₦airaland Forum

Jhaytee4all:
Just like a simple ordinary person. . . Why asking?

I asked for two reasons: 1) I didn't understand your statement as it appeared truncated; and 2) I didn't know what it meant for a man to be of 'low degrees'.

Jackossky:
Wow, thanks for this bruh
I just went to read more about ambivert and I think I fit perfectly to it.
Thanks for the enlightenment . Kudos

You're welcome.

Jhaytee4all:
Hello fellow introverts I don't mind if I'm a man of low degrees

What's a man of low degrees like?

Jackossky:
wow...Nice thread
Down to business

I simply can't say if I am an introvert or extrovert ..I tried to weigh myself but to no avail

I am not shy to start a discussion with a new person...
but I can't keep it on for long...
I can create a first impression by being loquacious today, but maintaining it till morrow, the next and the next becomes a problem..People do tag me as a proud guy.In my whole neighborhood, no friend of my age talks or relate to me freely (boys and girl)
And again I don't like being with friends for long, sometimes I might feel the urge,but most time, it dies down...

I am mostly taciturn but whenever I am with some of best friends at school. I tend to be very loquacious, but when I don't see any of them, I do cocoon to myself by being reticent.


I can start a group discussion in school, I can lead my peers during presentation, I can impress the newest girl in campus, i can awe an audience...
so I do think
Maybe it is a mask or a cascade
coz when I get home

I become all alone, I become laconic and I become quiet..Maybe I am just complicated for no reason coz I exhibit trait of an extrovert and that of an introvert.
So,I don't know if I belong here,I don't know , I don't...

Drops the mic...

You're ambivert and likely with more leanings towards introversion. That's some edge you've got I'd say... Some introverts like to get near that midpoint but find it somewhat difficult.

Horlertoungy, you should edit your post and make it more appealing to read.

@Topic: I quite agree with the logic of Tola Adeniyi. The very idea of monogamy is great but of what sense is it if the society uses it to create a set of 'covert prostitutes' and 'polygamous men' parading themselves as monogamous by all standards of culture and society but not God's?

Truth is, the need to satisfy the society (and to uphold culture) have made people hypocritical; and before things get out of hand, we should begin to review our values and ways.

Phi001:
It's an anomaly joorh...


Sometimes, design errors turn out to be designs too...

Nah... Design errors never turn out to be designs. They don't pass "Quality Control (QC)" and are then destroyed/repaired. I know this because I'm an Engineer.

Phi001:
Nah, it's just an anomaly...

That approximately 90% of the population at any time use the right hand while only 10% favour the left doesn't necessarily make the use of the left hand an anomaly. Anyway, I'm not saying it's a gift either because many of us lefties are not so special (save a few points) but it's not an anomaly either as the word makes it appear as a design error.

I like to see Left-handedness as an intentional design - A "Special Design" of sorts. A LIMITED EDITION

- Proudly Leftie!

The struggle really is real. Happy Left Hander's Day to you!

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL LEFT-HANDER'S DAY


Cc:
Mynd44, lalasticlala (move to the right section and celebrate Lefthanders today)
iamnlia
lawseph
Hostermipo
heyjay
Fynestboi
Prognose
olayemm
freshbear
guterMann
yinkuscious
anetuno
vikosima
lwise
joshadedapo
pearl360
andicod1st


https://www.lefthandersday.com/wp-content/uploads/a-left-handed-thing.gif

https://www.lefthandersday.com/wp-content/uploads/left-handed-definition.gif

Ray1251:
Please can anyone help with an articulate on how to overcome shyness, also I am so happy I believe the introvert part of me no longer affect me that much.

You seem to have dissociated your shyness from your introversion - which you have come to embrace and love. That's the very first step to overcoming shyness. The first best step to self-awareness and actualisation is Know Thyself.

The next thing is to begin to understand reality and embrace it. Examples of these realities are:
1) Accept yourself for who you are and know your limitations.
2) Everybody WILL NOT love you, only some will - live with it.
3) Because of reality 2, BE YOURSELF since it's fruitless to try to impress others or shadow them as it affects confidence.
Discover other realities and live with them.

The final most important step is to BUILD CONFIDENCE. The word "Build" is used so you know it is gradual - a step at a time.
I have personally learned that people use different tools to build confidence but these are perhaps the most used as far as my experience and knowledge goes:

1) Improve language communication/skills. Those who speak a language well are often confident. Take that as fact.

2) Join small groups with common interest as you. Maybe it's a study group, or a choir/drama group in church, a poetry club or a humanitarian movement, they not only improve your knowledge and give fulfilment, they help build confidence.

3) Dress Well. Not overdressed or underdressed but WELL dressed for every occasion.

4) Project confidence. Think and act it, fake it if you can. But do this carefully. Research has shown that the brain can easily be tricked into helping us take up new traits/personalities - use the advantage.

That's pretty much it, I believe. If you can do these, shyness will be a thing of the past in no time.

Olarewajub:
DonOms Thanks for sharing your experience.

I've been around, just following the thread silently.

You're welcome.

Olarewajub:

Peeps 

Well, it's so disappointing that most introverts still do not know the difference between shyness and introversion even after the topic has been addressed umpteen times.

I personally think this confusion problem may be partly due to how the extroverted society has always labelled introversion.

For example, my family and school mates labelled me as "shy" as a child. I wasn't shy. I could face the crowd and talk in a group if I wanted to, but I just never liked to be where there was plenty people and hated talking.
Unfortunately, I accepted what they called me and believed I was shy. It wasn't until I got to Sec. Sch. when I learned about introversion that I figured out I wasn't actually shy but introverted. It was then I began correcting people who called me a shy person (that's if I was in the mood to talk anyway).

My point is, as it is popular among Nigerians, we just label things with words that we know - whether it aptly describes the situation or not. And sadly, everyone just joins the bandwagon. So when an introverted child who is also shy (but called shy alone) overcomes the shyness as he/she grows, they just call it "overcoming introversion."

By the way, it's been a while @Olarewajub

ATK4Joy:
I'm 100% introvet my normal thing is from work to house or church for weekly activities and lock myself inside watching films or surfing the Internet sometimes or study my bible. I don't interact with neighbours( don't like people coming to my apartment ). I don't go to party except if it's church thing that I need to officiate from there house. I unwind only by going to olomo rock( a place in abeokuta here)for someone that is familiar with Abeokuta. Now the issue it I need to settle down.Please how can a lady like me get a suitable guy now that have been out school. Can anyone help me in the house with this isssue

Hello ATK4Joy,

I'd expected that perhaps the females following this thread would have chipped in an idea or two but it seems that's not happening soon.

When it comes to relationship issues, I'm of the opinion that Introvert ladies don't often have the problem of 'no admirers', it's often an issue about 'knowing the right admirer to give a chance.' So how can a lady with your personality get a suitable guy? I think you have made it simpler by being an active member in your church. Society and our culture almost certainly prohibits a woman making a move on the man, so I'm guessing you're not exactly planning to go "get" a guy (as you wrote), it is expected a guy "gets" you instead - tough and unfair world? I know.

As I was saying, start from your church. Be friendlier to them church brothers when they try to have conversations with you. Be a little more relaxed with your neighbours as well - you don't have to allow them into your private life to make friends of them...just friendly talks every now and then. Who knows what could happen from there? My point is, you probably won't know how suitable someone might be if you don't give them a chance to show you.
Also, importantly, don't exactly feel the pressure of the need to 'get' or be 'gotten by' a suitable guy. Just go about your duties, with diligence and friendliness, and like biblical Rebecca, you'll be tending to your sheep upon Olumo Rock one day and the emissary of "Suitable Guy" will find you and when you offer him water, the rest will be history.

Weezybaby:
How does an introV breakup with a suspected cheat?
I know *suspected* makes it sound cowardly but there are very strong reasons to believe so..
I told her we may need step down to the friendzone cos my ex and I are thinking of another shot. We found out that it must av been silly to go apart in the first place.
That's a lie, but I had suspected she cheated once..kept mute and blamed myself by trying to give her reasons (to d best of my knowledge) not to going Fwd. It still played out again and my issue with confronting her face on is that a back and forth on what is/whats not it will only break my heart ova again and turn distrust to hate.
Advise me please.

I don't think there's a special way introverts break up a relationship so you may not get anyone to tell you how to do that here. However, if you have a relationship issue relating to something about introversion, kind people here will be ready to help with that I believe.

Weezybaby:
I agree, you may go ahead and create the group then ask for pepo who will be interested.. ur approach may not work for obvious reasons

Lol @ for obvious reasons. Even some introverts don't know that many other introverts really like space and privacy, and would hardly trade them for anything - even company of fellow unknown introverts.

SkinnyDude:
lol. I don't want to spend money on phone again.. And I just repaired this one, it cost me thousands. Can't just drop it

Do a backup then reset the phone. Create new Microsoft Account and get Marketplace correct.

wonderfulwonder:
Yes....

Hello all...
been seeing this thread but just read through some few pages of late. didnt know it was this interesting

I am a newbie...

It can be very interesting and informative, yes.
You're welcome.

Dsholla:
Haylo my introv family! I guess we cld create a whatsapp forum to enable us pour our heartache, memories and experiences for closer monitoring and advices.... more like i cnt relate with any sort of pple except those who understand and knws how I feel

Hello Dsholla,

The What'sApp group had often been suggested here but unfortunately, a number of us feel it isn't necessary since many introverts like it private and also because this thread seem adequate enough. However, if you do create such group and announce here, those who do not mind can join.

Because Introversion has almost always been mistaken for social awkwardness Shyness and some disorders such as Social Anxiety Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder and even Social Phobia, I thought it cool to do a concise expository on the matter.

The latin words from which Introversion was derived is translated as "To turn Inwards." And this means to "withdraw from the world and keep one own's company and focus on internal thoughts and feelings."

While extroverts gain energy in social gatherings, introverts expend (use up) energy. This is why introverts tend to quickly retreat to solitude at every opportunity; it's often referred to as "to recharge." The reason for this is largely attributed to the Reticular Activating System in the brain which is responsible for arousal levels. In introverts, arousal levels are very high compared to extroverts. This means the introvert absorbs plenty information from the environment whereas the extrovert doesn't as much. Dopamine also plays its role too but this will get longer if it is discussed.

The cause of the biggest confusion about introversion is probably because people think everyone has to be either fully introverted or fully extroverted. This has never been so. According to Dr. Carl G. Jung, no human can be completely introvert or completely extrovert. It is also rumoured that Dr. Jung said anyone who thinks otherwise is probably mad.
We all exist along a continuum. So the idea is that introversion has degree.

https://lonerwolf.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/ambivert-personality-continuum-scale.png

Traits of introversion include Thoughtfulness, Self-Awareness, Private Emotions, Observant, Enjoys Solitude and Quiet around unfamiliar people/environment.

Shyness is defined as the social awkwardness characterised by fear and embarrassment while in the company of other people. Shy people avoid interactions wth other people just like introverts but for different reasons. The introvert can interact just fine without fear, anxiety or embarrassment but simply avoids it because it is demanding and tedious and "seems unnecessary."

So the shy person wants company but finds it difficult to make it happen while the introvert CAN INTERACT JUST FINE BUT DOESN'T WANT TO - He/She simply doesn't want it and doesn't secretly crave it (this is why an introvert is completely fine with being confined to a room for weeks without feeling a lack of company).
Just as leadership is easily associated to extroverts (though introverts can be excellent leaders too) it is in similar way that shyness is associated with introverts (yes, there are plenty shy extroverts). So introverts are neither inherently shy nor socially anxious.

Almost all extroverts find it hard to grasp the introversion concept and hence call introverts all sorts like shy, awkward, social disordered etc. They also can hardly understand why an introvert locks him/herself up in a room for hours or even days without missing other's company.
You should know though, many introverts like being around people they are close to and interact well with them. More importantly, they enjoy deep and meaningful conversations with familiar people.

In the hope that this doesn't look ridiculously too long, I hope I have been able to put clarity into the differences between introversion and shyness; and why the confusion about introverts seems to persist.

References:
https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-origin-of-the-word-introversion

https://www.verywell.com/signs-you-are-an-introvert-2795427

realtem:
kai, these introverts self , you're sorry for asking

Lol. She's just being very polite.

Weezybaby:
Hello All, newbie here!! Searched for this thread cos I jus lost yet another friend ... needed something to show me am normal..
That's by the way.. hoping for some realness here!!

Many introverts are notorious at losing friends as much as they are at not easily making them. You're as real as real comes even though you're among the minority in a loud extroverted world.

Welcome aboard!

Giel:
I was always of the opinion that shyness and introversion were separate things, so to see here that shyness is being thought of as an attribute or a trait of introversion is surprising, likewise with social anxiety.
Introversion does not come with shyness and/or social anxiety, i don't think they are attributes or traits of introversion,
Anyone (Extroverts and introverts) can be shy or have social anxiety.
These are not traits nor attributes of introversion.

Yes, your opinion is very correct and it is also 100% my opinion which I have shared here a number of times in the past (my previous posts on shyness and social anxiety are proof). To repeat, Introversion does not directly cause shyness and social anxiety, and are therefore not the same thing. Extroverts can very well suffer from shyness and social anxiety.

My post (response to GloryIsaac) associated introversion with shyness and social anxiety, but I didn't say shyness and social anxiety are characteristics of introversion.

DonOms: ... Secondly, introversion is introversion. It has its core nature but it also has peripheral attributes easily associated with it (e.g. Shyness, social anxiety, social withdrawal e.t.c.). While its core can never be changed nor outgrown (such as the need to recharge, and easily draining out in loud/large gatherings), some of the peripheral attributes get somewhat modified with change in personality, age, responsibility and/or environment.

As quoted again, I mentioned shyness and social anxiety are peripheral attributes (i.e. related to but not central to) EASILY ASSOCIATED (i.e. though not a part of, but commonly found together).
I intentionally used the term "peripheral attributes" because studies have shown over the years that more introverts than extroverts tend to suffer those things. And also to make clear to those saying "they outgrew introversion" that they were outgrowing something else and not exactly the 'bio-mental' nature of introversion in itself.

I did stress introversion in itself cannot be outgrown or changed but shyness and social anxiety can be 'outgrown' given certain factors.

I hope I have made my take clearer.

GloryIsaac:
Following the thread from the beginning with the argument that ensued, I decided to keep mute until everywhere was calm enough before I would post this piece (with modifications by me) that covers all that both parties here have been saying without igniting another battle. Hope you're patient enough to read it.

Ref: https://lonerwolf.com/the-extroverted-introvert

Sorry if this piece seems to long, I wrote it from a laptop.

It's very nice of you to share the article.

I, too, refrained from contributing to that little argument because I knew it was mostly a matter of opinion, choice-of-words and experience - all of which are relatively easily misinterpreted compared to facts. I'm glad everyone eventually made themselves clearer.

Speaking partly on your post and drawing general conclusions, I think it might make sense to agree that firstly, degree of introversion determines how much change (or acting) an introvert can embrace. And this then further break down to "finally" locating one's true 'identity position' on the continuum scale.

Secondly, introversion is introversion. It has its core nature but it also has peripheral attributes easily associated with it (e.g. Shyness, social anxiety, social withdrawal e.t.c.). While its core can never be changed nor outgrown (such as the need to recharge, and easily draining out in loud/large gatherings), some of the peripheral attributes get somewhat modified with change in personality, age, responsibility and/or environment.

So as a summary, yes, Introverts can get to act differently or change some things about them with time (as coping mechanisms) but cannot exactly 'outgrow' introversion in its core sense.

selflessmaya:
false, it's best for an introvert to marry a fellow introvert. the opposites attract law is false, ppl fare better with fellows of similar personality. an introvert will understand need for space and would not feel neglected by lack of desire of partner to socialize.
OP, find an introvert who u share common interests with and you should be fine.

You're very correct about your view on attraction. People often fail to understand some so-called 'laws' are not universally true...and the good exception to "unlikes attract" is marriage.

By the way, OP is married to an ambivert so she's not exactly going to need to go and find an introvert with common interests.

ghanc23:
I mean I can't start or maintain a conservation not can

as for the marriage, husband is half extrovert and always bring up topics and as dat ones ends, d whole room becomes silent
am thinking of a way to be coming up with some topics so dat silence won't be long

You didn't make your initial posts clear enough. You should have edited them to make yourself clearer.

Anyway, Is your husband complaining about the regular quietness? It seems to me that you the introvert are the one with the complain and not your ambivert (half introvert, half extrovert) husband.
It appears you may be trying to create a hitherto non-existent problem by seeing the silence as an issue and as a lack of communication.

Please stop thinking hard about how to bring up topics to discuss. You're not cut for plenty talks so don't force it, else you'll strain yourself and your relationship in the process. Let the talks come naturally. Almost all introverts think a lot. So instead of "talking" to yourself in your mind, just voice them out to him...simple.

Also, by now you should know the topics that interest him. So try to know more about those things by reading up on them or watching TV programmes about them. This way, you'll have plenty to tell him about. Do the same thing for things that interest you as well and talk to him about them. With time, it will be a part of you and you'll come up with more to talk about as you grow together.

PS: I repeat for emphasis: If your husband is not complaining, don't force yourself to always talk and DO NOT see quietness as a lack of communication or as a recipe for boredom in relationships. He fell in love with you as an introvert and married you that way...don't create a problem for yourself with this your perception of 'talking in marriage.'

All the best.

Benita27:
Well said.

Thanks.

ghanc23:
being an introvert has some disadvantages
I can start a conservation or maintain it
people tink am not easy going, proud and can't be discussed with
presently is affecting my marriage cos I need communication to keep going

If people think you're proud and difficult to communicate with, despite being able to start and maintain conversations, then maybe the 'problem' isn't you but these people around you. Almost all introverts get that "proud label" but the truth is other people don't understand us is all.

As for what is affecting your marriage, it's not clear how your need for communication is important to keep you going. I think you may have a certain misunderstanding about the word communication so it may be better if you make it clear. By the way, I posted on your thread and I still feel you're not making the whole communication issue clear.

ghanc23:
I was thinking on the irregularities in marriages today,
I have read a lot on success of marriage, things that can make marriage work like tolerance, communication, respect, love and so on. Also where you are not getting the attention of your spouse or getting bored in the marriage, you can try to bring up topics s/he likes and discuss so that there won't be a communication gap

A situation where one is an introvert and has little to discuss with the spouse, maybe a discussion that can last like 5 to 10mins and everyone becomes silent. This is not helping the marriage at all, what will one do in this kind of situation.

Please I need matured advice

Hello,

While your question makes sense, it isn't completely clear. Why? You may ask. You see, there are a number of factors involved in your question. Are both parties introverted? Is the husband the introvert while the wife is an extrovert? Or vice versa? Having the answers to this makes the difference in terms of what advice or answers are sufficiently adequate for you (neglecting other factors such as personality, upbringing, social and cultural differences).

Anyway, to generalise, here are things you need to understand:
1) Silence isn't entirely bad. An introverted couple can spend 5 hours with each other and each utter no more than 50 words and enjoy each other's company feeling fulfilled. I've seen that happen, trust me. So in this case, there wouldn't be a problem with communication gap because they both 'communicate' in their own silent way.
Quiet doesn't mean boredom and it doesn't mean lack of communication either.

2) Tolerance and Acceptance. On the introvert lounge thread on Nairaland, a number of people have mentioned how they (introverts) ended up marrying extroverts and how they have learned to 'tolerate' their spouse's extroversion while the other party 'tolerates' their own introversion too. So this revolves around respect for each other. If an introvert husband respects his extrovert wife, he won't be put off by her but tolerate her and accept her at the same time. So no party is completely starved of their basic personality requirement.

3) Common Grounds. Now, as an introvert myself, I know that Introverts too can be talkative. Do you know how and when? When they are in company of loved ones and talking about something they really enjoy or are passionate about. So an introvert should find that common ground with his/her spouse and talk all the way.

You can ask more specific questions if these don't quite answer your question.

iamnlia:
I think most new generation parents have stopped trying to change their children.

You'd be shocked a number of these so-called new-generational parents are always very concerned about it even if they let the child be. The parents often try in little ways to correct the child and only leave the child if those corrections don't hold. The only saving grace is if at least a parent is south paw or if the parents are very enlightened.

It was on a similar thread like this less than a year ago that a lady (a school teacher) vehemently insisted left-handfed kids must be corrected and that she does so to her students. When I asked her 'why?' she told me it was just wrong to use left hand dominantly - same old stereotype nonsense. That's a "new-generational" would-be parent if she's yet unmarried.

Melsan:
DonOms,come and see something.

Yeah, I'd already stumbled upon it actually.

Proudly Lefty and a Lefty Activist, if I may. The very absurd and obnoxious stereotypes left-handedness has been attached to were based on lies and fables only. So I am often flummoxed when I see people trying to change lefty kids based on nothingness as they can't even give logical reasons original to them but say only things they've heard others say.

Anyway, like most lefty kids, I was coerced into using right hand as a child but it didn't take. It cost me backwardness and retardation that it took almost a year for my teacher and parents to give up and leave me to my southpaw.

So, to parents of lefties out there, please let that child be and don't change them. If the left hand is that sinister, please cut your left hand off first as proof before changing that kid. And don't say what my dad said when he discovered I was lefty: "Left? Who is he taking after? No one in my family or ancestry used left." Well, maybe Adam and Abraham did, who knows?

Dani4tech:
I find it hard talking to pretty ladies (very fresh niqqur tho')
.... Any solution to this??

That's somewhat normal for a number of young adults. Don't see your difficulty starting conversations with the opposite sex as a problem. It isn't. It's just something you'll have to grow out of. It may be easier for extroverted people but may take introverts a while to blend.

Practice makes perfect. As I advice people, just start by developing conversations with people who are inclined to answer (waitresses, security personnel, attendants e.t.c.). Ask that pretty mall attendant what she thinks about your choice of beverage/perfume and her opinion on an alternative product. Tell that stunning bank teller about the weather outside and ask her if the crowd in the bank hasn't been overwhelming for her. However, never overdo it. The point is to get comfortable around the opposite sex not make friends or disturb their work.
In a matter of time, you'll feel more comfortable making conversations with just anyone - lady or guy.

Also, try to make yourself comfortable enough. If you feel your spoken English isn't good enough, improve on it. Appearance also affect self-confidence, so try to be comfortable in that regard. The whole point is to increase your confidence so nothing changeable within your power should impede your effort.

LeiderJa:
Guys in the house please help me, I think I am getting depressed and I fear I have developed sociopathic tendencies.

First off, my introversion levels are super high (like a 95% out of 100), so basically I talked only to people in my inner circle. Then comes a tragic event which just sucks the air outta me, and I just basically lie in bed for days thinking about life, purpose and watching series all day while studies and school keep declining. I actually succeeded in shutting out everybody even to the point of removing all my data online, having many sim cards to avoid calls.

I actually also find myself fantasizing about being a serial killer, thinking about life being meaningless and all that.

I would appreciate if anyone could help me out with online therapy sites.
Also,This is a new moniker.

Hello LeiderJa,

I sincerely doubt your depression is the cause of your sociopathic fantasy. Depression may make you want to hurt yourself but not going after others. Perhaps that tragic event that spiralled you into the depression (unhelped by your introversion too, of course) may be the trigger of the fantasy as well.

You see, depression can be a very tough opponent so the earlier you create a consciousness to fight it, the better for you. And trust me, shutting out people won't make things any better - you need some few trustworthy/reliable friends and family who will help you get through this.

You need to come to terms with that tragic event. I think it's the chief issue. It may be uneasy but talk about it to a trusted person and unburden yourself of it. That way, you'll gradually find yourself again. As for the online therapy you mentioned, there are quite a few free ones you can join and then exchange messages with people who know a thing or two about what you're going through. Just google "free online therapy" and you'll see them.

All the best!