₦airaland Forum

oyinella:
please was their another update after Mezie went to his compound? cause I cant see it

I don't think so

chii8:
I guess she wants to use flashback later to bring out that part.

Yea we hope so

Awesome scene.
But hope you are not rushing the story.

All of a sudden Madonna was freed from prison.
Your former episode makes it seems almost impossible for her to achieve freedom easily.

Even her father had wash his hand of her and beside how was his father able to secure her release easily.

Though Mezie scene was awesome.

VULCAN:
Hello Rosemary,

First of all I would like to repeat what I said in August that you are one of the best Nigerian writers I have come across. Your brilliance shines through in this story. I haven't read your others but I will buy them when this story concludes.

Having said this let me mention two areas that I think need improvement for when you are rewriting it for publication.

When the story started it reminded me immediately of Achebe and Chimamanda because of your descriptive abilities. I was immediately taken out of the city and transported to the village and could see, feel and smell the village energy.

But I noticed a change around the time Akwaugo left for Lagos. The story went from reading like a novel to reading like a script. Things were no longer as descriptive and things felt rushed. It's like the difference between someone strolling in the cool of the day to the same person running a marathon. I fully understand that this has to do with your very busy life and I still don't know how you manage to juggle all your responsibilities and still craft this story. So please slow the story down a bit when rewriting to maintain a consistent pace throughout.

Let me also add another thing. When you create a character you must keep their behaviour consistent. Madonna sleeping with a lowly prison warden is very inconsistent with how you have portrayed her thus far in two distinct ways.

Before I delve into that let me note that you have created a mixup about Madonna's current state.

If she is still in police custody then she cannot be in prison simultaneously. There are no prison wardens in the police station as both are separate institutions. You mentioned her lawyers in this update but lawyers are only involved when a case is in court and once it is in court she should actually be in prison and not police custody.

If she has been remanded in prison then there cannot be a DCO or DPO there as they have no role nor jurisdiction in Nigerian prisons. Pls remember to look into that when you are rewriting

So back to the Madonna sexual inconsistency. She is used to relating and manipulating men of power so the natural thing for her is to seek out the most powerful man to get what she wants.

Sleeping with the lowest rung on the ladder is just not something that Madonna would do. You also informed us that the DCO had been sneering at her so that means they see. Why wouldn't she give him money to get a meeting with the DPO(assuming she is still in police custody, if not then it should be Chief Warden or something). Speaking of money, how is Madonna getting hers as nobody treats you special in custody if you are not spending?

Now to the final thing that is confusing about this update. What exactly is Madonna's plan? What can a DPO do for her in a case of attempted murder that the entire country is aware of including the IG.

Initially I thought you were pushing her towards a prison break but when you mentioned that she will go and see Morgan I dropped that idea. How can a common DPO officially free someone from an attempted murder case that the whole country is watching. Not realistic to me. It takes the IG to do that. If she is actually in prison custody then even the Chief Warden has no power to free her. Only the courts can. This update is all over the place.

So finally thank you for gifting us this wonderful tale. With a few touches it deserves to be a Netflix Original

May you keep enjoying God's grace on your mind.

Your analysis is just as sweet as the story, you try sha. It shows you are an observant reader.

I believe she will make amendment before publishing it

Rosemary33:
Jesu!!!!! I almost hit another car reading this.

Idi egwu o o

Hahaha

drive safe oo
we need you

Spolier mode.

lemme continue here.

The devil was ready to strike, he was not called the odogwu mmou for nothing.
no man has taken food from him and stills walks.

Locating the big man house in lagos wasn't a big issue for him the media has made it possible for him due to the poison incidents.

he had located the master room and had fitted into the wordrobe perfectly another advantage of being short.
he had also heard the stupid wife snatcher praising and ravishing his wife both with words and bedmatic skills that had annoyed him more.

"Oh my akwaugo" he always mutter her name while jacking off each morning.

he won't let this man take his gold because of money.
he held onto the cutlass tight, ready to strike, ready to posses his possession.


THE DEVIL NEVER FORGIVES NEITHER DOES HE FORGET. DEBT CAN NEVER BE PAID. SHE WAS NOT FOR SALE. THEY BLACKMAILED HIM WITH HIS PREDICAMENT.

Eyes shut, heart beats rise, emotions high he storm out of the wardrobe with full strength and anger. Hands rise high with cutlass, target acquire....


E don do lets wait for rosemary33 abeg ���

THE MONSTER WE MADE

He her waist down her tight while he increases his thrust with all his strength, it was the third round and he was just getting started he plan to close when he hit 6 rounds. His wife has been very lazy especially when it comes to the other room, so he has to seek for satisfaction somewhere else.
He finally collapses on her body still gasping for air. Adeola smile and careless his back, he was her 37 victim, the baba had assured her that any man that have raw sex with her will lose his manhood strength and won’t be able to have an erection again and nothing can reverse it. She smiles again and a surge of joy flooded her.

But that was not how it all started.

Her name was Adeola, a very beautiful lady, calm and intelligence. She was born and brought up in what a typical Nigeria youth will call Street or per say Ghetto. She had seen violence all her life and has also witness crime and even been a victim of it. Yet she scaled through all.

All she ever wanted what to be a successful engineer probably in the oil sector, live in a big mansion with her prince charming and have beautiful kids. Her dream was very big and unusual for a ghetto girl, yet she kept dreaming.
Adeola was an optimistic lady, she believes that she can overcome any circumstance or adversaries she might find herself in, but she never thought of the circumstance and adversaries LOVE can bring and she wasn’t expecting it.

She was just 19years and boys are already flocking around her asking for a chance
Then she fell in love, she fell for the devil whose name is Peter he was handsome, tall and calm. At first she found hope, she found her missing limp, she could share her dreams and ideas with him, she loves talking to him literally about everything. He was her first love.

Then the demand for sex starts flowing in, she could turn them down and even get angry at some points, she refuses to believe that sex means love, then one day he tries touching her breast which she refunded with a slap and storm out of his apartment, she cries herself to sleep that night.
12 July 2007 was the Devil’s day as I would describe it, she had received his call still begging her for forgiveness, promising her that he won’t try to touch her again till their wedding night. His voice was calm and sweet, ofcourse the bastard knows the right words to speak and she again fell for it, her love for him grew and she even concluded she wouldn’t mind submitting her body to him if that would make him happy.
Evening came, she baths like she hadn’t bath in days, she even had to sneak into her mother’s room and apply her mother perfume. She was prepared, prepared to give up her virginity for love.
****
They both hug each other tight, she felt a little disappointment when she feels his erection, even though she was willing to submit her body she hates the thought that he was seeing her as a sex object.

He motioned her to sit while he was busy with his phone, she was still deliberating the best way to tell him that she is ready to have sex with him, she was about saying something before 4 young boys storm into the room and bolted the door.
As soon as they were inside they started undressing themselves, ofcourse she grew up in the ghetto and she had heard about rape and it was looking like it was about to happen to her. She looks at her boyfriend and saw the monster looks on his face with the devil’s smirk, how could he do this to her, she trusted and love him.
They were all fully UnCloth, then they started sharing a condom among themselves looking seductively at her. If she had an option of death at that moment she could have graciously choose death. Her boyfriend was the first that try coming close to her, she musters all the strength her hand could carry and landed it on his face, but the monster didn’t even move nor flinch, his eyes were still transfixed on her cleavage and his hand stroking his manh**d gently he had initially refuse the condom he wanted to go raw.

Tears were already streaming down her eyes, she made to tell him something but he pushes her roughly to the bed and when she made to shout that’s when the blows and slaps started raining her face. Four of the boys pinned her down and covered her mouth firmly, her Peter was made to go first, they gave him the honour. He mounted her and penetrated her roughly. In no time he was done, one of the boys made a joke “Omo!! Peter, this your girl na virgin oo, so virgin still dey this our ghetto” and they all laughed.

Four of them mounted her one after the other after they were done, they release her from their grip but she wasn’t moving, apart from the gentle sob emitting from her mouth one could have concluded that she was dead. Still the devil wasn’t satisfied he wanted more, she is too beautiful and he kept thinking of different position he could have done with her.
He turns her back and ask one of his friend to hand him his Vaseline, and he went ahead to apply the Vaseline on her anus, he positioned himself well and penetrated her, her body vibrated with unimaginable pain, but like hell the devil is just getting started he keep thrusting in and out of her till she passed out. His partners were hailing him, and urging him to thrust harder. Four minute later he was done, he looks at the damage he had made of her, his heart whirl in euphoria. he had finally accomplished his fantasy, there’s this unperturbed joy he derives from forceful sex.

The five of them quickly dress up, and was waiting for Peter to finalize the crime, yea there shouldn’t be a witness, he opens his drawer and bought out a mixture of roots and they forced it down her throat, they were all assured that she won’t see the next day light, so they dumped her by the road side. But nature always had his own plan mapped out, she survived, her mother had already reported a rape case as confirm by the doctor to the police.

When Adeola finally regain consciences the police throw the questions at her “Can you identify them? who are they?” she paused for a while before answering them firmly “NO I can’t they all wore masks” there’s a way she said it that made her mother knows that her daughter is lying but that is not what trouble her she could perceive the anger and in-depth hatred brewing in her daughter.

After a week she was discharge from the hospital, her character changed, her grades dropped, her IQ dropped. Another week passed and she fell ill, doctors report says two things and they were both catastrophic she was pregnant and HIV positive.