Interesting development.

john_blaze:

This is yet another indicator that socio-political power is moving to the east

Seems true.

Save Sakineh:

An Iranian woman faces death by stoning after being convicted of adultery. Amnesty International yesterday called on the Iranian authorities to halt the imminent execution of mother-of-two Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani and the hanging of another woman said to be a political activist.

Ashtiani was convicted of having an 'illicit relationship' with two men in May 2006 and received 99 lashes as her sentence. Despite this, she has also been convicted of adultery and sentenced to death by stoning. The 43-year-old has retracted a 'confession' she said was made under duress.

Appealing for help to the international community, her daughter, Farideh, 16, and son, Sajad, 20, said yesterday: 'Please help end this nightmare and do not let it turn into a reality. Help us save our mother.'

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/07/08/sakineh-mohammadi-ashtian_n_638950.html

Beaf:

. . .Yet Senators get 240 million per quater.

And some Nigerians aggressively support the disparity.

ada24:

don't mind the fool. is it not one story i heard in nigeria where the man beat his pregnant wife to lead to miscarraige and then when she fled to her fathers house told both sides of the extended family that she aborted the baby.

some of these men on this board should take the infalted male ego out of it and look at this intelligently - u cannot behave like an animal in the western world with your wife - if u know that u will loose everything when u divorce work on your marriage - don't kill her or start making her life hell. if she is helping financially u must do little things in the home to help just as she is helping u keep the home. its nt rocket science

When some men are pushed to the wall by women who are out to destroy them and rob them of all they work for, a scorched earth policy is instituted! Anarchy and chaos is the result.

The US legal system must stop being so biased against men that their only recourse to seeking justice is to take matters into their own hands. Stop the bias!!!

chiogo:

They're not going to address the points you brought up. I just laugh at the talk about Nigerian women in the US being wayward because I'm pretty sure these women that were killed were brought from Nigeria after living there for years. I repeat, nobody will remain a door-mat forever regardless of the village you sought her out from.

The ignorance is amazing, really.

What points? Points pulled from thin air? By her own admission, the Nigerian press does a poor job reporting this, then what other source is she basing her assertion?

Kobojunkie:

There are conceited beings on both sides but the reality is, the people involved so far have been nothing but people who have expected to be treated as 'gods' or like they were told they ought to be. These people found out too late that reality of marriage will likely not line up with their perception and so they decided to take the law in to their own hands.

For those foaming in the mouth that women in the US or UK are bad and low quality, I will ask why the same trend exists even today in Nigeria? There are so many cases of men killing their wives even in Nigeria. Only our media does not do a good job reporting all these cases right there in Nigeria as we would want have loved. But a good question to ask is why are there also cases of men killing their wives right there in Nigeria? These are wives who have probably never been to the UK or US or any other country -- many of them uneducated and not FEMINISTS in the western sense of the word.

Is this an opinion or an observation?

If the media hardly reports them, as you claimed, then are you aware of any studies or did you conduct any studies that identified such a trend?

Can you point to anything to justify your assertion?

morpheus24:

There are a multitude of girls in nigeria who frequent the US, Uk and other European, Asian and middle eastern countries

That my friend's wife-to-be spends her summer vacation in the UK and goes shopping sometimes in Dubai and Paris. She's educated, exposed and knows what's up. Her high point is the courtesy and cordiality she brings to the relationship. The Naija women in the US at her "status" (can someone suggest a better word? I don't care for this one) are many times too arrogant to have any meaningful conversation with.

asha 80:

[/b]

My sister called the police in illinois because she was having an agurement with the husband.Up till today i am still asking her why?

asha 80,

If you don't mind, do you happen to know where your sister met her husband? Nigeria or the States?

Thank you.

chiogo:

You were certain it was only an argument?
Many abused women never speak up anyway, probably tell lies here and there to cover up for the abusive man.

Cold cynicism, typical!

morpheus24:

Bros go home, I repeat again, Go home or better still try to mess with girls that live in Europe who are far better than the ones in the US. Europe still has good elements of culture and values.

And please when you go home don't go and pic some hungry woman, know your levels when you enter town.

Bros, thank you very much.

oyinda.:


my bad. didn't know u were asking morpheus24 specifically.
but anyways, i recommend u ask a nairaland man who IS MARRIED. like sienna maybe. he brought his wife from naija and he seem happy with a beautiful family. he was dating oyinbo prior to that.

Oh, don't get me started with the UK, where Sienna lives!

In the UK, the distrust Naija men have of Naija women is higher than in the US.

Why did a good man like Sienna go back to Naija to get his wife?

I know a lot of Naija guys living in the States that have done, are doing and will do the same. Why?

chiogo:

Arguing with these kinda people is useless. Funny how they ignore my points, couldn't rebut it. Yeah, I thought as much.  
LOL you'd be surprised many of them would actually like that. It's like they get some kinda pleasure from watching their "wives" suffer.

If these men could butcher their wives in cold blood, anything is possible.

And they wonder why Nigeria is the way it is. . . .people just don't think.

The problem I see with many Naija women living in the States is that they have a very arrogant way of relating with Naija men they meet. There is hardly any courtesy or cordiality with many of them, especially those with some education. Somehow, they also assume that most Naija men they meet are not even educated.

This may be because of stories they've heard or experiences they've had, nevertheless, the view that "every Naija man wants to turn his wife into a slave" is a unfortunate one held by too many Naija women in the US.

ada24:

unhappy is not the same as successful - a lot of women remain in unhappy marrigaes in nigeria for various reasons.

i wasn't even talking about Igbo talking about naija as a whole. Some of u men say that women have too much power cos they call police when u beat them in the US - don't u men know that hitting a grown adult is a crime.

Don't you know verbal abuse is a kind of abuse?

Some women abuse their husbands verbally and nobody comes to their aid.

oyinda.:

in d nigerian local villages. but be prepared to go and live there with her.
living in d US and well educated but u want silly docile wife. well go and find her in d village and stay there with her. if u bring her out, her eyes will open.
u shld already know this.

You misunderstood my question I asked morpheus24. Let me rephrase:

Where is a Naija man America more likely to find a wife that he can build a happy home with and live happily with? Nigeria or America?

I'm more interested in the response of fellow Naija men living in the US. I already know the cynical view of Naija women on this issue.

morpheus24:

there is still hope, I am praying there are at least 10% of these sort of women remaining. Probability is if there are and women outnumber men 5 to 1. My chances are good!!!


Marriage is not by force o!

But where is one more likely to find any of these women in the 10% marriageable group? Nigeria or America? What's your view?

morpheus24:

Bros I commute to and fro and can tell you before I go marry naija abroad. Hmmmmm??,

Unless she comes home on a regular basis, most of them are lost in that wilderness they call America unable to reconcile their values with that of the west.

morpheus24,

So, what do you recommend for a Naija guy living in the US, well-educated and wants to marry a Naija girl that won't give him wahala? Go home to marry or marry in the US?

Does anyone have any stats (or pointers) to the success rate of marriages of Nigerian men in the US married to Nigerian women they met in the US?

My gut feeling is that they fare worse than marriages of Nigerian men who went back home to marry Nigerian women.

I've seen many marriages of Nigerian men who met and married Nigerian women (including those born in the US to Nigerian parents) here that have failed also. And in 90% of the cases they go back home to remarry.

Onlytruth:

If you follow my point you would realize that I believe the men are responsible for their plights. They have a choice whom to marry. They basically design their marriages.

The "slave" thing is a feminist sound bite that most of such women buy into. It is an aberration. While the man was investing in this family, we he a slave?

This is the mentality I'm talking about. There are NO SLAVES IN MARRIAGES.

Leave the gullible to buy into the "slave" talk.

Onlytruth:

They always "seem like a very good girl and comes from a good home" until she acclimatizes!

I would advise your friend to thread softly. Believe me, there are good girls here in the US. He only needs to look for them. I even know some "akata" who understand African culture more than these Nigerian imports.

If he must marry her, he should NEVER bring her here. He should keep her in Nigeria until he is able to relocate back.

Brutal!

But are you saying that you've not seen one aka 1 aka ofu aka ikan that worked?

snowdrops:

but witch craft is well documented in the bible as are deliverance for people possessed by spirits. So this is not a nigerian/african thing.

nevertheless, it is an issue of quacks deceiving the vulnerable for personal gain.

I have no belief whatsoever in them, even if referenced in the Bible. The Christian faith does not hinge on believing the many stories in the Old Testament, rather it is based on believing in Christ as the Messiah, the savior of humanity. All teachings around Christ is what I believe. Yep, you can say my rationality has a singularity in Jesus Christ - that singularity is defined by faith.

The day a pastor will tell me any of my children is a witch is the day I'll slap a pastor in public! That is the level of disdain I have for such rubbish.

Onlytruth:

Of course I married her here (the US).
She and I have the same understanding of things. I can't tell her these things. She knows already.

My very good friend has been dating a girl in Naija and is planning to go home Jan '11 to marry her and bring her over. This girl seems like a very good girl and very smart too. From a good home also. I'm afraid for him now. So, you suggest he dumps her and marry someone here? This is a toughie!

snowdrops:

you dont know how compelling religion can be. you put your faith, hopes and belief on a god or someone representing him, you are completely powerless and therefore you must submit to that authority. In that scenario, you would believe any and everything you are told. . . . . . witches, evil spirits, etc.

I'm a Christian and I believe in the beautiful Christian traditions - they're lovely, indeed.

However, I can discern the difference between religion and deliberate manipulation for fame, glory, power, influence or wealth.

My worldview has no room for witches, a la Nigerian folk lore gibberish.

Onlytruth:

The other thing I personally notice about these  homicidal marriages is that the women are mainly nurses.
No pun intended, but nurses are not the most educated Nigerians, and it shows in their behaviors.

I know of one case where a certain hospital human resources department was complaining bitterly about the behaviors of some Nigerian nurses in their employ. They exhibit uncontrolled gluttony at the sight of condiments deposited at the pantry for staff light refreshment. Some of these nurse basically cart these condiments home leaving empty pantries behind.
Other workers from other countries would simply take what they needed eg. one sachet of fast Quaker oat meal, just enough for self. The Nigerian nurse will empty the entire tray!
That is the same attitude they adopt when dealing with their husbands at home.

Of course I personally will not marry anyone who is not holding at least a Masters degree in ANYTHING. I don't care what field. I need an educated woman at home!

So my advise again: NEVER MARRY A NIGERIAN WOMAN AND BRING HER TO THE US.

If you must marry her, then relocate to Nigeria. Simple.

Very strong position to take.

Just curious, did you marry your wife in the US or in Nigeria?

Only a complete slowpoke believes that witches, as portrayed in Nigerian home movies or Nigerian folklore, exist!

Beliefs like these are part of Nigeria's backwardness.

Onlytruth:

I've followed this topic closely and I've come to certain conclusions.

The problem is that the concept of marriage in Nigeria means a different thing from what obtains in the US. As a married Igbo man in the US, I can discuss this very easily.

The core idea is for the man (being the head of household in Igbo culture) to realize that the success or failure of the marriage lies with him, and he must make that conclusion BEFORE he gets married to ANYONE IN NIGERIA.

I know so many happy marriages in Nigeria which broke irreparably in the US, and I mean real happy marriages with both parties understanding their roles in the home. The man provides for his family, and the woman also provides when she can. In modern times BOTH parties work in Nigeria and provide for the family, but the man still remains the head of household. He consults his wife before making sensitive decisions, but the buck really stops with him. THERE CAN NEVER BE TWO CAPTAINS IN ONE SHIP. The ladies in Nigeria understand that and defer to their husband, while the men love their wives and will even die for them. Please note that this has almost nothing to do with class or education. I know many illiterate Igbo men with degree holder wives in Nigeria, and they live happily.

But out here, the women buy into a false sense of EQUALITY at home and start challenging EVERY decision the man makes. US is a highly individualistic society with also zero societal support. You can really do anything you want with yourself as long as you are not breaking the law. A married man or woman can do ANYTHING they want provided they can live with the consequences. In Nigeria it is not like that. There are societal consequences to actions.
So when that societal support gives way, only FEW WOMEN are not tempted to push the limit of their "freedom". And when the chips fall, the man is mostly left holding the empty bag after many years of planning his family and providing for them in Nigeria, he loses it all because the woman decided to enjoy her "freedom".  

The US is mostly a community property nation, direct implication is that in the event of any divorce, the woman almost always takes possession of the house and the children until visitation rights are worked out. The man MUST move out. Most of these men have invested (like most Igbo men) heavily in their families: wives upkeep (Igbo man will buy the best clothes for his wive and will even starve doing so), kids (Igbo man must send his kids to the best school, he will starve instead), and other similar sacrifices. Such deviant women never even think about these. All they see is the chance to take what the man worked so hard for and leave. The next day, don't be surprised if she starts dating your close friends! That is what lead to these types of homicides. They can never be justified, but how can anyone justify such heartlessness from some Igbo women in the US?

A friend of mine went through a similar ordeal. He nearly died! ( a lot of guys just go to sleep and never wake up!). It is that bad. He has survived his for 10 years now while his wife was busy sleeping with any man of her fantasy. Guess what folks, she now wants to come back to the man! She has sent emissaries, done almost everything she can to get back but the husband has since moved on (though he is still single). He cannot remarry. He was broken beyond repair!

My final advise and submission on this topic to Nigerians (especially Igbo men in the US) : NEVER MARRY A WOMAN IN NIGERIA AND BRING HER TO THE US. PERIOD!

Let Nigerian women in Nigeria marry Nigerians at home, while those abroad should marry abroad to anyone of their choice. The gap is too much.

Only very few marriages survive this culture shock.

Excellent post!

My view, developed over a decade of observation of Igbo marriages in the US, is that the likelihood of a failed marriage is highest when an Igbo man living in the US goes home to marry an Igbo woman. The odds are better for the Igbo man who goes to Nigeria to marry from any other ethnic group.

Anybody made the same observation?

I mostly blame the men for this crisis.

Too many Naija men living abroad are clueless and lazy. This subsequently breeds disrespect from the women who are used to knowledgeable and strong men; men like their fathers, who raised them to believe in the man of the house; men they looked up to; men that treated their mothers with love and affection.

Many women also make horrible choices in partners. They go after lying buffoons and flamboyant charlatans. What do they expect?

Too many women are complete idiots in the art of spouse selection.

Too many fools are Muslims!

US foreign policy on Iran is idiotic.