₦airaland Forum

TheBizarreWrite:
EP.13

My forehead was wrinkled as I lay down in bed, flipping through a gigantic calculus textbook. The numbers and symbols weren't strange, but they twisted and danced in my eyes, so much that I squinted my eyes and cranked up the wheels in my head, commanding every neuron to think back at Rev. Buko's Calculus class, most of which I'd slept through.

The Reverend-lecturer was a big man who'd always filled the room each time he stepped in. He was a terrible lecturer, blabbing at us as he wrote equations on the board, peering through rectangular spectacles without ever raising his head to check if his flock--he called us his flock, for some reason--were following.

At least he was a great storyteller which was basically what most of the Monday midday lectures were filled with: anecdotes and clever stories, all of which were always funny. Of course, it wasn't funny when it was exam time, and the mumblings and irate grumbles told a story, but no one could complain.

I had my exams to study for. When the timetable was pasted and I strolled over to the notice board, I winced and the first thought into my head was: damn, this is brutal. MY course mates all agreed to that—I heard them lamenting and already making plans and strategies on seating arrangements and, according to some, battle formations.

Some guy had even pointed in my direction and whispered, ‘that guy know book na.’ I ignored them and went away.

Now here I was flipping through an old textbook, refreshing my memory on a course I hadn't enjoyed; one I was just OK at.

I flattened myself on the bed and faced the ceiling, shutting my eyes and doing what I've been doing for a few days now: bringing up our short interaction and reliving it over and over again, bit by bit. Nothing was missed; every smile, every flick of her hair, every twinkle in her eyes.

'I can't believe her name's also Lissa,' I muttered to myself and wondered why I hadn't said, 'oh hey, we already have a Lissa in this compound. I guess you're Lissa number two'.

That's stupid. Thank God I didn't say that. Lissa number two? That's stupid. I didn't want her to be Lissa number two, and I didn't care about that other Lissa. We barely said hi and that suited me just fine.

I cringed and quickly rolled over as if she somehow heard my thoughts from wherever she was. Where was she anyway?

I sat up and picked my phone. It was almost 8 p.m., and I told myself it wasn't too late in the day to branch over to say hi.

My heart thumped and I sat up, considering this possibility.

What will I say to her?

I knew she'd let me in if I went over to her room, and I knew she'd give me that eager look she always flashed my way; a deep, searching gaze like she wanted to figure me out, and like she expected me to say something to her.

I never did, even after our interaction when she came to borrow the knife, and even after that.
Say hi, Dickhead, I'd scold myself whenever I saw her coming my way and our eyes would meet, and my body would freeze and go into panic mode and I'd just stare at her as she stared back, a smile on her face.

I'd exhale after she walked past and then cross the road, pretending to buy something as I raised my head and watched her board a bike.
Idiot, idiot! I'd yell at myself in my head. I think I hate myself. That has to be the best conclusion to that.
I once saw her standing by the ATM one sunny afternoon. I wanted to head over to her. She hadn't seen me yet so I had enough time to compose myself, but then I started to overthink it as usual.

What will you say to her?

What if she's already with someone.

But she's standing right there alone. She might appreciate the company.

But you're stupid and an idiot, and you can't do this one thing right.

She did look alone and a bit...lost, standing there, looking around.

I was still stuck in a stupid argument with myself when a guy walked to her. Two guys, they were; the second one, fatter and shorter. She seemed to know them for she smiled and talked to them, and then the three of them started walking towards the main gate.

I've no idea why, but she suddenly looked in my direction and I think she saw me. I wasn't sure, because I panicked again and nearly jumped into a gutter just to hide. I missed the gutter, thank God, but I misjudged my jump and twisted my ankle, clipping my head against a stupid tree covered in posters.

I limped home that day and became haunted by that memory.

'But not tonight,' I said out loud and snapped the book shut. I started rehearsing what I'd say as I put on a shirt and bathed myself in a cloud of body spray. It stung my eyes a little bit otherwise it smelled nice.

I left my room and my hands shook as I tried to lock the door. Calm down, boy, I urged myself.

The keys rattled in my hand and I soon gave up and just shut the door and drew out the curtain, just in case someone had the smart idea of entering the room. My door was notorious for creaking and opening on its own so the curtain was sure to make anyone think I was in.

The corridor stretched farther than normal. I walked slowly, vaguely aware of what sounded like pots clanking, and the excited chatter of people about to have dinner. I smelled it, too: beans.

I took a right along the corridor and knew I'd have the bend to the left to get to her room which was the last along the opposite corridor.

My heart still thumped hard. Constantly inhaling and exhaling didn't seem to help at all. I rubbed my sweaty palms on my shorts and suddenly felt naked. I should have brought something--a conversation started, maybe a book.

I was still thinking through all this, my heart thumping louder as I drew closer to her room, when I heard a familiar voice; a voice I always hear around the compound; a voice synonymous to girls.

The door to the last room--her room--was wide open. The light fell through, an orange glow spread against the wall and the locked gate at the other end. Light also fell through the window. The aroma of onions and tomatoes, and something else being fried, filled the air.

It smelled good but I didn't bother about that. My mind was on the voices, particularly his own.
Stop and turn back now, I told myself. I did nothing of such. I soon found myself standing by the door. I didn't want to look in but I had to; it'd have been weird if I just stood there, or if I'd walked past--the other gate was locked and nobody used it.

She was in the room, sitting on the bed with a big, pink stuffed animal clasped against her chest. Her eyes lit up as she laughed, but not to any I said. The other voice went on and on, churning jokes and witty comments.

My eyes went to him. Chidi. Of course, I thought.
He didn't have any shirt on and he sat at the entrance of the room, streaks of sweat visible on his body. The room was hot, despite the stand fan whirling from left to right, and I soon figured out why: her roommate, the dark girl, came out of the kitchen with two steaming plates of rice.
I don't think any of them noticed me, at least not until he said something.


'Ah Dickson, my guy.' His voice was so calm, so relaxed. He was always like that. She looked at me as soon as he spoke. Our eyes met and she gave me a short smile of recognition. The roommate also looked at me, so now I had three pairs of eyes fixed on me.


Was I nervous? Well, my ears my ringing and my body felt hot, and I wanted the ground to open. She continued looking at me, probably expecting me to say something.

'I...uh,' I cleared my throat and shrugged, looking away from her. 'I thought I heard your voice, just said I should have a look.'

Who was I talking to? I have no idea, but he assumed he was the one and he laughed and said something. I don't know what it was but I was looking at her again. Just looking at her sitting over there, her hair over her shoulder and one leg stretched out, with the stuffed animal resting on her, I felt the strong need to talk to her. I wished he wasn't there; I wished we were alone, but we weren't so I said:

'I was able to do that question you gave me.'
He knew I was talking to her now, so he looked at her.

'Oh, okay,' she said before he cut her short and shifted over to the floor where the plates were and grabbed a spoon.

'Come chop na, Dickson. No dey do shy shy every time.'

Bleep you, man.

I looked at her and let out an awkward chuckle, rubbing the back of my head.

My body heated up and I despised him at that particular moment, although that feeling only lasted a minute or so.

'I'm not hungry.'

I turned and left, cursing myself for deciding to go there. I heard his voice almost immediately, and the clanking of a spoon on the plate. I also heard a short giggle from her, and her roommate's voice.

They're talking about me; laughing at how stupid I am, I thought and walked away. The voices faded behind me as I walked away, then I heard someone call out my name.

I turned around and saw her.


'I'll come around tomorrow and you'll teach me,' she said and I nodded.

'Sounds good.'

She twirled her hair around her finger, stood on her toes and smiled. 'See you tomorrow.'

'Goodnight.'

I leaned against a pillar and watched her go back. Her roommate came out a minute later and we exchanged short 'hello's' as I pretended to look natural leaning against the pillar.

She was in there, with Chidi. I heard their voices. Loud and happy. They're already friends, I said to myself and it hurt. I shrugged it off and tried not to think about it. I'll see her tomorrow, right?

A moment with me and she'll know I'm better than him...right?

What a fool I was.

I didn't sleep well that night, and it didn't help when I heard her roommate's voice in the room next to mine. I shut my door and locked the windows, stuffing my ears with my earpiece and cranking up the music. It helped...a little.

Tomorrow will be better, I told myself. Don't fret, Dickson. What's the worst that could happen.

I guess I should have backed off at that period. I think I did, but she was always there. The pain was coming--tiny pricks in the farthest reaches of my heart--and I ignored it. A stupid move.