₦airaland Forum

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."
So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.
"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

Nah, they get me all antsy!

A blonde, brunette and a redhead had a breaststroke race across the English Channel. The brunette came in first, the redhead came in second, and the blonde never finished.
When the blonde got in the lifeboat she said, ''I don't want to be a tattletale or anything, but the other two used their arms.''

The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

E bi like say i get constipation for eye?
How come say i not fit cry?

Once there was a blonde who wanted to prove to people that she wasn't just a dumb blonde. So she asks her friend, "How can I show people I'm not just a dumb blonde?"
Her friend says, "First, learn all the provinces and their capitals."
So that week the blonde learned them. The next week she was at a party and a man asked a question. The blonde says, "I know the answer!"
Then the man says, "What would you know? You're just a dumb blonde."
Then the blonde says, "I'll have you know I'm not just a dumb blonde, I know all the provinces and their capitals."
Then the man says, " Okay, Saskatchewan."
The blonde starts to grin.
"What are you grinning about?" says the man.
The blonde says, "Easy. S."

I cry but eyes water no comot!
Shey u go manage my smell smell shit?
{}
A hitchhiker walks down the road. Unfortunately, he has the runs and has to stop every 15 minutes. A truck driver stops and offers a ride, but warns him that he won't stop for anything.About 10 minutes on the road, the hitchhiker begs the truck driver to stop, and the driver tells him, "Stick your butt out the window if you have to go so bad."The hitchhiker sticks his butt out the window and lets loose. Unfortunately, he doesn't notice the two guys walking on the roadside.Sprayed with feces, the first guy wipes his face and says, "What are them truckers chewing these days?"The second guy wipes his face and says, "I don't know, but did you see the lips on that guy?"
{}

U wan kill me?
I go try cry 2 cup 4 u!
Shey u go manage am?

If fact, i must cry!

I will cry ooo!

Am not there ooo!
*exits quietly*

Okay! This is 2009!
I need the Mp3

Wetin make we zain users do now?

Chikena

Mr bad bele

Mr bad bele

@studio43
I didnt ask for ur compliment na?
I go tear ur pant ooo!

Sleep don dey cash me!

Apaa, lon jebe

Once there were three bats. They lived in a cave surrounded by three castles. One night the bats made a bet to see who could drink the most blood.
The first bat comes home one night and has blood dripping off his fangs. The other two bats are amazed and asked how much blood he had drunk.
The first bat said, "See that castle over there? I drank the blood of three people." The second bat goes out on his night and comes back with blood around his mouth. The other two bats are astonished and ask how many people's blood had he drunk. The bat said, "See that castle over there. I drank the blood of five people."
The third bat goes out on his night and comes back covered in blood. This was totally amazing to the other two bats. They ask how much blood he drank. The 3rd bat said, "See that castle over there?" and the other bats nod. "Well," says the third bat, "I didn't."
.
.
Sleep don dey cash me

When the nurse was bathing a female patient who had been in a coma for many months, she noticed a reaction when placing a sponge between her legs. When the doctor was notified, he called the husband and asked him to report to the hospital immediately. Upon his arrival the doctor explained that the nurse had seen a reaction when her private parts were stimulated. He suggested that the husband should have MouthAction with her because it might lead to improvement in her condition. After about 15 minutes the husband came out of her room and announced that she was dead!
"How did that happen?" asked the doctor.
"I think she choked to death," said the husband.

Question= why dont witches wear panties?
Ans= better grip on the broom

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he's wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with a demon,
Demon: Why so glum?
Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell!
Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. Are you a drinking man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab and Fresca, we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!
Guy: Gee that sounds great!
Demon: You a smoker?
Guy: You know it!
Demon: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie-you're already dead, remember?
Guy: Wow, that's, awesome!
Demon: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Why, yes I do.
Demon: Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever, If you go Bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow.
Demon: You into drugs?
Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean?,
Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want; you're dead who cares! O.D.!!
Guy: WOW !! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!!
Demon: You gay?
Guy: No,
Demon: "Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays."

A new primary school teacher starts her first day of class. She begins by asking students to stand and introduce themselves
The first child stands and says, "My name is Mary Johnson."
"Thank you, Mary", says the teacher.
The second student says, "My name is Sam Smith."
"Thank you, Sam."
The third student says, "My name is Johnny Fuckhour."
The teacher is horrified, and tells Johnny that this type of language will not be allowed. He replies, "Honest, my name is Johnny Fuckhour. If you don't believe me, check up in the fifth grade where my brother is."
So the teacher walks up to the fifth grade class, and asks, "Do you have a Fuckhour in here?"
One boy stands in the back of the room and says, "Hell, no! We don't even get a nap hour in here!"

My personal best,-
.
This guy goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor shows him an inkblot and asks him what it looks like.
"A naked woman." He shows him another inkblot and asks him the same question.
"A naked woman on a bed."
"You're a sick pervert!" the psychiatrist exclaims.
"I'm not the pervert. You keep showing me all these filthy pictures!"

Na d users stingy

A blonde went to eletronic store and she asked, "How is much is this TV?"
The salesman said, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry we don't sell to blondes."
She replied, " I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?"
"Because that is not a TV, it's a microwave."

There once was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other. One day, they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each three wishes.The bear went first and he said,"I wish to be the only male bear in this forrest." And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I want a motercycle helmet." And he got his wish.
The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the United States, and all the rest to be female." And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet." And he got his wish.
The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." And he got his wish.
It was the rabbit's turn, and he said, "I wish that bear was gay"

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!''
The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''

Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were walking along the beach. Suddenly, Justin says, "Aww, Britney, look at the dead birdie."
Britney looks up at the sky and says, "Where?!"

Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a dilapidated old boat, which sank the same day that John's wife died. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe and mistook him for John.
"I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible."
"Hell, no! In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle."

Vex not wit me!
Na phone i take write am