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who go buy?

palmmilogy the study of palmwine

I made some cool friends here and also increased my lifespan, made me looked more beautiful, relieved my stress of work - thanks to the jokes section.

A Nigerian man living in Sweden decided to marry a Swedish
lady in order to be legally certified via resident status, but the
lady was not aware of this. She felt he really loved her. Anyway,
seeing that Nigerian men had a bad rap in that particular part of
Sweden, our chap decided to lie to the lady. He told her he was from Uganda.

Upon marriage, the lady came home one day and informed our man
that she had just met another Swedish lady who had married a
Ugandan and they must all have dinner together.

The Naija man was somewhat perplexed, although not perceptibly,
and wondered how he'd get out of this spot. He postponed and
postponed until he could do so no more.

Finally, the day came when they were to have dinner. The other
Swede came in with her Ugandan husband and they all sat at the
table. Our Naija chappie was very quiet. "My own don spoil today" was
all he could think.

The two Swedish ladies, wanting their husbands to mingle,
being from the same homeland, asked them to speak to each other.
"Hey! It's not everyday you meet people from home.!" they admonished.

Our Naija man, being a man of great savvy, decided that he
would just speak Yoruba, and the guy would probably assume he was
from some part of Uganda where they spoke a different language.
So looking across the table he said: "Omo Eko ni mi. Ni bo lo ti ja wa?"

The fellow looked up at our friend. His eyes lit up as he
said: "Ah, bobo gan! Omo Eko le mi nan!"

Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment.

“I’m sorry,” said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks.”

Peter said, “But I could be dead by then!”

Receptionist replied, “No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment. “




Crossbreeding

An American report: We crossed chickens with cows. The new breed simultaneously produces milk, meat and eggs.

Report from France: We crossed flies and bees. The hybrid flies over the trash fields and produces honey.

Report from Russia: We crossed a melon with cockroaches. When you cut this melon, seeds run away by themselves.





Birthday Message

A man wants to celebrate his wife’s Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.

Well he thinks for a while and says, "Put 'You're not getting older,' at the top and 'You're getting better' at the bottom."

The real fun didn’t start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:

"You're not getting older at the top, You're getting better at the bottom."

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmn

;d ;d

A priest in a small rural town was very fond of the ten chickens
and one handsome cock rooster he kept in a hen house behind the
rectory.

One Saturday night the priest discovered that the cock rooster was
missing. At the same time the priest heard rumors of cockfights being held
in town. Shocked and dismayed, he decided to say something during Sunday
Mass.

During Mass he asked the congregation, "Who among you will confess
to sporting a handsome cock?"

All the men stood up.

"No, no," he said. "That's not what I mean. Who among you will
confess to having seen a handsome cock?"

All the women stood up.
"Oh, no," he said. "That's not what I mean, either. Who among you
will confess to having seen a cock that doesn't belong to you?"

Half the women stood up.

"Oh Lord," he said. "Perhaps I should rephrase the question: Has
anybody here seen my cock?"

All the choirboys stood up.

LOCATION: Throughout the world
DESCRIPTION:
One-eyed, with mushroom-shaped head (other types come with extra layers of skin) Varying from pink to black.

Fang-less with a highly venomous spit. (Spit can reach distances up to 2-3 feet) Size varies from 3 to 12 inches, depending on its mood and sub-species.
SYMPTOMS: This snake attacks mainly women in the lower front abdomen, resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then a severe swelling followed by excruciating pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal.
HABITAT: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to appear in the most unusual places.
ANTIDOTE: Various types of vaccine available for women. However, once the venom is injected into the body only drastic measures will ensure complete recovery. There is no known antidote for men.
WHAT TO DO WHEN ATTACKED

TOURNIQUET: Do not apply a tourniquet as the venom is too deep in the body to be affected.

CUTTING THE WOUND: This would be completely unnecessary and ineffective as the bleeding will stop after a few weeks anyhow.

SUCKING THE WOUND: This method is the most popular with the victim, but so far has not been reported to have led to any success.




WHAT TO DO WHEN ATTACKED

TOURNIQUET: Do not apply a tourniquet as the venom is too deep in the body to be affected.
SEARCHING FOR ANTI-VENOM:

1. Place four fingers of the right hand around the neck of the reptile, with the thumb in the front.

2. Grip firmly and move the hand in an upwards and downwards motion.

3. This will result in the snake becoming highly aggressive, very rigid and start spitting.

4. The time taken for this milking process depends entirely on the milker and the last time the snake attacked.

5. Once milked, the snake should be harmless for about 20 minutes.

CONCLUSION: This snake, although it is very aggressive and active, is not necessarily a vermin, and treated with the right respect, makes a wonderful pet.

1. IT AINT EASY BEING A DICK
2. I HV GOT A HEAD I CANT THINK WITH
3. AN EYE I CANT SEE WIT
4. I HAVE TO HANG AROUND WITH 2 NUTS ALL THE TIME
5. MY CLOSEST NEIGHBOUR IS AN ASSHOLE
6. MY BEST FRIEND IA A PUSSY

I like dat red part of my body

father! forgive me for I have sinned in my thoughts

I envy ur G-string

bad child

saucekid:
fresh and broad did not reveal this thing to you

i think he was tryin to say plesh and phlood.

i nor fit shaut

@Hacker

what do you gain by hacking into people's account, use it meaninfully to cure the manace in the society dats what makes you a professional in da field.

Hi guyz am back with gud news my uncle has finally been unbanned but it was not dat easy for him, although my mum refuse to disclose his crime, i guess it was really grievous, somthing concerning infidelity sha. Thank God there have made up.

Recently, an uncle of mine came to my mumsie complaining that his wife banned him from entering her bedroom because of a minor disagreement they had. He came pleading with my mum to intervene so that he would be unbanned.

I sat down and pounder over the issue and was asking myself if it's wise for couples to have separate rooms?

Although it gives each other privacy especially the wife who always have unnecessary "kaaya" around her but in situation like this reconciliation is usually difficult. what do you guys think?[/color][color=#990000][color=#990000][/color]

@ J Ellis

FOR REAL AINT JOKING, I FELT SO HURT AND CUDN'T HOLD BACK THE TEARS
DAMN!

SURE YOU WILL LOVE AGAIN. ITS QUITE UNFORTUNATE YOU LOST HER.
TIME IS A GREAT HEALER, YOU WILL SURELY FIND A REPLACEMENT. WISH YOU DA BEST.

[quote author=oko_wo_obo link=topic=26367.msg1613815#msg1613815 date=1193249448]its all love.[/quote]WHICH KIND YEYE LOVE

very easy embark on a 30dayz dry fasting and prayers, after that your search will cease trust me ;d

@Topic

Its really embarassing when your boyfriend does that to you. I had a similar experience and it was in da public i felt as if the ground should open and swallow me. So so humiliating and painful.

WELCOME TO THE RIBS CRACKING SITE, JUST FASTEN UR SEAT BELT AND ENJOY THE RIDE!

;d ;d

All men are liers and decievers infact they suck!

cuz no right dude

On the one hand, most times is kindda difficult not to react when you are being insulted, it hurts so much dat you feel you have to give it back, as a scorpio i find it hard not to hit back at anyone who steps on my toes, and i sting real hard.
On the other hand i feel it takes a God fearing person, and a lot of self control not to react when you are being insulted otherwise, there may take you for a weakln, but all the same is not good to start insulting people you have not met nor seen.

Got nothing in mind against anyone.
Just enjoying the fun in it.

So guyz lets stop these harsh words and be together as one happy family(nairaland).

_{A wise woman builds her home but a foolish woman scatters it}