₦airaland Forum

Rtk5:
She sent me a text three days back that she's coming to pick some of her things & the baby's things cos they are running short of Wears & that she needs money for the baby's provisions. I told her I don't have money. I didnt see her till date.

Refusing to take care of your daughter's needs is another mistake you're about to make.

You've messed your marriage up, don't mess your daughter's life up. It's your duty to provide for her needs. I don't know if you don't have mature and wise counsel or you just don't take reasonable advice.

Trying to use money as a leverage in this situation is a huge mistake. The issue is gonna escalate to a shocking degree if you don't calm down, CHANGE, apologize to your wife for whatever you did wrong and get your family back.

Funny children on Nairaland already abusing the wife.
@Op, why did your wife leave? it's a straight forward question which you've not given a meaningful answer to. Non issue no get name?

The only grave reason that'll make a woman up and leave that i can think of other than physical abuse is cheating, she's not stupid. You may be a chronic cheat who feels entitled and she just got fed up after forgiving over and over( you already said it yourself that she's made a lot of sacrifices in the marriage)

What's killing you now is guilt. You're too ashamed to even pick a phone and call any of her family members because you know how they see you right now. They are tired of you already.

Go and bring in your girlfriend, you'll still cheat on that one and the cycle continues until you ruin your life or you get sense, whichever one happens first.

Since you refused to tell what the non-issue is, i've helped you fix that part, after all, all the comments on the thread lack objectivity and are based on speculations and half baked tale.

In the meantime, forget about marriage 'cause you're obviously not ready yet.

@OP, that guy is married. TRUST me on this.

It's also important you block him totally once and for all for your sanity sake. Nothing good can come out of the relationship/friendship. It's a total waste of your already wasted time.

Besides, you're too old for such back and forth fooli.ng around with this guy. You're no longer a teenager or a university undergraduate. What you need right now as a grown woman is stability and focus, your Mr C cannot offer this, He's married. Open yourself up for a grown up relationship within your vicinity and build on it.

I hope you do the right thing.

poiunt:
Waivers for doctors from Nigeria when in the EU there are lot of doctors

Look at NES Vacancy for resident doctors

The minimum requirement for an applicant to the MO position is 2 years' post-registration experience, which will include a mixture of medicine and surgery

So how are they qualified to practise in the Uk if they are not members of the of the UK medical union

https://neshealthcare.co.uk/vacancies/medical-officer/

Lol, i pity your wife for house oo cos you go like blind arguments too much. she sef go don tire for you.

I don't know what you wrote there about EU or no EU.
The minimum experience a Nigerian doctor needs to start working in the NHS is just the housemanship experience.

Pass IELTS, plab, sit in your bedroom and apply for jobs, you'll be called up. Everything doesn't have to be suffer head like it is in Nigeria.

You're just overwhelmed and shocked that Doctors can be so VALUED and given such a preferential treatment by another country yeah? I know that feeling of Too good to be true. My dear, na so we see am.

They will still leave, everything will be sorted out in no time.

frog12:
it SAID written EXAMS.

IT did not say PLAB exam. maybe the company's exams.

PLAB and IELTS are the only possible exams those guys did to qualify to work in the UK.
You're not in the health sector hence, your limited knowledge on this.

No recruitment agency sets exams for any doctor. In fact, these agencies literally beg you to come in through them. Skype interviews is the standard.

As for those shouting scam scam, what you don't know is bigger than you. Multiply £500 by the number of passengers and research on how much it would cost to fly a return plane from the UK to Nigeria, the answer you'll get will clear your doubts.

poiunt:
Pls stop misinforming people

This is a scam by fraudsters

Uk banned all flight from Africa, also to practice in the UK as a doctor you must have written and passed plab1 and plab2 and be a registered member of their doctor council.

You see why it's very important to read carefully before posting?

The article clearly stated that the Doctors had already passed the PLAB exams, granted skype interviews and also got jobs but were only stuck at the visa phase due to the lockdown.

Who exactly is scamming whom?
The 500 pounds they paid was for the flight which was heavily subsidized by the way. You probably do not know how much it costs to charter an international flight, if you did, you'd understand that ￡500 per passenger is cheap for a charter flight that ran empty.

It is known that UK visa is not granted on arrival for Nigerian passport holders on a good day but these aren't good days as we are battling this serious health emergency worldwide. So, Never Say Never.

All in all, they'll still find their ways out. Almost every young doctor i know in Nigeria is working on an exit plan. Not even the president can stop this.

organism3:
please house
what's your take about going to medical school at 31 yrs of age?

You should totally go for it if that's what you want. I had quite a number of classmates that were in their 40s in medical school and one close friends of mine was 30 when we started.

You alone can stop yourself.
All the best!

Are you advertising your hospital on Nairaland?

shollish:
Stop lying Jeanne!
Accept your roots
DG of WHO is not a Medical Doctor....Anuofia!

@ bold.
Little wonder he's turned the WHO into an incompetent Organization. He's made a total mess of the WHO.

Who employs someone without a good medical background to head such an organization?
Sentiments cannot take us far.


Most sensible countries have abandoned the WHO in their incompetence and taken their own health matters into their hands.

bigmodo:
I am an As and I am getting married to an As. I love this girl so much that I am moving forward to marry her. We have done our introduction and our traditional marriage is next month. I know the complications of an As marrying As in the issues of children they might give birth to. But I have no choice. I want to marry the love of my life.

So why are you telling us?

To beg you not to marry her or to encourage you to go ahead?

Nobody cares.

ImaIma1:
And she still believes he loves her

Na that one off me.

It's either she doesn't know what love is, she really has some self esteem issues or she's a very forgiving and patient person.

The woman has been through a lot already and i hope everything goes well with her in the end.

Dfavouredone:
My God, why dont people get it. That I a posted it on more than a thread is to get more opinions.

Do I look like someone who hasn't make it, do I look like your cheap chewing gum boyfriend.

OK drop your account let me send you some give away since you're looking for attention.

Hahaha, No need to bother you with my account number ' cause my "Chewing gum boyfriend" and i are doing well enough.

I'm sorry if you felt slighted by my post. Just be mindful of the kind of contents you post on this thread. Posting stuffs like that may always get you a reaction like mine to dissuade people from making regrettable investment mistakes.

No vex

Dfavouredone:
Why do you like saying what you don't know anything about na.

If I'm not a scammer but just a harmless innocent individual asking a genuine question without any iota of undertone advertisement, let the God of heaven punish you to desolation for been so stupid and unreasonable.

You should go look for something better to do with your life. Work hard and you'll make it.
I saw that same post on the Tbills thread and here again.

10% monthly ROI and registered with the SEC?
We're not that stup.id here. smh

Joyfulgal:
Thank you. You have eased our thoughts. Heavy burden ahead and alot of uncertainties.

Yeah, lots of uncertainties but keep positive.

My heart goes out to the young man. It's a battle for survival, you guys don't give up on him. He can win this.

I've seen a case of SCD diagnosed for the first time at 39 in a first time mother in labour.

Of course she didn't accept she had Sickle cell disease 'cause she'd never been told or diagnosed prior and the investigation had to be repeated after much vexing and arguments from her.

It must have been very very mild for her to live with it undiagnosed till that age. Some people are that lucky.

From Family hx, 5 siblings 3 late, 2 surviving and she's one of the two survivors. Guess her other 3 siblings weren't as lucky.

LUCK LUCK!
God bless the Lad.

Pavore9:
Keep him away from junk food, vegetables and fish are highly recommended, vitamins and folic acid intake must be on a daily basis, keep away from high energy exerting activities, mosquito nets must be around to lessen malaria attacks and make sure you have a pediatrician who will manage him.

Though the road ahead will be bumpy but good management will be very key. My elder brother is a carrier of sickle cell and the journey wasn't a joke but we pulled through as a family, today he is married with kids who are AS.

@ Joyfulgal
The post above covers most of what you can do for him. Daily folic acid intake and malaria prophylaxis with any antimalarial prescribed by his Doctor.(we use proguanil)

You guys should try to keep him hydrated (drinking plenty of water) and protect against mosquito exposure/malaria or any infection at all.

Any kind of stress whether physical or otherwise is not for him, extreme temperature exposures should be avoided too.

For him, prevention is better than cure. Following these rules will help to reduce the frequency of crisis he will encounter but doesn't eliminate the crisis.

There are times he'll have joints and body pains mild enough to be relieved with common analgesics but some may be extremely severe enough to warrant stronger prescription analgesic.

He must be taken to hospital when he's sick for proper management and care(no home remedies), pay mind to his health complaints.

Some kids are taken in and out of the hospital quite often while it's a rare occurrence for others. it all depends on how much his family invests in his wellbeing and luck to an extent.

You guys give him the best you can, support him emotionally too and hope for the most desirable outcome.

*Hugs to him

zed7:
Some people are created differently, acquiring material wealth wouldn't make them happy. Some people were created to touch lives. Not everyone is self centred, however I also agree that people should only be with whom they can cope with.

Please don't pity him, helping people is what he finds fulfilment in. Marriage and kids don't bring many people fulfilment but they are forced into it by society. We should start learning to take people for whom they are.

As for the Op, let her save for her kids and herself but she should realise that her husband finds fulfilment in helping others. That's how he was created.

I see! You're right.

Yabaleft:
For where? There was a driver that used to work for me. While interviewing him, he told me his father was a surgeon. My jaw dropped. This guy no get waec.
I asked why he has no education . He said his father trained almost everyone in his village to the extent of sending children of villagers to school abroad. Unfortunately he died young and my driver was only 9 when the father passed.
No one helped them. He has 3 brothers, one is a welder, and the other spare parts seller.
Smh

Oh! What a pity.

cococandy:
I have an uncle like this. He will split his shirt into two and give you half of it so you won’t go naked. Never spares a penny for himself.
The funny thing? His siblings know he’s not rich hence they avoid asking him or even making him know if any of them needs anything. Just to give him the opportunity to focus and spend on himself and his family.

Instead he turns to strangers to give them freely. He will give you to add to your savings while his account is red. It’s almost pathological in my opinion.

I learned a lot from observing him. I’m generous and not averse to sacrificing for another person but never ever to my own detriment. How can someone lose themselves like that?

You're right @ bold.

Your uncle's siblings are good people. They understood their brother and didn't take advantage of his kindness.

elektra:
Many Nigerian families abuse first borns. The first borns sef internalize the abuse and it becomes part of their identity.
Their self fulfillment now comes from seeing the younger siblings succeed. Sometimes to the detriment of their own progress.
Your husband clearly has no ambition of his own.

I don't think it's peculiar to first sons. It just depends on the family and any of the kids can be picked out as the Donkey/victim. Especially, that one with a kind and selfless heart.

I dated a man with similar trait as the OP's husband and in his case, he was even the last son, hahaha. He sponsored both his older and younger siblings through school, was taking care of their families and at the time we were together, he had started sponsoring most of his Nephews and nieces through school.

At some point, i advised him to give his siblings some capital and encourage them to start some business so as to relieve the financial burden. He waved that off with the excuse that his people are not business inclined.

Oya, upgrade your educational qualifications na for better future opportunities now that you're single and have the wherewithal, Mr man said ok and after a few days he came back with the excuse of having too much family responsibilities to spare any cash for such. Apparently, one of his siblings he shared the idea with told him the program was expensive. I offered to 'loan' him the fees but he rejected the offer.

He easily ran out of cash for someone earning in 6 figures at that time. He wasn't married, no children he wasn't spending the money on me obviously but he was almost always broke. Most phone calls he received whenever we were together were money requests from family. Account will turn red immediately after pay day (i started thinking he'd been jazzed, i didn't know what else to think about. lol)

I got to understand that doing those things made him happy. That feeling of being the messiah of his family gave him some sort of satisfaction and fulfillment that nobody was allowed to deprive him of. He always confided in me that he's been there for his family since he was a boy.

The love i had for him turned to PITY and then to indifference. I saw a wonderful man with a very good heart but was non-progressive this, i couldn't deal with. His family didn't love him enough to advise him to help himself while helping them. He was a dead weight that i needed to offload. After analyzing the situation one day, i RAN without telling him why. No drama, no quarrel, i just ghosted him i didn't want another begging or convincing.

Red flags everywhere. It's important for young people to consider all these things before choosing a life partner. It never gets better and once you're in, you're in. Running was one of the best decisions i've made as a woman. Man is already 40 now unmarried, no kids. I just feel so sad for him because he's a nice person.

I'm so sorry OP, i think it's too late to fix this. Any action you take towards " fixing" this is going to be counterproductive.

The best time to sort stuffs like this out was before marriage and the solution would have been to RUUUN and never look back.

Now, you can only salvage the situation by being your own security. Think for yourself, save for yourself, invest for yourself and sort yourself out. He's been that way for 9yrs, i don't see him changing soon.

You keep talking, you become an enemy. Can you fight his parasitic family off with him being on their side? i guess not.
If you keep waiting for him to fully take charge of his responsibilities, you'll be waiting for a long time girl.

funkmrflexx:
We Have Been Dating For 1 Year and 6 months now. I’ve met her parents , we wanted to get married last year but her dad told me to wait till she finishes school which is supposed to be next year. I’m 25 years old , she’s 22 . I live alone in the city while my mom lives in the village . My younger sister who I’m sponsoring through school

So when we got home I told her what she did was wrong that she shouldn’t have reacted like that. Na there war start. She started yelling and shouting at me that if my mom talks to everyone like that she won’t take it (my plan was to tell her that she should apologize to her. Because my mom already apologized that she won’t talk to her again like that. Which I know she will o . So we can just forget about the issue . But she never accepts she’s wrong ) She said I took her to my village to intimidate her in front of my family people, I was really angry and called her uncle and told him what happened. He said there was nothing wrong with what my mom told her (If you no fit carry the mango u for kuku put am for e head make e carry am na) . And that he would talk to her .

I even scolded my mom before I left that I didn’t like what she said what she did that’s she was just causing issue . My girlfriend said when my mom said the word (If you no fit carry the mango u for kuku put am for e head make e carry am na) that I should have immediately rebuked my mom . But me sef no see anything wrong with what my mom said( If you no fit carry the mango u for kuku put am for e head make e carry am na)


I just Dey follow her uncle advise and leave her be until she calms down and I talk to her

So my people what’s offensive in this word? If you no fit carry the mango u for kuku put am for e head make e carry am na)

But this her attitude don tire me. Break up is not on the card for me at least not yet. She always thinks that they are other guys out there because she has a lot of toasters but I know they can’t do quarter of what I’m doing for her . In this modern time it’s difficult to see a guy who will allows his girlfriend stay with him thereby losing his freedom to do certain things. A guy who doesn’t cheat , a guy who takes care of her . Does everything for her .

I just think the things she went through in her family is affecting her physiological. And sometimes when I think about leaving her I feel pity because she can’t go back to her parents house .

Someone from a dysfunctional home with abusive tendencies and SERIOUS anger issues is the person you chose to collabo with in marriage? you think you can change her?

I strongly believe you're not ok yourself. You have almost zero self esteem and hardly any good home training, hence, you tolerate and see such abnormal behavior as 'manageable' or normal to the point of disrespecting your mum.

Next time, na serious beating your mum and yourself go receive from the girl. You said it yourself that she's also a violent person, smh

Akin3891:
I Wonder what is causing this procrastination from fbn quest not to have added accrued interests since 1st April, today being 9th of April, it's enough time for them to have done the needful. I'm sure stanbic and others are updating their investments , pretty bad, no email or text from them for explanation. I sent them emails, but they bounced back. Did anybody get to hear from them

Same experience I have with FbnQuest but I’m giving them time though.

Investment one is even worse as they have neither paid the quarterly interest nor added any new interest since this month. Everything is just stagnant. No interest paid, re-invested or accrued.

ARM is up to date. Re-invested the interest on the evening of April 1 and new accrued interest already reading.

I’m just watching them closely.
Let’s say the Pandemic and lockdown is affecting their services. Hopefully, normalcy will return soon.

gratefulalways:
The parents dont need to relocate to another state. They'll simply send their kids to boarding school in those states

My 10 year old in a boarding house in a different state when I’m not mentally and physically incapacitated? Why did I have the child in the first place?


To each his own though!

amaniro:
So we all finally concluded that its a bad policy right?There are much better educational policy than that age peg bullshit. How about wheeping kids?thats a crime in South Africa. But we in Nigeria still wheep our children like cows.

I don’t think it’s a bad policy overall rather, it’s a policy that shouldn’t stand alone. It shouldn’t be implemented without dealing with the reasons behind the rush in the first place.

The menace of unemployment and delayed admission should be curbed while introducing and enforcing this age policy.

About whipping kids, lol it’s a very wrong way to discipline children and should have been long abolished.

Arysexy:
Na Lagos go lose. Many parents will take their wards to neighbouring States for secondary education.

So you’ll quit your job and move your family to a different state just to evade the system? Or do you intend shipping off your underaged to a boarding house in another state or to go live with relatives because of this?

Parental love and guidance is very important for kids in their formative years. It’s the same anomaly the government is trying to correct. Ship them off early whether they’re ready or not. So sad!

sucess001:
Doesn't make sense. We are in a digital age and age doesn't equal maturity. So you force Lagos based kids to become 18 before leaving secondary schools when in other climes, by 18 you have a degree...

Please in which climes do you get a degree by 18.

Get your facts right, a lot of advanced countries have age restrictions into all levels of education especially for their citizens. Education is well regulated.

In most of those climes you’re talking about, the age of graduation from high school is usually 17-18. It’s in Nigeria I saw kids graduating at 14.

The rule as good as it is, should not be effected without first sorting out the issue of late admission into the university. Every jambite should be granted admission of some sort into either the university, polytechnic or college of education to study any course that their scores can get them. That way, they keep moving.

In some countries, lower scoring candidates are sent to lower ranking schools. That way, almost everyone gets admitted. If you want a higher ranking university and a better course, you study harder. This is the chinese system and it’s working for them. The point is,they don’t accept underaged kids into school at any level.

amaniro:
I swear same here. I also entered Js1 at 10 nothing bad . It should be 10 not 12 graduating from sec school at 16. Maybe its because of this our "age is maturity" mentality that chinese kids are making strives in Tech and our teens are busy making tictok videos

@ the bolded, you just contradicted yourself with the Chinese kids analogy.

In China, no child is ever allowed to start grade 1 if they’re not yet 6 years old and all chinese kids take the college entrance exam 高考 at 17-18. Any child less than 17 will have to wait for one year before trying the college entrance exam.

The policy isn’t a bad one but for it to be considered, the government should take care of the delays children face before gaining admission into the university.

If every child is guaranteed a seat in the university immediately after high school, the fear of most parents would be overcome because at 23 the person would have been through with NYSC and that’s a very good age to start life.

amanda2013:
If am in her shoes, I wouldn't even allow your mum to meet me in your house not to talk of staying and dragging space with her. She is your fiance not your wife so please allow her to go and stay with her friend. If you ask your mum to leave no matter how polite you sound ,she will definitely say you are chasing her out of your house cause of your fiance and she will hate the girl the more .

Hehehe, the girl get mind sha.
Op eeh, you want to cause a very big problem for your lady. Asking your mum to leave NOW because of a girlfriend will be a very very bad idea and a grave mistake, please don’t.
If you do, you’ll be starting a war for your fiancée that’ll eventually leave her burnt out in the end.

The irony is that you’ll be exonerated while the babe will take the fall for it and everybody in your household will join in the operation kick the bi.tch out of our brother’s house campaign . If somehow they fail to succeed, she’ll still not be at peace with your family and no woman wants to go through that.

Babe should go find some other place to stay ASAP. You need to let her go for the good of everyone in the picture. She can go back to her sister’s, I’m almost positive she won’t be kicked out, siblings fight and make up after all, but if this is far-fetched, she can go put up with her friends until the coast is clear.

Your mum is there to chase the girl away and you must give her the illusion that she has succeeded for peace to return. Only when babe leaves will your mum leave that house and you should stop making things more complicated.

Chimezirim121:
But their salaries should be increased

Of course it should be increased and that’s what they should focus on.

See their mouths like everyone should be paid 140k.
Silly girls. Instead of standing up for themselves and demanding a better remuneration, they’re dragging Doctors into their stupidity.

Please, where in this world do Doctors and Nurses earn same salary?

JOHESU, JOHESU, JOHESU. They will never grow up.

Vyvyanvyvy:
Yes I am very happy to have my son , I feel good that I did not abandon him just for a man who never love me , he just come to my life for the world to see him as a hero for marrying me a single mother of 2. I have no gained anything in this marriage , it’s better for me to be a single mother than to reject my blood and flesh. I know it will not be easy but God will help me to raise my children all alone , I thank God I have my shop something that fetched me money , my children will never starved of anger , they will go to school as usual and nothing will change. For now all I want is for him to bring my child back to me because he cannot take care of her , at the moment my child is with his sister so what’s the point of taking her away from me then to abandon her with his sister ? The same sister that cannot even love her own blood and flesh so is she gonna love my child too? If he wanted to take care of his daughter on his own why can’t he rent a place and take care of her ? He did it because he taught by doing so , I will send my son on the street so I can beg him to come back home , never , all I’m begging him to do is to bring back my child , she is the one that I need , I don’t need him , he can go ahead and remarry , it will not shake me . You and others can rain insults on me but let me tell you one thing , all your insult doesn’t bother me , I’m not regretting loosing my marriage because I did what any true mother in my position would have do in my shoe. Like said my son will always be first no matter what. Let me attached the picture of the 3 people that gives me happiness my children my life.

I read your post over and over again and I felt really sad.

You and your husband are both responsible for your marriage whether it works or crumbles but catering to that child and raising him right is your responsibility.

A father may bail, all relatives may bail, even the whole world may abandon a child but a GOOD Mother CANNOT bail on her Child. It’s unfortunate your husband didn’t share the sentiment and I don’t blame him but trust me, you’ve given yourself peace. You did what you had to do, what every responsible and right thinking mum would do and I would have done same if I were in your shoes.

Raising those kids alone may be overwhelming but God’s gonna give you the strength and grace to pull through.

There are times when you’d want to second guess yourself, you’d think you made a mistake. The true mistake would have been abandoning that child without love and pushing him into something dangerous that’d eventually get him killed.This would have been THE mistake that you can never live with and of course the marriage you tried to save would have collapsed.

I pray everything goes well with you and the kids.

Olayetan:
Don't tell me to shut up.


Other banks may compromise your account with your account number, bvn or card details being exposed but i can vouch for GTB, you can't do anything on their account without pin or OTP...

Sometimes it will require you both Pin and OTP to complete a transaction.

You’re being ignorant with so much confidence bro, why are you this way?

You have to read and learn. What that guy told you is 100% true. Many transactions especially international ones can be carried out with just the details written physically on your debit card.No OTP or PIN required. No go give person your ATM card and think it’s safe because you didn’t disclose the PIN. Lol

For the records, all such transactions I do are carried out with a GTB MasterCard specifically dedicated for online payments and ATM withdrawals. In fact, I gave someone my GTB ATM card last week to make an international payment which he did successfully without needing my PIN or OTP and I got the transaction alert one day later.

please calm down and learn.

Do not link an ATM to accounts with heavy balance, It’s not safe. The only Nigerian ATM I use is not even in my name, none of my bank accounts have ATMs and I don’t listen to their “get your ATM card” preaching at the BANK.

Internet banking with HARD TOKEN locked up in a safe place is better.