₦airaland Forum

plavic:
DonOms, I'm trying hard to suppress the anger tingling up my thumbs. . .

We are all humans and our opinions differ. . .The neurons in the brain are as vast as the stars in outer space; making the brain a mini universe. . .
All I'm saying is, you have your ideas and they may seem impeccable to you. I also have mine and for the fact that you attached "science or research discovered" to your post doesn't make it infallible. . . They may as well be hypothetical nonsense . . Same science said the earth was flat hundreds of years ago. . . How then can you supposedly confirm that introversion is genetic as "discovered" by science?

And last but not the least, I call myself whatsoever I deem fit. It shouldn't be anyone's eye sore that I refer to myself as the lord of all introverts. . . My autobiography; my life it is . .

Firstly, there is no need to "suppress the anger tingling up your thumbs." I didn't mean to anger you, far from that, really; I simply shared my opinions and some findings, both of which are definitely not infallible. In fact, if you were patient enough to get the message in my post and ignore the emotion of "tingling anger," you'd have noticed "most likely inborn" in my post. This phrase means I never confirmed "introversion is genetic as discovered by science," you simply inferred that.

Secondly, I agree with you we are all different. In fact, I've based most of my personal research on supporting the validity of individualism and why it should matter in all our dealings. But my ideas do not seem impeccable to me. NO. I learn and unlearn everyday and that to me is the ultimate intelligence. I am very ready to learn from you if you have things to share.

Thirdly, Science didn't say the earth was flat. People did. The Flat Earth Society was a movement rather than a scientific caucus. The likes of Pythagoras and Aristotle, then Einstein later, actually disproved this fallacy using science. I agree science have been wrong a number of times, and still gets it wrong today though. It's a process and that's why we have hypotheses, theories, premises and experiments before we have facts.

Finally, you truly can call yourself whatever you like. I would have apologised that you took this a bit personal but it would be contradictory if I did - since you have literally supported the argument that we are all entitled to our opinions, and that includes my correction. I do however apologise I stirred you to near anger though, it wasn't my intention. I'm sorry.

"There is no such thing as a pure introvert or extrovert. Such a person will be in the lunatic asylum." - Dr. Carl G. Jung.

plavic:
Lol. . . You are partially right. Also, like you rightly pointed out, there are several kinds of introverts. . . Mostly , everyone chart their course to introversion from different streams; ranging from family background, childhood tragedy, partial or complete difficulty, social group, family (introversion is often heredictory) e.t.c

BUT

Extroverts also exhibit the trait you mentioned about being more familiar and free with family. Extroverts can say yada-yada anywhere but are more free saying it among friends and family.

But hey, who am I to judge? If you say you're an introvert, then perhaps you are another kind from mine - cut from another clothe, if I may chirp.

I'm more of a rational, deep thinking, pragmatic introvert who doesn't believe in making much friends i.e I'm a lone wolfer.

I also believe in 'more actions and less words'.

I'm very picky and that's why I study before joining groups or existing conversations.

That someone can be talkative with close friends and family doesn't mean they're not introverts. They sure most likely are close to the mid point on the continuum (ambiversion) but it still doesn't mean they're not somewhat introverted. It's all a matter of degree, really. As long as they have the inherent characteristics of introversion, then they are introverts.

Now, research has shown that introversion is most likely inborn as studies show babies as little as 2-3 months exhibit unique marker characteristics that distinguish their personalities - intros or extros. So I personally do not really support the idea that different people chart their introversion course from different streams.

Many of those who were reticent and recluse as children/teens and who grew up to become extroverts were actually NOT introverts but extroverts all along. Their environment or experience or perception only shaped their childhood.

And finally, there is no such thing as 'Lord of Introverts' or 'King of Introverts,' as we can only have 'more introverted' or 'less introverted.' We shouldn't make Dr. Carl Jung do a 'SMH' from the great beyond where he yet domiciles.

Rukkydelta:
I do
100% correct and I find it so difficult to visit others
I had a girl that stayed with me for two weeks here in school, she is a fresher so she stayed with me till when she saw an accommodation
I wasn't comfortable during the period of her stay
My personal space was just invaded. It was hard but it's an experience that was really worth it

INTROVERTS IN THE HOUSE HOW DO/DID YOU COPE WITH A ROOM/FLAT MATE?

I had a very close friend I'd known for 3 year in secondary school who happened to be attending the same uni as I. So ordinarily we got a room in the first year. It was easy to cope because he was like family but it still felt like a partial space invasion. By the beginning of second year, we got a 2-bedroom flat where we were till grad. It was easy to cope since I had my room to myself.

Anytime I have guests (it was rare though), I always receive them in the living room. If a guest I'm not close to enters my room, I feel like aliens from Mars have landed on my Earth.

charley94:
Hated being an introvert today, A female colleague of mine mentioned that she saw me as snob

Your being an introvert doesn't make you a snob. Extroverts can be snobs too. Introverts are not by default arrogant people neither are they annoying simply because of their personality. I just don't like it when people label others blindly. It's ludicrous, really.

The fact that she labelled you a snob is not your problem, it's her problem because she can't observe. Unless of course, you really are a snob though.

Elthugnificent:
LOL, so what's the essence of this thread? To gear us toward extrovertism. Or on how to be a better and modify introvert?

Have you read through the thread? Read the last 20 - 30 pages and you'll find your answers.

Elthugnificent:
Why ask extrovert to keep off?

Actually, that caveat isn't even necessary. Extroverts won't stay here even if they find this thread; it's not their style.

Olarewajub:
Hehehe
I give up. DonOms talk to your friend.

See me just following from a distance o....

[img]http://2.bp..com/-5mkjsiuauXQ/VT1Wuw88XtI/AAAAAAAATmk/Qq7GjXtL20A/s1600/Nathan%2BHaskins%2B20150425.JPG[/img]

On other matters, I'm feeling your memes this night

charley94:
Random question
How many of we guys here currently have a girlfriend.
And if any one does can you explain the process of how getting one was like

Like, serious, seriously...?

ObaofNigeria:
yeah
I checked dat up
a form of social anxiety...
buh I think u will agree with me that the introvert's nature of being already inclined to being quiet just reinforce the shyness.

an extrovert feed on energy based on a large quantity of social interactions and so shyness for him can be very frustrating...
but for introvert we make do with less interaction... for us we are only worried about shyness when the shyness has skyrocketed to extremely abnormal degree

I agree with the bolded. While shyness is not the same as introversion, introverts who are also shy tend to take longer time to get over shyness as compared to their extrovert counterparts.

Really, shyness being extremely abnormal is a problem of the mind mostly. So this is why a careful psychological analysis of the situation is required to ascertain what the root of the issue is and how to correct them.

timmykaydude:
have you experience a situation whereby people look down on you, they sees you as a fool? have you experience a situation whereby you can't start a conversation with a stranger even if you try, you get stuck in the middle of it? Have you ever been in a situation whereby you are innocent and even on your right, you end up saying sorry even when you are really angry inside? etc I mean these things hurt.

Well, I understand you perfectly. And I know introverts can be capable of playing the "sheep" one time too many. However, you have to know that introverted or not, the onus is on you to defend yourself if wrongly accused. You may not be able to start a lengthy and heated argument but speak up anyway and let it be on record. That's what I'll do.

As for people looking down on me, I'm not so sure I've really had that experience. Though very quiet while growing up, I never really had people see me as a fool for that. If anything, I was respected and taken to be wise. I wouldn't know what worked for me but my guess would be my physical appearance (build) and maybe the way I spoke.

As for the talk with strangers, that's what happens to most introverts. We just can't help it talking to a stranger. We ask ourselves 100 questions in our minds and assess which is rightmost before even asking one question. But I can assure you if you do practice social etiquettes and attend more social gatherings you can easily improve this.

Olarewajub:
That's very true. Sometimes as introverts, we may feel guilty because it's just as if we don't care about those around us because of our lackadaisical attitude towards the display of affection. I'm currently reading "The Introverts Advantage" and I've learnt alot about how to do away with such guilty conscience.

The guilt feeling is one big challenge. Fortunately, most people get over this if and when they discover themselves.

timmykaydude:
good to be here..am an introvert and it hurts alot, I wish I could be an extrovert. by the way nice to be here once again.

How and why does it hurt to be introverted?

Olarewajub:
I like people to come to my home, but i don't like them to stay too long.

Who agrees with me on this?

I completely agree. In my own case, I don't even really like guests. I'd rather I'm meeting them outside my home unless they're very close like family. Home to me is like a personal space I don't feel comfortable sharing.

ObaofNigeria:
hello everyone!!!!
just stumbled on this for thread...
pls I having these questions
why is it eazy for us to notice other introverts in our environment and why is it like unlike our self we reach out almost spontaneously to speak with them??

One thing is very clear about most introverts: the absurd rule "unlikes attract" does not only reek of fallacy (except in the context of magnetism, of course), it sure does not hold for introverts. In an extroverted world that can't keep quiet, Introverts search for quiet endlessly. So when someone with a similar personality is seen, it becomes so obvious who they are simply because it's easy to spot an introvert in the midst of plenty extroverts.

When this spotting happens, attraction takes place and the introvert is drawn to the other introverted fellow. This very rare opportunity is then what drives an introvert to reach out though he/she would ordinarily not do so.

I have 2 introverted friends like me but who i would say are less introverted and unlike me they are not also shy (I am both introverted and shy) and with their help I was able to reach out to a small group of extrovert.
my question: at this point why is it that when I tell myself to consider making new friends I push it down as vanity although I know I can be friends with any body?

and why is my shyness raised to epileptic levels when a girl is involves

Truth is, many introverts want to make friends but because they soon get tired of the idea of friendship and "too much company," they would rather not start what they cannot finish. This is why we don't like making friends though we may secretly want it and are totally capable of initiating it. So the reason you see making friends as vanity is because your mind tells you that you can't sustain it and it's therefore pointless starting it.

Now, "raised to epileptic levels" is a very funny way to qualify degree of shyness. I'd say it's normal and it's not so much about introversion really. This has been discussed a lot of times here so please go over the last dozen pages of this thread. I posted something on this page that might answer your question:

https://www.nairaland.com/1830091/introverts-lounge-extroverts-pls-keep/135

aumeehn:
Finally decided to join my brethrens, fellow introverts i greet you all

Bienvenue!

emmykendo:
my soul is introverted

And your spirit and body?

Khady99:
@donoms
I appreciate your reply, thanks. I've once come across an article on people that are bi-polar and I feared I could be suffering from it so I didn't make any findings but with this, I'll sure look into it cos I need a solution. I'm grateful to God I'm not violent when in that state. I only hurt with words and actions.

Thanks a lot.

You're welcome.

plavic:
Cc; DonOms Let's shelve all ambiguity and misinterpretation. The most important part of the post was totally ignored. I am enthusiastic about making good friends here.

Well, I didn't see that as the most important part of the post at the time. And I was only trying to give you answers as you asked for them.

You're welcome to the thread. You'll surely find friends here, I guess - assuming these "introverts" are not the 'unintroverted' shy people who wouldn't ordinarily talk to other people.

Khady99:
Hello Everyone! My case is even something I can't explain. I have no problems with making friends, but keeping them has been challenging. I also have this anxiety over things and I don't know why...presentations for example..and to top it all I have these mood swings and I hurt the few people around me (although I apologize afterwards). I'm fast losing the few wonderful people I have in my life right now. Its like I just wanna lay in bed and do nothing.

I need help.

You have explained it well enough. Your anxiety issues can be easily worked on through mind training and facing the fears that cause the anxiety. You'd be shocked to learn that many great orators today once had 'stage fright' and panicked before/during a presentation too. So you should just gradually develop your presentation and public speaking skills by practicing and getting involved.

The mood swings you mentioned seem to me to have Bipolar Personality Disorder (BPD) written all over it. This is because you seem to apologise after you must have hurt them and you say you want to lie in bed all day. So it's not as if you consciously hurt them and since you apologise it can't be NPD. Truth is you can't easily reverse BPD with mind training if you have it, except it's mild and you have a solid grasp of your subconscious. If you can see a psychologist, you can be assessed properly. And if you're diagnosed with BPD, you can be placed on drugs that can help treat it. More importantly, read up on BPD vastly because if you know the cause of something, solution is often nearer.

As for the few wonderful people you have in your life, when you want to hurt them, always remind yourself how wonderful they are. You'll probably still hurt them, but maybe only less.

All the best!

plavic:
I trully wonder why this thread was opened in the first place, bearing in mind that introverts would not be having this discussion if this were reality. Don't get me wrong, I'm an introvert too but there's a fling to it. Are you an introvert because you are shy infront of strangers or you basically believe in using a very limited amount of words? I need answers from responsible introverts. Being quiet also is not also a yardstick for maturity. Most people seldom talk out of sheer ignorance and pepetual disabilty to wow people with their speech. Also, I talk less because that gives me the time to think more. My mind travels a lot and that is why i churn ideas way faster than the outspoken ones. Most people just sit quietly without thinking. Also, by experience, ladies want to be around and talk to me. Perhaps,they find me indecipherable. I smile a lot and amuse myself a lot. It isn't a sign of insanity. My mind is my greatest comedy stage. I hope to make good friends here. HELLO

It is true that quietness doesn't equal maturity; and it is also true that some people choose to keep quiet out of their inability to "wow people with their speech," to use your own words.

However, to opine that Introverts, who choose to use few words during physical interactions, would readily choose not to engage with other like-minded people on a faceless forum is quite fallacious. Suffice to say, it is contradictory too, as you have mentioned you are introverted.

One time too many here, the issue of the misconception of taking shyness for introversion has been discussed. So we needn't go over that anymore. Yes, some people don't completely understand introversion and they're only beginning to learn about themselves so as to become self aware. Wouldn't you agree this thread can be a right ground for that? Besides, shy or introverted, dumb or quiet, shouldn't everyone have a platform to unburden or seek advice for that which they wouldn't physically talk to another about? We all deserve that.

chigirlangel:
Thank you very much for this...I really appreciate, God bless you

You're very welcome.

We live once only. The best of life, we shall strive to make; The worst of it, we shed and shan't take.

chigirlangel:
Am an introvert, shy, antisocial..... the problem I have is that am battling depression and anxiety which won't let me live the life I wanna.... just fed up with the way I see life....am just loosing my mind I think

I must confess, those things you combined up there are not things that should go together. But let's look at them one by one and consider things you can do about them.

Introversion: Honestly, this is who you probably are and there might be very little or nothing to do about it. Whether you're highly introverted or not, introversion doesn't affect your mind in any negative way, if anything, it makes it sound and deep. So enjoy your me time and make the most of it. Do indulge yourself once in a while and focus more on the activities that interest you - hobbies and passions. Also, and more importantly, DO NOT LIVE YOUR LIFE JEALOUS of extroverts by wishing you can have their social life - that may be the beginning of problems. Accept yourself the way you are and understand variety is the spice of life. When you do this, you'll find out there is nothing wrong with you.

Shyness and Anxiety: I don't know how old you are but I know you're definitely not a teenager and most likely in your mid-late twenties. So in essence, you should have overcome shyness. Don't mistaken shyness for introversion please. To overcome shyness, you just have to overcome the fears associated with social gatherings and you can only start by ACCEPTING YOUR SHYNESS. Yes, that's the first step. You cannot 'solve' a 'problem' you do not see as a problem.

Then next is to find what your biggest cause of shyness is. It might be an incident that has happened over 20 years ago - how someone made fun of your body or your own perception of something wrong with you as compared to others. Once you find it, then use Autosuggestion to kill the idea. Tell yourself repeatedly how that 'issue' does not matter. Know that there are always people out there not as smart, beautiful, graceful or wonderful as you. So that is one reason to not be too hard on yourself.

Next, RULE IN YOUR MIND. You'd be amazed how much power rests in that vastness of our minds. Some battles won in the physical were not won because of higher firepower, they were won because they first got won in the mind. So, think deeply about your shyness and things that trigger it and kill them in your mind. Once they're dead there, they become dead everywhere else. Identify your strengths and key into them, then your weaknesses begin to die a natural death.

TAKE CHARGE. Yes, take charge by practicing to be better at things that trigger your shyness/anxiety. Learn new things. Read up on current affairs. Speak smartly. Find some work and make some money so you can buy what you want and which you can afford. NEVER compare yourself to others. You are made unique in your own way and God didn't make any mistake making you you. If nobody likes you the way you are, like yourself. If you don't love yourself, who will?

Depression: This is by far the biggest concern of all you have up there. And it can be so devastating and make even the greatest of men reduced to nothing - hopeless and purposeless.
You see, the biggest fight against depression starts from the mind. In fact, trick the mind. Go out and have some fun. Even when your mind says you should not be having fun, have the fun anyway. When you do this, the mind gets reconditioned and begins to get used to a new you.

Travel and see places. Make good friends and dump toxic ones. Exercise very well...very very well, and regularly. Even if it is 10mins a day, do it religiously. Eat good food, healthy foods and DO NOT drink alcohol to cure depression. GET VERY VERY BUSY with life. Bury yourself in work and activities. In fact, if there is nothing to do, watch a movie, read a book, take an evening stroll. Just always do something. And sleep well... Hit that minimum of 6hrs night sleep but never more than 8hrs. Nap in the afternoon if you can too.

Challenge yourself to always do more and re-prioritize your life values and purpose. It is in the discovery of the self that you can begin to appreciate the world around you. And finally, think about what you want your life to look like five years from now, then write it down. Now ask yourself sincerely what you need to do to get to that place in five years. Then get to work immediately and start doing them. No one owes you your happiness, you owe yourself so GO GET IT!

vannessa7:
I'm an introvert and I'm comfortable in my skin, I used to think something was wrong with me when I was younger but all that changed when I came across Tim Lahaye book, spirit controlled temperaments , and many other write ups on temperaments, my phone never ring except it's my dh calling, I don't have any friends but I'm nice and cool to everyone around me but no closeness, I am not easily bored because I'm the best company for myself, lol, I think and meditate a lot and I hear spiritual voices clearly most times both good and bad, I entertain myself with reading, I read and enjoy most write up except sports, lol, I love movies and soaps on TV, telemundo anyone? Zeeworld nko, it's bae I also love parties once in a while on special occasions, I love to sit and observe beautiful colorful renditions, and I love music, Jazz to be precise, Kenny G is my favorite. I have since come to realise that as an introvert you are not meant to be seeking people out but you are to be sought out, your very rare discoveries and findings while in solitude will eventually make you a sort of celebrity and people will flock to you even if just within your family, if not the world, your own is to concentrate on being yourself and you will find fulfillment , great men of God, great inventors, great scientists, designers, celebrities are mainly introverts all over the world, introverts rock

Now, that in bold is what I'd call a "million dollar advice to introverts." While I understand some introverts naturally long for occasional company and all, I marvel at how some introverts desire to change their personality to what the world wants them to be. This makes me wonder if they're really introverts or just extroverts with some few introversion characteristics.

GlorianaCO:
Help me out guys am gradually losing my friends, they always complain that I dnt call or chat them up on whatsapp and they end up tagging me a proud girl, I dnt really know what to do because I don't just knw how to start or maintain a conversation, I prefer returning a missed call in order to start a conversation with ' hey I missed your call' I started making friends recently because I was advised to loosen up a bit but it's not working out. Am shy to the core to the point that I don't maintain eye contact with friends, I don't have much friends and I dnt want to keep losing the few I have. ....at work I just talk to few persons in the office and that's it for the day. I used to love and enjoy being alone but I don't anymore..Please no insult I need your advice. Thanks

Truth of the matter is, your case is common with introverts who are also shy and we can sometimes hardly help it. Firstly, everyone cannot be your friend, introversion or not. So I often tell people, if someone finds it hard to be friends with you because of your personality, you're better off not being their friend.

Secondly, you must work on your shyness. Introversion and shyness are two different things. Both involves people who don't like to talk in social gatherings but they do it for different reasons. So work on your shyness by forcing yourself to do the uncomfortable - look into people's eyes when talking to them (start with a few seconds and work your way up), join a conversation at work even if it will be brief, pick up that call and be a little spontaneous with your reply. You need to know that shyness is often the result of fear (introversion has nothing to do with fear) so kill that fear by confronting it.

You may want to invest in books that will help you relate better with people - google them up and read blogs/articles too. If you practice the tips one after the other, you'll find yourself overcoming shyness in no time, and you'll communicate better with your friends too so no more losing friends.

iNewton:
Evening all,am not really new to this lounge,just a ghost reader.
As an introvert how do I become charismatic?(talking about my interaction with my mates and people who are a little bit older than me)

This comes with improved practice and also learning. You just have to learn things like mannerisms, body language and public speaking. Don't let it look like work, it can be as simple as studying people give speeches on TV and all. I personally learned quite a lot watching Obama speak on TV. It's as simple as that.

Another important thing is that you should always update yourself. When you are well informed, it's easier to talk on diverse issues and also become confident about things you're talking about at any time.

Lastly, learn emotional intelligence. This is by far the biggest tool to be a charismatic person, especially as a leader. When you are genuinely concerned about the emotions of others, they are easily attracted to you.

gidjah:
Hahahahaha hear bros o! Who told u most intros can relate with such? What about the tempo?thats what makes most of the introverts lost like confused.knowing 'what manner and tempo' to reply such kind of salutations back!now see my own case,i have lots of guys around my biz area,very sociable guys and very'streety' too(if u know what I mean)they come across u on d way and give a 'heavens shout'!!!to me....as for me I do not respond at their tempo, lest I begin to sound and look like them!. I am in the clergy series...I simply reply'hi, God bless you sir, bro, I am fine thank you'! Tomorrow they won't go ' shouting like d host of heavens'like dat in a such an embarrassing manner!.[that might sound embarrassing back at them but it simply mean I gave them a warning signal that ' I love it done quietly and NOT like a street man'!(lol)no mind my pastoral way of response pls).

It's not so much about the tone or language or tempo of response actually. I know many people are not comfortable with certain languages. I for one do not like slangs and curse-words. The idea is just to respond anyway and do it in a manner that is polite. Even the example of your response won't be embarrassing to them, they will just say things like "Pastor sef" in their minds..lol.

Olarewajub:
Being an introvert could be behind your lack of energy. According to a recent study, introverts are more likely to suffer from a poor night’s sleep than extroverts.
-----------
http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/how-being-an-introvert-could-affect-your-sleep_uk_59edc56ae4b0958c4683145c

This study is really interesting. Although I have read and believed the lack of energy sometimes may be due to depressive states of mind and not introversion. Although the study didn't investigate why the patterns may appear though.

I don't have nightmares though..lol... But I do sometimes feel less satisfied at my level of energy during the day though I never really feel the urge to sleep during the day.

Olarewajub:
I love this! , It might seem awkward at first, but with time, you'll get comfortable. You don't always have to wait for the guys in your hood to hail first, you can initiate it .

Use terms like "Bros your boy is loyal", "Chairman how far? " etc

Exactly! That's what I do sometimes. I don't even have to wait for a chat. I just bow my head and say things like "I remain humble" or "eku enjoyment" while I keep walking.

Wane2:
Maybe I walk into a room with many people and someone chooses that time to shout my name as a person who doesn't like drawing people's attention why should I answer the person?

You keep raising the issue "why." Like I mentioned to you earlier, we must do some things because they are just right and polite not because we see sense in them. I don't mean we have to do things that go against our values and beliefs, but responding to a greeting is just simple emotional intelligence. How would you feel if you greet someone and they don't respond? I guess 'not good.'
This answers why you should greet that person that puts you at the centre of attention.

As for how to answer, that's the simplest. If someone calls you in a crowded place and focuses others' attention on you, it can be awkward for almost all introverts (I don't like it either) but you can simply answer by giving a "thumb's up" sign or salute him like a soldier....you don't even have to say any word...just smile small sha.

We know how difficult extroverts find relating with us but it's our nature and they adjust to it. So these little things like greeting is just one of the ways to adjust - and it doesn't even affect your introversion in any way as it's always momentary anyway.

Wane2:
I'll try that but it feels unnecessary to me to hail them back

A lot of things feel unnecessary to us but we do them anyway because they are right and polite.

Wane2:
There are certain scenarios where it's hard for me to reply to people

Mention one of such.

Wane2:
That's my problem I can't just find the words to reply them with

As Melsan told you, "hail them back." Fine we are introverts, but it's not like we can't talk now...haba...
If some guy shouts out to you saying, "how far Wane2?" Just simply say to them, "Baba, I dey kampe o. How every?"
And if you don't feel like having a conversation, then don't ask any questions and simply say, "Baba, I dey o. I appreciate. Enjoy."

Now that's simple as A.B.C. and even the most introverted human can pull that off.

Melsan:
Sometimes,I question my introverted nature. Thanks for the piece@ DonOms. I can relate with the long pause on phone.

You're welcome