₦airaland Forum

ncaring person is defined by their character and not the colour of their skin.

Beyonce's broken hearted girl, feeling a bit that way!

OMG, what stupid stereotypes there are about white women, I am one and I am not cheap, easy, stupid, ugly or fat. I am a beautiful, curvy in the right places, PHD holding, FT working, self respecting mother and white woman. I have never slept around and wouldn't and expect a man to treat me right and he'll get treated right in return.

I was in a relationship with a nigerian and I'm not stereotyping across all africans or nigerians, he treated me well to begin but then as soon as we decided to settle down, get married and have a child he changed. He wanted a subserviant woman, cooking, cleaning, caring for kids, working FT and with the attutude what's his is his and whats mine is his too-he cheated, abused me, deprived me of sex, didn't financially contribute and became the coldest human being possible. He got another woman pregnant, who probably was the type of white woman you talk of seeing as she was pregnant within 2 week of meeting him-if a woman doesn't use condoms when she first sees someone in my book I would class her as a LovePeddler!

I learnt how to cook nigerian food, watched nollywood films with him, welcomed his friends, had his mother stay with us and looked after her, did all I could to please him, nothing I did was ever good enough and he would always say anyother ex GF would take him back like that, apparently the woman who had his baby was an ex friend!!! who he slept with after we had a fall out, seems like she wanted a mixed race baby from him and organised it well,

Anyway, this white woman may feel like an idiot in believing in him but it hasn't killed me or changed the person I am. I still live in hope there are genuine men out there irregardless of race and where they come from.

As in all cultures there are some good and bad people irregardless of the colour of their skin.

@ touchmeder, yes it was sad, all true, I tried so hard but when someone cannot see any flaws or wrongdoings in their own behaviour and expectations it is doomed. i have never tried so hard to make it work, but inevitably I was only hurting my children and me, because he didn't care.

I am heartbroken but over it because he doesn't deserve me. I do know though that not all nigerian men are like that because I have met some very honourable and kind nigerian men. It is very easy when you are with someone that is so different to you to generalise and stigmatise all nigerians, I know though that it isn't the case.

Leila, I am sorry, your husband makes you do things you don't want to do, calls you names for losing your job and ultimately has no respect for you. A man who loves you, supports you in good and bad times and would never do or say anything that makes you feel bad or is not encouraging. Your husband has the best of both worlds, you when he wants you and anything he wants outside whenever he feels like it. I've seen this, he starts an argument, blames it on you and then he feels justified doing whatever or whoever outside-in is head its your fault and therefore does not trouble his conscience. That's how it works so any bad he does is your fault-you caused it, you will never ever win with a man like that, I know, don't put up with him, you can do better. No one deserves to be treated so shabbilly.

Wish you well, and in all honesty he does sound gay, with his anal fetish and the bleeding anus. I know what my ex thought of gays, he even said if our son ever turned gay he would immediatley disown him. I bet your husband is a closet homosexual because of attitudes like this. He married you as a cover to prove he is a 'real' man. Leila, it took me a long time to wake up and smell th coffee, WAKE UP GIRL.

I still love my ex, but I'm happy now, I can do what I want, don't have to be knocked down and put down all the time, can see who I want, go where I want, spend my money on whatever I like and don't have to put up with his farting, stinking arm pits, terrible mouth odor due to smoking sh*t, nagging, and having a man around that only talks to criticise and call me, never is romantic or intimate and never takes me anywhere. Ultimately life with him was a boring, uninteresting, unexciting pile of crap. I now have goals and dreams of my own for me and my children and I will meet them. I have many more friends, a better social life, more hobbies, travel more, a better job and look forward to pampering myself without feeling guilty. I have a beautiful home, excellent career prospects that may even take me to move to a part of the country I have always wanted to live in and I am being a little bit selfish for once as I am saving up for Mercedes SLK, which I hope to get next year. I care and support financially for the children (5 children) all myself as their fathers do everything they can not to pay(first husband actually gave up his job rather than pay!!!!). Am I bothered? NO, I am capable and if i have to I will do it alone.

Do it,

To you:
big raspberry!>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Damn right, if he leaves us for dust, he would be left for dust

Any one know if there is an area in Lagos called Sungarden or song garden?? If so what is the area like?

Any one know if there is an area in Lagos called Sungarden or song garden?? If so what is the area like?

My case,

@ jjyou,

@JJYOU

Gbam. . .this independent rubbish is beginning to get out of hand, if the husband is going thru financial crisis then its ok 4 the woman to take charge witout making the man feel less of a man.[font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font]

Yes Tope its great when we women are independant and don't rely on their men to buy us things and can pay our way when out, but when we want equality in a relationship too we ask too much. Some nigerian just expect wives to slave for them, treat them like kings or big babies and work and look after kids.

Maybe

@ UGO all I can say is number one TRUST, once that trust is broken with cheating and or lies it is very very hard to regain if near impossible because it can cause insecurity, doubt and worry in even the strong and forgiving. Second COMMUNICATION, if couples can't really communicate they cannot really enjoy each other's company, make joint decisions and sort and share problems. Thirdly, having a common goal that both are striding towards, not to say they can't also have independant goals but couples need to feel they are striving for similar things, it also helps that they have something to share, do together and communicate about-creates solidarity.

Oh and affection, sex is important too but an unexpected touch on the hand, back, a kiss or a hug reaffirms how important each is to each other.

You are right MrBROWNJAY, .

I wouldn't MRBROWNJAY,

The above quote is so true and now they times their men.

Many things:

Thanks Phumeza

If my marriage means anything I would never cheat,

Guess its something always curious about!

I'm UK,

How many of you know men that have two families, one 'proper' i.e, married to wife with children and another family with a woman with 3/4 children? What do you think motivates a woman to have children with a man that will not marry her?

Would be 7 if hubby wasn't a cheating, lying, idiot!!!!
6, me, 3 boys and 2 girls, I luve my large family just wish i had a decent hubby to share it with!

Well, if you believe that

Ah I see sistawoman. I have to say sistawoman I admire you're marriage. I have read some of your threads and it is so apparent how much you both work together to keep your marriage happy. That's the difference though you BOTH value your family. In mine there really was only me and no matter how hard I tried to get him to see sense and step up to be a family man, he just wanted to remain the silly young boy, its a shame because he does have it in him he just can't step up to the mark, i guess he'll realsie one day when he gets the woman in his life he deserves if the phrase what goes around is true.

@ Sistawoman, No not G.

@sistawoman,

@ Salserra,

!!

@ Sistawoman///I didn't do the opposite we