bluespice:

if it doesnt match or exceed the guinness world record, it isnt too expensive

I LOVE you my sister, I try making everyone understand here. yes it depends on your man's pocket power. but let him do the best his pocket will let him. Afterall , all the goodies in the world are not meant for women with 3 or 4 boobs

aysometin:

Niger Delta men rule especially from the Isoko tribe

okay dear and may we have their area of specialty?

lol, at least something good is coming out of this thread. SOME CUPID ARROWS FLYING THE INTERNATIONAL SCENE. The courtship alone will be worth more than the 24k gold dowry, Shopping on 5th ave and beverly hills; party at Las Vagas, enjoy y'all

@ejadamen, I fully agree that there are a few good men from every ethnic group BUT, generally speaking, you know.

Just as the popular gist goes that the reason why American embassy stopped their DNA paternity testing on families is cos it was ASSUMED that amongst the yorubas that applied for visa, out of 5 children at least 1 didn't belong to the husband hence homes were destroyed, SOME FAMILIES O OOO, But its just a general saying.

So what's it with the men? What makes each ethnic man tick, shine or

@3spade3, This blog is called NAIRALAND and has something to do with Nigerians. It's open to citizens of Nigeria, people married to citizens of Nigeria and those in diaspora who want to associate themselves with a rich identity, so if as you claim, do not belong to any of the categories mentioned above, i wonder if you are lost.

post picture or provide a link to a site.

marriages fail because people change and change is the only constant thing in life , so  

marriages fail because people change and change is the only constant thing in like , so

typical of the yorubas e.g. its the okoya's tradition

cont:

Hausa: The rich are very extravahant on their women, ( i like that one). They can be very romantic at the start of an affair or a new marriage, the woman at the early times is treated like a goddess. tend to get tired of one wife and thereby either marry another or have loads of girlfriends. Abandon their wifes physically after a short while into the marriage but still keep up the financial and social obligations VERY WELL. the Hausa man spends a fortune to make his home stylish and neat ( they don't mind employing loads of maids so their women don't raise a finger)

YORUBAS: The sweetest sugar coated tongues ever. They can be given the title DIPLOMATIC HUSBANDS. Love their wives + love their concubines and mistresses at the same time and with the same affection. Are very good at spending cash on their wives appearances (jewelry + expensive laces) but leave their homes unkept. Loves parties till dawn no matter his age hence ignoring his home including kids.

Kindly differ as it suits you, lets enjoy but no insults , Thanks

I come from somewhere in Kogi state, my Ethnic group is known for one thing , HOSTILITY, (it's not always the case when you truely get to know us) you may guess. Lots of girls from my place swear to marry men from other tribes due to the SWEET nature of our men, and that IF every they are to settle with a toens man, he must that which was brought up outside our hometown's environs (you know, the exposed ones)

Well, taking a look at Nigeria's geography and its ethnic distribution, we clearly know that our beloved loverboys are mainly Ibo, Hausa and Yoruba. It a sociological fact that your environment and culture mould your personality and to a large extent define the kind of husband you will become/or are.

Here are the basics from girlie chats:

IBO: Treat their women with respect and dignity, spend on her within thier means, very considerate of her feelings hence tend to be faithful husbads and even if an affair is invovled: they are very discreet about it. they hardly divorce their women and stick thru thick and thin.

Hausa:

@Ejadamen, I get you my girl and I'm sure the men are defeated by now. Thanks for your advice.

@Fehmmmy, I should run a topic on which ethnic group produce the best husbands, I'm syre you can read my ming on the worst

Sell on ebay, i don't fancy the idea of renting a gown.

It's a shame that Nigerian diplomatic dept can say that they were not aware of her coming when common nigerian like me knew 3 days before, even CNN hinted on it.

What else do you expect from a bunch of unprofessionals? political criminals only after their interest

Ok Fehmmmy,

Conclusion[/color]

Every man should aim for the best in himself and his wife. He should be proud to make her happy ( that's why ibo men are the best, it's a pity i never had the chance to date one). A true man will let his glory and success shine thru his wife. Nigerian men should learn to fulfill their women's dreams and help them attain personal goals and ambitions, to be their guide. He should LARN to draw the line of respect and need btw his biological family and new family (wife +unborn kids).

[color=#990000]NIGERIAN MEN MUST LEARN TO WATCH MORE CHICK-FLICKS to be more romantic!!! [b][/b]

@Adaku 123, You are a true sister. You are spot on, hit the nail on the head.

@Fayahsoul, take the words of Fhemmmy to heart. And you know what? Marriage isn't the means to and end in life, it doesn't guarantee happiness. A LADY WHO KNOWS HER ONIONS WILL PREFER BEING SINGLE THAN GETTING MARRIED TO A D, KHEAD WHO WILL CAUSE YOU NOTHING BUT PAIN AND SHORTEN YOUR LIFE SPAN.

@Fhemmmy, good to have you around.

@ poster, cut them off from your life like a bad habit. they are no good to even be in your child's life. Do they care about your and your baby's welfare? how you survive? how you are coping with the lose of your husband at such a young age? do they know or care enough to know whether you ever intend getting married again in life? pls cut of all communications and get a court's restraining order if they venture visiting you, silly MIL. I'm not surprised,

@ POSTER, keep your desire and answer your father's name with your hubby's. He'll come to terms if he loves you. There are a million and one women doing that now, its a matter of keeping your own famil'y name going on too. Which kind wahala be this ,

NB , I thank the forum for the sense of hidden identity, some men folks would have lynched me in this country for exposing their wicked and stingy self absorbed bitter souls, GOOD NIGHT

HA HA HA , so many rubbish talk from myopic thinkers. Oh how i see that yopu men are filled with such bitterness probably at your lack of solid self structure, LMAO.

so funny how saddists choose to attack poor me instead of concentrating on the topic. As i said earlier I'm not here to defend myself to faceless people (i'm faceless here too) but just for the same ones amongst, here:

In referral to my previous Topic, Yes. I'm building my first house in abuja but second in life. My first was built 4 years ago in my home town, I used largely inheritance from my late Dad, WANT MORE DETAILS A$$H@le?

The one i'm building in abuja is from my own sweat, its a much bigger project and that's why i put the topic to get advice from reasonable people so i won't get dupped being a lady. Building a house in Abuja is different from building one in the village/hometown.

In reply to agitator(oh how u begin to piss me off with your narrow mindedness ), My statement was general to women folks, its not a bad idea for a wife to be a man's accountant, and i gave examples. yes , a man might brew himself from poverty to wealth and STILL LACK SENSE OF INVESTMENT. otherwiase, how would you explain the situations of some powerful people e.g EX GOVERNORS WHO BECAME POOR FOR LACK OF INVESTMENT.

Since there are no more tangible responses/ advices to my TOPIC rather than turn this page into a battlefield for sad men who envy a lady's progress, i'd rest the case on men responding to my post EXCEPT YOU HAVE SOME POSITIVE WORDS, wonder why majority responders are men, (SIGH) stingy men

I REREAT , EAT YOUR HEARTS OUT AND WATCH OUT FOR MY HOUSE WARMING INVITATION BY THIOS TIME NEXT YEAR BY THE GRACE OF GOD. Some pple will definately not be welcome, SADDIST LOL LOL

@ekoboy, yes a good woman should be her husband's accountant. some men lack investment ideas and the wife guides them thru, like Bill clinton and his wife,

@r231,

I got no bubbles burst. Al posts i wrote in other pages are true. As much as we hide our identities on this foprum, our personalities must reflect thru, maybe i got your last post wrong.

Wen i mean dream, its not day dream, it's hoping where you want to be tomorrow, what you want out of your life. I've always wanted to own a house in abuja before the age of 30. I had that dream since i was 21, and it's come to reality. that's what i mean my dear.
According to Oprah,
" the key to realizing a dream is to focus not only on success but significance- and then, even the small steps and little victories along your path will take on greater meaning, "

@ fhemmmy, it's not applicable to only properties acquired after marriage. e.g read the marriage and divorce of Paul MacCartney and ex wife Heather Mils. It also goes to the xtent of a man making his wife the president , vice president or CEO of a company he built years before marrying her. e.g Kimora lee simons and ex husband Russell simmons , it depends on what the man wants, but it rightly should have the woman involved in everything her husband owned before and during the marriage, even after sef. if a divorce takes place when the man is poor and the allimony is set low cos of his standard, as he get's richer the court can, at the petition of the ex wife, increase the alimony i.e. if she has custody/ joint custody of the kids.

@ Fhemmmy, thanks for understanding. That's why from the start i mentioned she's a muslim and their culture is quite different from the ordinary , yet beautiful in its own right.

r231:

yea rite ABUJA KO, by the way the first or second 1

I won't join issues with you, we all meet on this forum by chance from different paths of life. I don't have to prove anything about my personal life okay. And pls, don't feel bad when a lady does something a man is considered worthy of doing, encourage her cos she might even be your sister. I work hard for my money and have a will to invest it however i like. As i said I DREAM TO REALITY , WHAT'S YOUR DREAM?

A woman is entitled to be in all deeds. even if he's not, at time of divorce, kids or no kids and no matter how long the marriage lasts, EXCEPT WHERE THERE'S PRE NUP, and as long as its a registry marriage, she's antitled to half of everything the man has (subject to negotiations and court orders) Saddly, this practice is very poor in nigeria and women end up with nothing.

She should be in every property he owns even those he aquired b4 their marriage.

@ agitator, EAT YOUR SAD HEART OUT.

@ Agitator, all posts are so true of me, and you can see that i'm a strong feminist. I'm so proud to be building a house in abuja at the age of 29. that shows i know quite a lot about investment.

@ Fhemmmy, okay okay i take back my words if hurtful but i've seen some pretty harsh posts by you  NOW i understand why you got me wrong.

IN ISLAMIC CULTURE, A DOWRY IS A GIFT TO HER BY HER HUSBAND  AND ITS NEVER TO BE TAKEN AWAY FROM HER BY HER FAMILY. It's different From BRIDE PRICE which in most cultures goes to the bride's family. The gold, if given, will be for her not her family, and after the wedding, SHE IS ALLOWED TO GIVE ALL TO HER HUSBAND OR THEIR CHILDREN. It becomes a property for the family. I think she is better than a girl wo would ask for cash

THERE'S NO SMOKE WITHOUT FIRE, that woman in her husband's life is smoke and tpassion , the fire. there's something going on btw them, i'm very sure the lady friend in question is single or if married, a very unhappy person. Let the case of prince Charles and camilla the chameleon e a lesson to all. the midnight calls to the palace, secret letters even when both were married.

@ Fhemmmy, from your first post here, lol, by the time you finish thinking, both wife and mother will be dead, HAHAHA SLOW COACH. I feel sorry for the woman to marry you cos you are never a man to feel and be as ONE with your wife. Go ahead and chose mother, by the time you get home, YOU'LL FACE THE WRATH OF YOUR CHILDREN. OLD PAPA YOUNGY,

@Chaircover,, don't get me wrong, my friend isn't adamat in collecting it neither is it a power struggle btw her mother- in- law and herself. It's something she wants when asked what her dowry would be. SSome brides ask for cars, some for cash and it depends on the grooms capital strenght, WHICH HE HAS.

Others,
It's not like my friend keeps on asking him, give me gold , give me gold as most pple think here. she told him once when he asked her and he said he'd prefer paying 5000 naira which is so so wrong. It's not the man to fix or determine or negotiate such. He didn't mention financial instability as his reason for not giving her the gold, My friend has been upset and worried at his nonchalance in doing what he could do.

My reason for stating that poverty is a state of mind   is in reply to those who say cos the man worked so hard to get to where he is today therefore it would be a waste to buy gold for his wives family.

My friend doesn't need his gold to enrich herself, she's got a few for herself as most ladies do in jewelry. Her salary in a month is almost half of the gold's worth. so pls don't call her a gold digger. I can see that most negative responses are from men , that shows the reasn why Nigerian women are unhappy mostly in marriages . man prefer to spend a whole lot on friends, extended family and even girlfriends , and end upleaving their wives and kids to simple monthly or no allowance.


YOU MEN SHOULD HAVE A SERIOUS RETHINK FROM YOUR STINGY WAYS AND LEARN TO PRIORITIZE, SPENDING MONEY ON YOUR WIFE / MOTHER OF YOUR FUTURE KIDS , ESP. ON TANGIBLE PROPERTIES IS NEVER NEVER A WASTE. HOLY HEAVENS!!!!

@ffhemmmmy, a wise woman would chose a dowry of substance that which even her husband can use in time of trouble, I CAN SEE YOUR SENSE OF REASONING, VERY PATHETIC AND PITIABLE

To all those who flow and understand me, good for you . I now fully understand the statement , " POVERTY IS A STATE OF MIND" Thats why some people never succeed and even know what to do when they prosper. I realised why Nigerians have a very high level of heart failure/ high blood pressure. Majority of us don't know how to enjoy and invest in life the right way. Those who think buying gold bars / coins is a waste of money, shame on you. You should concentrate more on the economics of investement. 24 k Gold never falls short of its value, in fact , it gets more expensive as it gets older with you (particularly if its bought from a reputable manufacturer) it becomes an antique over time. Ever wonder how some people become extremely rich over night after the sale of a painting or portrait or even on things as odd as a bottle of wine. some things appreciate so well over the years and add a great deal to ones wealth.

How many of you out there have lost money to the crumble of the stock excange, or don't you know that a brand new car starts depreciating the moment it is bought? For those who wonder my questioning his choice of a car gift to his sister. well i can tell you for sure that the sister contributed nothing to his life as she got married at the age of 20 while he (my friend's fiance) is 40 years old. so tell me what good she could have contributed to his struggle to the top.And mind you. The sister's wedding was in May this year and i'm VERY SURE the economy has hit rock bottom by then, yet he had such money to spend . Girls out there, may you never meet a man who is controlled by his mother, everyone around knows the mother adviced him to but the sistyer a car since she had none. so who's the real gold digger here

As for those who say i know too much of my friends relationship, that's cos we are like sisters, we confide in each other all thru life. some girlfriends feel more comfortable having personal discussions with their female best friends rather than partents. And mind you, her paretnts had not influenced her choice of dowry. They are responsible citizens and parents. Don't blame her for her dream, pls dream your dream and start enjoying life ,