₦airaland Forum

What would you do?

What would you do?

Thanks for the weblinks, and advice lol!

What I found is that when

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I have small regrets leaving me

@tpia, he

NO, I married for love, I loved more than anything, would have gived anything, had his son, married him, to realise he may love me but he will always be a lying, womanising, pot smoking, lazy, boring, uninteresting guy who would rather sit on his ass chatting on the phone or on playstation than do anything with his family and still have balls to call me selfish for wanting to have fun, go out and do things.
Love can make you blind, I still love him terribly, think I always will but I have been called every name in book by him for just doing my best for him. So now I love ME and my Kids, he called me selfish when i wasn't so now I am being selfish and looking after us not him. For the first time since three months after meeting him I have been out with the girls and got dressed up (he never went anywhere nice with me) and danced all night and had fun, life goes on and my belief in love fails, but hey you never know I'm not short of men who want to date me so I may not have love but I'll have fun.
Feel sorry for the man I loved so much and didn't appreciate it.

No don't help him, he made his own bed let him lie in it,

Me and my ex-husband

I know this is hard, but it almost happened to me, my husband got another woman pregnant when I was pregnant but he made her have an abortion. I was devastated but managed to forgive.
If it was me, I would be hurt, but if I truly loved him I would forgive him and I would let the child be with us as one of our family why?
Because, you say she is not treated well, she is a child and none of this was her doing, she is innocent.
Because she is part of your husband and she may not be biologically yours but in the future you could have a close bond with her like a mother/daughter an she will appreciate what you did. It is the mother that you would be angry at not her.
Because in accepting her you will gain so much respect from your husband and in time you will proud of what you have managed to overcome.
I do believe there will be a good end to this.

I won't tar all nigerian men with the same brush as him, so do not generalise that all us white women are the same.

My life, my self respect, a clear mind, rising self confidence, happiness, hope and the knowledge that i tried my hardest. Maried to a man who became a critical, lying, cheat, put me down even when i spent my marriage trying to please him. He verbally and physically abused me and financially did nothing. I love him and would give anything to have a happy marriage but don't think no matter how hard i pray to god he will ever change.

My Ex used to do that all the time but on a purpose, that's why he's my ex lol!

Its in her eyes, she'll keep gazing at ya and holding eye contact for bit longer than normal,

A great personality
Can make me laugh and laugh with me
A sense of fun
He has interests inthings other than women lol! (well women apart from me)
Is good looking in my eyes
Takes care of himself-personal hygiene
Is caring and affectionate
Has a job
Is educated
Has good values
Knows how to treat a woman
Will put family first
Appreciates me
Has a positive outlook on life
ahem, enjoys and is a giver and receiver in between the sheets action lol!

Each to their own choices, personally I would NEVER say I would not date a person based on colour. I've had white and black partners and have been attracted to both. Both have inner qualities as well as instant attraction on a 'looks' level. It is the person not their colour. There are white men and black men I would never date and some I would. I'm a white woman and i do have the curves in all the right places and at 38 I'm told i'm aging well lol!

@ whitelexi, cos u love them but they can hurt you, treat you bad and damage you even when they tell you they love you. Sometimes you have to let go or the love will kill you in the end.

If you're certain it won't work yes but i know how you feel.

@ JJYOU, LOL thanks for the title hint!!! But, I won't tar all nigerian men with the same brush, xx

, that people can change into somebody very different very quickly.

, that being in love does not equal happiness.

, that trying to always look for good in the other and ignoring the bad is being too hopeful and you hurt yourself.

, never to lower your standards and allow/enable the other to do things you do not agree with (smoking pot/cheating) it on;ly means they wil do it again and again!

, never to let anyone undermine your self esteem or confidence.

, don't try too hard it won't make them love you more.

could write a book lol!

, never accept a man who will not accept your children, he will always pull you apart and create a wedge between you all.

, trust your intuition it is nearly always right!

, There are always plenty more fish in the sea, not just one love in your life, many loves.

, that life can change very quickly and if one man no matter how much you love him makes you unhappy there will be another man that loves and makes you very happy.

, Love is more than a feeling, its about companionship, the sharing of interests, communication, trust and yes a good sex life-you should never have to beg for sex.

He was a serial cheat, cheap and a pot smoking liar!

'Unlucky' in love, I don't think so. I think sometimes we just make unwise choices. I think many women like tend to love from their hearts rather than their heads, and so sometimes fall for the wrong type of man because we try to place more emphasis on the little good points rather than face the large amount of bad. Saying that I don't think I've been unlucky, I've received love and given love and I am happy I have known it in my life, even if it does not knock again, now I'd be happy with a great, upbeat, loyal, caring, uncheating companion in my life, I had my great love but whilst he loved me he was a dog, just couldn't help himself no matter what was at stake cheating.

@lidbbd2, No offence taken, indeed you were right. Its hard though when in love, you try to highlight any good in the person while minimising the bad in the hope that things will be better. In a way though I don't regret it because i know I gave the marriage my all and did it for the right reasons. I just regret that his behaviour robs my son of a proper family, I don't feel sorry for myself, but i do for my son.

My god, I say he must run for his life, she sounds like a lunatic!

@jjyou, nah neither, I just fell in love with him or I think now what I thought was him, I don't think that man exists any more, think his real self is showing more clearly now he thinks he 'has' me through marriage and child.

Thanks whitelexi. It is so hard when you love someone so much that you can tolerate so much and keep on believing that there is a possibility that things can get better. One thing I know for definate is our son will definately know his father's family, and I know his father will be in his life.

To be honest I couldn't get in touch with home office as i am not a spiteful type of person, I shall just let what will be, be and hopefully he can sort his-self out so he can still be around for his son. I won't stop him seeing our son but because of his unstability and how he has been I would want contact with myself around. Not the best but I would worry about him taking him away.

I do understand