₦airaland Forum

lol!


It’s too girly!

Even me that’s a lady cannot use that pouch.

Adesegzy91:
This might be a bit long, pls bear with me. I got married to a virgin in 2021 with the rule of no sex before marriage but the marriage ended in 2023 due to many reasons most especially barrenness. Then to avoid my previous mistake, I made a new personal rule which I tell any lady I want to date, and the rule was; "you must get pregnant for me before I marry you". Around early April 2025, my GF said she's pregnant and after pressing her several times if she had sex with any other guy apart from me, she confessed that on February 22nd,2025 she was raped by one guy who told her to come for a job interview, then she had her period Feb 24th-28th then we had sex 1st of March,2025 which she now missed her period in March 2025, so definitely the pregnancy should belong to me since she still did period after the rape incident. I took the matter up and got the rapist arrested, he confessed to raping her and was pleading for mercy and forgiveness which I later granted due to pressure from pastors and his relatives. So I took responsibility for the pregnancy,and delivery hoping to do a DNA test after delivery but the cost was too expensive for me to afford, so I did traditional marriage with her due to the family making it compulsory. Fast forward to this month which the baby is 10months old, she fell sick and was taken to hospital, after treatment her genotype was done and found to be AS whereas myself and her mother are both AA, then I took them to three different facilities to repeat the same test and still got the same result. This means that I am not the biological father of the baby because it's not possible for two AA to produce AS, so therefore I am guessing the biological father of the baby is that rapist but what's confusing is she still had her period after that rape incident. Anyways, I am really confused and needs an outsider opinion for me to make objective decision on this matter cos I and my family have already forged a bond with the baby, her mother and her family, if I spill this discovery, everything will spoil, if I don't spill it, I will be raising another man's child as my own and my family will be in the dark not knowing anything.

I really need a neutral suggestion on the next step to take either to call that rapist to ask him for genotype and if he's AS, then tell him he is the father of the baby OR I should call a meeting with my wife and her family to end the marriage and tell them what's going on OR I should just ignore everything and continue raising the baby as my own since no one knows about this issue yet.

Pls drop your civilized suggestions in the comment, no insults pls.

Mod can pls push forward to FP for more suggestions

You should be more worried about the fact that you’re unable to father a child and go for proper fertility evaluation.

You ended the first marriage because it didn’t produce a child and you automatically believed the problem was from your ex wife.

Now, the universe has decided to be kind to you by giving you a child which you’re unable to father naturally, and you want to throw that away?

Good luck.

From the timeline you gave, the chances that the other man owns the child is higher because, she may have had an implantation bleed and assumed it was a period. A woman cannot get pregnant by having intercourse just one day after her period. It has to be atleast after 8 days for someone that has a short cycle.

AndroBlaze:
I could have believed the story if it happened once, but no Nigerian woman born in the last 35 years can fall for this trick twice.

I mean, I also don’t believe it.
It’s just too unbelievable that someone can fall for this very very very old scamming format.

Uhmm!

Let me not make matters worse.


You’re dealing with a scammer, Aunty.
Stay away from that person for your own good.
That’s if this story is even true because it’s too… let me still maintain decorum.

Thank you.

Sirchiboy:
Is it to marry a fair lady with no eduaction or skill.
That evil lady will borrow money without any one knowlege.
The family will spend the rest of their life paying for debt incur by her because of an evil woman .
The children will suffer from childhood trauma because of one person.
That money that would have been used to better the life of the family will be used to pay debt. .
Women should only give birth and should leave that family after giving birth.
They should not come close to their kids.

Oga, you have refused to get help for your childhood trauma. You need to find all ways possible to heal so that you can forge on with life. See you see 60 ooo.

When you finally clock 60 with no wife nor kids, na that time your body go tell you.

Keep deceiving yourself.


Continue on this path if you know that you will never desire marriage or go into one. After all, not everyone must marry but if you somehow are unsure, better give yourself brain and do better now cos your eyes go soon clear.

IronGalaxy:
You're responding a people that literally mob luxury cars to beg, a fully grown man running after a luxury car because its owned by wizkid.. these people?

This is preposterous. Comparing Begging to stealing?

In what culture or society is begging a crime? Or even comparable to looting. Jeez!

I am very shocked.

Incase you do not know, it is better to beg or run after luxury car drivers for alms than to Break into people’s properties, steal, destroy them and lazy around.


A beggar commits no crime but it’s absolutely Criminal to take one’s lazy ass into a place and steal from there with pride. I know your parents didn’t teach you how to tell right from wrong, just like those school kids and I have just done it for free.

You’re welcome!

TheDepressed:
I already made up my mind to sue but for what is what I dunno!
But I'll activate my lawyers and I'll brief this house.
I'll not be made to look stupid, she's too tiny!

This is still your ego at play.

Your ego made you destroy your marriage but I’m surprised you still didn’t learn from the mistake. You should be wiser and experienced enough to give young and intending couples helpful advice, but no.


You had a squabble with your wife and it didn’t end there, you slapped her. I mean, you raised your hands and hit her and still claimed right.

So hitting her was not big enough an offense to end a marriage but her retaliation by breaking the wedding frame was unbearable. lol. Funny ego

You didn’t end there oo, you threatened to take her back to her father’s house, as per Odogwu that you are and she asked you to go ahead and you ACTUALLY went ahead for real??

I’m glad you guys ended that marriage because that kind of Kilimanjaro high ego is never compatible with marriage. I am also glad you don’t intend going anywhere close to marriage again. It is not for everyone.

Back to topic, please just let her go and move on.

If you must approach a court for anything, let it be for a proper divorce. The marriage has ended already.

All the best!

Your pride big pass Lagos-Ibadan expressway. Alpha male, lol. Your eyes go soon clear say life on Nairaland is very far from reality. However, I believe you may be under 30 and still have time to work on yourself, learn and relearn.

Keep moving, 5 years was already too long for whatever you both were doing. You two should try your lucks elsewhere.

osazsky:
u call a 50 year old an old man....if he doesn't like her sister and he is interested in marrying Ur girlfriend nothing wrong...if u love her u should have married her..if u can take care of her marry her next month before the old man marries her..life is a competition ..no room for slacking and there is room for overtaking..her sister loves another and the old man knows it hence he is fishing for Ur girlfriend and fortunately Ur girlfriend is giving him green light..she is just Ur friend and not Ur wife.move on..go and marry..and who told u u are young

I don’t see a difference between you and the 50 plus years old fool. If you don’t know boundaries at this point in your life, i bet you may be worse than him at that age.

Disgusting!

Demigod22:
Yeah, the relationship has ended today. No need risking it.

Good you called it quits!
Also make sure to block her.
The girl is greedy and knows nothing about loyalty. She isn’t even loyal to her own blood, her sister. Who then are you?

Both the girl and the Old phul do not worth having a headache over.

guobe:
You have gotten quite a romantic man for yourself.
❤️ one.

Yes he is and i have learnt a lot from him as well.

If 48hrs passes and he doesn’t tell me he loves me, then something has VERY seriously gone wrong somewhere.

Fake story.

Why were they doing CVS if she thought he was AA and she AS?
What were they testing for?

I foresee that marriage crumbling, sooner or later. Something is not right in the entire set up of the marriage. If the wife is not comfortable having her husband view her status, something is definitely not smooth.

But It shocks me to know that someone can contemplate divorce on account of a matter like this.

Some people have no business getting married and the said man is one of them. They think marriage is something to get in and out of as one pleases.

ibechris:
Beauty without sense.

Why didn't she die alone now. Must she die with others.

Ah!

Leave her dearest children for whom exactly?
For the foolish philandering husband and his maid mistress to destroy their lives? Some humans cannot be trusted with anything precious. They will mess it up real bad.

She made the best decision imho (this is strictly my opinion).
If she wasn’t going to be alive to look out for and protect her children, it’s best she leaves the world knowing she didn’t abandon them to go through the unknown alone.

That’s a mother that loves her children right there. She made sure to sort them out before exiting.

The man is free to start afresh and continue his life.

RIP to them!

This is what many Bolt drivers in Ghana use . That was where i saw the car like pure water.

I don’t like it

Wow!
You’re very courageous. I’m glad you didn’t listen to people that would have begged you to manage that things will get better. Lies! It gets worse, actually.

Good it ended this early before children came and even better you didn’t do a civil wedding, saved yourselves a lot of stress.

You both will be fine.
Take the lessons and be better.

Congratulations and best wishes.

All your excuses for wanting to do Lagos marriage don’t hold water. You just want to embarrass the family and it will be disgraceful for a traditional family to accept this, so don’t be surprised if the family insist on doing things the right way.

How can you pay an Igbo woman’s bride price in Lagos? To whom would you pay it to? It’s not done that way.
What you’re proposing looks shady and suspicious, like you’re hiding something.

There are lots of ways to honor tradition without breaking much sweats. If you can’t go to her village due to insecurity, you could send representatives to her family and village so the needful be done for you.

Let the gathering be at her father’s living room with not more than 30 persons and things will be done properly.

There’s insecurity, there’s insecurity but people still travel to those places and even more people must go home for Christmas. Just do things as moderately as possible and hope for the best.

Now i see where the problem is coming from. Many of you were not loved at home, you lots had traumatic childhoods.
How then can you love yourselves and then someone else especially women?

Oh! I hope you heal. Ameen!

dierich:
To the bold. I wanted to give her a 2nd change and to control her sense back that's why I interrupt them b4 it get out of hand but [b]violating the rules [/b]shows she didn't learn still
I don't know if u understand me

Your pride ee, them fit use am build 3 storey building and materials go still remain.

You think single parenthood only affects a woman? Everybody involved, including the children must be affected for sure.

Send that woman packing and then take out time to learn conflict resolution and allow yourself mature emotionally. If you continue with that marriage and this same impulsive behavior, the disaster will still happen sooner or later.

All the best!

This marriage has a poor prognosis, unfortunately. You come off as too brash and impulsive.

Who tell you say them dey use gragra follow woman?

The moment that woman comes home and finds her belongings packed up and ready to be discarded, her trust in the durability of that marriage would reduce significantly . Whether you people eventually settle things or not. It’s now one leg in and one out for her. She go start calculate plan B. No more long term plans with you in HER picture.

Just mark it somewhere, you will remember my post when it finally happens. Na she go leave you finally. You don give her the vibe say make she no relax fully cos anything can happen and she will be kicked out

My advice is that you make sure you follow through with your threat of kicking her out cos if you don’t, Well, well.

My brother, they have tried this nonsense with me before on my way from Ph to Owerri. They said my offense was 35k. I didn’t even try to banter words with them but one thing was certain, they would never get shishi from me.

I insisted i MUST pay at the bank, directly into the Government’s account. They refused to give me the account number, that they didn’t have it. That i should pay to them .

I left my car and took a public bus to a bank at Obinze, spoke with the guys at the bank and they generated the payment code, i did the payment and got back with the receipt. Shishi, they didn’t see.
Infact, they couldn’t leave the post at the close of their duty until i returned to get my car ‘cause my car was now at their risk. Woe betides them if even a scratch is noticed on it. Na security work them come begin do for the car until i returned.

One Kobo of mine can never be spent on foolish people.

Clowns everywhere.
Clowns that can’t do without Nigerian women. Even the ones that marry foreign women still refuse to settle, they always scurry back to Nigerian women. Only a few keep focused.

Na by force to date or marry Nigerian woman?

Well, from the conversation, i see a couple that lack good communication skills. They kept arguing, going back and forth. Each, wanting to say what they think and what’s in their mind, not properly communicating in love, not working as a unit, no affection.

If care isn’t taken, you both will tear down your marriage with your own hands because of tokens and the damages will cost you more economically compared to this 4000usd that’s seemingly the bone of contention.

The husband isn’t dealing with his wife affectionately and that has made the woman defensive too, everybody trying to stand their ground, like a business deal. See you both, see divorce court if you aren’t very intentional about being reasonable.

People saying the wife isn’t supportive. You people lack good English comprehension skills. The chat shows she does a couple of things around the house including groceries.

The man comes off as someone with some unresolved issues against the wife, tilting him towards bitterness and lack of affection towards wife while the woman seems to be on defensive and lone survival mode. Na the children go hear am las las.

Nothing stops the man on that chat from asking the wife how much she can afford this month since many other seemingly more important expenses have popped up. How much can you deposit this month, then, next month how far?, you go try pay oo. If the 900 bucks is too much, let’s better review. It’s a credit card repayment for goodness sakes. Not a life threatening affair. It’s simple than insisting that she made a PROMISE and must fulfil it. If that was an external debtor who failed him, will he handle it same way? To the extent of counting all he did to survive his family when aunty wasn’t working, pregnant, down to undergrad study. He even said when SHE HAD A baby. Kai!

I pray you both go back to the drawing board and remember what took you to America in the first place.
All the best!

oghalebros:
I got married in 2016 with 3kids and I'm happy with my marriage.

He will come and tell you how you are the biggest liar on earth and are only pretending.

It’s really so sad some people may never live to experience this beautiful thing called love.

So so sad.

This Op, nobody is forcing you to get married. Please leave women, marriages and the happily married men alone and face your exciting and happy singlehood.

I have read many of your posts on Nairaland with keen interest and have come to the conclusion that marriage may likely not work for you because you have a very poor mindset about it and women in general.

Every now and then, you create topics asking married men if they are happy in their marriages. Those with positive responses are mocked by same you and your kinds on nairaland.

If you’re not asking the married men what their regrets are in marriage, you’re posting about paternity fraud. So much negativity.

Leave people’s marriages alone and face your life. You can as well go be a baby daddy or marry a man, these are also options to be explored. Just don’t go close to someone’s daughter for marriage.

All the best!

EmperorIsaac:
I don't even argue; I just pay and even apologize for forgetting because I know the total package (the woman herself and all she symbolises) is not cheap. I'm ready to pay for anything that involves them because I could choose to be single, but I didn't!

Kai!
there is still hope.
I thought my husband was the last Specie of Nigerian men that reason this way, the kind that know that marriage is not by force but got married by choice. The kind that understand the value of a WOMAN and intentionally VALUE her.

I keep saying it, marriage is not for everyone and some people really need to stay away from it.

There is no way this man here will claim that joy and peace is not finishing him in his marriage. There are some things you don't need to fight or argue over 'cause they are not worth it. In the end, almost the entire money would somehow find its way back to you and the children and if your wife glows, it's still to your credit. I just tire.

@ Poster, Your wife is a lucky woman, sure she cannot trade you for anything. She go hold you tight.

All the best Sir!

It is very commendable you know and understand yourself so well at this point in your life. Please stick to this and never be pressured into marriage to avoid complicating your life and that of the other party.

Now, about surrogacy, there are no strong laws and regulations currently in Nigeria guiding its practice. However, fertility clinics have contracts that can work for you and will definitely help you make the arrangements you seek. All you need is available finances.

All the best!
Please stay away from Marriage.

As painful as it is, you will get through this and you’ll find your woman when the time comes.

You are still very young. With time, things will fall in place for you.
Keep striving.

The lady is gone actually. But you will be fine, i am very very sure of this.

Time sorts us all out.
All the best bro!

So, i guess your in-laws have become mad people that will wake up one morning and decide to remove their daughter from a very peaceful and harmonious marriage.

Very funny guy!
Marriage is not by force, it doesn’t run on free mode neither does it sort itself out. It needs intentionality and work to be put into it.

About your missing properties, please report to the police so they help you to get them back. As for YOUR child, s/he is at the right place. I’m sure you weren’t expecting the mother to abandon the child while finding her own safety.

All the best Oga!

Your baby is not fair, that’s just his baby skin. Give it some couple of months and see his real dark skin.

However, If there’s a recessive fair skin in your gene, or even albinism somewhere along your blood line, your child can as well pick it up.

Mandate1:
I agree with you to a very large extent, except for the latter part you teach your kids to retaliate.

Retaliation doesn't make one strong, it only shows our unpredictable temperament. I will always teach my child to avoid trouble, it does no one any good.

There's always an authority to report to when you're bullied. Most times the consequences of retaliation might consume ones life. Avoiding trouble, especially throuvh physical combat is the easiest route to a peaceful life.

There is a difference between being bullied and being abused physically.

Every parent owes their child that specific lifesaving skill of self defence. They must learn to be strong and stand up for themselves when no one is there to stand up for them.

Take note!
Retaliation is one thing that scare bullies far away cos they feed on fear and weakness.