AyobamiOluwole:
So this girl has been coming to my place, eat the best food and all that. I've asked her if she has a boyfriend and she said no. I do give her money without asking her for anything on return because I could see she is not the lazy type and she is really hardworking. I am very much ok with finances and I see no issues with some of her demands.


Yesterday I called her and told her that I'm not happy and that I need cuddle only and not sex(I lost so much Dollars from futures trading that night). She later called and said she will come to my place for that reason. In my mind I was thinking this will go down as sex and all, but I don't really want sex.

All I just needed is someone to cuddle and get distracted with that's all. This is the only time I am demanding something from her.

So she came during the evening time, and later that night we went to supermarket and I got her something's to eat at home for the night. We got back home and everything was going well. We were both on the bed when I reminded her why she came. This is someone I've been doing quite a lot for without even thinking twice out of pity. She wouldn't give in and wouldn't let me know why she can't just allow me to cuddle her.

Mehn, from the loss I had earlier and all that, I got infuriated and called another girl telling to pls come over for the night. Then I told this girl to leave my house since she can be that selfish. I sent her out of my house around 10pm. She was telling me she doesn't have money to go home, I didn't care and I shut my door against her. Though I was scared letting her out on that road and that time of the night but my anger got the better part of me. It was later after getting over the whole thing I confirmed nothing happened to her from someone else.

Pls is there anything wrong with what I did?

Modified: Anger is a bad thing. I am wrong sending her away at that time of the night. This is probably the judgement I'll get 😔

Something is definitely not right about you.

money121:

In all honesty, it can't happen to my son in the first place, but if they chose to dare me, the teacher and the principal will go in for it.

No need to jail you, I will request to do same to your child, if you don't have any child then you go to jail

Missowombo:
Dear Family landers. I am here to seek your advice on how to rescue my car from my neighbour.
​
I bought a car, direct from abroad, a very clean and sweet ride, and registered in September, 2023 (5months ago). However, due to the high fuel consumption( V6, 3.5l engine) and the ever unstable fuel price today, I decided to put it up for sale to get a smaller engine capacity. A neighbour expressed interest in buying the car and decided to pay in installment which I agreed. I was also searching for a replacement at this time hoping to use the money realized from the sales to get my preferred ride. My preferred ride prices were shockingly high such that even if I doubled the price I gave to my neighbour it will still not be enough to buy the new ride. Prices rise by the hour these days in Nigeria and I have no hand in this crisis. I returned to my neighbour to inform him that I will not be selling the car anymore due to the present crises in prices of goods in the country. I apologized profusely for every inconvenience and transferred his money back to him. He got angry and said that I must submit the car key and documents to him. He even threatened to send his community and area boys to beat me up and extract the above items.

I came back from work to see my car jacked up, surrounded by 2 other vehicles to prevent the car's exit. For the records, there is no written or signed agreement between him and I concerning this sale. I refunded all his money 1 day after he paid his last installment and kept back my car. I have no hand in Nigeria's current problems. I am pushed to use force here but I am thinking that some initial peaceful resolution could be an option.

How long did you keep his money?
That could have contributed to his anger.
That your neighbor na agbero shaaaa....

God I pray he comes back alive!
I would prefer he stay indoors and let others tell him the scores.
The kind of excitement football gives is not for everybody, especially those that have underlying ailment.

The kind of excitement football gives is not for the faint hearted, he probably had an underlining ailments which couldn't match such excitement.
May his soul rest in perfect peace.

Raydave:
Someone is earning 150k, wearing suit and going to work from Ketu to VI every morning.

Is that life?

I had to move close to my office.
15 minutes walk.
Tired of spending transport to work.

The solution to a problem is in the problem.
Just exposed yourself to circumstances that will keep getting you angry, dem go beat shege comot for your head.
This is a tested and trusted solution.
Thank me later!

FanRong:
I'm sorry, this post is going to be a long one. But you're saving a soul if you read through and advice candidly.


My story
We've dated for 6months and we've lived together for the 6months.

On our 3rd month, I found her interesting and told her I'll like to marry her. She accepted but no engagement ring or anything to show. We just accepted by word of mouth.

Since then, I've worked towards it. I've told her to call her mum and eldest brother(dad is late) to relate my idea and understand their feeling since it won't be that easy to marry. (same state, but my people and her people are highly selective in marriage)

After several persuasion, and threat that I'll throw her out if she doesn't relate the circumstances to her family, she called the mum. And again I had to force her to call the eldest brother. She claimed she did. And that's enough. I'm ok.

Meanwhile, there's this guy(her ex) she claims helped her when she came to Lagos. It was when I started accommodating her that I found out in her chats that she was living with this guy, but lied to me she was living with her Aunt and the aunt's husband was harassing her sexually and she wants to leave. She later told me the guy, though provides for him but has never had sex with her, even when she was living in his house. These stories doesn't move me since everyone, who is not a virgin has an ex. So I forgave all that and we moved on.

She wasn't everything I need in a women, but I told myself I could train her the way I want. We continued adjusting to each others likes and dislikes.

I feed her this 6 months, provide comfortable shelter, buy her things she needs,(not want). Told her I'll do more and open a shop for her, if we get married, but she still confronts me asking why should I wait till after marriage? . I didn't allow the words move me cos Its my decision and my money and also, I'm used to gold diggers.

A good number of times, I see her as being selfish. If things doesn't benefit her, she'll not get bothered even if I'm involved.

Just this week, It became obvious to me that she argues everything I request her to do. From 24th Dec, we've been on holiday, we're always at home.
1. I'll wake her up at 9 and ask her to prepare breakfast for the family, she'll prefer to roll on the bed than do it. I'll finally have to do it myself so I can get things done and get busy.

2. I detest girls on eye lashes. I've repeatedly told her how I dislike it, but when she went to fix herself for the Christmas, she fixed the eyelashes, Contrary to my demand.

3. I got her some sneakers to upgrade her fashion style and look smarter, instead of the usual slippers and sandals she wears.
When we prepared to go to the beach few days ago, I requested her to put on the sneakers to look more fashionable, but she refused buttressing that she must wear what she wants, sandals.

4. Few days ago, we had a heated argument and she said that if I'm not happy that she's living with me, that she can go, afterall, she has somewhere to stay. I asked her to go and she immediately called that her ex bf to come to my house. I immediately swung into action, took all her belongings out, before the ex will arrive, at the same time, retrieving the items I gifted her.
While she was struggling to have her gifted items back, our neighbours heard the struggle and had to come and settle for us. She apologized and I forgave her. we were back into the house.

5. Just yesterday , we left home together, and I locked the door and I took the keys with me. We walked down the street together to the Busstop, I have almost no friend and seldomly greet. But there's this my ex girlfriend by the roadside, she saw me and yelled my name, I went to greet her and my Fiancée picked offence, left me without waiting for me. After that I chased her and told her it's nothing because I've told her everything about this ex.
Before we could get to the Busstop, she demanded for the house keys and I gave her since she might come back earlier than me.
We couldn't say bye. The anger was clear on her face and we parted ways.

After about 15mins, I got to where I wanted to make payment for the items I picked only to notice I am not with my transaction phone. I was confused where could I have kept it, the seller insisted I may not have come to his shop with the phone, and the phone rang as I called with my second phone. so I had to call my Fiancée for assistance since she's with the keys.
At first, she said she was still around the Busstop but when I told her I needed her to go home and confirm my phones whereabout, she said she can't go back that she has gone far, shouted on me and hung the phone.

I called and called and called, but she didn't pick. Many thoughts ran into me. Who took this phone? My money? , my phone? , my sim card? . I had to find my way and trekked back about 4km to the house since I had no cash with me. And finally saw the phone ringing in my house. I was relieved.

The way she shouted to me on the phone got me unbalanced, I felt she would be fire if I get this girl as a wife.

We finally traveled to our home state today and I paid the bills for the traveling. My major plan of traveling was to see her people and do the needful before I mistakenly get her pregnant. But I'm seriously contemplating of canceling this plan and throw her out come January. I need peace.

Dear nairalanders, I'm really in the middle of the deep blue sea and the devil.

I need mature and candid advice please.
Should I continue with the marriage plans or the redflags are obvious?

Firstly, be civilized enough to stop using the word "throw her out"
Secondly if your story is true and you didn't pamper it, please end the relationship ASAP it will surely end it premium disaster.
A word is enough for the wise!

2023 my year of divine intervention and supernatural open door.
I will never recover!
Grateful heart!

letstalksense:
There is this lady I plan to marry, which I have made known to her already even before she travelled for her NYSC. Although she just came back from NYSC service recently. We are just discussing the way forward and on the process I was asking her about her sexual life and how recently she had sex. After insisting for her to answer. She opened up and told me she had a sexual relationship during her NYSC service. And the reason was because I didn't call her at a particular time so she thought I have find anther woman. And that was when I was having some personal challenges. According to her, they ended the sexual relationship in the camp. That she is sorry and all that. I didn't really expect that attitude from her as she seem to look responsible and Godlily. I was just disappointed even though I pretended like everything is well. And I was also thinking she had the courage to tell me the true.

Now I have to make my decision, but needs a matured advise and guidance from a mature mind please.

Do think I should continue my marriage plan with her?

Pease what do you advise I do?

Thanks in advance.

Why asked her if you know you didn't have the psychological and mental stamina to take it?

Edipet:

how did you carry the baby alone on the road, Because in some areas man is not allowed to Carry a New born baby alone, if Police catch you, you go explain tire

No need to carry the baby around, just a sample of hair, blood or saliva will do.

PrinceOfLagos:
I'm a free spirited person and want to send something to my boss for Christmas. Is it appropriate to tell him to send me his account number let me send him something for Christmas even when I know he doesn't need it?

You dey play enter express road!
Better get your boss a gift and rest!

Congratulations to her, but is it necessary?
Luxurious lifestyle only reminds me of eternity and how vanity life is!
Moderation is key!

Omooba77:
What Are your prayers God have answered in year 2023?

God surprised me with a wonderful job in June 2023.
I will never forget!
Forever grateful!

callmemakaveli:

Opening Nigeria Paypal account is as easy as ABC, except there is something you are not doing correctly. And also take note, you can only send and spend with a Nigerian Paypal account but you can't receive payments. Paypal is very complicated if you don't how it works. I will advise you use Payoneer instead for your Kdp earnings.

Thank you.
Most appreciated

callmemakaveli:

Be specific when asking a question.

Which country Paypal have you tried opening to no avail? And what is your purpose of wanting a PayPal account, Is it only to send and spend, or to send, receive, and also spend?

I tried opening Nigeria PayPal.
I want you use it for receiving online payment and also spend.
I want to start selling books on Amazon.

Good evening mods, kindly help and move to front page as I'm desperately in need of solution.
I have been trying to open a Paypal account to no avail, please any suggestion on how to go about opening it?
Please someone should come to my aid
Thank you all in advance.

Handsomejok:
I have been a victim of fake proohet which has destroyed my home in the past.

My wife and I were separated before and we have reconciled although our marriage is not the best but we are managing staying together for the sake of our children.

I have a problem bothering me that I keep dreaming about her wanting to kill me this dream is coming more often and I strongly believed she has no intention to harm me but I remember once when we were arguing I asked her why she has decided to come back to me if she doesn't want to do any effort to amend our marriage.

She said she cane back to me because she had nowhere to stay with the children. When I think about what she said and also the way she treat me like her enemy I am scared and I started to think of what if she came with a plan to harm me to revenge back all the suffering I have put her through. I am confuse and I don't know what to do right now please advice me?

A good thing you know you have put her through so much suffering, you will surely not escape it.
BTW why do men think only women should do something to save a marriage?

I blame her parents for joining them together.

You sound like a wicked and bad father.
I will like to hear his side of the story.

MaryAye:
I met this guy where I normally get my fruits for biz. We got talking and exchanged contact.

He seems to be a nice guy but when I told him I had a son and narrated the circumstances behind his birth and my life, he told me he was cool with it.

Of lately, I noticed he talks ills of my son and assume it's a joke. I will try to shade it off but he repeated it again after the church service yesterday.

I'm considering giving him a chance because he's cool but his singular act of insulting and shouting at my son when he comes to my shop seem to disturb me.

Please, do you think his behaviour is a red flag or not?

Did you consider if your son is ill behaved?

Fibonacci88:
Today makes it 58 days no light in the whole city of Calabar but the governor is only concerned of how to rule Nigeria in his dreams.

What a fantasy!

Keep saying the truth even on this new platform.

Kobojunkie:
Please do. What is the sense in bringing a child into this world that you at this point have yet to figure out? And don't get me wrong. There are at least billions out there who are exactly where you are as far as understanding only it seems they are not because of all they surround themselves with. You take all that away and then you realize their existence is just as fragile,maybe even more so, than yours. So, please do not bring another soul into this world just because you selfishly desire companion. There are already kids out there who are in need of a home and love that you can adopt and raise.

Thanks.
This sounds pretty well.

azammi:
creepsyme why don’t you contact enthronedbyGod1 , tayehjiboluwa
And CharlyG1 they are good Servant of God here on nairaland and I know that God can use them to help you and give the solution of your problem. I will be waiting to hear your testimony in Jesus name .

Thanks very much.

Kobojunkie:
Are you seriously considering freezing your eggs so you can, after what you have been through in all your years, birth a child into this very same world?

Why not adopt a child instead and begin now remedying one loneliness, assuming that is in fact one of your complaints?

I think I should seriously consider this.
Thanks so much for your time.

Kobojunkie:
So do you really believe that a woman somewhere is to blame for the mistakes you made in your business's and work life?,

Or is this phantom woman to blame for your sadness in life?

I am sincerely speechless by this question, I wish I have an answer to it.
However, I am now feeling stupid.

Klass99:


Okay, it's story time. This may be long but I hope it helps, in one way or another.

Once a upon time I used to think that I had to pray every single day and when I didn't I would feel bad. I had a roomie back then (Kate) who was a seasoned and more mature believer than I was.

Kate would often say Klass just read a scripture or bible verse at the start of your day, during the day or your lunch break, then constantly meditate and reflect on that word in your heart as you go about your activities. Take the word of God with you each day and don’t stress about whether you prayed or not, it is not as important as God's word.

I didn't really grasp her counsel until years later, when one of my class instructors in church shared a powerful testimony with us. Let's call him Nathan and the main character of this story Angie.

Angie was a single mother who was down and out on her luck, she had issues with her baby daddy and his family, she was a school dropout, her life was a mess and she turned to prostitution for survival etc. When Nathan met Angie and became aware of her life issues, he struck a deal with her and said I will give you 5k each week for essentials on the condition that you stop going out to prostitute and you start studying the word of God.

Nathan asked her to read new testament books of the bible starting from the gospel of Matthew and requested she reads it out to her hearing. Angie took him up on his challenge, quit going out and started her bible study. However, she lived in an accommodation with other girls who were into prostitution too. Whenever they saw her reading her bible they would increase the volume on the radio/tv to distract her, I think some even mocked her and gave her a hard time but she kept at it. Nathan held up his own end of the bargain too without fail.

After three and a half months or so, Nathan received a call from Angie one day where she was very excited. Angie had found a job in the hospitality industry as a front desk officer, she and her baby daddy were patching things up and his family was in support of them getting married so they could provide a home for their child etc.

At the start of this story Nathan specifically said to us I don’t believe in praying too much or going from one place to another for deliverance, God's word is far more effective and powerful in changing our circumstances and transforming lives than these things are. He attributed Angie’s changed life and circumstances to God's word.

Please note, Kate & Nathan are not saying prayer has no place in the life of a believer. I believe what they both meant is that when it comes to prayers and God's word, the latter has a very powerful effect that will do wonders for us than the former.

Think about it for a moment, Christ overcame the devil after 40 days in the wilderness, through his knowledge and use of scripture NOT prayer. Secondly, God knows our thoughts and what we are going to say in prayer, even before we say it. But, how much of His words and instructions for living, do we know? Scripture has saved me from precarious situations more than my prayers, it gives direction and is a light in the darkness.

I haven't prayed nor fasted in my life as much as you have, but I genuinely like where my life is at, my relationship with God and others. His word and truths are responsible for this, more than my outward religious activities.

Thank you so much and God bless you real good.
Like I said earlier, I am open to suggestions that can bring a change for me, I had always known there's yet something I am yet to do or I am doing something wrongly.
Because surely when the right approach is giving to a situation, no matter how tough it gives way, your story looks like a way to me, I will gladly apply it to my life.
Once again, thank you so much.

Acidosis:


I'm really interested in this part. What happened to your finances? Did you engage in a scam investment? Were you scammed by men? Did you invest in people, or you gave your funds to the needy, or sponsored your siblings' education?

Money don't just disappear to thin air even if the devil is involved.



This shows that your issues are not necessarily spiritual. Men propose marriage but women have a lot of roles to play in that process. I don't want to make needless assumptions but it's important to ask yourself whether you actually put in the effort to sustain these relationships to the point of marriage or you were just okay with men falling at your feet, taking your numbers, etc., and hoping that one will propose marriage.

What women don't realize is that men also have options. So it's a contest between two indecisive people.

I know it's normal for women to say that "a man who loves me will do this and that..." but that only applies to dating. It is in dating/woo-ing that some men wish to do everything, including feeding you breakfast, lunch, and dinner. When it comes to marital decisions, it is completely different.

In a spousal decision-making process, men's expectations rise above sea level. The sad thing is you will never hear them talk about these expectations. They will buy you a car and still mark you zero or delete you from their "marriage-possibility list". They won't leave you either until they find the right one.

The bible mentioned something about "when a man finds a woman.." but the reality is men who are in relationships are still in the finding process.

Only a woman can hasten, fast-track, and influence a man's marital plan. Mothers do their part, ladies have their roles to play too. With men, there's no such thing as "I think I am now ready for marriage so let me find a woman". Men who say this are typically romance scammers, dating enthusiast, etc.. Finding comes before readiness. That's the hard truth.

That being said, not everyone will be married. I think this is one 21st-century hard truth we all need to accept. The internet is supposed to make relationships and connections better but, so far, it has only improved the alternatives and eroded the need for commitment.

Are your concerns valid? Absolutely! Nobody wants to live a lonely life. I think I had a discussion about this a while ago. Those who think they can have obviously not gotten to that level. So I absolutely understand your concern.

I think at this stage, you should be intentional and realistic with your spousal decisions. The men you will probably marry are not the regular social media user. So you have to be open-minded.

As per your finance issues, I may be able to advise one or two things if you respond to the questions raised above.

I truly appreciate the time you took in responding to me, I feel so ventilated.
Firstly, concerning the issues of my finance, I noticed while I worked in the bank I made series of errors that got me paying monies, no matter the department I am being transfered to.
Secondly, I was literally the only one working in my family, it may interest you to know that I am from a family of 10, 3 boys and 7 girls all from the same mother, I am the second child and the bulk of financial responsibility rested on me.
I trained 4 of my siblings in the university upon graduation I thought I could be relieved but not job came around them only menial jobs .
Concerning relationship, saying good things about myself may sound like blowing my own trumpet, I did all I could in my relationships to work but to no avail, it may interest you also to know that I grew up in my family to discover my cousin sisters were just there without marriage, my siblings never got married until from 2016 - 2017 it was so glaring that everybody knew something was basically wrong iny family.
As I speak right now, my major challenge is self discovery, life isn't all about going to school to acquire degrees, I wish I know how to go about it.
However, If I know a different approach to give the situation I will gladly do it without hesitation.

At10tion:
okay! Its one thing to pray and see where the problem is coming from, its another thing to pray and get a solution to the problem. You've done the first phase, the second phase is to get a solution.
There was a certain lady that has desame issue, she went to the mountain twice, and the second time having known where the problem is coming from, she rain fire of prayer on the wicked woman which happens to be her own mother, it was on the mountain there that she received a call of her demise, she has not even gotten home when her husband located her.
Forget about being beautiful you need to seek God aggressively for you to enter the door of your marital breakthrough. If you have a small job or business you can be managing keep at it to keep yourself together.

Sending you hugs from my heart.
I truly appreciate this counsel.
It will go a long way!

descarado:


Very well detailed.
@op, your answer lies here.
Discover yourself first and the rest will follow

Ooohhh this is quite ventilating.
Thanks so much.