back to you baby!

Idekeson,

Your problem with me is I know your game, an outsider.


Sweetness,

To each his own. I know too much to be bamboozled.

Sweetness,

I hear you to a point. But this unity you talk about doesn't exist anywhere in Africa, and they all are "generally" colored and African. Africans define themselves by ethnicity, not color or race. Again African identity is purely ethnically based.

I don't have a problem with people who want to get together. But talking all of this unity nonsense in an African forum is nonsense. It doesn't exist among the Africans. Even within in the same ethnic group, there are subgroups and prejudices. You ought to see and hear how the Nigerians fight amonsgt themselves based on jealousies and hatred for those of differing ethnic groups. And guess what Ms. Sweetness, dey all a bunch of Africans.

So my beef is how can people demand unity with people across the ocean, when it doesn't exist within their own motherland, with people you have more in common with.

I believe you should find people you have the same values and common interests, then you can unify on an agreed goal. If you expect black people to all think alike and come to a common consensous, you are dreaming.

Now Ms. Sweetness, you know that among AAs, we are not a monolithic people. There are groups of AAs that I don't like for a number of reasons. It is not humanly possible to like people just because they are black. So why should any othe people get special treatment?

Again, there are some African men I like, and many I don't. I don't like or love everybody, as everybody doesn't like or love me. So to pretend like everything is wonderful is silly. And I never said that all AAs think like. I have enough to sense to know better. I am simply speaking from my point of view. Our differing views is a testament to that aspect of human nature.

But again, I respect your opinion. You are entitled to it.

Ikye-D,

It is cool. I am totally the opposite. I am an avid reader. Books are the most glorious creations.

Ikye-D,

I am beginning to like you a little.  If you are ever out in public and a friendly black woman chats you up, it might be moi, please be sure to flash those pearly white teeth and chat me up.  Promise!

Have you ever heard of an author by the name of Tananarive Due?  She writes under the the science fiction genre.  Her writings are more suspense and the supernatural.  You must read her book My Soul to Keep and the sequel, the Living Blood. The primary character David/Dawit is a 500 year of African immortal.  He begins his journey in ancient Abyssinia, now Ethiopia.  There are 59 others who live in the ancient city of Liabella.  They have a covenant - no one else must know or join.  He has lived the last 150 years in the US.  In the 1840's he was slave in Louisiana.  In the 1920, he was a famous jazz musician.  In the 1990's he is a professor in Miami with with Black American wife and daughter.  The drama unfolds at this point.  The drama takes him from Absyinna to Louisiana, Chicao, Miami, Nigeria, back to Ethiopia, South Africa, and back to Miami.  He has no special powers.  He just lives forever. 

He breaks the covenant.  I love this author and this book.  Let make up brother.  Why don't you get your read on. It is the kind of book both genders will like.  Oki doki!  Check out the reviews in amazon.   It is a great love/suspense story. 

I love this author because her books are fiction with depth.  She incorporates history and bring the characters to life.  She also incorporates tradional African sprituality. After reading this book, the question I asked, if there were a such a thing as immortality, would I covet it?  The mental anguish the character goes through is agonizing.  If  you ain't scurred, why don't you read this book.   

Romeo,

I could not resist responding. Do you realize that I am considered a foreigner when I am in Nigeria? I am an outsider. I am not offended. So my question is why would you think black people would perceive people of African descent as any different when you are in the US. It is simply human.

When you are outside of your cultural group in Nigeria, are you considered a foreigner? I don't understand the anger.

Afeni,

Live and let live! How is it affecting you life personally?

It is unbelievable that something this ridiculous would happen in the 21st century.  I will pay some local area boys to give those heffers the beating of their life.  And if my husband did not come to my rescue, then he would get the same treatment.  Then I would take my children and leave their sorry son.

I want dem to have a look-a-dere on dey head so big dey want be able to hold their heads up.

Always be wary of the bearer of bad news. People have their own agendas. This person may actually secretively resent you and your girlfriend's relationship. Was this person a third party in the sex act with your girlfriend and other person? If not, how is this person a reliable source.

Don't make decisions based on what others say. You need to find out for yourself. Everybody who smiles in your face and eat your food isn't your body. Have you every heard of the Temptations. They have a classic song called "Smilin Faces." You need to check the lyrics outs.

Mokw,

Let's agree to disagree. Let's just remember the thread creator's original question. We are still arguing back and forth, and I believe she has moved on to something else. It's all good. . The woman asked a question, and it was obvious that no one was willing to give her a straight answer. Again, let's agree to disagree.

Humans are complex creatures. Come on Mokw we don't have to be enemies. We just have a differing of opinion.


Meri Later,

Ike-D,

You had me until you said something about brothers being in and out of jail or being financially dependent on women.  That is a bigoted statement.  I am sista and I have never known brothers who were dependent on me financially or jailbirds.  It is like being buying into the global consensous that Nigeria is a nation of theives. 

But it is okay.  We all are entitled to our feelings and opinions.  We can only go by our own experiences.

Odabo

Moukous,

You are right. I don't quite have a positve view of most Nigerian men generally. However, I still have an interest in conversation with a certain type. There are a few I really appreciate. There is still some fascination, though enough of a fascination for me to marry one again. The best man friend I have had during my lifetime is an African man(Ghanian).

No I have never assisted anyone in getting their papers. From my experiences, this is the primary reason African men seek out the sisters.

Ike,

I have had experiences with African men, especially Naijas.  African men, particularly naijas tend to be very overbearing, domineering, and inflexible. They tend to want to be "Big Boss Man." If you noticed, I said "tend."  It is difficult for the average western black woman to deal with their attitudes.  However, there are some who could reasonably make good partners for a particular type of sister. 

My experiences are just that - my experiences.  People generally prefer to date and marry people from their own cultural group.  This is very natural.  However, sometimes, this may pose a problem.  Therefore, you may have to widen your net in hopes of finding a suitable and compatible partner. It is hard. 

Just like Africans have prejudices and sterotype against black Americans, black Americans hold the same attitudes.  Even within your family, it can be a problem when you bring a man home with a foreign accent.  Little comments are made slyly, i.e. you must be pretty desperate or you can't find one of your own kind, you know what those Africans are like, etc.?

So I think it takes a little courage to go outside of your group.  I do believe some black women who go outside of their culture do so mainly because they are having trouble getting their own to act right.  And like the original poster said, "you get tired of waiting on the brotha to do right by you."

In addition, I know many sistas eho will never date an African.  They are simply afraid of them.  I don't care if they are dying of lonliness or being being mistreated by a brotha.  I know among your group there are many that feel this way about AAs. You would never marry one of us seriously.   So it goes both ways. 

Again, I can only go by my personal experiences, and of those women that I know who are interested in these men.

Yes, generally I am friendly towards Nigerian men, until he gets on my bad side, by saying something stupid.    Y'all are kind of hard to get along with at times.  I especially like chattin' up men who travel regularly to Nigeria, especially Lagos.

And I am not necessarily saying that black girls only give African boys or men a chance when they are being ignored by their own kind, but sometimes this fact can be a motivation.  Being with someone from your cultural group just makes things easier.  However, life doesn't always work out this way.   You being an African, and knowing how tribalistic your guys are, I know you understand where I am coming from.

Mouk,

Dat ain't a fair nor true statement. I did not create the the bad rep African men have. That is of your own doing. You need to address your brothers about this.

Mouko,

Don't I have the right to express my opinion? My sister asked, and I felt it was my duty as a sister to give my opinion.

I would agree that the creator of the thread may be upset to some degree that her own men don't give her the time of day.  That can be painful.  I know of a few sista girls who have allowed themselves to date foreign black men in hopes of finding good one who will treat them right.  I even heard about black girls in college being ignored by the brothers, and they reluntantly date foreign black men, rather than be alone.

I do believe most African men who seek out Black American women are doing it for the papers.  I did not say all, but most. 

It is not easy being with someone from a culture and a way of thinking so different from yours.  I believe only serious people can make such relationships work.  There are some serious cultural differences that simply can't be ignored. 

But I would agree that the original poster understands fully why she is pursued by African men.  I think she just wanted someone to verify her private thoughts. 

I also believe that many of our men have been brainwashed to think their women are too demanding.  So they go and look for the women who demand little from them.  In addition, many of us want put up with too much crap. 

I think if you are lucky to find someone you are compatible with and care for genuinely, you are really blessed. It is hard finding a good man.  It is just hard. So some Black American women, though fearful, may give some of these foreign men a chance.  I always tell them to keep their eyes open and take it slowly.  Don't allow yourself to used and abuse. There are specific things you need to look out for.

I don't pay for men. Once I get to know you and you have courted me properly, I may offer to pay once in a while. Also I am considerate woman. I am not the kind to find the most expensive place to go. I will chose a moderate restaurant. In addition, you could include some free events. I know the man has bills too. However,I would never take a man seriously if he expects woman to pay for him. In my eyes, he is a male, not a man. You should not date, if you don't have the means to do so. Such a man will always be my buddy, when I am not involved in a real relationship. I mean he will always be my platonic buddy. He is someone I hang out with, when there is nothing else to do. With this sort of guy I don't mind paying my own way. Because I don't see him a desirable suitor or potential lover. He is strickly in the friend category.

How can I respect you as the man when you are not acting like "the" man. There is nothing more attractive that a real man.

They are lookin' to 419 you -- desperate for an American woman to secure a green card. That is what special about you. You are a US citizen.  You are potential prey.  They are stealth predators.  Don't let them 419 you.  It is a real problem that America women need to be aware of when dealing with foreigners who don't have papers. 

This is how it goes. By the way, I am a Black American woman. Every poster knows why they are interested in you, but none will say. The are often agressive in the manner in dealing with you. They look for women they deem as needy or weak in some area. They wine and dine you. They cater to you. They appear to be the perfect man. The goal is to get you emotional attached, and before you know it, they profess their undying love for you. He can't live without you, and ask you to marry him within a very short period of time. Their only goal is to use, abuse, and discard you as soon as they have their papers. They spread their net wide, knowing some lonely, desperate woman will bite. It is a scam dear. Don't fall it. This is one way the marriage 419 aka scam works.

They are interested in you because you are an American, and they are desperate to get papers. The easiest way in the US to become a cititzen is to marry an American. That it in a nutshell. Sistah girl please don't be a sucker. Once these men are finished with you will poor and a basket case. They fake nice until they have what they want.

Nigeria is a desperate country, with no opportunities. They can't go back there. There is nothing for them. So desperation rules, and they will use anybody to get what they want.

Well I believe that if you are marrying a foreigner then you have to compromise.  I am married to a Nigerian, and I would not tolerate my husband lording his cultural values on me or my children.  However, I was raised that adults should be respected and children should be respectful and mannerable.  However, there are some of his cultural values I don't like.

Since your husband isn't complaining, then there are no problems.  I think you have every right to distance your children from their cousins.  You are the parent.  If you feel they are a bad influece, then it is your responsibility to remove them from this situation. I would do the same. I don't feel you have to associate with people because they are related to you.

People please teach your children some manners and how to be respectful.  I absolutely "hate" many of your children.  They are disrespectful, vulgar, and ignorant.  The kid who is mannerable and respectful will win out with me every time.  No one likes someone elses bad butt children.

I have a friend who was a teacher of elementary students.  She literally "hated" the majority of those children.  The only way she would teach is if she could had pick the children she liked.

Note: I had a very pleasant experience with a little boy of about 6 years. He was with his mama and another woman in the retail outlet. He was such a mannerable and please thing. I feel in love with him. A lady had left her cell phone on the counter, and I called to her by saying "mam, mam!" The boy said I knew you were going to say mam. I said how did you know. He said you say mam, miss, or mister when you don't know their name. If you know their name you say Ms., Mr, or Mrs and their first or last name. I smiled. I had to tell his young mama that she is doing an excellent job with him. Send her son to my house for my daughter in about 20 years or so.

Abujaboy,

You are a fool. Sexual relations with a blood relative is incest with a blood relative is incest.

Sweetie, I am a full grown woman. Let me tell you what you need to do. You need to talk to your parents about what is happening. They have your best interest at heart. This is a grown man trying to entice a child in lewe, incestuous behavior. Tell your mama what is going on. Let her read your mail you wrote to us. Your cousin is a potential predator.

A 14 and a 21 year old or worlds apart mentally. He knows that he can mess with your head, because of your immaturity. He is able to manipulate you the way he would not be able to manipulate a girl his own age.

I know your body is on fire sexually. It is natural. But do not engage in any sexual relationship with a family member. It it immoral and deviant. Tell your parents or an adult relative you feel comfortable with. Your cousin is a sexual predator.