wavemasta got it spot on. BINGO. He knows she wants it, he can afford it, but is scared mummy dearest will criticize him. I know that deep down his heart he wants to, but he puts his mother's feelings first.

Thanks Ioma, I agree that we have a lot to learn about marriage. infact , everyone does, poor people too have divorces. my pal doesn't look at high priced things all the time, they enjoy visiting Gurara fals, cotonou and Ghana road trips etc. My Christian background doesn't provide me the right to demand dowry. but My friend is only exercising her religious given rights, and she definately knows what her fiance can afford conveniently.

You know, some men don't mind spending 10 or 15 million on a car. or sponsoring a friends wedding reception running into milions but find it difficult making tangible investment on their women, that's when they realse the sweat put in to make the money ,

Thanks all for your contributions, as i said you all are entitled to your opinion. I also found out that i or we should concerntrate on the term DOWRY instead Bride Price. Dowry is what the bride culturally demands as a gift while bride price is what a sort of compensation to the brides family.

Those who feel offended by my mentioning her educational background, sorry. i had to do that cos some folks called her a gold digger and that she's trying to milk her boo. I remember the early "toasting" era, lol, this man spared no stone unturned in trying to meet up her lifestyle (i guess). he would take her on surprise foreign trips etc.  MY FRIEND IS IN NO WAY TRYING TO SELL HERSELF. BARS OF 24K GOLD CAN NEVER AMOUNT TO HER WORTH AS A DECENT BEAUTIFUL GIRL. And ofcourse, she's no different from a girl that schooled in yabatech etc(as someone said). I raised this issue cos i wonder why a man would feel comfortable spending big money on trivial things and even buying his sister a car worth 6 milion naira and making huge donations at launchings and notbother to fulfill his brides wish. It has nothing to do with selling one's self and virginity.

And for your information, not all virgins bleed on first time OK. So there's very little men can do in determining a true virgin ( virgin soaps are sold everywhere to deceive stupid men, lol) . I'm not saying is a virgin o, ( cos some people can twist words and ideas on this forum)

debest1:

unlike some posters on here, i dont think bride price or dowry is antiquated at all. If a father has invested money and time into his daughter, it is only fair that the groom's family appreciate his effort (both financial and moral). In most cases the bride's family would demand money and other goods, the thing to note is if the girl was not properly educated or of loose morals would the man be marrying her? I don't think so, in which case he should stump up what they require afterall its their daughter.

God bless you my brother, my friend studied at MIT, Boston, and she's not some gold digger as senseless pple here think. they should checkout how much it cost her father to educate her. More than 10 million naira. Not that she's selling herself, afterall how much would a little box of 24k gold coins cost? not more than 3million which is about the price of 2 first class tickets to the States and back. She is born into class , he (groom) worked his ass into his wealth and his eyes saw what his heart desires, so let him pay her demand.

Fhemmmy:

Those are not real men.
I think when men refuse to pay it, the price will go down.
it is a demand and supply issue now.

Lol, keep waitng for the price to come down, maybe during your time, your in-laws will give you change sef.

And if i happen to be in he shoes and still married to him for 25 years, we will celebrate the anniversary with friends and family (fully taken care of )at the ONE AND ONLY RESORT in Mauritus. yes, I dream big and i'm not ashamed of it. All the luxuries in the world aren't meant for two headed humans. And for your information, buig gold especially 24k is one of the best investments anyone can do. it's unadultrated and is the only quality of gold foreign high class jewelry stores can buy from a non dealer. it ca be used in amufacturing 18k, 22 k 23k 14k etc gold pieces. EDUCATE YOURSELVES BEFORE RESPONDING PLS.

alfchye:

 I am with you on this one.I will give two useful advice, If you friend is wealthy, I guess she should look for her own class to marry who will buy the 24k gold with  any problem, She should be advising the guy who to invest his money instead of asking for the 24k Gold, That should server them for the future and who is to take the dowry.Do you mean the gurl will take the 24k Gold or her FAMILY.
  I no understand your own oh.

   IF she really love the guy,She should get the 24k Gold   for the guy and tell him to bring it on the D-day.


  Lastly, Since you know it all why are you here, because I do not see you needing any advice here.

yes i came here for advice but ended up seeing that more people need advic ethan me  .


@aM JUST ME, PLS learn to read wide and understand other cultures. not all dowries are set by the families. some permit the bride to place hers.

I still maintain my stand, her fiance is wealthy  and can afford mer demand , so he shoould stop considering waht his family might think in him spending such money in getting her request and go ahead and please his bride. They are the ones to live their lives together.

jeSoul and Agitator,

You are both entitled to your opinion, but i even though of mixed race, love and cherish our culture and tradition even as it pertains marriage. it's what makes us unique. ether your culture demand for a she-goat, or bag of salt or some whips of cane, its all pleasant to experience. Why would you want to alienate your selves from who you are and become what you are not? You may live in Boston (as i see from Jesoul's profile), you may even walk into a registry to be married with 2 witnesses, that will no way make you a blood American (even if you are born there).

As i said earleir,  my friend is a muslim + fiance muslim, it's what the muslim culture demand as the bride's right. so what's bad if she asks for gold? Except you are ignorant, take a trip to dubai and visit PRIMA GOLD at the Mall of the Emirates or at the Burj Al Arab. They are the only world recognised 24k dealers and manufacturers. they have special gold designed for dowry. They have even modern designs as a 24k gold elephant statue and much more. It all depends on the woman to creat a Keepsake for her children which is of value. www.primagold.net

If i were to be a muslim and asked what my dowry was, I wouldn't ask for money, i'd rather request for something i can pass unto my generations. I wouldn't blame those of you who don't appreciate the good a little substantive vanity can bring to ones life. Its's just like asking why a rich man would buy a yacht when he knows that money can improve the roads in his village, its simply that sometimes, if you can afford it, you would want a few of the finest things in life and God bless your decision when its a value generations can benefit from.

Ferdiii, you should read all my posts before wrting. No one is sending anyboy to any grave, . if there's a grave in question, it should be the one he built for himself . he saw a high class polshied pretty half caste and wants to marry her with 5000 naira. he should have gone to his village in search of a bride. a few bars of gold will not send Dangote to an early grave (since dangote seems to be the only rich man you guys seem to know in niogeria).


@ pek
i didn't mention PRIDE PRICE but Bride price, pls educate me on the difference btw the two. Thanks professor

@ spicyboy 01,

it may interest you to know that my father got married to my mother in russia during his studies as an engineer and he played along very well to the folk laws there but mainly the registry as religion was still openly feared for it still the communism era. Ane he sure knew the way to shopping malls cos their honeymoon was spend in switzerland and Venice. So not everyone is as backward as YOU. my point here is SPICYBOY 01 can still dream okay, i know of Nigerians who plan overseas wedding for the fun of it. People try to make their lives more interesting especially when we absorb the exposure through the good lives of other people.

and my friend is no gold digger, for your information, she is of a better and wealthier family background than him and works in Exxon Mobil as a cilvil engineer. giving credit to her fiance, he struggled to be where he is today financially and has been the breadwinner of his own family, that's why his mother can't let go of him and he is scared of openly spending on my friend. I'm begining to think she's too much for him sef, Grow up SPICYBOY 01 and stop referring to girls wanting a good life as gold diggers, afterall, there are more male diamond diggers than women today, true!

Thanks all but Candyshore hit the nail on the head. There's nothing wrong in fulfilling a woman's wish if you can afford it + if its going to remain in the family (but in her name). Maybe thats where the problem lies, maybe he prefers giving her perishable things instead of investments as most Nigerian men do (for fear of building the woman power).

or maybe and most probabaly

He doesn't want to make her dowry as ahe requested because of his family particularly his mother. I know his mum never got along with her and always saw my friend as a competitor.  I recall a personal experience when my friend planned going to dubai to buy her clothes e.c.t that would be presented to her at the wedding (you know, the usual set of boxes) my friend asked me to travel with her, then mother- in-law intervened saying that she (mother) must go herself and purchase the items cos my friend might "pinch" her son's money. My firned felt very bad cos most of our other girls travelled themselves to fill their boxes. How can a 60+ old woman know what a young girl needs e.g. type of lingerie, perfumes, nighties etc. Her mother in law wants to control every thing her son does for my friend.

so i verily think that, his reason for rejecting the dowry demand is the fear of almighty mother. but isn't it the bride's day? isn't the wedding all about her? she feels really bad that he is turning her down and  he now thinks her friends are the ones influencing her request. , especially me

@ sweddings, thanks a lot my dear. i read the link and it was quite useful. for the stingy confused men out there and the muslim ladies out there, here's a caption from the passage

[i]According to the Islamic jurisprudence, a woman married to a Muslim man has a right to get a property or money which is called mehr. It is advised to mention about mehr while solemnizing the nikah. However, either mentioning about it or not during the nikah, even if it is ignored or denied; the woman has the right of having mehr. That is to say, the mehr is the most natural right of woman.

At the same time this is a divine right given to the woman. However, woman can remit the dowry to her husband after marrying. Unless woman remits that dowry voluntarily, her right to take it back continues[/i].

As i said, my friend's husband - to-be dashes car out like no man business (maybe cos he wants the big boy recognition) and has the money. he travels round the world with my friend o. but as she puts her mouth to demand her dowry , he wants to chicken out. ii know 24k gold is expensive but it wont be up to the price of a new honda he gave his sister on her wedding day, haba.

davidylan:

once a man is married, his allegiance must be to his wife first. Family comes a distant second.

wise words, wish all Nigerian men had those lines in their heads.

Davidylan, you must be a very nice and responsible home, a true son of your father. God bless you

@ agitator, there's no need to use fowl words on this page. there are better and cleaner ways to express your lack of reasoning + stingy nature. My advice to you is to make enough money in your life to give your woman a dream come true romantic union fest e.g an engagement ring from cartier. I pray for a time when men around would appreciate a lady enough to actually purchase a jewelry from new bond street rather than mere window shopping, afterall De grisogono, Bvlgari, Graff etc are stores not only made for white men or two headed Nigerians.

@Hotteju, yeah customarily, it's decided by elders But I'm told that in the Muslim/islamic culture the bride determines her price or can assign a senior family member to do so while she secretly asks for a girt from her hubby which he can fulfill immediately or within the shortest time possible. Muslim ladies in the house can help out on this.

Thanks all,

@ N101, its not bad for a girl to dream especially when such was done to her mother. she's half egyptian and her nigerian dad did quite a lot to play along the Islam/egyptian culture to marry her mum. pls don't get me wrong here, i all along mentioned that the man can clearly afford it. she said he's concern is that his family might complain that he's wasting money, but what the heck, she is his bride and such act should be seen as an investment to their own family and unborn kids. I'm a chrstian and have seen lots of muslims pay heavy dowry, AS LONG AS THE MAN CAN AFFORD IT.

@Thor, Dowry is customary and peculiar to the african continent ( and some parts of the world). it depends on the woman whether she wants to be dragged to the registry unceremoniousy and hitched or celebrated in true feminity. I LOVE and appreciate the whole drama that comes with traditional marriage; Ibo, Yoruba or especially Hausa (where lots of goodies are given in boxes

@ davidylan, why would he beat her? if he loves her enough he should give her wht she wants afterall is she going to eat the gold? she'll probably keep it as part of her estate that would be passed on to their children. that's why you men especially Nigerian guys hardly buy expensive gifts for their wives cos you are always stingy and unromantic. if its a sheik from dubai now, he'll see the gold coin dowry as a pride, he'll add a house and a mercedes join sef, ( all if he can afford)

Hello friends,

one of my best friends has always fantasized about her dowry being a little box of pure 24k gold bars or coins. She's a muslim and has always mentioned that Islam permits the bride to demand for whatever or how much her dowry should be (pls correct if it's wrong, this is a learning forum).

She got engaged recently and we were all happy and excited for her but she told me a few days ago that when her fiance asked what she wanted for her dowry, and she mentioned the gold idea to him, he flared up. he said amongst other things that is she selling herself? that if she loved him, she would ask only 5000 naira or thereabout, that how is he going to face his relatives when he spends a lot of money for dowry. mind you, her fiance is wealthy and can afford spending a couple of millions to fill her pandora box, but my friend is hurt cos she feels he missed the mark.

i personally have seen and heard of houses, brand new cars, gold and big cash given as dowry, is it wrong for a woman to demand to have her childhood dream come true? does it make her a bad muslim? is there a limit to a woman's demand even when it's within her groom's means?

I work with an LNG Firm, 2 years now( and a temporary staff). It's a good job but my growth is limited because i don't have a Masters to back my CV unlke other employees neither do i have a Godfather in the industry to facilitate my promotion or my making a permanent staff. I have tried saving enough money to further my education and have recently gotten an admission to University of dundee to study MBA i International Oila and Gas Managment to start in september this year.

My challenge now is, i'm not entitiled to study leave and have to quit my job to allow me study full time which is 18 months. If i choose to do an online/ distance learning option, it would take me 3 to 5 years to complete and i'm scared i might loose concentration in such a long period of study (coupled with lagos traffic wahala causing me no time to study).

Considering the present employemt economics, i don't want to risk being jobless after my 18months return and i know how difficult it is to get a job these days - companies are just not employing.

Dear friends, i need your candid advice pls

Thanks Ajileko but i'm sorry i disagree that all cement are the same. I remember once a friend told me that the "Elephant " brand was much better hence slighty more expensive than other brands. i alsop heard that some tend to expire and solidify in the bags faster than others. What about the imported ones?

Dear Friends,

I'm about building my first house and i'm very excited. As it goes, i do not want to compromise in the quality of materials i'll be using. I would appreciate honest opinions on where to buy building materials in bulk i.e trailer-load particularlycement as i'm confused on Dangote ( some say he's got the imported brands and the obajana one), ashaka ect.

Pls advice

@poster Pls go ahead and build your house, however, keep him informed of the progress whether he appreciates it or not. this is a man's world and owning a house is just the only way a woman can truely secure herself just incase things turn sour (not necessarily divorce). it can be used as a collateral to secure a loan in the future, at least landed properties are about the only thing financial institution rely upon these days.

i'm 29 yrs old and just bought a land in abuja to build my second house. your man should be proud of the rock he has in you. at least you don't spend your money on expensive jewellry or reidiculously pricey laces.

Don't forget to pray to God for strenght and guideance because you will surely face some challenges not only from your husband, but also from your fellow so called female friends, trust me and good luck

Dear All,

i'm still waiting even though someone mentioned SKIN by Linda Mesrob in lagos over the phone . Any confirmation,

@ Tha_dude,  21 travel bags. All 100% leather.

@ MrCrackles, thanks but no thanks. I know my faults (for trusting a potential leather manufacturer) and i need remedy.

Comeon peeps, there should be a factory somehwere in Nigeria where quality leather goods are made. This might be a good opportunity for some company to showcase their skills afterall Nigeria is one of the worlds highest hides and skin exporter, I'm waiting on some kind help.

Dear Nairalanders,

I recently imported some leather travelling bags from China and unfortunately the leather around the handles are falling apart as the glue is melting maybe due to the heat . i urgently need a repairer to help fix the bags and preferably in Lagos. Any suggestion would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

Dear All,

i'm still waiting, seems no one has ideas or views on my request as pepole tend to ship from the states and ignore Canada. well, i just got some info that one can immediately export a brand new car from Canada and not wait for a few months like in the states.

Cheers

Dear Forum,

I want to buy a mercedes benz c 300 2009 model from North America. However, i discovered through search engins that the mercedes models sold in Canada have better specifications and are more loaded such as the keyless entry, AMG features etc. can any one please respond to the following concerns below:

1. What is the difference Between gassoline (gas fueled cars) and petrol cars. i read that all canadian cars are gassoline.

2. will cars bought in canada work well in nigeria as cars from north america?

3. is there an embargo on shipping brand new cars out of canada as it is the case of america on the 1 year rule

4. do canadian cars have the same wheel drive as Nigeria?

5. where is cheaper to ship from : Canada or America?

Thanks a lot

Dear All,


i'm trying to import some items i bought in London and looking at the best option to do so putting cost and reliability into consideration. i thought of the door to door service which i heard will help me escape some if not all taxes by customs.

i'll be grateful if such options are made known.

i love when he sucks on my toes, sends a sweet sensation to my thighs,

@ dual core,

you got the problem right. i hear the beeping sound even when the screen is blank.

funny but i tried slapping ita few times,,,, but nothing happened.

what do i do now??

dear all,
i bought this HP PAVILION DV6000 laptop from london and it worked fine for the first few hours.

Today, which i 3 days after the initial and only use, my laptop comes on but has a blank black screen. i can hear all the boothing sounds and see the lights on but the screen is totally blank,

i've tried pressing the f11 ,F9 etc buttons at start but no solutions. pls someone help!!

Sly,

why have you bin silent these days? is the pressure too much?

the joy of more work is more work

@ Jenju

thanks hun, so the car is good to buy.

you are a darling