₦airaland Forum

Sissie: its just tiring, you say what you want and people jump to conclude ''your list is not realistic'' ''no perfect person'', your reality maybe my fantasy, my reality may be someone else's fantasy. so who's yardstick are we going to use and judge. if i want someone who possesses the 4(beauty,family,wealth,religion) fairly not perfectly but fairly, who's to say its impossible?

Lol.

And I wonder why the men are always in the defensive. I see that in other sections of the forum as well.

I could care less if a man wants the most beautiful intelligent woman in the world.

Abi the men see their deficiencies through these posts?





And seriously, like you said, whose yardstick is the reality?

aryzgreat: Boko haram woman ur comment is not needed here, guess u are having a field day, if it were to be ur islam for muslim thread lots of comments like urs would have been hidden followed by 3months ban. pls thread cautiosly

Read what I wrote again. It is not against you or your religion but what the religion has become. i doubt that many of such people are good christians. They are using the economic situation of Nigeria to rob innocent people of their money.

When contacted, the Health Minister said the government had appealed the ruling of the Industrial Court and expected the health workers to wait for the end of the judicial process

The same government that never waits for judicial processes when it does not favour them?


The masses would be affected the most.

Foreign hospitals are there for the politicians.

[quote author=Chris†Kid]There's a general saying that most muslims are terrorists that would terrorize women of other faiths for not wearing hijab.

[/quote]Who cares that you decided to lie because you want to claim that I also did?


I wonder how feminism becomes your concern.

Does feminism equal christianity now?

You sound confused.

I dont know why people are sooo fast to mention the, 'not everyone is perfect' part.



Or do you stop studying for exams because no one gets a 100% ? Shouln't you be hoping for a hundred so that when you get a 90 it becomes good enough and a distinction?


I remember teaching my younger sis about never settling for less. She must always believe she deserves the best and go for it. Whatever is impeding that best must be let go of. I believe this is how to bring up your children. Giving them high self esteem and making mediocrity a no No. I believe Islam supports this.

@showietee, una try ooo

ShehuAba: Well, It's really nice hearing different perspectives to the issue at hand.
My 2 cents is this, Marriage is not a 1 person's affair and should be treated as such.
The fact still remains that you can NEVER find a PERFECT SPOUSE. But there's always a room to improve.
Okay,speaking from a guy's perspective since most of the comments have been the other way round.
What if the lady in question doesn't know how To cook or her meals aren't prepared very well, and the husband is a good cook in that case what do you expect?
@deols if a man doesn't know how to dress properly and the wife can, and you sincerely Love him,by teaching him so, he can even be better in that afterwards.
In conclusion, you can only get the near perfect match and have to work on others, and besides do your ISTIKHARA very well before saying a Yes or No.

I agree with you.

Being positive about everything is a good thing however.

I dont see a reason why a young unmarried girl would have it in mind that a kind of man is too good for her or that she cannot have what she wants.

If the perfection does not happen, it should be because you have compromised and not about having the thought that it can not be sooo good.

tbaba1234: I don't seperate character from Islam, I want a character moulded by Islam.

But people dont have to be Muslims before having good characters and you cannot call someone who prays, fasts, does hajj and even participate in the jihad of fighting as not a Muslim because they lack some manners.


I believe that put in the context of this discourse, character was meant to stand differently. If not, Islam would simply be defined as a way of life and anyone who lives the Islamic or prophetic life would be the only ones deemed to be called Muslims.

Wizeboy: Nice one! God will grant you and everyone of us our heart desire and wishes.

If our heart desires are bad n ko?


May Allah grant us the best for this life and the hereafter. Amin.

So who never knew that some of the said miracles were dark magic?

The rest are illusions.

[quote author=Lala_laila]Sorry for the confusion, I did not express myself as well as i would have liked, trying to make too many points at once.
Someone said earlier that most people pray five times etc so we all should tick the Muslim box....(not their exact words) my point is that there are many who do complete the basic requirements of the deen but only Allah knows how sincere they are and even within the Ummah people can be classed as Muslim, Mumin or Muhsin. So when looking for a spouse why look for the lowest level of faith? Look into their character, conduct and family to try to get a more comprehensive idea of how they practice in their faith. But at the same time One must ensure that their conduct and character can bear up against similar scrutiny. Don't set standards for others that you cannot stand up to!

No, I meant the fiscal demands put upon potential spouses, Islam makes it simple, the meher should be something reasonable...be a monetary amount or a physical object but culture has eroded this principle, I don't know the Nigerian customs that tie into marriage but the cost of marrying in mine is almost prohibitive and is driving may of our indigenous brothers to marry outside (not that inter racial marriage is bad)

Looking back into the sunnah has nothing to do with your prospective partner, I was just trying to urge all brothers and sisters who are contemplating marriage to learn about the fiqh of marriage, so that they will know what their rights, responsibilities and duties are according to the sunnah.

We all think we know what marriage entails but when we look back into the sunnah the truth will blow your mind, and sadly many of us do not know what is required of us in our marital roles according to the sunnah.

Akhlaq just means manners

I can reccomend some great books as their is no way to cover it all in detail insha allah and i did not intend to offend anyone with my comments I will try to be more clear[/quote]I thought so too. But you made it seem like it was something no one was already putting into consideration. I bet character is a no.1.

And I have to agree again that no one knows who the mumin is. That is d reason gor my post about people whom everyone thinks is a Muslim from outside but cannot be related with by his family. Many of these people treat their wives like objects.

So as for me, he could show up as being a knowledgeable Muslim. He could even be termed a sheikh or a philantropist. If he doesnt meet the other criteria, I wont be able to be his wife.

Marriage is half of faith.I need to do that happily

Thank you Sissie for asking the questions.

Sometimes it feels like some of us who talk with the whole of our mouth and especially wanting the good things are not the good enough Muslims. Fact is, we all want the same things.



Now, let my goodu luking muscled man be an 'alfa' too.

The super duper good looking, fun loving, sweet tajweed voiced, hard working, rich alfa.


Yayy!!!! Ifallinlove

tbaba1234: I'd probably withdraw.

Here lies the point.

tbaba1234: Islam is beyond praying five times a day and fulfilling the rituals.

It is also about good manners, care for neighbours, concern for orphans and relations. It is about speaking kindly to people.

Many people seperate these things in their minds. It is not uncommon to see a sister with a hijab behaving badly .

I am looking beyond a superficial expression of religiousity.

But the behaviour part is one of the other things that could be considered.


Going by your definition, we would say that Islam is a way of life and only the person who makes no mistake as they live day in day out fits your criteria.

Which means they would be living like the prophet morning noon and night. With that , nothing else like those you listed above would be important.

Your criterion becomes one.

Sissie: Let me explain better, for those who say religion is first,
What if a man is religious, the consciousness is awesome, but they're so many things you don't like about him, be it physical, personality or otherwise.

1. During the time of the prophet a woman went to meet
The prophet and said she wants to divorce her husband, she said he was the best of the Muslim men, he was a good man, but he was so ugly, that she's scared she might commit kufr and asked for a divorce, and he called the man told him and the man said he would divorce her if she returns the mahr, she said she was willing.
Now in modern term, we all say we prefer a conscious Muslim, some people will even think your shallow for looking at his looks or pockets.
So if you see a woman/man findout their Islam is awesome, but you hate some other things will you go ahead?

Personally I prefer it to be the last thing I check, I don't want to turn a awesome Muslim down because of some other things.

Thank you.

This is not a matter of who is holier than the other.

Some people are good with the deen, thry can support Islam till.eternity but are not good husbands. Not good fathers. Not good in-laws.

In my family, we get involved in so many Islamic activities and I know many people who are good only as Muslims but are the worst of spouses and parents.


an average Muslim who gives me a comfortable abode and shows me love which allows me practice my religion well and provide a loving environment for my children to grow

Is wayyy better than the ustadh whose face I cannot look at, whose eyes are frightening and who is giving me hell. I cannot even be a good wife to such, making my religion deficient. It is even worse if he is boring to be with.

[quote author=Lala_laila]The deen and your prospective spouse approach to it is the most fundamental thing of all. It is after all the foundations upon which you build your house in this life and the next. Muslims today make marriage too complicated and complex, there should be as little demand put upon each partner, thereby making it easier to enter into a union with each other and it is time that we all when back to the quran and sunnah, before looking for your prospective spouse look at the Islamic laws and akhlaaq which pertain to marriage, do you know what your duties would be as a husband/ wife, for that matter do you know your rights

Its easy to talk about I want someone who looks like this and is a Muslim, but many of us call ourselves by this title but only Allah knows who he will class as a Muslim when we stand before him for his final verdict.....with that I'm off to pray brb.[/quote]You got me confused at a point. If we cannot be able to classify people and only Allah does that, then we should just choose whoever calls himself a Muslim?

And that is why there should not be too much demands?

Looking back into the sunnah et all would not put demands on the other person?




Muslims today make marriage too complicated

and complex, there should be as little demand put upon each partner, thereby making it easier to enter into a union with each other and it is time that we all when back to the quran and sunnah, before looking for your prospective spouse look at the Islamic laws and akhlaaq which pertain to marriage, do you know what your duties would be as a husband/ wife, for that matter do you know your rights

Of course you cannot be implying that we dont know what marriage entails and that our demands are not genuine enough. Please say it loud and clear and you will find me listening attentively as you convince me on that.

On the akhlaq thing, can u explain further?

busar: May Allah give us partner(s) that will enhance our deen and ease it. But remember you can't find a man that's perfect in all aspects.

Of course. I am sure everyone believes that. But who knows, such a man probably exists.

Wizeboy: Hmmmm... A lot of wonderful interaction going on here, nice one.

I think my own preference should be

1. Religion
2. Beauty (Brain follow by Physical Attraction
3. Family Background
4. Wealth

Heheehe. U want her wealth. Why would you need that? And how would you get it? By asking her for money?

*criterion

Sissie: Yeah I know you already hinted, but still wanted you to answer.
Black complexion, cool.
Me I don't care bout complexion, he just has to be good looking, worst scenario he has to look ok.

Looks are subjective though. But some are that much good that everyone agrees

Your question is answered. If it was a muslim versus other religions, it wld have been straight forward.

But in this case where a Muslim who does the fundamentals is good enough, you would realise that there are many Muslims in this category. It is more or less not a criteria anymore.

So other things come ahead to be the decisive factors.

How about you? How much does a man being a hunk matter to you? How much is his religiousity a criteria.

busar: seriously? Don't tell me you can't tell him ''this isn't good enough, you can try the red top, that matches it bla bla.... This your conditions na expensive and strict one oh.

A man should know not to wear a pink shirt..lol..oh, you said red. If striped, ok.
If tshirt, alright. But a bright red shirt?? Kilode? What happened to blue, white, grey colours?

Abi he wants to go to disneyland? And be the little princess?


And please he should wear socks with his shoes and not wear the old school ties.

No wizkid kind of trousers too What nonsense! . only my 17y.old bro gets pardoned for that.


Tenk

Sissie: I was asking everyone, including you LOL.
Wait oh what's the obsession with black man, LOL, do you mean black as in African or black as in black in the African context?

Because I had hinted that he must be goodlooking, I thought you were asking the guys.


Black not as in race, I mean black in complexion.

Sissie: My second question, should religion be the first or last thing you check when searching for a spouse.
When I say religion I don't mean if he or she is a Muslim, I mean how religious he/she is.

A Muslim is good enough.


If a Muslim prays 5 a day, he'll fast ramadan and uphold the other pillars of Islam. He is good enough for me but I'll appreciate it if he is much more.

like if he is good with tajweed and can teach my children and I Islam. Living the Islamic life would that way be a normal thing.

Sissie: How important is looks when searching for a spouse. honest answer oh, tell us your own perspective.please don't turn it into preaching session!!!!

Men want beautiful wives. But all women are beautiful

As for me o, (iknow u didnt ask me)

He has got to be black!- nocompromise
Tall
Hansome
Nice smiles..

And more


If I marry otherwise? Idont think so.

tbaba1234: Well, that statement could mean a lot of things. Just put yourself in a man's shoe.

A no should mean a No. And a come back, I am thinking about it should mean just that.

In between all of these might be somebody who isnt too sure. The man should give her space and then try again.

But she could have said the yes or no codedly. The man should be smart enough to decode those.


And finally, ladies dislike cry babies. Dont let her know it hurts ..lol. She further confirms that it was right of her to say NO

Like logicboy does, she runs away. Logic runs even from his own threads.

I assume only Islam teaches against lying.

Come back when off the deols phobia.

Lol.

@topic what else is there to say? Muslims should also get involved with human rights activism. We should not speak only when it deals with us.

tbaba1234:
Exactly, best comment so far.

I am not prepared for mind games.

That is subjective

Sissie: true, we don't have to be 'serious' all the time, we should talk more about things like this.
two people might just get connected...... lol (pun intended)

Sissie: True, but simple doesn't mean boring, and because it was boring doesn't make it a big deal either, and because they have connection doesnt mean the other person can't be boring, it just mean your ok with it.
Your example was simple but not boring.

You said it better than me. That is exactly my thought.

[quote author=Lala_laila]If you truly have a connection with someone, their offer of marriage will never be boring no matter how simple it might be. One of the best proposals I have ever heard of was my sisters, and all her husband did was ask her if she would do him the honor of being his wife whilst they were walking in a park. That was over 13 years ago and he is still fully appreciative of the honor she has done him and demonstrated this by treating her and his family with the utmost honor, respect and love. Long may it continue and may we all be blessed with the same insha allah[/quote]It is not about it being simple or gorgeous. In fact the simpler the better but please dont try to make it fun when u are not a Mr. Bean. It will come off as boring.make it natural.


Your sister's is good enough and I like it. He doesnt have to be a poet like I said. But he shouldnt be a boring person everyday of his life.