₦airaland Forum

@ maasim lmao!!

Hey Beila,
This woman should think herself lucky!! Some women make me so cross, bloodsuckers who don't know a good thing when its there in front of them. My BF is a taker, only gifts I ever got was about 3 gifts at beginning of relationship when winning me over then sumat on valentines day this year, nothing for xmas or birthday! I never get taken out and certainly get no flowers, gifts or surprises. When I had our baby there was nothing except grief!!! Yep he's a poor student so I forgave him but I do think I deserve better. I guess I gave myself too cheaply!!

eyebrow tatoos lol!

So what are the worst things you're ex's/partner has ever put you through.
For me:

Cheated with a 17 year old
Got another woman pregnant and then made her have an abortion

Well now to emotional blackmail!!

@ sistawoman, he doesn't live with us now as we were living together but we were finding it too hard as i was becoming resentful having to pay all bills and still feeling put down by his complaints about my 'duties'cleaning etc. If we married we would be living together.

Thankyou lucabrasi, your post does make enormous sense, the visa issue is my fear. The ultimate question is, Is he marrying me because he loves me or for his papers?

You have given me much to reflect upon.

@sistawoman He said he wasn't ready, couldn't decide whether he was a bachelor or ready to be a family man (remember at this point he was cheating mmm!). I used to get all the time "i'm not ready yet, remember I'm just a student, I'm a bachelor, single life etc" , the next breath he was ready, wanted a family etc, etc. Basically he wants it all but has realised that it aint gonna happen.

Now I know he is serious about marriage but his behaviour has made me wonder now whether I'm ready. Guess its Karma if you believe in all that. I would be much happier getting married next year and spending the year planing something nice to remember forever, rather than rushing in and doing things all wrong.

To Stephen P, no I always intended to marry it is just recent events and the pressure exerted around his visa issues that are worrying me and the fact that 'celebrating' the day by at least doing a little of something special doesn't seem to interest him.

Thanks everybody for your thoughts.

Oh Sistawoman .

Hi sistawoman, his commitment. How old are your kids Sistawoman? Are you married to a nigerian?

@gabrywyl,

THANKS GABRYWYL that has really helped.

You have married your ex husband before so if you marry again and it does not work, why is this time so difficult?
reason for this is i do not want to put the kids through another divorce, if i marry it is because i believe it is forever and hence why i take so serious.
@Segzi yes missed it bt it is not the be all and end all, going without i learnt a lot

@last poster magic stick!!that urban myth again about white women with black men lol! If that was the case then after he became all holier than thou after son was born, putting a ban on sex for 6 months as it was not right!!! then I would have left way back then. No I am not that shallow or desperate enough to stay just for a beating with his magik stik

Just spoke with him,

I have to make a decision and my heart says

I can't stand men with bad breath, yellow teeth, protuding nose hair ewww!, men who pick spots or toenails -double ew!!, men who spit yuK, skinny men, men with no manners, cheap men, broke men, unintelligent men, men with no manners, liars, cheats and men who smoke pot who always look half asleep zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz,

Aws a woman, a guy who just comes back confidently and joins the conversation, winks sexily at me and then changes the topic is a god! shows he loves me and is unthreatebned, confident in his own sexuality

mm

Aisha, you are absolutely right, I'm just a hopeful fool, I live not too far away from you. I bet you probably know of him lol!

Zandra, I want to try and make things work cos i do love him-wish i didint tho- as in many ways since we had our son he has changed and I can tell he is trying but I definately do not want to marry him for a few years, saying that though i don't know whether realistically I can get over the hurt and pain of what he put me through. He was always secretive before the birth but now not so much and his mum came over to stay with us for 10 days a month ago-she was lovely. I just think he will never grow up enough to be a real man for us, he is in debt, has no money and to marry him will make me poor and I can't do that to my kids. (I have kids from a pror marriage). I know him being with me ( older and a divorcee) has put him through a lot of turmoil as he was so scared to tell his family but I think me and my kids and our son will be risking too much to even consider marrying hinm for a long time. Trouble is he is pressuring me by saying his visa is due to renewed in spetember but he isnot likley to get it as he has not been attending his study classes enough. So he want me to marry him so he can stay here for us and son. I think that isn't enough reason to marry.

It works for some, and yea if I was married to a rich man wjo paud me to be solely there for my family, yea why not with money for me if he chose to divorce me yea, butr in reality land, no, I need to know if all falls on my shoulders I can support my family, as it stands I work and have man in lufe but he cointributes nothing so I have no choice but to be breadwinner, wife and mother, what is his role? I wonder, i just love him but could sure kick his ass!

oh laafter house and kids whilst he studies!!!!