₦airaland Forum

I blame her parents for joining them together.

You sound like a wicked and bad father.
I will like to hear his side of the story.

MaryAye:
I met this guy where I normally get my fruits for biz. We got talking and exchanged contact.

He seems to be a nice guy but when I told him I had a son and narrated the circumstances behind his birth and my life, he told me he was cool with it.

Of lately, I noticed he talks ills of my son and assume it's a joke. I will try to shade it off but he repeated it again after the church service yesterday.

I'm considering giving him a chance because he's cool but his singular act of insulting and shouting at my son when he comes to my shop seem to disturb me.

Please, do you think his behaviour is a red flag or not?

Did you consider if your son is ill behaved?

Fibonacci88:
Today makes it 58 days no light in the whole city of Calabar but the governor is only concerned of how to rule Nigeria in his dreams.

What a fantasy!

Keep saying the truth even on this new platform.

Kobojunkie:
Please do. What is the sense in bringing a child into this world that you at this point have yet to figure out? And don't get me wrong. There are at least billions out there who are exactly where you are as far as understanding only it seems they are not because of all they surround themselves with. You take all that away and then you realize their existence is just as fragile,maybe even more so, than yours. So, please do not bring another soul into this world just because you selfishly desire companion. There are already kids out there who are in need of a home and love that you can adopt and raise.

Thanks.
This sounds pretty well.

azammi:
creepsyme why don’t you contact enthronedbyGod1 , tayehjiboluwa
And CharlyG1 they are good Servant of God here on nairaland and I know that God can use them to help you and give the solution of your problem. I will be waiting to hear your testimony in Jesus name .

Thanks very much.

Kobojunkie:
Are you seriously considering freezing your eggs so you can, after what you have been through in all your years, birth a child into this very same world?

Why not adopt a child instead and begin now remedying one loneliness, assuming that is in fact one of your complaints?

I think I should seriously consider this.
Thanks so much for your time.

Kobojunkie:
So do you really believe that a woman somewhere is to blame for the mistakes you made in your business's and work life?,

Or is this phantom woman to blame for your sadness in life?

I am sincerely speechless by this question, I wish I have an answer to it.
However, I am now feeling stupid.

Klass99:
Okay, it's story time. This may be long but I hope it helps, in one way or another.

Once a upon time I used to think that I had to pray every single day and when I didn't I would feel bad. I had a roomie back then (Kate) who was a seasoned and more mature believer than I was.

Kate would often say Klass just read a scripture or bible verse at the start of your day, during the day or your lunch break, then constantly meditate and reflect on that word in your heart as you go about your activities. Take the word of God with you each day and don’t stress about whether you prayed or not, it is not as important as God's word.

I didn't really grasp her counsel until years later, when one of my class instructors in church shared a powerful testimony with us. Let's call him Nathan and the main character of this story Angie.

Angie was a single mother who was down and out on her luck, she had issues with her baby daddy and his family, she was a school dropout, her life was a mess and she turned to prostitution for survival etc. When Nathan met Angie and became aware of her life issues, he struck a deal with her and said I will give you 5k each week for essentials on the condition that you stop going out to prostitute and you start studying the word of God.

Nathan asked her to read new testament books of the bible starting from the gospel of Matthew and requested she reads it out to her hearing. Angie took him up on his challenge, quit going out and started her bible study. However, she lived in an accommodation with other girls who were into prostitution too. Whenever they saw her reading her bible they would increase the volume on the radio/tv to distract her, I think some even mocked her and gave her a hard time but she kept at it. Nathan held up his own end of the bargain too without fail.

After three and a half months or so, Nathan received a call from Angie one day where she was very excited. Angie had found a job in the hospitality industry as a front desk officer, she and her baby daddy were patching things up and his family was in support of them getting married so they could provide a home for their child etc.

At the start of this story Nathan specifically said to us I don’t believe in praying too much or going from one place to another for deliverance, God's word is far more effective and powerful in changing our circumstances and transforming lives than these things are. He attributed Angie’s changed life and circumstances to God's word.

Please note, Kate & Nathan are not saying prayer has no place in the life of a believer. I believe what they both meant is that when it comes to prayers and God's word, the latter has a very powerful effect that will do wonders for us than the former.

Think about it for a moment, Christ overcame the devil after 40 days in the wilderness, through his knowledge and use of scripture NOT prayer. Secondly, God knows our thoughts and what we are going to say in prayer, even before we say it. But, how much of His words and instructions for living, do we know? Scripture has saved me from precarious situations more than my prayers, it gives direction and is a light in the darkness.

I haven't prayed nor fasted in my life as much as you have, but I genuinely like where my life is at, my relationship with God and others. His word and truths are responsible for this, more than my outward religious activities.

Thank you so much and God bless you real good.
Like I said earlier, I am open to suggestions that can bring a change for me, I had always known there's yet something I am yet to do or I am doing something wrongly.
Because surely when the right approach is giving to a situation, no matter how tough it gives way, your story looks like a way to me, I will gladly apply it to my life.
Once again, thank you so much.

Acidosis:
I'm really interested in this part. What happened to your finances? Did you engage in a scam investment? Were you scammed by men? Did you invest in people, or you gave your funds to the needy, or sponsored your siblings' education?

Money don't just disappear to thin air even if the devil is involved.



This shows that your issues are not necessarily spiritual. Men propose marriage but women have a lot of roles to play in that process. I don't want to make needless assumptions but it's important to ask yourself whether you actually put in the effort to sustain these relationships to the point of marriage or you were just okay with men falling at your feet, taking your numbers, etc., and hoping that one will propose marriage.

What women don't realize is that men also have options. So it's a contest between two indecisive people.

I know it's normal for women to say that "a man who loves me will do this and that..." but that only applies to dating. It is in dating/woo-ing that some men wish to do everything, including feeding you breakfast, lunch, and dinner. When it comes to marital decisions, it is completely different.

In a spousal decision-making process, men's expectations rise above sea level. The sad thing is you will never hear them talk about these expectations. They will buy you a car and still mark you zero or delete you from their "marriage-possibility list". They won't leave you either until they find the right one.

The bible mentioned something about "when a man finds a woman.." but the reality is men who are in relationships are still in the finding process.

Only a woman can hasten, fast-track, and influence a man's marital plan. Mothers do their part, ladies have their roles to play too. With men, there's no such thing as "I think I am now ready for marriage so let me find a woman". Men who say this are typically romance scammers, dating enthusiast, etc.. Finding comes before readiness. That's the hard truth.

That being said, not everyone will be married. I think this is one 21st-century hard truth we all need to accept. The internet is supposed to make relationships and connections better but, so far, it has only improved the alternatives and eroded the need for commitment.

Are your concerns valid? Absolutely! Nobody wants to live a lonely life. I think I had a discussion about this a while ago. Those who think they can have obviously not gotten to that level. So I absolutely understand your concern.

I think at this stage, you should be intentional and realistic with your spousal decisions. The men you will probably marry are not the regular social media user. So you have to be open-minded.

As per your finance issues, I may be able to advise one or two things if you respond to the questions raised above.

I truly appreciate the time you took in responding to me, I feel so ventilated.
Firstly, concerning the issues of my finance, I noticed while I worked in the bank I made series of errors that got me paying monies, no matter the department I am being transfered to.
Secondly, I was literally the only one working in my family, it may interest you to know that I am from a family of 10, 3 boys and 7 girls all from the same mother, I am the second child and the bulk of financial responsibility rested on me.
I trained 4 of my siblings in the university upon graduation I thought I could be relieved but not job came around them only menial jobs .
Concerning relationship, saying good things about myself may sound like blowing my own trumpet, I did all I could in my relationships to work but to no avail, it may interest you also to know that I grew up in my family to discover my cousin sisters were just there without marriage, my siblings never got married until from 2016 - 2017 it was so glaring that everybody knew something was basically wrong iny family.
As I speak right now, my major challenge is self discovery, life isn't all about going to school to acquire degrees, I wish I know how to go about it.
However, If I know a different approach to give the situation I will gladly do it without hesitation.

At10tion:
okay! Its one thing to pray and see where the problem is coming from, its another thing to pray and get a solution to the problem. You've done the first phase, the second phase is to get a solution.
There was a certain lady that has desame issue, she went to the mountain twice, and the second time having known where the problem is coming from, she rain fire of prayer on the wicked woman which happens to be her own mother, it was on the mountain there that she received a call of her demise, she has not even gotten home when her husband located her.
Forget about being beautiful you need to seek God aggressively for you to enter the door of your marital breakthrough. If you have a small job or business you can be managing keep at it to keep yourself together.

Sending you hugs from my heart.
I truly appreciate this counsel.
It will go a long way!

descarado:
Very well detailed.
@op, your answer lies here.
Discover yourself first and the rest will follow

Ooohhh this is quite ventilating.
Thanks so much.

Klass99:
If you see the way my eyes widened like a carton character at the bolded ehn! Since 27 kwa? Do you see why I said I am not a fan of excessive prayers and deliverance programmes?

Some of these religious activities are often man made activities, we erroneously think will move God to do our will.

When a lot of us embark on a fasting and prayer programme it is usually about what we want from God. The focus is hardly ever on God, his person, his truths, time and companionship with him......etcetera

As we are in Lent now please know that lent (fasting/prayers) is not about how to "better" our lives. It is about God's presence and his sacrificial love for us. Let's try to switch our focus from us to him (individually) and see what happens.

I am not condemning you for trying or doing all the things you did, but nothing changed. Perhaps it's time for a new and different approach altogether (but still within godly bounds) I will not advise you to look for a man and get pregnant, like older woman are often told to do.

Hhhhnmmmm..... I think this makes a lot of sense to me, I wish you can tell me more.

dannex4adx:
It's a pleasure sis! If you don't mind, There is a marital program called Gen218 done in MFM. It's coming up this Saturday. You can view it online.

Alright I will gladly follow the program.

At10tion:
When you say you prayed and fasted, and do deliverance uncountable, did you do it for doing sake? Was there no revelation, no response, no reply from God to your problems? Then probably you didn't do it unto God to get an answer!

You've not gotten to that point where nothing else matters until you get that desired response from God.

I can't tell you to do something God won't like, you would have to start from the scratch. Write down what you want, itemize them, describe them, give them time-frame, then seek God in fasting and prayer.

Basically, what I got to discover during the prayers and deliverance was the revelation that a woman was behind my predicament, I also grew up to discover even my cousins that were females had issues with getting married.
I have 5 younger sisters from the same mother , they only succeeded in getting married just between 2016 to 2017.
Inshort the story is long.
Like you said, I wish I know what to do differently.

Ajibade123:
I am really touched by this story
I will advice you to freeze your eggs if you can, I don't think it is very expensive you can always get a sperm donor to fertilize it when you have money to raise a child
and you can still get husband
might not be a young guy maybe a widower or divorcée
but he will surely come your way

Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement.
I will do my best.

At10tion:
Many problems of men are either caused by them or from their parents. You need to search deep my sister. You've taken things for granted too long. When things doesn't look sane at 40, you should have seek God ceaselessly! You just need to take a different approach to life.

Thanks so much, I sincerely appreciate.
But, different approach how?
I have prayed, fasted done uncountable deliverance from the age of 27.
I truly wish I know what else to do.
I am so worn out now, I need strength to even move on.

Kobojunkie:
Stop using God as excuse not to do things differently this time around. 47 years is enough to help you realize that what you have been doing all this while is wrong for you.

Please endeavor to abandon old ways and chose to make attempts at tackling these problems using different approaches such as seeking out therapy for your mental health. There is nothing spiritual about any of what you have been dealing with. Only you have been trying to paddle what is your canoe using the mentality common to others. Obviously, your life is different and the cut-&-paste solutions have failed so you need different solution and different approaches.

Thank you!
I will see to that.

dannex4adx:
All will be well sister. Please don't lose hope. Keep trusting God.

Thank you so much.
I sincerely appreciate.

Kobojunkie:
What you need is necessarily prayer but instead direction to help you get over your mentality and help you figure out where you best fit at this point in your life. And it is to that end that I recommend you please go see a professional mental health counselor at this point in time. And when I say professional, I mean the kind of help that excludes the mention of God. You are already battling depression, and low sense of self, so you really have nothing to loose.

You are not Hanah, neither are you Sarah. You are you and you need to first figure out who you are as an individual instead of constantly comparing yourself with others including your siblings. Even God never said you are called to live as Hannah did or as Sarah..instead He called you to become like Jesus Christ and Jesus Christ alone. But enough of that stuff.... what you need is to figure out who you are as an individual and only then will you truly be happy. Getting professional mental health counseling can help you achieve that goal.

As for your understanding and hence relationship with God. You have him all wrong since your understanding seems founded on the doctrines and traditions of your mogs and pastors... that is never a good thing. If a relationship with God is what you desire, you need to abandon all you have ever heard or been told of Him, and get back instead of establishing a direct connection with Him by paying attention to what God said and commanded of you.

---

Marriage and kids, both of them optional, aren't meant to define you as a person, even though society lies to people that they do. They are meant instead as accessories in life, not definers.

Thanks so much I sincerely appreciate.

ShenTeh:
Well, live your life.

Keep hope alive. Be optimistic, but plan for the worse.

Life is tough, there's no perfect manual on how to run it.

No help is coming. Don't hope for anyone coming to help you, just live your life and be tough. People would only help if they see you're trying to do something, but don't bank on it.

Get a baby. It would help you refocus and redirect your energy with hope and the joy of re-creating yourself.

Be tough. Good luck.

@Creepsyme, let me add that I just said a prayer for you. It will turn out great for you.

Amen!
Thank you so much.

Hello moderators kindly move this topic to frontpage please and please.

I am a lady of 47 years.
I never knew my life would turn out this way, I never knew I would get to even 30 years without getting married not to talk of 47 years.
Well, for the benefits of doubts, I am super pretty and gorgeous, I am educated at least I have my first degree and one or two professional qualifications.
Nothing I did ever came out productive, I lived all my life struggling to make ends meet and attain the life I ever prayed and desired for, but to no avail.
I worked in the bank for several years and came out with absolutely nothing to show for it, worst of it is, my outlook never agree with my situation, people see me and beg me for money thinking I am okay not knowing I don't even know where my next meal will come from, I get cheated each time I buy stuff because I look rich to them sometimes I weep before the sellers when I discover I am being cheated until they become confused.

I have never in my life been choosy about a life partner Incase anyone may think I was been selective.
No man ever asked for my hand in marriage until I got to 39 years,I had good relationships that never resulted to anything, at the beginning of any relationship the men could literally lick my feet and move mountains for me, but eventually it ends in premium tears for me.
I have had opportunity to mingle with the low and high class, I only succeed in going around the circle of high class without even touching it myself.

I have tried my hands on so many things but it failed just to ensure I don't beg and to put food on my table.
I have prayed all the prayers I know, done all the deliverance I know and yet nothing.
I feel so depressed that that sometimes thoughts of suicide goes through my mind.
I feel sorry for myself and I always wonder if anything good can come out of my life again.
Sometimes I think about trying to have a child or two because my menstrual cycle is still very much on, but the thoughts of bringing a child into the world without any plan on ground make me to think twice, when feeding
myself is even a big challenge.
All my siblings are happily married with children and that I am grateful to God for, I only find myself going for omugo year in year out and now I have become big mummy with no career, no job, no child, no husband.
Sometimes I wish it could be a bad dream I should wake up from.

Iam just there getting beautifully old.
Now I understand why a lot of people commit suicide, especially when the light at the end of the tunnel takes too long and becomes bleak to reach.

I need someone out there to pray for me sincerely from their ❤️ I am loosing it already.
Nothing make sense to me anymore!

Can God still come through for me?
Can God still make me laugh the way he made Hannah and Serah to laugh?
Please someone should give me an answer.

Do they even vote?
Always ranting and making noise, these people can never get presidency until they put their house in order.

Please redeploy asap!

Totilopussylick:
All women expect my mom are prostitute

Your mama no get to.to abi prick no enter her to.to

[quote author=SarkinYarki post=111117480]I have seen the clearer video , a drunk looking Madam Obaino walks to confront a seated Bianca and Bianca stands up and launches a slap that removed the head gear of Mrs Obaino .

The video you have been waiting for from Anambra State.

Mrs. Ebele Obiano vs Mrs. Bianca Ojukwu: The slap.#PHTwitterCommunity https://t.co/8xViOXagcv pic.twitter.com/NAG4XZSpw0

— Port Harcourt People (@AskPHPeople) March 17, 2022

was a goodbye slap.

Wetin concer Putin?
He's just bent on balancing world power at all cost.

blue01:
Good morning nairalanders, please you guys should pardon me because am not much of a good writer. Am here to seek advice from some of the great minds we have here, I got this little issue that has really put me in a state of confusion.

I applied for a job sometime last month and the job is 108k/month but the issue is that the opening is still very much shaky like they are still contemplating if to employ more hands or not so the person that linked me to the job anytime I call him he keeps telling me to pray hard because of the nature of things over there, then sometime Last week he called me and asked if I can manage another job of 50k pending when that other job will be available, both jobs comes with free lunch but the one of 50k comes with extra incentives like 2k everyday but the one of 108k come with no incentives (only your salary every month end), so am really confused if to wait or just resume at the one of 50k.

Any advice is highly welcome and will be appreciated.

I forgot to add that at both jobs I will be working morning shift two days, night shift two days and I will have two days as my off days too and it's not something stressful too.

A bird at hand is worth more than a million in the bush.

Zordgrub:
TL;DR: I was diagnosed with Herpes. I have a constant itch that now looks like ring worm circle on the upper left side of my ribs and I also have hook pain on the lower left side of my abdomen, just below the ribs(spleen region). I've gone to the hospital but doctors said it's nothing. What's the cause and what can I do?

I recently got diagnosed with Herpes and I'm currently on aciclovir. The thing is, before I did this herpes test, I have been having itch from the inside of the left side of my body for like months now and when I looked at it at the mirror, it has this circle like ring worm like. Though it isn't really visible but it's something I can notice and it has this slight dark coloration.

Now, I've been having this hook pain too for a while on the lower left side of my abdomen, around the spleen region, just below my ribs and it's usually prevalent at night. Mind you, I've gone to the govt hospital to complain about this and the doctors are saying I should not worry that it's nothing.

The way kidney infection news is flying here and there, I don't wanna be caught on the web.

Please Doctors and other health practitioners, what can I do? What kind of cream can I apply to the rash and what should I do as regards the hook pain too and what's the likely cause of this?

Please help!!!

It's not just a rash, it's call shingles.
Google it.

bewov:
Please guys, I have something bothering me so much, I will really appreciate it if I can get a matured response.

These might be long, but please bare with me

There is this girl have been dating since March 2021. Although, we met in University days and we have been dating since 2017, but because I was graduating and she has 1 more year to spend in the school, I left her and travelled to Lagos to work, because I got a job in a company in Lagos, immediately I graduated. I needed to concentrate on my future so I told her I want to pause the relationship to focus, but I will definitely be back for her, I promised her this. She was a virgin then!

After working in the company for 2years, I also learnt some IT skills online while I was working in the company, and I was earning cool money from it, so I decided to quit the job and focus more on the online business.

My business have been doing well and I have about 2 other virtual assistant helping me out, anyway I was kind of comfortable, so I thought of fulfilling my promise to my girlfriend. I called her one morning, and she was shocked! We chatted a bit and I told her I want us to see urgently, we schedule a date for her to meet me in the hotel, because I was staying in Lekki and he stays around Surulere, I wanted an hotel close to her house, so she can return early.

We met at the hotel and I can see she missed me so much, around 3pm I told her I'm back and I want us to continue dating and I'm ready to settle down, she agreed and we have been dating, all this happened around March 2021. Around April, I travelled out for about 2months, but I was very communicating with her, and when I got back around June, I discovered she had sex with another guy in May. Now, I wouldn't say she did it because of money, because I pay her 20k every month for upkeep, sometimes I just pay her 30k! She is not a wayward girl though, and she is not a type that sleeps around with guys back then in school, but once i came back into her life, I see a different girl entirely, when I came back she wasn't a virgin anymore, it's not my problem anyway, because the truth is I never forgot her during all those years I left her behind.

I didn't tell her I knew she cheated on me, but all I do tell her was that she did something bad to me and I want her to open up to me about it, but my girl kept on denying it, she sworn with her life, that she didn't cheat on me, that night I was shocked. Then, I didn't talk about it again till September, I gave her those months to regret her actions and confess to me, but she never did, also I didn't stop helping her financially, I still pay her monthly for upkeep. I know you will be wondering why I give her money, right? This girl was with me and loyal to me when I had nothing, like nothing at all! She was raised by a single mother and she is struggling a lot, after graduating she decided to go for Hair Stylist training, that is where she is currently. So I just give her money monthly just to stay strong.

So around September I decided to tell her she cheated on me, although it was that once, she begged, cried and told me she was drunk and regretted it, she told me she doesn't want to tell me because she knows I will end the relationship, well to be candid I love her so much, so I decided to forgive her, but since that day, trusting her was very very difficult for me. Although, I do watch her and since then I have never seen anything of such from her.

January 2022, her mother stopped her from coming to my place, she wants me to come see her first before she can allow her daughter to come visit me again. So, I went to see her mom last month and I made my intentions known to her, I told her I will want to marry her daughter and she said she is okay with it, if her daughter is okay with me.

This girl is my type of girl but, she has some behaviours that sincerely I don't think I can deal with.

She has this mindset of "A woman should be equal to a man".

She doesn't respect me, she chats with random guys and if they invite her for outing, she goes with them, even if I tell her not to go! When she visits me, she says I must join her in doing the house chores, she will say "It's either you clean the house and I will wash the plates and cook, or she wash the plates and cook, while I clean the house". And sometimes if she wants to cook for me, she will want me to come to the kitchen with her and do some works, maybe Grind pepper with blender or slice onion, if I dont, she gets annoyed, saying will she be the one to be doing all?

She did something that annoyed me this morning, around 6am today I went to the filling station to get petrol, well she knows I eat early always, maybe 6am or 7am, I would have taken breakfast, but she has never dished me food at that time, I always do it myself whenever she is around. When I got back from the filling station, I still met my girlfriend on the bed pressing her phone, I told her I'm hungry and I will want to eat Spaghetti with tomato sauce, and she replied "Baby, please cook it yourself, you said I'm your queen, pamper me na" Really? What does that have to do with you cooking for your fiance?

Well, I was annoyed, I went to the kitchen and prepared the food myself, the truth is when the food was ready, I only dished my own and ate, she said "What about her? Won't she eat?" I didn't answer her!

Aside from this, sincerely sometimes she talks to me rudely, and one thing she and I knows is that she is very very stubborn and not ready to submit to any man. Sincerely, this attitude is making me scared of settling down with her, I want to propose her this year and do the marriage rights but with all this behaviours I'm thinking the marriage will be hell for me.

When she came over yesterday, I prepared food for her before her arrival, and I served her, all she could say was "What is this? The food taste bad! Is this food or poison?" She never gave a good compliments about the meal, yet she finished the food and went for second round.

Last night before we went to bed, I told her to warm the rice and the stew, she said it won't get spoilt that she will do it in the morning, I asked her if she is sure, she said Yes. And I went to the kitchen before preparing my Spaghetti, I saw the rice is already bad and can't be eaten, I showed it to her and she was like "haaa she doesn't know it will spoil"

Also, the chicken I bought yesterday to cook her the meal, I couldn't use all, I left some in the pot, and I forgot to warm it last night, my girl saw it while washing the plates this morning, and she was like "What is this?" I told her chicken and she said "And you didn't warm it" she left it there in the pot like that without doing anything to revive it. Before I went to the kitchen to do it myself!

She only washed the plates, bath and went to church this morning, she didn't arrange the bed, nor sweep the room littered with all we ate last night. I'm sure of the message she is passing to me... "Have washed the plates, you clean the house".

Please guys, I want to propose her around August and settle down with her in November, but this behaviours are the things turning me off.

Will she changed and act normal when we get married, or this will continue? The guys she chat with, which I told her I don't like it, she replied that "She will never and ever leave them". All these types of attitudes and not showing me respect, do you think she will change after we get married or she will continue?

Please guys, I'm very confused here

Beautiful red flag!

politicoNG:
Previous Thread:
https://www.nairaland.com/7027064/dispatch-rider-caught-baby-inside#110978868

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gSat1grRvY



https://www.lindaikejisblog.com/2022/3/he-is-innocent-he-did-not-kidnap-my-baby-mother-exonerates-dispatch-rider-of-any-wrongdoing-following-claims-he-was-caught-with-a-baby-in-his-delivery-box-video.html

I don't understand this explanation.