₦airaland Forum

Whitelexi,

Thanks everyone,

Yes, my son is an absolute angel, he's just one and he loves his father. Trouble is if we divorce there won't be a happy ending, he's on a spouse visa and he will have to leave and go back Nigeria if I no longer am his spouse. Maybe not now but certainly when it expires. But the again I don't want my son being brought up thinking that a woman should be treated the way his father treats me. Difficult decisions.

I don't know what

Well what can I say MEN!!!

Well it was my
Whatever I do I cannot seem to please my husband, where am I going wrong?

Just finished making for hubby's birthday treat:

Pounded yam (made from scratch) and nigerian spinach stew with beef, pork belly, fish and chicken
jolloff rice and suya beef.

and I have to say I'm very proud being white UK wifey lol! I've never made the yam by hand before or the stew but it all is looking very yummy. I think i'm going to have a very happy husband tonight and with plenty leftovers I think his friends will be too lol!

@ OUtstrip, yes that is exactly what he expects, he does it in their houses but I never could or would, I would find that rude and disrespectful. I like to cook for guests but would not expect a guest/friend/family to have to cook in our house. Its very tricky.

@JJYOU, well he used to smoke pot but said he quit!
But yes guess you're right, don't think I've ever had a proper relationship with him without him creating some drama. It is surreal, but my love for him makes me confused!

He's in London as we speak and can I get a reply from his phone nah! I quite easily can be switched out of his life as he chooses!

NO he admits no fault, he says it is all mine, but yes he wants our marriage to work. I do admit my faults and try to cater to his needs but he is very stubborn and always believes his right. He is very caring and considerate to his friends but just not to me.

Thanks FS, I have been seriously going crazy

Thanks for your replies.

@ FS

If you don't like her I don't think it will happen. Liking is the starting point,

Want your opinions on this please.

@ Gemmie, Take it from you can do it without him and you will be better for it. I wish I had done it alone.
I met my nigerian huband in UK, we planned marriage and a baby, at first he was wonderful. Eventually he bacame a tyrant and abusive. All had to be done his way, by his standards, his nigerian ways, which I didn't mind until he wanted everything his way or no way.

I wish I hadn't married him and was a single mum without him criticising all I do. I love his family and will keep in touch with them, but don't want him-but its hard to live a life now without him.

Try and get contact with his family, if they good nigerians they will not ignore your child, but leave him be. A real man does not do what he did

Yes, this is so annoying. My husband does this all the time. I am british and he and all his friends/family speak english, but still talk around me all the time in yoruba so I am always excluded out of conversation. When I complain he says well elarn Yoruba then, I would but you don't\exact;y learn it over night. I think it his very very rude.

That happened to me, when pregnant he rarely would come near, only came near me again me 3 months after having baby despite lots of asking. Since marrying only about 6 times. No sex now since new year, I have begged in the past and still he says no, I gave up.

okkkk,

Nigerian guys, exactly what do you want
Nigerain wives, your experiences please,

Painful

Lol you make me laugh, I am a white lady and would not want another nigerian man if he is like my ex, good in bed, nah! I could have more fun on my own lol! If climbing on, getting his rocks off and climbing off again is what does it for you perhaps but not for me. The sex drive is low because he's near enough impotent through all pot he's smoked and he thinks pre-intimacy is getting the condom out argghh! Nigerian men in my opinion need lessons!!!!

They are selfish lovers like a woman do go down on them but never return the favour!

Give me romance anyday rather than these wham bam thankyou mam yahoozee boys!

@Davidylan, to be truthful

@ Joey I'll pray for you. Just because a woman can disagree with you, have her own opinion or not jump at your say so doesn't mean she is going astray, she can still totally love and adore you and want the best for you. Try to listen and respect her as a person not just your 'woman', she is an individual not a property. Really listen and even if you don't agree try to compromise, if you don't agree state your case and if you can't agree, agree to disagree and forget it, if you can't forget ask a third party for advice and let them settle it. No good is ever settled with fists.

True love is respecting each others views and opinions and sometimes giving in.

A woman going astray is more cheating and if she does this don't result to violence, just dump her she aint worth your time. I know though easier said than done, should take my own advice.

At least Joey you acknowledge it, its the first step, now do something about it if you do you will probably find yourself a woman who will be your rock and love you forever for being respectful and interested in her opinion.

@touchmeder thanks for your kind words.
It hurts but I am finding closure as I know it is best for us both. Back home in Nigeria with his family, where as eldest son he feels important I feel he would be happier and maybe there he will find the good in himself again. Hi mum is a wonderfull woman who is very religous and I know she will set him right, I hope he makes this choice. It hasn't been nice to watch the man I adored turn into a mean, nagging abuser.

I do believe that we all have our own laid out journey's in life that lead us to be better people, I hope this is right and will pray for him each day of my life and don't think I will ever stop loving him, even if that love is not to be returned no more.

I wish you well.

Thanks to all who replied and to those who have criticised me.

Yes I am WHITE, and happy,

He never off.

Sorry Smooth it is true,

Thanks Sauron, I did not know he was a criminal, the fine was to do with his car legal duties not robbing etc. He never hit me before, has been emotionally abusing me, which to some extent can be worse, I just never believed he was capable of this for someone who loves to preach the word of god at me!

You are right A

@Hauwa, I would if he had any money, I think he will dissapear off to London or back home and never know where he is ever again.
@Oyinye, kind of medical but not mainstream medical, Why?

@A40 that is the thing this guy does not have a hot temper, worse he is cold and calculating, everthing he does is well thought out that is why the abuse is even worse if possible. He has now been arrested, but will be let out on bail tomorrow.