₦airaland Forum

I swear, somehow I wonder how they do it. well, parents no dey born Pikin wey no fit them.

1.Super Hearing

For when you mutter something under your breath after they are done scolding you. They be like; "Cuvox, what did you just say? " ...... You better not lie because if you do, number 2 is waiting for you.

2.Lie Detection

For when you want to be an idiot and lie straight to their face. This one goes hand in hand with a slap..

3.Super Smell

For when you come back home with the smell of alcohol on your breath and they can tell from their room. or when you just visited the top for snacks... I no do that one o.

4.Super Scream

For when they want to tell you to come downstairs and pass the remote that’s right beside them. Every kid's worst nightmare....

5.Telepathy

For when they want to warn you in public without opening their mouths. remember that time when that friend or uncle wants to offer you biscuits?


6.Super Bargaining

For when they want to buy N4000 belt for just N300. More reason why we don't go with mom to the market.

7.Seeing into the Future

For when they punish you in advance for that crime you haven’t even committed yet. This......... I still don't get how they do it.


8.Super Marksmanship

For when they throw their shoe at you without looking and still don’t miss. shoe, cups, plates just name it. I wonder why they stay at home when we need them for Olympics medals


9.Fire Resistance

For when your mother picks up a hot pot without showing any signs of pain.

10.Super Sarcasm

For when you ask a stupid question. “Where should I put it?”
“Put it on my head.”




So, did we miss any superpower? if yes, add yours

ReXonance:
This is the first time am commenting on NL. And my comment is largely influenced by the magnitude and intensity of your stupid comment. I am sure you are an Urhobo by birth and not by blood. It's lucid you don't know the happenings in Delta State. Please, when next you intend to comment on any issue of such sensitivity be such to make your opinion appear as an opinion and not fact. "I am Urhobo. We voted for Okowa." Slimmy Liar!

I swear, somehow I wonder how they do it. well, parents no dey born Pikin wey no fit them.

1.Super Hearing

For when you mutter something under your breath after they are done scolding you. They be like; "Cuvox, what did you just say? " ...... You better not lie because if you do, number 2 is waiting for you.

2.Lie Detection

For when you want to be an idiot and lie straight to their face. This one goes hand in hand with a slap..

3.Super Smell

For when you come back home with the smell of alcohol on your breath and they can tell from their room. or when you just visited the top for snacks... I no do that one o.

4.Super Scream

For when they want to tell you to come downstairs and pass the remote that’s right beside them. Every kid's worst nightmare....

5.Telepathy

For when they want to warn you in public without opening their mouths. remember that time when that friend or uncle wants to offer you biscuits?


6.Super Bargaining

For when they want to buy N4000 belt for just N300. More reason why we don't go with mom to the market.

7.Seeing into the Future

For when they punish you in advance for that crime you haven’t even committed yet. This......... I still don't get how they do it.


8.Super Marksmanship

For when they throw their shoe at you without looking and still don’t miss. shoe, cups, plates just name it. I wonder why they stay at home when we need them for Olympics medals


9.Fire Resistance

For when your mother picks up a hot pot without showing any signs of pain.

10.Super Sarcasm

For when you ask a stupid question. “Where should I put it?”
“Put it on my head.”




So, did we miss any superpower? if yes, add yours

Theyveedo:
All those yrs put together...



I think am should be getting to 80 yrs old.... hehe

quiinnBee:
no. you're just an insecure guy

Oliviaarims:
Insecurity at its peak!

Lots of beautiful women around but we ain't chasing just yet. here is why.

1.We Become Possessive And Jealous

We may not like to admit it, but there’s always jealousy lurking somewhere when dating a gorgeous woman. Friends of friends won’t be welcomed home, her going out with her male friends for drinks might seem annoying and that new dress every week for work might raise eyebrows. We know it, we do it!

2.Worry About Other Guys Hitting On Her

We surely won’t question her, but we can’t stop thinking about questioning her. What if every guy she meets wants her number and time?There will be times when guys will want to come up with excuses to talk to her and you wouldn’t be able to do anything but worry.

3. You Go Unnoticed In Her Presence

It’s a good thing as well as a bad thing. If you have a nonpareil beauty standing right next to you, it’s quite obvious people might not notice you. You might always fade into the background. If you overhear people saying things like “What’s she doing with HIM?” you know it’s time for you to get away from that place.

4.She Wants You For Money

Maybe not…or maybe! People love to gossip and they might as$ume that such a beauty is with you just because you are loaded. Now, we hope that’s not the case. But going by experience, anecdotes and what not, she just might be after your money. don't reveal details about your hidden treasure chest yet!

5.You Will Have Trouble Trusting Her

She’s not the problem. The problem is with us. Sometimes, we don’t want to believe even when we know there’s no fault of hers. You are insecure, and hence, you find it difficult to trust that stunner. Jealousy, over-possessiveness and trust issues-you know the problem points. Now work on them.

6.Her Ego Could Be A Problem

She’s s3xy and she knows it. And the world will leave no leaf un-turned to make her realize so, especially when she’s around you. She’s perhaps used to compliments since she was 10. If that leads to an inflated ego, who do you blame?No one, right?

cuvox:
...

AmeLonRo:
Assignments? Most people can browse even on their phone, so why pay someone for such assignments?

They say what you accept becomes part of you.

I have been friends with this guy for about a year now. l can tell he struggled enough and have started reaping the fruits of his labor when a girl brought her bad belle to tempt him on bbm...


"I had to change her name to bad belle because even the Bible says our words have power so I refuse to accept being poor" he wrote as he posted the screenshot.

I can't help but laugh at the reply.

source : https://m.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=912361288817926&id=100001321906663&set=a.129176060469790.33896.100001321906663&refid=17&_ft_=top_level_post_id.912361915484530%3Atl_objid.912361915484530%3Athid.100001321906663%3A306061129499414%3A2%3A0%3A1446361199%3A6924205112232983523&__tn__=E

raffyreuz:
When do u want us to carry placards and go make complaints with u

By K.I.A
.
Dear Nollywood

Months have slipped into years, which in turn have crawled into decades. All around you, inertia has being challenged and demolished, the status quo has been questioned and jettisoned, strategies have been thought up and revolutionized, colossal strides have been made and translated into swift sprints, yet, like the Christian god, as old as you are, you still haven’t changed- and most probably would never. Tell me, just tell me why you I should greet you.


You see, I do not like you and I make no pretence of it. I most certainly do not respect you. Time and again, you have proven yourself to have fallen so deeply in love with the comfort of your past (if I’d call that comfort) that like your immediate elder brothers, The Police Force and the Power Sector, you have not only cocooned yourself in the illusion of its fake warmth, but have kicked furiously against change and even gone a step further in threatening the vaguest emergence of it.


From your unbelievably daft titles whose only sole purpose is the desire to outwit the stupidity of other titles, to the shallowness of your plots that try unashamedly hard to pique interest through the attractive actors and actresses who’re just that- attractive, you have succeeded in defying reason and all things near it. Just what the hell is Beyonce and Rihanna, Igala, Igodo, Igidi, Igadagidi, Akakabota, Jaggajargo, Skelewu, Bolligwe, The Virgin Prostitute, iPhone Babes? What of The Dog That Could Bark, The Spanner That Could Open Screws, Jay Z and Kanye West and Gerrarrahere Babes? Una no add those ones join, you thoughtless goat?


What of the annoying monotony and predictability of your plots? Yeah, Hollywood movies might be predictable too but I find myself having jitters when I see them because I’m unaware of how what is sure to happen will happen. Your own? Nah. I know everything. Can’t you make a change for once? Must bad guys always smoke weed in uncompleted buildings, wearing obnoxiously fake chains and dark shades even when it is night? Must everyone that travels from the village to Lagos always make it? Must your gunshots always sound like Christmas bangers? Must your police detectives always be brash and loud-mouthed, glorifying the art of senselessness with their stupid questions and enthusiastically taking folly to new heights? Must your gatemen always be rude, nosy and dressed like court jesters? Must your villains always die or run mad after they confess? Must you say Three Years Later even when the film has barely gotten within two minutes? Must you shout when advertising a movie and talk like you’re condemned to a lifetime of selling second-hand underwear? Did they tell you we’re hard of hearing? And must you say the ‘now’ at the back of Grab Your Copy thrice?


Must you say, “This is just the beginning” at the end of a movie when we already know the end? Must your movies always have part 2 that invariably start from mid part one? Must bandages always be tied to the head even if someone was shot in the leg? Must the policemen always hold guns like they’re catching cold and run like they’re snatching ballot boxes? Must they always be theatrical, searching under glass tables for thieves and opening sugar cartons to search for kidnapped grannies? Must your mad men and women have people gathered around them, jeering and laughing? For Naija, dem born you well near mad man? Abi, you wan use your own hand pack your full teeth go house?


Why do your newborns have no blood on them? Who washed them and cut their umbilical cord? Your father who art in Heaven, abi? Okay. Must your old women who happen to be witches always talk in drawls and have their faces smeared with charcoal? Why does one out of your pair of twins always have to be bad and end up asking for forgiveness when her envy-inspired plans backfire? Must your love be so fake with you guys running around trees like bloody refugee kids playing silly games drawn on sand? Must your poor men always wear torn shirts and faded trousers and beg so much that their palms get to their elbows?


Why must the actresses twist their heads three sixty degrees and roll their eyes to emphasize a point that isn’t really much of a point? Why must the pastors who haven't finish delivering themselves from the poverty they're in deliver others, prancing about like Hot little goats when they pray? Why must thunder strike when god wants to answer prayers? And why the hell must To God Be The Glory appear at the end of your movies?


Why the hell are your soundtracks so useless and silly, going to a crescendo and diminuendo at the same time, betraying the suspense and intrigue you intend creating? Should that stupid little flute always depict suffering? Is that annoying Igbo-laced accented lady supposed to make us desist from evil by singing those songs that would’ve, in fact, might’ve been hit tracks when my mom was still playing hard to get for my dad? And why do we see the shadows of crew members gesticulating wildly and spirits substituting their arms for wings as they make prophecies of what would always be doom?

Why, in Heaven’s name, are you incompetent bu.ttholes incapable of connecting with reality?


Your comedies make no sense. I laugh more out of the misbehaviour and gross incredulity your characters consistently display than out of the inherent fun in it. So silly!


And then, the use of stupid proverbs too. Just what the hell is, “No matter how rich a son is, he cannot boast of more rags than his father”? Like, what the hell? Why should he bother with rags in the first place, not to talk of boasting of them? Then you have something like, ‘A cat does not run into the bush, only to cover its shit for nothing’ and ‘No matter how wide a boas’ mouth is, it cannot swallow the proverbial tortoise’. Why didn’t you add, ‘No matter how good your girlfriend blo.wjobs you, two heads would always be better than one’? or better still, ‘No matter how fast your legs are, your hands would always do it faster’? Why?


As time is lacking to talk exhaustively about other stuff and considering I’ve said a lot already, I’d just end by telling you what I’ve told others like you- Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional. Nollwood, Follywood or whatever you call yourself, Grow the hell up. It’s high time you did.

No thanks.

Illuminaliterati

lalasticlala:
Link where u got it from.. Thanks

saintneo:
If this article no make FP, i go delete from nairaland.



Like it!!!!!

BreezyCB:
(Y)

Swissheart:
....lol I hope you won't be asking d same question Tayo is asking