₦airaland Forum

wacoj:
My brother you are not very correct.
I once tried to use this approach to register my annoyance to my wife, immediately i rejected the food, she just gave me a HEAVY hiss, very long one and took the food back to the kitchen. When i remembered what hunger might do to me later, I went for the food myself after all na my money.

Woman no go kill me.

Please I need to buy her a bottle of smirnoff ice. she earned it. Nah who get time dey fry garri. I like this woman, why will a woman suffer to cook and still beg you to eat?

Ridiculous and you think this will bother every woman? You have no idea, seems you think cooking is hobby for women .

bukatyne:
I so hate staying for the kids thingy.

Domestic violence will never end if peeps keep 'staying' for the kids.

Cowardice is the issue, fear of the society.

How do people date these beasts!!! Get yourself a man please.

Onegai:
One lady once told me about her ex-husband whom she stayed with, on top of the heating. She had a job, contacts, no kids yet. She even fought her blood sister when that one came to defend her and fight her husband. When she started having kids, the beatings increased and she finally ran for her life. I still wonder why she stayed. Even in this Ronke Shonde's case, she had a job so she could have left. But take a look at the nice pictures the couple took together (I know happier couples who haven't done Photoshoots).

It's a psychological thing. They are genuinely afraid they cannot manage on their own and they be a internalised it. I remember when I was in a similar situation and I asked myself "what's wrong with me that this happened to me and not others? It must be my fault". It wasn't and that is why I tell people "Domestic Violence is about Control and not about Anger". There women in these marriages sometimes need pyschological help, emotional support and encouragement to leave, more than money. It isn't just to say "Leave" but to say "you are not the problem, your attacker is. This is not your fault".

It really confounds me on how people get into this psychological abyss, what happened to their sense of preservation? Is it the fear of being alone or a case of genetic impairment that rid these women of all self love. Can it be obsession for the man or the act of being married? At some point I ruled it as some sort of masochism, may be a man that beats them turns them on. He probably signifies strength and brute force, the type only a psycho will find appealing .

bukatyne:
Why na?

Say sumtin

The gist frustrates me because no matter what I say, you will always hear " am staying for the kids". I totally agree with you, most times these women's decision have nothing to do with finance.

No comment.

I call them male prostitutes, forget what others call them and pick your own befitting name. Male prostitutes existed from the time of the bible, nothing new.

Saronna:
I went to the hospital twice for blood test then ultrasound , the blood test came out negative but doc said it might be too early for an ultrasound . I have severe symptoms , morning sickness , food aversion, nausea and just want to sleep all day long! About a week ago I've been noticing when I lay on my stomach I feel pressure in my lower abdomen and weird twinges during my normal day activities, specially when iam doing my daily cardio!

They should check for ectopic pregnancy, sometimes is undetected. Just be very sure it isn't ectopic, the signs you explained are clear symptoms of pregnancy.

Yes it is in rare cases but the days might dwindle.

None from here.

My partner is a lot like me, I won't have it any other way because it's easier for us to understand each other without waste of words. We have our slight differences though but 90% of the time we reason alike. No boredom as we are both very gifted in the entertainment department .

Indeed .

I can't remember the last time I slept for 4hours stretch, I do break down every now and then due to sleep deprivation.

OP I will like you to read this, a buddy posted it on NL and you might benefit from it.

See below:


A lot of people are attached to the idea of being “nice.” It’s not so easy for these individuals to let go of their need to be nice, or to appreciate how different it is from being kind.

This distinction is important, however, because these two ways of being lead to very different outcomes in one’s personal and professional life.

It will be easier to understand the difference between “nice” and “kind” if we focus on the opposing motivations behind each way of being.

The nice person is externally motivated. He’s driven by the need for other people’s approval and validation; he craves acceptance and is fearful of rejection.

The kind person is internally motivated. She has good self-esteem and isn’t looking for approval. She’s less concerned about what others might think of her and more interested in doing the right thing. Her compassion comes from an overflowing of her positive self-regard and not from the need to please.

The kind person respects herself as much as she respects others. She’s naturally helpful and generous, except when doing so might cause her harm. She lives in a state of balance, being as kind to herself as she is to others. She makes a positive contribution to her family, company and community, but never at her own expense.

The nice person is out of balance in his quest for external validation. Thinking that this is how he’ll find what he wants, he puts the needs of others ahead of his own needs. He keeps trying to please until he becomes exhausted and aggravated.

The nice person avoids confrontation for fear of upsetting anyone. He has trouble saying “No,” and rarely asks directly for what he wants. Fearing rejection, he can’t express any angry feelings that arise.

The kind person, on the other hand, isn’t afraid of confrontation. She’s able to speak her mind clearly, directly and respectfully, so people know where she stands but aren’t likely to take offense.

If someone gets angry at her because she’s asserted herself or rejects her because she’s setting a limit, she doesn’t take it personally.

The nice person can’t be authentic, because he’s too preoccupied with being a pleaser. The longer he continues to be “nice,” however, the more alienated he becomes from himself and others. He can lose touch with his true needs, feelings and opinions, and his relationships lack intimacy or fulfillment.

Even if he does win some degree of approval, the nice person knows, deep down, that the other person doesn’t see or accept him for who he really is. He can never make a real connection.

The kind person is genuine and sincere. She doesn’t need to pretend to be anyone else. If someone dislikes her or disapproves of her, she doesn’t feel diminished in any way.

The kind person welcomes constructive criticism. Her good self-regard motivates her to constantly be learning and evolving. Her ability to accept feedback means that her performance at work is always improving, and that she’s able to grow as a friend and a spouse.

The nice person is uncomfortable with feedback. His low self-esteem makes external criticism feel particularly hurtful. He has a harder time taking in valuable information about how he might improve his performance at work or how he could be a better spouse or friend.

The kind person sets good limits with others, and because she doesn’t allow herself to be mistreated, she’s cheerful, easy-going and approachable. She trusts herself to take care of herself in her personal and professional relationships, so she feels at ease with other people and her heart is open.

The nice person can’t set good limits. In his attempt to gain approval and avoid rejection, he allows people to exploit and mistreat him. This makes him angry, bitter, and cynical toward others.

The nice person’s attempts to please often result in his feeling hurt. His mistrust toward others grows, as does his shame for putting up with disrespect. His heart becomes closed, so while his behaviour is outwardly “nice,” he actually feels disappointed and resentful.

The truth is that people admire the kind person and look down on the nice person. We look up to those who have confidence and good self-esteem and tend to dismiss as “weak,” or “needy,” those who appear to be trying too hard to please.

When things don’t go the way he’d hoped, the nice person doesn’t know what to do with his growing anger. He might stuff down his resentment with alcohol, drugs or food, or it could leak out as passive-aggressive behaviour. Sometimes he’ll have an angry outburst, which embarrasses him so much that he represses his anger even more.

So, while the kind person can be relaxed and loving, authentic and meaningfully connected to others, the nice person is often anxious, angry, alienated and isolated; possibly even suffering from an addiction.

The solution for the nice person is simple: he must stop looking outside himself for love and approval.

Once he takes responsibility for his own self-worth, he’ll start working on developing his own positive self-regard. When he begins to love and accept himself, he’ll be able to let go of needing to please, and he’ll notice that interestingly, others are responding to him better.

A positive spiral is created, whereby he’s in charge of his self-worth, he’s treated with more respect, his anger diminishes, his feelings of trust and connection with others increase and his self-esteem improves even more.

Eventually, without even thinking about it, he’ll shift from being nice to being kind.



https://www./why-you-need-stop-being-nice-start-kind-marcia-sirota

Enahi:
Don't worry he will come back to beg you for forgiveness or second chance, trust me most men know a good woman when they see one. They always want to come back after they have realized their mistakes.

I don't think all igbo men are selfish, haven't really dated Igbos anyway. I just think they are too money conscious I heard they take Care of their women well.

No matter how hard you try, you can't make him love you if he doesn't and he clearly doesn't. You are just there for his convenience. If you don't know how to end a worthless relationship, then you are in for serious draining. People will treat you exactly as you treat yourself, there are no two ways to that.

Ha!! Woman control yourself before you disgrace your entire generation.

What type of career are you talking about and how does it affect your family? I always advocate that you hold unto the one that is worth it for you .

People can disturb God for nothing, the people in the marriage makes or mare it . Don't screw up only to turn around and disturb God .

He nailed himself, he deserves no pity. He that kills by the media shall die by the media.

fem29:
Who love epp . This is a Nigerian woman married to a Nigerian man in Nigeria. I repeat she is lucky she got a brand new car and not a comment like if you don't like it then pack out.

love dey help ooo, what really scare people about packing out? Lack of where to go or money because it seems to be a threat to so many women. The Nigerian man isn't all that emotionless as they are painted, at least not all.

Onegai:
Well, let me speak some pidgin, "ashually, 3 brand new 2016 model card can wipe the tears away". a lot of women are married still because it is financially prudent and they need the support with the kids and "what will people say". If you ask them about hair husband's needs and his inner state of mind, they will look at you blankly. So yeah, an expensive gift works. When I was a child (like age 10!), my mum's friends always told me to make sure I got property in my name from my husband. No matter what.

Lol, my dear it won't work for me. If it takes infidelity to get a car then I will fling the car right back at his face. A car won't fix what's broken for me. I won't say the same if I got married for money though because whoever married for money can stick out anything while keeping eyes on whatever gold price.

I really don't understand the idea of buying gift to prove you are remorseful, I find it upsetting. I can't fault who feels better with gift though . The deed is done I guess, why not just get a car out of it bah? Lol, won't a break taste better than a car?

You hardly see these Internet men praise their wives without telling us how much of their bull*shit she tolerates that made him love her mtcccchhheewww!

People now talk divorce at the doff of a hat. If divorce will give you peace, do it now before a child gets involved.

Onegai:
A story was on the FrontPage about a man who took his toddler from his estranged wife by force and the next day, reported to the Police station with the baby's dead body, that she had fallen in a well when he went to buy bread. No other explanation. What if that guy was shouting on top of another woman not his wife and his neglected toddler walked out and then the story changed to "went to buy bread" (who would leave a child unattended to buy bread?!!).

That is how easy this thread could have ended up in Punch newspapers as "child electrocuted herself when Father was asleep and Mother not at home". Then we will blame the Mother, not knowing her husband was cheating on her and neglected his child for a girl that he will not remember her name in 2 years' time.

Telling his wife is going to be hard (and i wouldn't recommend it) but drop a subtle hint that all isn't well. A man that can neglect his child to cheat is a slowpoke.

That story annoyed me beyond measure, poor child . You are absolutely correct.

fem29:
At least she got a brand new car out of it

The hurt that comes with infidelity can't be wiped by a thousand cars, except where the man was never loved .

I hate violence but I can now see why wify tried so hard to bash some sense into you .

In Hakeem's voice " the older the berry, the sweeter the juice " huh? I don't believe you!

She killed a man that wanted to kill her by dragging her to the mud in a hypocrital country that shows no mercy when infidelity and women are placed side by side. I would have done the same, take no prisoners. This is supposed to be a husband, a protector, he threw her under the bus, am glad she showed no mercy. It's fair play.

If you live in a glass house, don't throw stones! It's the height of cowardice to give a blow, expecting a hug in return.

Onegai:
Purity22 (I know I'm going to get my head bitten off for this...) But let me just say it: thank you for beating that girl up. If you were my sister, I'd be so proud of you. Stop worrying if the girl had died, we have a population issue in Nigeria and besides, this is NIGERIA! You'd never get convicted (I believe in diplomacy and violence: there's a time to talk, there's a time to kill. Too much reading of the Old Testament as a child caused this ).

All I could think of is the baby lying unattended to, sitting in its filth, allowed to do whatever (what if the baby had crawled towards some electronics and put live wires into his mouth? What if he had crawled somewhere and something heavy lands on him), the useless pair (his matrimonial bed, his wife's wrapper). Ignoring his child because of cheap lust! Emphasise this part to your husband: he ignored the welfare and safety of his child to gbensh.

Act strange next time you are the guy, let the wife notice something is wrong. When the girl comes in, hiss and act like a Nollywood Mother-in-law. If the wife asks, say "oh nothing!". You'd have planted seeds in her mind and she will eventually figure it out.

I selectively turned a blind eye to the girl beating part, couldn't lie that I wasn't pleased .

cococandy:
Abi that's what I'm thinking too.
I can only tell a woman her husband is cheating if she's my blood sister. You can't trust how a friend (except you know her 100%) will react to such news. You become the bad guy for it. Especially with all those ones that will rathher blame anything or anyone else except the actual person who's hurting them.

I won't think twice before telling my blood sister, I will tell the man to his face that I won't cover him. Whatever my sister chose to do with it is her business.