₦airaland Forum

Yeah I did,and I believe dts Pandy (Pounded yam) you brought to complement my soup, I am already digging in

Wanna join me??

@Mikuz, U again

A man was making love to his new wife. He whispered in her ear: "How many before me?" He waited and waited and she didn't answer. Finally, he whispered in her ear: "I am still waiting." To which she replied: "I am still counting."

oigbaodun:
I agree with the cops, you are a thief. I am yet to meet a law abiding UK-residing Nigerian. How come you don't have the receipt for the laptop in your possession? You are lucky I wasn't on duty that day, I would have killed you. Thieves dont deserve to live among up-standing people.

I presume u must be high on rat dung!!!!

Lucario007:
Sets to aim, r u d 1 dat want try me? *Points Rocket Launcher at chux*

C d bomb 4 ya back, counting,
, 2,1,BOOM!!!!

R.I.P Giringory according to Ovularia

deadie:
Zebrudaya Okorigwe and Jegede Shokoya, wia una dey? Una don hear am so?

FYI Jegede Shokoya passed on years ago.

, U wey don jump fence, wey I no c ur back

Lucario007:
In the Restaurant . . .
I am in Abuja to see my uncle, Exactly 8am the secretary told me to come back by 2pm
dat oga is not around, so i have to hang aroundmtill 2pm. By 1pm i'm so hungry cos i've not
eaten since morning & i'm left with N200. There is no local canteen 4 me to buy fufu or eba and
all i'm seeing is big hotels. My eye began to turn so fast i decided to find a solution. In front there
is a big 5 star hotel, so i clean my ruff shoe, adjust myself & enter d hotel. I enter the lobby and the
waiter ask me if i'm there to see someone or lodge in. I said 'My name is Star and i'm lodging in.'
He told me dat d least room is 47K per night and i said 'no problem, this place is so lovely just like the
hotel i slept yesterday in dubai on my way to america' he says thank u sir and i asked him if i can pay
in hard currency cuz i've not yet exchanged my dollars and he says okay. then i ask him 'where is ur restaurant
i need 2 eat 1st' he then leads me 2 the restaurant and told d chef 2 treat me well & i just got back from the US!
the chef gave me d menu list and i ordered, punded yam, efo riro, snail & catfish! The chef told me it would be ready in
thirty minutes time so i asked for the bar and he pointed to the place only for vips!
i requested for assorted pepper soup and spanish red wine and took two of both. and one serving is 34K. I moved on
to eat my food & the bill for food is 40k plus extra plate 74K and i have only N200! i started sweating despite the AC and
they started suspecting i don't have the money. So the security and staffs begin to gather around me, so i said to myself
'Star what can you do oo!' i quickly called phone no with my second phone picked it and said loudly
'Yes mallam, the bomb is still with me and will explode in next 2 minutes" then i shouted 'I am proud to be a suicide bomber'
before i drop my phone i couldn't see anybody in the hotel again, even on the street!

U dey mock us ba!!! we dey find u fa!!!

I have the power to make your PC ink Invinsible so no one can read your posts.

Mikuz if u no understand a joke, just ask for explanation and I will put my 3yr old nephew 2 d task of explaining, ba wahala, ah ah

WTF? Is dis a jokeOr is this section no longer Jokes section

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17.
Every hand went up.
The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

bright007:
Where is d joke?

Can you figure out what this means

Man rushes into a bar and says to the barman: "Quick, give me a double brandy before the trouble starts." The barman obliged, the man downed it in one and again said: "Quick, give me another double brandy before the trouble starts". Again he downed it in one: "Quick, give me another, " The barman said:" Just a minute, when's all this trouble going to start" The man replied: "Anytime now, cos I've got no money.”

A couple living in a small Scottish Highlands village take on an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bathroom as such but she could use a tin bath in front of the fire. "Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to bowl," the woman said.

So the young girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday night. After her husband had gone off for his bowling tournament, the woman filled the bath and watched as the girl got undressed. She was surprised to see that the young lass didn't have any pubic hair and told her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said, "Next week, when you go off to bowl, I'll leave a little gap in the curtains so that you can see for yourself, alright?"

The following Monday night, while the girl got undressed for her bath, the wife asked her, "Do you shave down there?" "No," replied the girl, "I've just never grown any hairs down there. Do you have hairs on yours?" "Oh, yes," said the woman and she showed the girl her hairy muff.

After the girl had gone to bed the husband came home and the wife asked, "Did you see it?" "Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours?" "Why not?" she said, "You've seen it before.” "I know," he replied, "but the bowling team hadn't!"

mikuz:
ok i've bought the software now, what next?

Lol, run it on your phone,but it has to be a Nokia 3310 Symbian 60 phone,then holla me again for further instructions.

mikuz:
chux are you sure?
Make i no go waste moiney.

Will I lead you astray definitely Not

Where can I get fancy Laptop skin covers? My Laptop is a 15.6 inch screen and I need one of those beautifully designed Lid cover stickers. How much is it?

I guess you can go to the nearest super mart and ask for a decoder OR better still find and download a software that translates the English Language to Pidgin English, that might HELP!!

Lisa came up behind her husband while he was drinking his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head.
"Ow!" Larry exclaimed. "What was that for?"
"I found a piece of paper in your pants with the name 'Mary Lou' written on it," she said angrily. "You better have a good explanation!"
"Calm down, honey," Larry said. "I was at the dog track last week and that was the name of the dog I bet on."
Later that same day, Lisa walked up to her husband and smacked him hard on the forehead when he walked in the door from work.
"What the heck was that for?" he demanded.
"Your dog just called."

If u don't understand a joke, no b by force oh!!!!Just keep reading it until d "joke" sinks in,HABA!!!

Go figure

One day a guy brings his girlfriend home to have sex. He forgot that he shared a bunkbed with his younger brother, so he tells her to be quiet. When they get in the bed he tells her, "If you want me to stick my dick up your vagina say "Tomato". "If you want a Mouth Gig say "Lettuce". "If you want anything else say "Bread". The girl starts to whisper, "Tomato, Lettuce, Bread, Tomato, Lettuce, Bread". After a while, the brother wakes up and says, "Stop making sandwiches up there, you're getting "Mayonaise" all over my face!!!"

After an exciting hot, nice 69 with his girlfriend, Paul remembered he had a dentist appointment. He didn't want the dentist to smell pussy on his breath, so he brushed his teeth 7 times, flossed 8 times, and used 2 whole liters of listerine. As he pulled up to the dentists office, he stuck 5 strong mints in his mouth and sucked them down. His turn came up and he sat down in the chair feeling confident and opened his mouth wide. The dentist looked at him and said, "Man, did you have to do the 69 before came in here, ?" Paul says, "Why, does my breath smell like pussy?" And the dentists says, "No, your forehead smells like SHIT!!"

Kc3000:
The Nigerian government is many steps too slow for these guys, it's becoming embarrassing!!! Just the other day, I heard from my guys in the Nigerian Army that 200 trained recruits from the NA Depot deserted just a couple of days to their graduation. As it turns out, Boko Haram had the audacity to send 200 of its members to train as soldiers in the Nigerian Army, for free, and then return back to continue their fight. . . . they even made away with 45 AK-47s!!!!! I'm sure the Army is embarrassed by this, and has tried to keep it from making the news, but it's been confirmed by a lot of my peers currently serving in the Army.

ARE U SERIOUS!!! SOMEBODY TELL ME THIS IS NOT TRUE

[quote author=~Killz~ link=topic=871208.msg10198667#msg10198667 date=1329286107][color=#000030]. . .And the number will increase significantly after last night! [/color][/quote]I wan laff press format on my Nokia 3310

bulksms247:
Choiii, how many remain kwanu. 3 millions are the ones discovered with the disease what of the ones that are yet to be found. Choi how many remain kwanu. I no do again ooo

So u wan hang boots, Lol, use 3 dics @ once,I hear it helps greatly,

beespak7:
Horrible!!!

The policeman had the chance to cheat death but acted very stupidly. I noticed that the metal detector in his hand made a beeping sound thats when he should have run away immediately that way he should have survived but he was trying to dismantle a suspected bomb without any form of protective clothing very silly.

I suspect that the man that filmed this video, was the same person that detonated the bomb. Notice the way the camera shifted upward b4 the explosion, so that he could detonated the bomb this is so sad. death to boko haram!!!

[flash=400,400]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MAGkrDgL1w[/flash]

Like they say it is not proper to speak ill of the dead,but i must state that it was foolhardy for the policeman to have approached the said package without the necessary protective gears(if NP has any)and even try to detonate a BOMB with bare hands and peeking into the package, THAT WAS THE DUMBEST ACT EVER,

And for the video,whoever recorded this set off that bomb by remote,I stand to be corrected though,but the way the recording shifted when it was about to go off explains when the controller depressed the trigger or remote of the bomb.

Everybody knows what would have transpired by now if the little slut had made mockery of the Islamic faith, Some parts of the world would have erupted in unwanton violence, Nothern part of Naija not excluded, She is sick though

Download AVC(Any Video Converter), run the application on your PC/Lappy,select and attach the videos you wish to convert,choose .wmv as the format you want the video(s) to be converted to from the drop down menu on your right and hit the convert button, then copy/transfer to your fone and Voila!!!it can be viewed and played on ur mobile fone.
Hope this helps.