₦airaland Forum

I'm so damn interested. could u mail it to me?
dexxiest@yahoo.com

Please does anyone know if NIIT has office in ibadan?
Thank you.

Heard about MetroDigital when i was still in PH. Thought they said they'll be serving just the 'East' and PH.

Well, if they're in Ibadan (my current location), i'd like to know their office address or at least get their phone line.

Thanks.

Rivers State. . .but Lag is where my heart is.

The 1st Affair

A married man was having an affair

with his secretary.

One day they went to her place

and made love all afternoon.

Exhausted, they fell asleep

and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed

and told his lover to take his shoes

outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.

'I can't lie to you,' he replied,

'I'm having an affair with my secretary.

We had sex all afternoon.'

She looked down at his shoes and said:

'You lying bastard!

You've been playing golf!'





The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters

but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time

for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant

and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery

to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child

he had ever seen.

He told his wife: 'There's no way I can

be the father of this baby.

Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!

Have you been fooling around behind my back?'

The wife smiled sweetly and replied:

'Not this time!'




The 3rd Affair

A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,

about to be cremated,

and made a startling discovery.

Schwartz had the largest private part

he had ever seen!

'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician

commented, 'I can't allow you to be cre mated

with such an impressive private part.

It must be saved for posterity.'

So, he removed it,

stuffed it into his briefcase,

and took it home

'I have something to show

you won't believe,' he said to his wife,

opening his briefcase.

'My God!' the wife exclaimed,

'Schwartz is dead!'




The 4th Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover

when she heard her husband

opening the front door.

'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'

She rubbed baby oil all over him,

then dusted him with talcum powder.

'Don't move until I tell you,'

she said, 'pretend you're a statue.'

'What's this?' the husband inquired

as he entered the room.

'Oh it's a statue,' she replied,

'the Smiths bought one and I liked it

so I got one for us, too.'

No more was said,

not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up,

went to the kitchen and returned

with a sandwich and a beer.

'Here,' he said to the statue, have this.

I stood like that for two days at the Smiths

and nobody offered me a damned thing.'




The 5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe,

went to the bar and ordered a beer.

'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'

'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.

He glanced at the menu and asked:

'How much for a nice juicy steak

and a bottle of w ine?'

'A nickel,' the barman replied.

'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.

'Where's the guy who owns this place?'

The bartender replied:

'Upstairs, with my wife.'

The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs

with your wife?'

The bartender replied:

'The same thing I'm doing

to his business down here.'




The 6th Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly:

'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted,

'I want to die in peace.

I slept with your sister, your best friend,

her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied,

'now just rest and let the poison work.'

Still very fresh. 50 years from i'd still laugh so hard, I just love the joke.

Damn! we got a goat thief already?
First of all, some people said things about santa being satan (though i've not received anything from him) and now there's a goat thief? How bad can this Xmas get? People are doing stuffs to deny us of xmas fun. na wa o.
Ituen, come out of your haven and defend yourself.
Dem don buy goat keep for lag for me wey i go use celebrate xmas ooo.

Now what's your advice?
You want us guys to become gays

Everyman thinks he's an action hero and will always try to surmount the insurmountable no doubt, but you're getting too far with the 'emotions' thing. You can't have that kind of emotions for two women. I'm happy that your conscience is not dead. Since it has started pricking you already all you have to do now is desist from your earlier plan of action. That woman may be human and all that, but believe me, that is the DEVIL in DISGUISE. Now is the time for you to stop the DEVIL before blaming the DEVIL when the deed is done.

I believe you're a wise man. . .a word should be enough!

Any body can say what they want to but i'm celebrating Xmas for the birth of a Messiah. December 25 was arbitrarily chosen (there has to be a day to celebrate!) and there are no (real) Santa Clauses here in Nigeria (just papa Jide and Baba Tayo that some of us have as regular neighbours).

I don't know where all this fuss about Santa (or Satan) being the main reason for Xmas came from. But i sure know that the white folks have a way of confusing people with their "names scrambling-letters joggling-i-did-all-the-research-when-i-was-not-born-then" kinda stories.

Abeg, make una leave us to spend dis xmas jare.

Hi PH people, been off for a long time now. I see new folks have joined in - WELCOME y'all.

What's up with the get-together?

Crazyp, anything up yet?

Didn't know it had nicotine in it.


Is it also drinkable?

A situation where you have too many races to run and not enough time to run them.


Want to run a marathon?

Come check me out at night.

Do you like dark favour or do you prefer the fair one?

@ tkb417

if that's the reason for the ruling by the supreme court (trying to impose someone on us, the indigenes and residents of this state, becos of whatever that happened before) then i think they're grossly unfair to us. A fresh election is supposed to be conducted for the people of Rivers state to make their choice.


concerning the groove, i think alot of persons are not responding becos it's quite too soon and perhaps no way to take a break from whatever we're involved in at the moment. Another thing is that only a few of us do well with interpersonal communication at the moment, others just want to leave a comment or their numbers becos it says, [b]'PORT HARCOURT' [/b]nairalanders.

So sad that a foremost African Reggae Legend went down that way. Started listening to his songs about 18 years ago, i was very young though, and i loved it.

Gonna miss you even though reggae is not my favourite genre. You left a legacy.

RIP Dube.

manuch just unanimously won the post for "commissioner for enjoyment".

And i think crazyp would make a better speaker. She's always saying her mind.

Candles and 'atukpa' are always on the stand by.






wwydi Nigeria divides into 3 and you are in one part, your parents and siblings in a second part and your love/partner in the third part and none can cross to the other part?

:-x

I was expecting stuffs like NDT and the rest when i mentioned certifications required in the oil and gas sector.

Can someone give me a list of these certifications please.

I have pictures of them on the wallpaper in my room.



Would you prefer to have a "dodo" wallpaper?

Haba crazyp. Hotchic started it all, dishing out positions to me and kamura like they do in PDP.

Anyways, i think what a man can do a woman can do better. Lets see a lady lead the house. Get things organized for the get together.

I'm (s)electing hotchic and crazyp. Don't know if you guys have other (s)elections to make.

Nice way to become a clown for children at parties and events for me.



You?

Because you can't kill the one that'll kill you.



Have you killed before?

hotchic:
deekseen alias oga speaker that wants to know the area i represent, i live in amadiama.

E be like say na u go be the chief whip oo.

kamura:
I strongly agree that every name should come with phone number(s) and area(s) representing

I think you are right. I didn't leave my phone numbers before. Here they are: 08068916883, 08056211949.

I always trust Nairalanders for their prompt, precise and well articulated responses.
I like Saintchux' breakdown.
Now lets try that on Oil and Gas. Certification and breakdown please.

clemcykul:
tammysexyy is that how u farte

no wonder the net has been booming

Hahahahahah
Trouble maker

I have 3 of them. 3310, one old model trium and one old model sendo, They're so old that i can't even see their models. You want to buy?



Dated any celebrity before?

hotchic:
hi peter! like deekseem said,you 've gat lot of work to do,well you tak the lead,we r behind you. 08027674736.

I don't remember you introducing yourself to the house. We'd like to know the area you rep in PH.



The name is actually deekseen

If i'm not blind how else would i know that you're mad?