₦airaland Forum

God DOE don't tell me my post got deleted again

Shizzles I'm surrounded by females i'm out of here yall can be last

[size=30pt]Last[/size], but then again only losers come last winners come first

Whoever posts after this is a dog mix monkey mix snake mix baboon mix goerge bush mix saddam mix hayena mix Bin Laden

at least i'm not Bin landens wife ----------peace-----------

Whoever posts after this is Osama Bin Ladens Wife (whos the last now hee hee   )

[size=24pt]Give up[/size]  I'm the last

I'd say "Don't be a hug give me some magic, and by the way your last magic was great i'm two inches taller" -----------peace----------

Ha Ha both of you posted just before me
Warning - while you were reading a new reply has been posted. You may wish to review your post.

I am the lasttttttt

If I was president Nigeria would be a Heaven on earth, people would beg the angel of death not to take their lives, 99% of the worlds population would situated in Nigeria
----------peace----------

By the way 75% of Nigerias past leaders were at one stage educated abroad. Education is the answer to a better nation, but not in the way that yous are highlighting it. The problem is not hving a good president it's having a good society, if we had a good society today in Nigeria I wouldn't mind another Abacha, because a Good society indirectly will inevitebly mean a good leader------------peace-----------------

people are corrupted everywhere in the world. Knowing whta's right is very differnt from doing what;s right, are you saying that all the past leaders of our blessed coutry were bad because they didn't know how to be good because they hadn't seen the whole world. What Nigeria needs is [size=24pt]Jerry Gana[/size]

My Uncle experienced something similar
He was driving home when all of a sudden a girl stopped him and asked for a lift, she told him to drop her off at oremeji ibadan (where i once lived), he drove on until he reached the destination then looked back at the lady, but she wasn't there, he then remembered that there was a cementry in oremiji and that's probably where she was heading to He sped home and started screaming, Mo ti Ri Ku Mo ti Ri Ku ( think that's how to write it, means I have seen a dead person)

hey jamaica boy right on, i mean rite on mannn

adewaleafolabi:
so we have a satellite which is presently of no commercial value to us . we have a satellite in space and yet our telecommunication is crap we pay through our noses for internet service did you know that the amount we pay for a month of subscription to those internet provider is enough to pay for a whole year in some countries you know Y cause they have functional satellite and they can easily draw back bones from it niJa needs to step up if we are ever going to catch up with the rest of the world thank GOD for CELTEL

That is ridiculously funny, i'm laughing my guts out, Nigeria's telecomunication sector is excellent compared to a lot of countries, Nigeria will have a 3G network by the end of the year, when it does it will be in line with countries like America and Britain

What would make nairaland even more cool would be avaters(its the new trend, so wat da ya say what do you say seun

Now its 54683, welcome pppelf

Abuja Rocks

Dubai Rocks

i'm not a single percent embarresed, but those rch ass celebrities make normal people like me feel like scum with their great skin and fat wallets-------peace--------

The capital of benin Porto Novo or is it Port Norvo, anyways their capital is built on naija land, they stole the land about a two hundred years ago, the faghead dahomey warriors, they kicked yoruba ass, [size=24pt]but it aint over it aint over[/size]

There are now 54680 members wecome michealnye

[size=15pt] Snakes Suck[/size], priscila don't post that here or in the offtopic section post it in the horrible section

hey no one disses Arsenal or Arsenal Brothers maybe you're the one going to hell (Don't diss me sorry) ----peace---

Each man gives a story
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding inside a refrigerator, "

Pick Heaven or Hell
One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St.Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had an executive make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in." said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.

"Sorry, we have rules, " And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved good- bye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her. "Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said.

So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," he said.

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and Filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her. "I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her and smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you; today you're staff."

The Proxy Father

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, ''I'm off. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. ''Good morning, madam. You don't know me but I've come to, ''

''Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you,'' Mrs. Smith cut in.

''Really ?'' the photographer asked. ''Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies.''

''That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?'' asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.

''Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out.''

''Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me.''

''Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.''

''I hope we can get this over with quickly,'' gasped Mrs. Smith.

''Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure.''

''Don't I know!'' Mrs. Smith exclaimed. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. ''This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London.''

''Oh my god!!'', Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.

''And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'' The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture.
''She was difficult ?'' asked Mrs. Smith.
''Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look.''

''Four and five deep?'' asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.

''Yes,'' the photographer said.

''And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in.'' Mrs. Smith leaned forward.

''You mean they actually chewed on your, eh, equipment ?''

''That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work.''

''Tripod??'', Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.

''Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam ? Madam?, Good Lord, she's fainted!''