₦airaland Forum

pc guru: Well no matter how much I get to understand the point, i just see sexism as the theme, women staying in the kitchen,sorry but this will be hard to make me understand, Education has been a core in my family, and frankly all the females in my family impress and motivate ranging from a first class doctor, to banker, economist, and former banker but now a school owner and lecturer. and they are all happily married. i'd like to get your point honestly, but sorry i can't. You actually don't know why these people are single, its easy to assume because of their success, or then again maybe its become of the men with complex, or then again maybe they have an attitude. but frankly i don't care, i love anyone who is at his game professionally female/male, even if its a monkey with a pHD certificate, i 'd respect that too. Affirmative action is here to stay. So i guess it all boils down to individual choice, Work or don't work, but i don't see how taking a decision should may another party happy sounds like a complex to me. I've met female experts who I'd admire even one Chinese Programmer who mentors me here, i wud be disappointed if she became a lady in the kitchen just to please someone. we need more brain i find it extremely scary when we are in a situation of a BRAIN-DRAIN like this, and people still want others to be in the kitchen. in-case you haven't noticed Nigeria is gradually losing it brainies to other countries,cause. for every female who was once an expert that retired to the kitchen is contributing to it, and this post is trying to stimulate such. that's my honest and final take on it. frankly I hope no one should take this serious but i commend your insight on it regardless. caio (forgive the bad English, alcohol doesn't mix well with intelligence).

I hope you have it in mind that I said that this thought of mine is applicable only in a place like Nigeria. My opinion would be absolute crap if I export it to a place like the united states or in europe because it is a different ball game over there. In America, ladies do not discriminate unemployed and employed guys. A working class lady over there can easily pair up with an unemployed guy and support him till whenever the guy finds his feet. Men and women support each other over there. The society is better off this way. In this case it doesnt matter whether ladies consitute 90% of the workforce.
Here in Nigeria, its a different situation entirely, employed men are suppporting unemployed ladies, but employed ladies will NEVER or RARELY want to support an unemployed guy. This pattern isnt right for a functional society at all. Its more important to fix this imbalance before you start talking of BRAIN DRAIN. Believe me bro, the impact of this hidden problem will get bigger if more ladies get to the top spots and are unwilling to pair up and support a guy who is out of work. Am not against NIGERIAN ladies excelling in the workforce, but the problem is their atitude towards unemployed guys. If they cant reconsider their stance towards unemployed guys then should stay away from these employment positions for men to occupy and stabilize things in society.

Thats why I keep telling them to avoid sex before marriage and they think I am old school trying to play holy man. Here is one of the consequences. God knows why he said NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE. It doesnt matter whether you are carefull or not. Exempting you for being careful simply means exempting everybody too.

If the north loses in 2015 elections I believe they can bear the loss. But what if they lose in 2019 elections when their patience must have completely ran out? What do you think will happen? Or what will they do?

Amaaskia: Firstly, its 'abandon' not abondon. :-)
Secondly, keeping fit is a way of life for me- my husband can't be allowed to get this FAT and DISGUSTING. As I'm very concerned about fitness, I'll make sure my man stays in shape for me.
Well, its obvious your wife left you cause you turned fat and disgusting in a hurry-after marriage. My heart goes out to you. But cause it happened to you, doesn't mean it can afford to happen to me.
:-)

Mtcheww. Any sensible person would have known that the 'abondon' was a typo. Why not accept you goofed and keep quiet rather than vomiting trash again?

My kids will only have native names.

pc guru: oh women in top positions yeah i noticed that too, oh well as for that i can't say much, cuz i actually agree with you, such position hardly gives them time to get married.

Not just time. THEY CANT MARRY A POOR MAN. These category of single ladies are accumulating wealth for themselves alone which a young man in that position would have used to lift an unemployed lady out of poverty, start a family and take care of even the extended family in his village. Plus clearing the pressure off his shoulders for being a man of failure that the society would say.

pc guru: Come on man, i know you mean that the Household should be treated, but seriously why should a lady stay unemployed just because she wants to get married that's so wrong on many levels, yes i know it will be hard getting married to an unemployed man but that's limiting yourself, sorry man i was brought up with the achiever mentality. I would never sacrifice my goals just because i can be comfortable with someone, unless its family. yeah and for the widow part, no one ever has the intention of being one, till it happens if a lady hasn't worked before and it happened at a far later stage, then it gonna be a problem too.

Am not saying ladies should be totaly unemployed. There are petty things they can do such as jobs that are exclusively for ladies or start a biz or develop some skills of their own. My opinion is that single unmarried ladies should not be placed in high postions in the employment scene where a man should better be to balance things in the society.
In response to to your last part about widows being fit to work eventually, anyone who has not worked before can still work comfortably. Its just a question of making proper arrangements.

pc guru: My dear this is not Utopia, people are barely able to make ends meet with both couples employed. i don't believe in that concept that because someone is working the children will be neglected and might end up becoming worse, i've seen worse children from homes with Stay at Home moms, i grew up in a home,where my mom had to be in business meetings and trips, and we all turned out pretty well. The economy is really harsh o, everybody has to pull in resources.

The main issue of my thread is that I am against single unmarried ladies taken up top job positions. These NIGERIAN ladies will never get married to an unemployed man. If more of these women increase then it means we would have a high number of unmarried persons cos these ladies have displaced a good number of men who would have occupied these positions and be in a position to get married to the already saturated array of unmarried women. A widow is an execptional case. They should be given very good paying jobs.
Thats my main point.

tpacalipse: If my mother never worked, I would not have gotten to the level I am today. Can men be trusted? They derail every second and if care is not taken, children surfer, if mothers are not employed. If my wife refused to work, I shall kick her arse myself. Who wants a sit at home wife who later becomes big for nothing mami water?

The main issue about my post is not just about working class women, the main point I was making is that A WORKING CLASS LADY IN NIGERIA WILL NEVER MARRY AN UNEMPLOYED MAN. Since they cant marry an unemployed man why cant they stay off the office and leave the positions for men so that these men can take up these positions and be in a position to get married to these ladies. Do you get what am saying?

pc guru: Usually i do not like to use this to make a valid point, but i believe women should have the equal chance to work just as men do, and my mom is a good example of that, she could have been a stay at home mom, but you see after the departure of her husband, and relatives taking all the properties, the only saving grace was the fact that she was a working class woman who managed to raise her kids from scratch, how often do you read in the newspaper about a slain police-man and the wife complains about her not knowing how to feed the family. i'd agree with this post if we were in the 80's when times were easier but in today's world that's just plain silly, and also your post reeks of Sexism.

Well, I think I made it clear in one of my posts above that only widows should be allowed ful time jobs. That will address the point raised above.

They gain the eyes of men but not their hearts.

Amaaskia: Rip.. His wife tried o, gosh I totally can't even imagine being married to him.

Olodo. They were married before he got fat. So if na you, if your husband gets fat you will abondon him. Typical love from Nigerian ladies.

gree-die:
wat differentiates u from the stone age men that hunted while their wives cooked?? warped

Anyone who is selfish and thinks of himself/herself and his/her partner alone will not agree with me. Only those who think about the society as a whole will undertsand my post.
I dont blame the ladies, men are becoming weaker to put ladies in the proper place they belong.

vallycan: If out of all d 50 employed ladies u choose one to marry let's say it happens to be okonjo iweala, wont u shut up an do d home cores ya self:
d moment u start finkin smart as per adam was to be alone in dis world wont u be doin evryfin plus d homme cores tu, she is a helper dosen't d shudn't work, wen house helps are around lookin for works to do: or wont u one day wish ya wife to b influencial an powaful as mitchell obama:

We have seen countless cases where highly employed ladies would never get married to an unempoyed man. In fact they cant get married to an ordinary employed man. That man would have to be a Dangote who has more money than her before she considers marrying him.
A wealthy man will lift up a lady from poverty, but a wealthy lady would never do such to man. Why should it be one sided?

Sanboy25:
@OP
Yes but if you have a stay-at-home wife, I truly believe that a day,
during a 'fight' (=lively argument), you'll call her 'lazy'...
And work is also a way for the husband to have a woman under his control,
I have nothing against that, but if the man starts beating or ill-treating the woman,
she wouldn't have no way to 'escape' as she is not financially independent...
A day she'll die under the blows of her husband...
I rather a woman to have a part-time job than being jobless, and that, for her own sake.

First why would I call a woman lazy if I understand the reason and situation at hand?
Secondly I made it clear that ladies can manage a biz of the their own or a little job. I didnt say they should completely sit at home.
In my opinion, only widows should take up full time huge employments.

sexkillz: [color=#000030]What a load of crap! [/color]

I hate it when someone is criticizing without pointing out the loop holes. Mr, why not lay down your counter points rather than saying that nonesense above.
Am glad you resisted the temptation to delete this thread cos I would have made it my mission to hunt you down on Nairaland.

Lots of women are leaving their natural roles as home keepers to join the male folks outside to hunt for means of livelihood. During the early years of human existence, it was entirely the role of men to be the bread winners of the family. Things were not bad. Everything moved fine. But at this stage where women are competing for space in employment market, there is a problem that everyone seems to overlook. Here is the maths which is applicable exclusively in a place like Naija

Lets say for instance we have 200 people and 100 top job positions, 100 people are male while the other 100 are female. 50 males are employed while the other 50 males are unemployed. Now, due to ladies massively leaving the kitchen, 50 women got employed while the other 50 ladies are unenployed. Since ladies CAN NOT marry an unemployed man, it means that only the 50 employed men are available for ladies. All 100 ladies both employed and unemployed would have to struggle to marry one of 50 employed men. The result is that at the end, some ladies would be left hanging since they would NEVER marry any of the "lazy" men that ladies who left the kitchen displaced out of work.
Now lets look at a situation where ladies are not competing with men for employment positions and are maintained their roles as home and child caretakers plus managing a little biz or small job of their own, it means all the 100 men will be employed and will be availble to marry off all the 100 ladies cos men dont discriminate rich or poor ladies. No one is left hanging. Everyone is happy.
Am not against ladies competing and displacing men in the employment market, but are ladies prepared to marry unemployed guys? If their answer is YES then no problem. But if their answer is NO then they should better go back to the their natural roles at home oo.

When photoshop combines with makeup what do you expect? I am above this deception.

clemz85: bro, be annointed to start and finish.
there's no harm in trying. when u ar done trying the three if nothing worked then lock up abeg

This is a better suggestion so far.

fresh_dude: He should be friendly with girls 2 and 3 without appearing interested in romance.
He should "openly" flirt with them and be silently aggressive in his pursuit of both.
Meanwhile, he should still be friendly and flirt with girl 1, this lets her know that she's still in his sights.
He should take his opportunities when they arise, for surely they will arise.
Finally, like MBJ says, he should be interested and pursue other women, for this will actually increase his chances of landing the "top 3". Cheers.

You made a good point. I think first engaging them in casual friendship is the big key here. This would make things alot easier cos the guy can explain things to each of the ladies. But there are situations where there isnt a chance to be friends first. In this situation it means the guy would have to confront them and indicate his intrest and feelings. This is where it becomes problem.

dBard: After all d noise on NL, u still find posts like dis showing how ignorant n lacking y'all are.
@op..sit down like a nice kid n learn a tin or two; when faced wit ur kind of situation, u Never go f d prettiest first, tho she might b ur target. Reason being, she expects it, d odas expect it n she's probably prepared f it. Wen u go f d odas, u take d wind outta her sails, tho still keeping her as a casual acquaintance. That way u keep her guessing n wondering, making her more susceptible t ur advances wen d time is right. On d plus side, d friend mite b so grateful f d unexpected attention, she'll probably smother u wit loving appreciation.

F now, forget abt d 3, u already shot yourself in d foot.
PS; leave d game f dse who know,n face ur project

Nice try. But sorry, all you said will not work in this situation. We are talking about 3 attractive ladies. How do we who is expecting to be approached and who is not? The main thing here is that this guy needs one of the three ladies. So how does he get one without approaching all three girls like he is womanizer considering the fact that the first girl he has tried isnt responding and other 2 girls already know whom he wants first?

MRbrownJAY: @OP
FIRST the guy should accept what he is....aka a WOMANIZER. the minute he accepts that is the minute he will have a chance a succeeding here.

SECOND he shouldnt really care what these women think of him as he certainly aint looking to marry them, so he should try his best to score with any of them, and if he doesnt succeed then so be it.....at least he tried.

THIRD if within a short time, he burned his bridges with all 3 of them, then he should set his eyes on other women...... i am sure there are more than these 3 lot around him.

The second point makes sense but I dont agree with the first and third point.
The guy is not a womanizer. It was only unfortunate that he found 3 ladies attractive at that point in time. Its possible for one to find several people attractive at the same time. So it was his objective to get just one of them depending on who agrees.
Concerninig your third point, there maybe other ladies outside those three. But the question is, does he find the rest attractive? If he carries out your third suggestion when he doesnt find other ladies outside those three appealing, this is what qualifies him as a womanizer.

Sanboy25:
Nice story.
The answer to your question is in your post:
Go for the first lady, if not, you'll lose three of them at once...

So what if the first lady rejects? All your time would be wasted on her for nothing and the other two good looking ladies would be lost too.

wazobia_for_u: He won't look like womanizer because he is really one.
Within few days he wrote ladies names queue in his list, the more days he spend the more the list increases, why can't him weigh all the qualities and go for the best till she will accept


My advice stop following them and face your project because we don't want any more casulties on NL , someone eyes was plucked out few months ago due to this kind of thing, I don talk my own

The list never increased. It was just by chance that 3 lovely ladies were at hand simultaneously.
We cant face a project 24 hrs a day. Our heads should also be up for other things for a little while. If someone eyes was plucked does it mean every other persons shouldnt use their eyes anymore?

A guy went somewhere to spend 3 months. He found 3 attractive girls there. These 3 girls are not friends, but they only come across each other once in a while and exchange simple greetings. The guy decided to aim at one of them to hook up with. But the first girl he was aiming at wasn't responding. Time is runinng out cos he is only gonna be around for 3 months. Due to time constraint, he decided to try the second and third girls he found attractive with the hope of being lucky with one among the three. But just as he made this decision, he realized that the second and third girls has been watching him make advances towards the first girl. These three girls move around the same place and watch each other, so definitely the first girl would also know he is wooing the other two girls, and this would further destroy the guys chances with her. All these means that wooing the first girl and then wooing the second girl and third girl may portray him as a womanizer in the eyes of these three girls.
So what exactly should this guy do in this situation? Should he focus entirely on the first girl he started wooing and hope she accepts or should he try out the other 2 girls for luck and risk appearing as a womanizer and losing all three?

Score sheet:

Frontside: 10%
Backside: 40%
Skin: 80%
Curves: 60%

Aggregate score: 190 of 400

This lap of tonto chicken will be very tasty

There is definitely something more into this.

Sanusi is always interested in tribal issues, I think that makes him a tribalist just as a physicist is interested in the physics of matter.

It seems you just got released from ban.
This topic has been trashed.

Go and ask a blind person.

Na so e dey start. Hope to read the wife's complaint in 3 months time about a man sleeping with his female driver.
To be continued...