Let's be reminded about the shortness of life and that death respects not status.

True Story.

I've been looking at vehicles on Jiji and Facebook market place where I have successfully purchased two vehicles before. And this camry (Picture shared) is going for 1 million. Ah! The alarms go off in my head, how is this car this prize and it's still there? This is give away na. I reach out to advertiser (on Facebook) whose name is Okoroma Rosemary. She sends a number I should call.

I call and they don't pick, eventually calls back. Says yes, they listed the vehicle, between the number when dialed shows a name that has customs added at the end. So we talk, she says yes she put up the ad, its an auction car and I ask if she works with customs, she says yes. Confirms that the car is 1M including doing the papers for me, I say where is the car, she says it's in Lagos, and I say I'm not sure I can buy, I thought it was in my location, she says the transaction is still possible, goes on to explain she'll confirm my identity, she'll process the papers for the car in my name, and one of their own verified drivers will deliver the car to me, then I'll check and pay (First concern, you'll drive a car all the way and then I'll check before paying). She also says the only thing I'll pay for is the logistic part of getting the car to me, which is fueling and driving the car down and when I pay on delivery I will pay short of whatever I spent on the logistics, meaning if I paid 100k for logistics, I will pay 900k when car is delivered (Another red flag, this is Nigeria, who is that generous) I ask her full name, she tells me Ademola Stella.

I say we should move to WhatsApp I have more questions. So I ask on whatsApp that someone I know in Lagos, can come check the car with a mechanic so that if all is good, I will just pay through the friend and the deal can be done once and for all. She goes on to say something about being at the border, Seme Boarder in Badagry (is there any connection between Seme and Badagry? Well I don't know Lagos Like that) That my friends will need clearance to get in and so it's better her own driver does the delivery and then I can check.

This person has the DP of a custom officer in uniform, but her voice does not match that person's face. I ask for her work ID, she says well that's a bit personal but sends pictures of an ID with Ademola Stella written, but I'm looking closely and see some graphic editing has been done on the ID. I look up the name Ademola Stella online and realize there's multiple profile under that name, posing as a custom's person, in one profile the person has officer at seme border Kaduna (Lagos to Kaduna again?) Looking at the old pictures on the page, it's a guy that was posting and his account was probably hacked by Ademola Stella.

I write back to her that I believe she's a scam, she sounds unprofessional for a Customs officer, amongst other obvious reasons. I block her. She deletes all her own part of the chat.

If it's too good to be true, it's too good to be true. People who get scammed sometimes were the greedy ones and sometimes they truly didn't know any better.

See the vehicle attached in case you have seen it elsewhere and see the image of the person probably being impersonated so she can be informed.

Then they should prioritize training more females to get an education and to be Doctors o. The north can help itself, they just refuse to. Sad.

Watch the latest episode of The 5 titled 5 WAY CELIBACY PROTECTS YOU --
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iuq0dVsvydU

I am in search of a White or Blackboard doodle video creator, preferably able to use Doodlemaker or Doodly. However, any other software and platforms that can serve would be fine. The videos will be between 20 to 25 minutes. Doodle videos will be needed for some parts of the video and not the entire duration.

The number of videos expected to be worked on is between 8 to 9 set. The doodle creator will be expected to also source relevant pictures, images and icons needed to portray relevant information.

The budget for this project is 15K per video. Please see link to form https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScCf7XIirY-pqNe9_H6_Mxsjj1lqH1QjgWL2VFIsQ09JB5dXQ/viewform

From Saving with a vision tied to the money, to the need to have a personal finance coach to do better with your money.

Watch this episode of the 5 with Maryam. To pick a thing or two for yourself. Do subscribe to channel so you don't miss new videos.


use link -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GAx5wTD-MkM

When counting the top most publicly irresponsible women in Nigeria, she must be there.
See most recent posts from TMC if you like decent and make sense posts then follow The Moral Code on social media.

To those with the skill of video editing, basic animations and motion graphics preferably based in Abuja.
Will be glad to work with you on some upcoming projects.

Please send a link to your previous works to themoralcodeng@gmail.com

Please have evidence of experience. Please be patient in character, dependable and punctual with agreed time on submission if engaged. Please be straightforward and be ready to sign work agreements on payments and timelines.

If any of these feel or look like an inconvenience, please don't bother.

See posts from The Moral Code on the topic of the talking stage and what you should avoid.

Sometimes I look at the crop of people on Nairaland and understand why most of them never grow and remain at the same level of thinking. If your mind does not grow you will not do better, nor think better. In a recent post on Anita Okoye, many sick men on that post only had sick things to say about her, because of a picture with her kids, and how female divorcees just want to cash out, but will eventually realize no man is perfect after trying different men. A lot of those men don't want to be accountable even in their own personal lives,hence they make these kinds of statement online and it's the audacity for me of speaking about people in a manner as though you know them and lived with them. Like you know the pain, the hurts, the work put in to make it work.

Divorce is never easy anywhere, often times. Before a divorce happens, most times there has been a lot of effort put in ESPECIALLY by the woman, they'll pray, beg, tolerate and one day just know there's nothing more they can do. In these marriages, it is the men that often need to do better, but will always feel they can get away with anything, especially when they think they have means, or fame, until a certain period in life and they look around, they look back and truly see what matters, often when it is too late.

I pity women who see some men make the kinds of comments they do online and still go on to marry such men. Your suffering is going to be pro max, because they have showed you the workings of their minds and you chose to be blind to it.

Stop speaking with so much audacity over things you don't understand. You pick your phone and type very wicked and vulgar things over the lives of others, because you are a simp hiding behind a device.

ANYWAYS - If you'll like to earn weekly phone recharge for sharing content for The Moral Code on any social media platform you use.

Use this link --- https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1KJin_Nvg3wfg-cB18UfZAeVrTrlWfHsJd9zvTH5IKwc/edit

Fill the form - Note that form will remain open for a limited period.
Patiently wait to be Shortlisted.

Yorubas and Igbos seem really good at athletics. Imagine how many stars we could make if the country supported young ones well enough.

If you'll like to earn weekly phone recharge for sharing content for The Moral Code on any social media platform you use.

Use this link --- https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1KJin_Nvg3wfg-cB18UfZAeVrTrlWfHsJd9zvTH5IKwc/edit

Fill the form - Note that form will remain open for a limited period.
Patiently wait to be Shortlisted.

Please read the following carefully before you proceed to engage.

-- Aunty Mary series is a short animated series intended for release in 2023.
-- she is a character created under The Moral Code.
--- Visit The Moral Code Facebook page to see the kind of posts shared daily so you have a solid background of what the movement stands for and promotes. https://web.facebook.com/themoralcodeng
--- See the her posts shared within the body of this writeup to also understand how she sounds, thinks and speaks.

Understanding the brief.
---Her character - Aunty Mary is a middle aged woman who is smart, rich and sharp tongued. She uses bluntness and humour to pass her messages. She is focused on morals and proper behavior. In this series, it is intended that she will always drive towards someone on the road in an estate which she own but the fact she owns the estate is not known to all the residents in the estate. Whenever she drives towards someone, it is to rebuke, chastise or admonish them over something they are doing, something she heard or similar.

---The characters she stops in her car to speak to could be young, middle aged or older than her. Some of the characters may fight her questioning, or agree to it by way of seeing reason or may react any other way deemed fit by the writer.

--- Each episode is intended to last not more than 2 minutes. Have it in mind it is an animated series.

--- You only need to write what she says and what the person she is talking to says back to her in paragraphs, you are not required to script it.

---You have to write her character to be bold, in charge, witty and troublesome.

An example
AUNTY MARY STOPS BY A YOUNG CHAP ON THE ROAD
Ehen! I heard you had left the house, that is why I pursued you. What exactly is this you are wearing? why are your trousers torn?

YOUNG CHAP
No ma, it is not torn? It's just the style.

HER
Style ke? So when you get outside the Estate and a mad man sees you and wants to start famzing like see my brother, you will now be running away, or what exactly will you do? Do you even know what this thing you are wearing is called. Please pick your phone and check what this style of trouser is called.

HE
Distressed jeans.

HER
So you are wearing distress? You love to be in distress? So you didn't get the memo from the other guys you are living with in my house that you don't come out of Aunty Mary's house looking like a vagabond.

---NOTE Not less than 10 episodes is intended for the series. Starting this December and running into January you will write the needed episode. The offer is 10k per episode. Only the most creative, funny writer who understands this character will be picked for this gig. We may pick 2 writers whose samples are best. Writing credits will be accorded you at the end of each episode. You will be paid per number of episodes you write after you submit and it's accepted. You can freestyle as you want and cover any topics as long as the discussion centers on morals and correcting some societal abnormalities. Study her character well, so you it can reflect in your writing of her personality. Your write ups may be altered as the producer or other writers on the team sees fit in each episode. Do not add vulgarities in the dialogues, show your ability to use humor without being vulgar. Fell free to explore addressing Political, Relationship, family themes.

--- To Enter Send a writing sample of an episode to the email maryamtmc@gmail.com Copy your text in the body of the mail but start your email with your name, phone number and Title of episode.

--- We expect to receive a lot of emails. So please, if you do not receive a response by the 26th of December, your entry was not likely picked.

Looking forward to reading your entry.

See the question in image shared. Along with other recent posts of The Moral Code.

Dear anyone who can provide clarity on this.

What does it mean if you run a consultancy and in your TOR its is stated that the total consultancy fee is including taxes incurred and excluding VAT. The consultancy is also for and NGO.

Are you obligated to go and remit any tax to govt?

Please who knows the current cost of the 3rd generation CRV as new tokunbo purchased in Nigeria. A 2008 version.

Picture is make of car not year.

I can't help but see everything through that moral lens. It's so we all can get to examine that angle to life, to movies, books, daily happenings. So I'm still watching Tyler Perry's Sistas & often times I get turned off by certain show of certain lifestyles when watching movies or series. I often stop watching some, as I begin to question what exactly it is adding to me life. 

Tyler Perry is famed for great stories & that was the catch for watching the Sistas series. Certainly, some are not his fans but I am....erm, scratch that, may be I was, not sure I still am. Tyler Perry's films used to be so strongly about the black family life, morals, the repercussions of actions, the importance of God & Faith in the family setting, doing right after setting off on a wrong course. BUT WHAT IN THE "I DON'T UNDERSTAND" IS THAT MAN WRITING & PRODUCING THESE DAYS?

Oya let's look at the Sistas series - Every single woman in this series gets intimate with almost any random man & every single one of them bring men they don't even know that well to their apartments. Is this what freedom is? Is this what the new portrayal of being a strong black woman is? These women are quick to be intimate with someone they hardly know, quick to trust men with their bodies but yet worried about having an actual committed relationship with the men.

The men in sistas don't seem to have a home, always showing up at the women's spaces. These men are  unbelievably ready to put up with so much drama & nonsense from these women & we keep going round in circles with the drama. It's such a messed up portrayal of men. 

Is Tyler Perry still a believer in God or believer of the role of the Church in people's lives? Because last I checked all Abrahamic faiths, are very clear about homos*xuality. But in his recent films, it's being forced into our subconscious that homos*xuality is okay. Like guy which one you dey? You see, that's what happens when you have a lot of money & influence, you can do with those tools whatever you like. I can't understand how he can stand for multiple conflicting values. Well, that's his cup of tea. 

I'm just here musing. Follow The Moral Code accross social media platforms. See some posts shared this week.

Get you a FREE e-book on Side hustles here - https://themoralcodeng.com/2019/06/21/the-side-hustle-boom/

Being someone who treats loyalty like a religion as I always say, you won't doubt it when I like you, when I'm on your side, it will be crystal clear. I don't take special close people in my life for granted. Or those who have shown me kindness and consideration at any point in the past.

Enemy is a strong word. It means someone who wishes you ill, has done you great wrong in the past without correcting their wrong or apologizing, and will do it again if they can, it means they can harm you without really thinking twice.

So that thing people say about not inheriting someone's enemy in certain context does not work for me. Because there are some people who just want to use such statements to get away with nonsense two faced behavior. In this life there are certain things you don't sit on the fence about, you take a clear stand.

If your so called friend is rolling with someone you don't feel comfortable with, someone who's done you wrong and you are keeping at arms length, then is that even your friend? Because FRIEND too is a strong word that people just throw around.

Another context is your mother, if you have a good healthy relationship with your Mother, Father or siblings, can you be friends with someone who has wronged them? Because you don't inherit enemies?

Anyways, I'm just musing, but for me, I can even carry the fight of a random stranger somebody is trying to cheat, abuse or harass on my head, let alone those I care about. I'm not having it. I won't lie and pretend that doesn't backfire too. I mean imagine person wey you carry im matter for head come dey do anyhow later. But I'll keep being that person Sha, even for my own conscience.

So for me, the enemy of my friend in the moment cannot be my friend. If tomorrow something changes, fine. But in the moment, No!

Was reading recently too about ladies who ended up marrying their sister's husbands or fiancé. Make it make sense, there are desires you will have in this life that if they will cause betrayal or heartbreak for someone else, you kill those desires, because how can you do that to your own blood, are you the devil's apprentice?

Do follow TMC across social media platforms for daily posts.
Visit the blog her - themoralcodeng.com
Grab a free ebook on side hustles here - https://themoralcodeng.com/2019/06/21/the-side-hustle-boom/

See other posts shared this week.

Read The Moral Code new blog post titled YOUR DECISIONS COME WITH PAINS AND GAINS. May be apt in this story cuz some kind of parties... well RIP to the departed.

See excerpts from the post and grab a free e-book at the end of the post.

Dearly Beloved! I have gathered you here today to tell you that every decision you take in this life and stick with will come with gains and pains.

Wetin I mean be say, for this life as you choose your choose on any matter, your decision go come with some kain wahala and e go also come with some kain better.

Here's the gist. Take notes.

If you chose celibacy, meaning abstinence from sex till the right time for the sake of following God's instructions and purity. Your body will test you, temptations around will test you, you will deal with the most unbelievable thoughts, you will almost lose your mind on some days. Yes I talk morals here, but I acknowledge our human side and needs. You are choosing to tame a side of you that submits to lust. While that may be hard, that decision also helps you avoid a lot of bullsh*t and mess that comes with giving your body to people, it helps you see people clearly because no intimacy is involved, you get to be more focused on your life and release abundance and certain blessings. Argue with your ancestors biko, but I strongly believe sexual laxity blocks certain good things from flowing to you, if you think everything blessings has to do with only material things, sorry durleen, you are not thinking straight. Finally, choosing celibacy saves you from STDs and unwanted babies who didn't ask you to bring them down here.

Read more and grab your free e-book ---- www.themoralcodeng.com

It's one of the Morally decadant games. And until we fix our morals, we won't have a better family unit, society or nation.

Celebrity showing us video of her son hitting her bum, celebrity seeing her daughter with everything outside by a pool and all she can say is hmmm... Children dancing to music with sexually pumped lyrics and the parents cheering them on like idiots, parents watching useless shows like BBN with their kids, under age girls recording erotic videos and adults watching it. Skit makers always showing only sexual content focusing on women's bodies.

We are a ticking time bomb because we are not developing in the right areas, only in negativity.

Find The Moral Code across social media. We talk morals, ethics, values, common sense and more.

Visit The Moral Code website www.themoralcodeng.com for other posts.

tinsel:

Why are you fighting so hard to defend this school? The school took away 10-year-old students from their parents to a faraway country and failed to protect and guide them properly. And to you this is ok?

Read what the person posted without emotions, the person in fact said the same thing you just said. Holding responsible the adults who didn't do the needful and chaperone properly.

Many were alarmed and disturbed as to why a 10 year old would be raped and filmed in that age range, but new facts prove there's no rape here. Juvenile delinquent act that should be punished, and we should question why only the girl was expelled or suspended, WHT happened to other accomplises

Following the scary and trending story told by the lady who traveled to Zanzibar and stayed in a hotel where she might not only have been violated but might have lost her life.

- Let's look at some safety tips for travel or staying in hotels. Personally I'm still scared of solo travel myself. Yet sometimes even within the country, you may have to travel for work and stay in hotels. That said, here are my tips around safety.

- Travel in a group, with someone familiar or with friends. If you are traveling for leisure, many companies offer group tours of vacation destination, join them.

- Have the room numbers of your travel mates to easily reach them on your room intercom.

- If you have to travel solo, please buy your own safety locks for your hotel room door. So even if someone has a key, they can't get in. This is very important, search any e-commerce site and you can get a lock to use on many trips. Your hotel room might have a safety lock, use that and probably use yours too.

- Always inform someone back home of where you are, tell them your room number and send pictures of the room and outside window.

- Push one of the arm chairs in your room towards the door at night. Especially if you don't have a safety lock yet.

- Lock your window by yourself, double check before sleeping, hotel window often don't have burglary proof, if there is a decking near your window, just as you can open it and step outside so can someone open it and come in. So lock your windows.

- Get you your own secret camera and record at night. There are cameras disguised as pens, toys or other objects, you can get one and place somewhere at night before you sleep facing the door of your room. Let someone else very close and trusted know you have a camera.

- Last last, abeg make we dey add prayer, the things in life that are out of your control are many and so you have to call on God even ahead of your journey. Ask Him to remove all obstacles and dangers ahead, let the thinkers of evil not even think to your side, if they do, let them fall inside ocean and be swallowed by whale before they even reach you. Amen.

- Stay safe dear humans, add your own tips in the comments section and Happy Easter to Christian Brethrens and Sisterehns.

Source www.themoralcodeng.com Grab a free e-book on side hustles here ---> https://themoralcodeng.com/2019/06/21/the-side-hustle-boom/

With everyone and their neighbors talking about the death of Osinachi and more persons coming out to reveal their plight or walking away from domestic abuse, I came across what I can call the most interesting real-life story this week from Adaora.

In the 90s, her father drove his family down to his hometown in East, a 10 plus hour journey with bad roads and all. They arrived tired, and ready to sleep, but on stepping out of the car, a family member said something to her mother, something insulting , her father insisted the person should apologize to his wife, and the person refused. What did he do next?

The person had called his wife “Ekwensu Ocha” which translates to “white devil”, in a manner to say, her father brought the white devil to the village. He put his whole family back in the car and left the village the same day, when the person refused to apologize. Remember they had just arrived from a 10 hour journey, but that insult was enough for her father to take that decision, painful and exhausting as it must have been. Adaora’s Mother is not a black woman, so you can understand the context and the discrimination.

Love should not have to be hard, sad, exhausting, insulting, full of useless sacrifices brought on by pain caused by another person. Love protects, and this was a true story of protection. I feel many need to see more stories like this to know they can be loved correctly or how being loved correctly looks like.

Adoara Lumina Mbelu is a personality those seeking purpose, their truth and willing to connect to their inner light can relate with. She says she is elevating human consciousness and I think she is doing just that. Find her and follow her online for a good dose of useful content.

Source - www.themoralcodeng.com visit site for more insightful posts around morals, values, common sense, integrity and more.
See other posts from The Moral Code this week.

Hopefully people prepare for the actual marriage than the wedding.

Talking of marriage, romance and everything in between. Read you a short piece

Bisi got home and the most unbelievable sight greeted her in the living room; actually, the living room of her parent's house where she still lived. Her ex from seven years back was seated with some members of his family. Everyone appeared sober and quiet as she walked in. She looked at her mother who asked her in Yoruba to sit down.

She gingerly greeted everyone, as she looked round the room, his aunt, who she had only met once but spoken to on phone severally was there; his sister; his uncle; and a cousin of his; were all there. She eventually looked him straight in the eye and gave him the only kind of stare she could, a very cold and unfeeling one. She looked at the face with many worry lines, the face of the person who comfortably broke up with her after an almost three-year relationship, after they were already engaged, through a text message, and over a health condition she had no control over.

Bisi pinched her wrist slightly, and thought to herself, "Nope this is no dream". The eldest of the uncles started to speak first, "Our daughter, we know this man has wronged you, it took a lot for us to be able to follow him here". His sister passed Bisi a phone to show her two kids, a boy and a girl, both with very obvious genetic disorders. One had Down syndrome and the other appeared to have Treacher Collins syndrome. She didn’t need anyone to tell her, she knew what she was seeing.

Her ex and his people were there to ask her to forgive him and gave subtle insinuations that if she had done something to him which was making him go through his current situation, she should undo it. Oh! So these people think she was a witch or what, or some sort of vodoo woman who could affect someone's life like that.

Her lips parted in a smile that was a rather sad one. She looked at him, her ex, and said, "You this idiot, and selfish betrayer thought you can play God at the expense of someone's feelings... I have a health challenge that I never hid from you, you knew, but suddenly you felt you could discard me. But you never knew I had seen clear signs that you may have kids with genetic disorders. I knew it, but because my own philosophy in life is that when you have chosen to love someone, you endure through life with them, you face challenges together, I decided to keep it to myself".

She turned and faced his family, smiled thinly and added, "So while you’re all confused about what I'm saying, I'll take you through our story and the exact sign I saw in him."

Would you like to complete this story? I'm sure you would. Head over here https://okadabooks.com/book/about/karma_came_knocking/47686

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We asked ladies to share some of the issues around life in the 30s. They shared around pressure on marriage, the difference between life in their 20s and 30s and other things in-between. You can probably relate with some of these. See other posts The Moral Code is sharing this week.

30 is the mainstream expiration age for a woman, regarding marriage.

If you clock thirty Unmarried, it attracts all sorts. Sometimes pity, as if you have instantly become handicapped for not being married. “Concerned people” (who are close family and friends) usually suggest all sorts from prayers and deliverance to match making you with all kinds of men . They become desperate on your behalf and think the only box left to be ticked in your life is man/marriage.

When you express displeasure about certain things you are seen as rebellious, unserious about marriage and maybe a feminist . At this point everyone tries to remind you that humility is a necessary virtue to attract a man and marriage.

98% of the time, the “humility” they mean is down playing your gifts, strength and achievements to make the man and his ego comfortable.

Dear woman being assertive is not arrogance, knowing your worth is not pride. Being self reliant is not saying you don’t need a man. It’s an insult to your creator to shrink yourself for a man’s ego and under use the potential that God has given you.

Give yourself permission to soar and bloom and maximize your potentials. There are secure men out there who will be happy to be with you.

Don’t let anyone mess with your crown Queens.

CHIAMAKA

I wanted to be married by age 25

I was very very pressured mostly from friends and acquaintances. My family never mentioned it and I just ignored all of them.

In my 30s I learnt to remain calm and trust God. I also learnt that I can please everybody. In fact I learnt plenty things o!

I can say that I’m living an answered prayers of many years. There’s nothing that pays off more than trusting God

Anonymous

As a single lady in her early 30. There was always pressure from family and friends asking when you are going to get married. There is always advice from them on how you should behave to your new boyfriend if you tell them you found one. “Do quick and bring him o. Don’t allow him to go again” as if you are the one pursuing them. And you finally get married nko? Another pressure of “when will you get pregnant start to come. What have you done in that regard. Do this, do that ……”

They never consider how you feel in all or what you are going through as a person. They just talk.

In all we should always be thankful and depend on God for everything.
LATEEFAH

I wanted to be married before 25 but the years just kept rolling by and I have had to adjust to getting married at God’s time. I just crave babies but I need to make money to take care of them and I must marry before babies come, that’s me sticking to the order notwithstanding the time. I have things a single me should achieve before settling down.

On the pressure to marry. I have defended my self by saying “marriage is not the ultimate na” we will marry and get tired eventually. Sometimes I change location or reduce conversation time with my ‘Get married family members and friends’ Some will even tell you to leave that relationship, if you are in any for a long period, that he will leave you one day but when you know what you want and are smart, nothing should freak you.

Eventually they adjust abi they want to marry you?

In your 20s you are a dreamer, you make plans and imagine all will be as imagined. After school I will get married, I will get a job and move to a bigger city etc. You think the whole world is rooting for you, my dear everyone is busy, they can’t even give you their 50%.

Financially, you might have resources for that level, but lack investment ideas or advice.

At this stage, you marry mostly for love except you were betrothed or your parents kept you in a wealthy mix and you understand the transfer of wealth so you then consider money.

You admire people, seek advice and wish they can see through you and recommend the best option that will make you never make mistakes and then you realize no matter how much you have mentors, they can only guide you but in the end, you have to decide for yourself.

(I remember once, I probably was 23, preparing to get married to someone who was 12 years older, can’t even remember to what extent Love existed here but I saw fear in me, making this decision but everyone was looking at the TALL, DARK and Handsome TDH that I had presented, I even took him to my pastor so that he can see through and say No, little did I know that life does not work like that. eventually got the heartbreak of a “lifetime” but we mueveee…

You just have some life lessons to learn, do you want to learn them in marriage or before saying ‘I do’?.

So I realized I crave moments that have passed. lately, I bask in Moments, enjoy it till I can’t no more but I try to be smart sha.

I stopped regretting and learnt to smile (genuine happiness)

I stopped being a snub and tried to relate because everyone is going through stuff, how can I help ease and not contribute to it.

My money is much more useful, I calm down, make money and spend wisely

Ah! In your late 20s and 30s, Men read desperation, so don’t show it openly so they don’t maximize that and treat you like a nobody, You are valuable and your heart desires will be granted eventually.

Have a plan but still go with the flow of life wisely, know when to play and when to pause but let your Yes be Yes and No be No.

Girl, You are wiser with your choices now, experience should have shaped you especially when you don’t give into the pressure but appreciate the stage you are. You can make your decisions yourself, I always say when a thing is not working for you and you have tried all you can, Divert your passion to something else that you know works for you and give it your Best

Stop worrying and seek happiness, if the pressure is too much, walk away from that environment because this people putting pressure on you might be doing it out of Love and a need for grand children but com’on we all have our lives to live and they might never know to what extent they have or are pushing You.

OMILEHA

Have you endured pressures from family and friends on your age and being single? How have you handled such pressures if yes?

Partially. Being that I’ve been there, the pressure is not much, though my folks will love to see me married because I’m still young and beautiful.

What is the difference between life in your 20s and life in your 30s?

Honestly, 20s is really more like grooving stage… 30s a lot of reality begins to hit you as regards the things you want to achieve in life (marriage, career, business, etc. Changes are that you will lose interest in somethings you like or went crazy about in your twenties. In your 30s, you want to have fun, but with less risks and live more intentionally… prioritizing your happiness and peace of mind more.

Share One good thing about being at this stage and say something positive to yourself and to other women.

For me, I’m glad I got a second chance… to rebuild my life and make a detour. For a lady who has been through so much emotional rollercoaster… I’m glad I am still a happy person and the devil didn’t succeed in stealing my joy. I also thank God I have the word of God in me…it strengthens me daily.

WINNIE

Source - themoralcodeng.com

Holumhidey:
Just go to third mainland bridge
Take your shoes and wrist watch off
Then take a leap of faith into the lagoon

And if he does it, then you killed him. Because you talk to people you can't see doesn't mean you should just say anything. Do you know the state of mind of this person?

Xristars:
I just read a news on front page now, that some of these loans companies has just been closed.

Some of them you owing was involved in the list.

But my advice to you that might help a bit is try and borrow from close friends, make a list of 20 people that can gift you 2k without you refunding it. it's crowdfunding Sha. Use it and service some debts

Then sell some assets you have.

Then never borrow from them again

Then, you can learn an online skill, just as creation and sales of digital products.

just suggestions though.

Great thoughts, But a list of 20 friends that can part with 2k? They will all know eventually and our guy will become beggi beggi. Debts is just not a good place to be sha

What if you came from a good peaceful home, but end up in a troubled marriage? What if you actually met your spouse at a religious setting but they still turned out the opposite of what you would expect from them? In continuation of 30 Days of Content for Women from The Moral Code, we interviewed Ms. Ruth Oluwadare who is a Divorce and Abuse recovery Consultant, because she has lived through divorce.

It was a Q & A session and we can all learn something from a woman that has survived a marital storm but yet still looks forward with love and hope. If you have any such similar troubles, read to the end and see how you can reach her.

What were your dreams and wishes around marriage and life growing up as a young girl?

Ans: I came from a home where my parents were present, I was well protected that I grew up believing everyone was having the same reality as mine. So, my dream was and still is to have a better marriage than that of my parents. A home where love and peace is the goal. Where we are a team, no one is competing with the other, everyone taking up their role and doing it happily. That was and still the dream I have.

How did you meet your Ex-husband?

In university, he was a fellowship leader when he was in school so he comes back to check up on them. He got to know me through his fellowship member who was my neighbour at the time in my hostel.

When did things start to look strange?

I think it had always been, I just did not take notice of them, though they were very subtle and can be easily overlooked, but it became pronounced immediately we were done with our court wedding while waiting to sort the engagement and church wedding.

What behaviors specifically were clearly abusive?

Control is one of it, he always wanted to know where I was each time, speak with whoever was with me each time. I misunderstood it for love, until he told his friend he used the calls to monitor me and make sure he was in my head. He isn’t aware I heard this conversation. But I was already fully married to him then.

Did you have a moment you decided it was enough or you built momentum to say no over time and leave?

I did both.
I got to that point where I was done, but built a momentum to leave so as to not have a reason to ever look back once I leave. It was a difficult journey but is worth it.

In what ways did people misunderstand you?

So many ways, some expected me to do what they advised, but as good as their advise sounded, it was not good for my circumstance. I understood my journey than they did.

Some felt I was an advocate for divorce that once there’s misunderstanding no matter how small, they should divorce their partners.
Some felt I over reacted and should have prayed more.
Some felt I should not have shared my story as “dirty linens are to be hidden” but I don’t believe in that ideology.
There are lots but I’ll stop here.

What role did you play in your own situation, when you reflect on some of the things that happened?

In retrospect.
Accepting the abuse and not standing for myself is one.
Ignoring the red flags was another.
Believing everyone is as kind as I am is another point.
Thinking my prayers and patience can make him change after the discovery is another.

What is the difference between the woman you are now and who you were in the marriage?

Growth! That is the difference
I am more self aware now, my voice has become too loud to be ignored.
I invested in myself by working on me, going for therapy and coaching, unlearning bad habits that served me while in the bad marriage but can’t serve me in the future.

How would you train your sons to be different?

To be humans, connected to their emotions, treat others how they want to be treated, understand that house chores are life skills, not gender specific

Does your previous encounter make you a little scared or reluctant to try marriage again?

Maybe before, which is expected anyway, but not anymore.

What do have to say to women in situations they know isn’t right and they shouldn’t be in?

Ask yourself heart searching questions like.
Will this situation serve me in the next 5 years?
Will it improve my life or make it worse?
Is it allowing me live to my full potential or is there any hope of this happening?

If you are not confident about this, face your fears now.

In addition, I’ll say this.
Ask yourself what dreams you had about your life as a child, you may think they are intangible, but they are your North Star to where you should be, and if the current situation you find yourself is not in alignment with that path, make an adjustment.

My name is Ruth Oluwadare, also known as The Unbreakable Ruth.
I am a transformational coach, Divorce and abuse recovery consultant, author and a personal shopper (Beeks personal shopper on Instagram).

My mission is to raise women with Emotional, Mental and Psychological stability with blend of spirituality for a sustainable and lasting growth.

I have a community of women on Facebook who belong to The Unbreakable Tribe. Where we share and help each other freely.

Website at www.unbreakableruth.co.uk
You can reach me on the following platforms:
Instagram: @the.Unbreakableruth
Facebook: Ruth Oluwadare
LinkedIn: Ruth Oluwadare

Source - www.themoralcodeng.com

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