₦airaland Forum

Gaara101:
Of course, they didn't.
Thanks for the reply. I've been searching for left handed people facts and I never came across that. Its shameful that 'bosses' with those mindset still exists.
Once again, thanks.

You're welcome. The truth is, that a concept is popular does not equate rightness. Did you know that for a long time centuries ago, sandals were made with no left or right designs? People just put their foot into any one of the pair 'cos it's the same. Was that popular in that time? YES. Was it right? NO. So someone figured it out and made things right.

Same with killing of twins in Calabar which Scottish woman Mary Slessor fought against. Was a second of twin children truly a devil? NO. Did Calabar people believe it? YES. Maybe because one know-it-all dibia said so. Until someone came all the way from Aberdeen and proved them wrong.

Point is: Any person can start up a stupid idea and everyone will believe despite it being wrong. So don't mind those people who stereotype us lefties and associate us with all sorts - their stereotyping days are well numbered.

amicable09:
Don, thing is, it has nothing to do with the individual (child) when he's less than 3. In your own case, they tried to stop you late and that's why you had difficulty switching. I've once taught nursery and primary school kids. I had a kid who wrote the way you did at that time because he had eye problems. His parents didn't know. He wrote 9 as P. In Primary 3 when I was his class teacher, he had not learned to read because of his eyes.

Another kid, basic 1, same challenge, lefty. I took my time with him and achieved success . Once a child passes 7, I have a philosophy I operate with, I let him be. There's so little one can do with them. They've been moulded completely.

Well, until I am sure that they are not being discriminated against when it comes to employment, I'll still work on helping the child be flexible. It's the future I'm looking at.

Lefties are not being discriminated against for employment purposes. If anything at all, they're admired for their uniqueness. So please, let's let these children be and let them use whatever hand they're born to use.

As for my age when I was being turned into a dumbo, I was about 4 yrs old or so. It was nursery 1 - the very first class when a child starts to learn to write. As I was told, my dad had said "no one in his generation has used left and neither did anyone in his wife's family. So how is his (DonOms) own like that?"

My point is, while you're right that early correction works, it's needless. It's the 21st century and as much as you won't support the killing of twins for being supposedly sinister, let's not support the correction of left-handedness because it seems harmless to do.

Gaara101:
This is the first time I'm hearing about discrimination towards left handed people in the Job sector.
How true is this? I'm curious about it.
By the way,I wasn't hurt. It was for dramatic effect.

That job discrimination existed decades ago but not today, except a few stereotyped myopic bosses who are too archaic to accept it's not a problem to be lefty. At least, Bush, Clinton and Obama led the US (with their left hand) for over two decades and I don't think they ruined America, did they?

amicable09:
Exactly. Because it is possible to correct it that's why it should be corrected. A blind child is taught to read in Braille, the parents might as well not bother about giving the kid an education and seeing to it that he learns to read and write because it's a disability.

If it can be corrected, then it should.

Nah... A blind child taught to use a braille isn't "correction" but "adaptation." Echolocation is perhaps a better example of correction even though it's still adaptation anyway. Fine, you say if it can be corrected, it should. But what makes you so sure right-handedness is the correct thing? Because 90% of the world population at any time uses it? As long as there has never been proof of sinister side effects or damage to self or the society, I see no reason why it should be "corrected" because it's possible.

No, not at the detriment of his feelings at all. I've helped to raise a few kids and I know how the lefty thing starts, it's like sucking one's fingers, children love to engage in that but because it makes the child sleep for long hours or it stops the child from crying, many parents encourage it. Of course after 9 - 12 months, they start forcing the child to stop overnight.

Habits, permit me to add lefty to it, easily formed but most difficult to break. It's better for a child to grow to use both hands rather than just his left.

Don't shoot me. My sentiment though.

You say not to the detriment of his feelings at all? Really? I repeated my first proper class because of this "correction." I was as confused as confusion goes. First term, I wrote perfectly and learned fast. Only for correction to start 2nd term and I began writing mirror images (3 for E and all that) and poorly. I was beaten by my teacher too. After the 3rd term, my performance was so poor I was the only child in class to repeat. I was declared 'unfit' to learn.

The correction continued because everyone taught I'd change like most lefties do. Anyway, when my parents realised how dumb I had quickly become all in the name of correction, they knew it would be the end of their child. I was left alone and I've since lived as a smart and intelligent person. Don't let me even mention what I have come to achieve in life, to God's glory.

I won't shoot you because I know it's your opinion but I just hope you'd please weigh this issue and see for yourself being lefty isn't a habit or disability. For all you were made to do with your right hand, I was made to do with my left. Where's the disability in that?

Melsan:
Interesting

Yeah, I know, right? How do you do?

amicable09:
Lol. Karl, you are in the lefty gang, huh?
My dad likes to say it is a disability , I see it the same way too. He stopped one of my brothers from mastering and growing with it cos according to him, some companies don't employ left handed guys. I don't know if there are still companies like that now though.

I will correct my child if any of them show signs of this handicap early in life . I'll rather they learn to use both than make the right hand completely incapacitated

So you say it's a disability, fine. It's scientifically classified as that in some scientific environment. However, if you can't "correct" other disabilities like deafness and dumbness, why would you want to correct left-handedness simply because you can?

And you're willing to do it at the detriment of your child's feelings too. Please, it's the 21st century, left-handedness isn't a curse and I'm sure that post about majority of the last 7 US presidents being lefties is enough proof.

Principe:
(6)THE RIGHT HANDED WRITING DESK:I cant remember seeing a left handed writing desk;a left handed person really has to be creative and innovative to use a write handed writing desk in class

Damn desks!! One time as an undergraduate I had to write a test in one of the old halls that had these desks. I hated myself. Funny thing was, an invigilator walked up to me half way into the test to challenge me about my siting posture but when he realised what was happening, he pitied me.

I was also forced to switch hands as a child but when I began writing mirror images of words and letters for two full terms, while receiving beatings from my class teacher and repeating a nursery class, no one told my parents before they embraced my left-handedness. They have no regrets today and neither do I.

JackBaueress1:
I can handle the scissors perfectly.

I am a leftie though i write with my right hand and do every other thing with left hand.

And your hand doesn't hurt when you handle the scissors for a long time? I cut perfectly too but my hand soon hurts.

Neyoor:
Please, is there any nexus between low self esteem and being an introvert?

No. Low self esteem can be manifested in different ways and just about equally in both extroverts and introverts.
While Extroverts make their confidence clear to all, Introverts do not broadcast their confidence until it gets to the point they have to show it. Introverts can be really self-confident, hold themselves in high regards and show high self-worth.

As a matter of fact, since many introverts are introspective people and deep thinkers, they are often quite knowledgeable (generally or in certain areas) and this naturally improves their self-value. Shyness, refrain from interactions and withdrawal found among introverts have little or nothing to do with low self-esteem even though those traits can sometimes be the results of low-self esteem in some people.

LUCAS99:
I am not assertive. People now regard me as dumb.I am 23 years old and I can't even speak clearly. Please if you can assist me add me on 7047139964

I seem somewhat confused here. Did you mean your family literally abandoned you? Or you're just saying they have decided to not 'help' you be outspoken? I so hope it is not the former.

Now, being assertive has to do with being aggressively self-assuring with your speech especially in an argument. So not everyone can be like that or need to be. But about your inability to speak clearly, is it that you find it pointless and energy-taking to talk or you're too shy to communicate clearly while you talk?

Don't mind that I'm asking too much questions but if you answer them, it will be easy to give helpful tips. The problem might be one of these:
1) SHYNESS, which is overcome over time as you practice to communicate effectively especially when the onus is on you to defend yourself.
2) A Psychological condition as a result of bad experience trying to defend yourself as a child. This is subject to fear and you can overcome it through autosuggestion once you become aware of the issue.

I could try to help further but I only do emails so you can PM me if you want to.

RICKYMARIO:
lemme share my experience today.
We had a departmental programme (which lasted for about 3 hrs) , i noticed i was quite enthusiastic @ the beginning but when the programme started drawing to a close (dancing part) i became emotionally weak, while others were dancing i just sat down & was moping .
At a time i couldnt take it anymore, had to just leave the programme & run home.
who else has observed this kind of thing when going for a gathering?

That's very normal for a typical introvert. Biologically, unlike in extroverts where the more dopamine in the brain causes more excitement and feel-good vibe, introverts time out (and burn out) with increasing dopamine and hence tend to withdraw into seclusion to recharge and reboot.

So don't let it make you feel bad at all. It's just your wiring and there are loads of people like you who have accepted who they are and feel good about it.

KingJeremy:
Gawd I fuckedd up big time yesterday when I was returning frm class. I'm in ND2... I wanted to cross d road when I was going home yday, then this beautiful lady walked up to me and told me to "Plss hold her hands so we could cross together" she said she's afraid of busy road. And we crossed 2geda, I asked her if she was a fresher which she confirmed.. so I jus told her she's beautiful and she said thank u and we parted ways. I should ve ask for her digits or even dept. but but I was jus... Idk...

I don't think you messed up. It's not at every opportunity that arises a guy tries to get a girl's number - even if you're 'interested.' Especially as an introvert, it's okay to feel that every opportunity should be used (since they rarely show up anyway) but the truth is that if all opportunities are used, it may be difficult to keep up with plenty acquaintances. Many introverts confess they meet new people, get their contacts and never really call or attempt to get close.

Also, she was a lady in 'distress' so asking for her number in that situation probably looks like you were taking advantage of the situation. But if you see her again, you can probably ask more about her and if she appears interesting enough to you then contact may follow.

This is very informative, thank you. Quite a number of inverter users rely on petrol generators to charge. And in most cases, due to lack of power from the grid and economic conditions, the batteries are left to discharge to great depths. This article will help inverter users be more cautious.

charley94:
spoke to a lady in church today, and I was just stammering, me that is not a stammarer

It's kinda normal. Such things as speaking to the opposite sex you may have a crush on (or find attractive) can make you stammer if you're shy. You'll get out of it as your social skills and confidence improves.

If you want to do something about it, always take a breath if you're talking to someone like that. Also, it is important you don't go all practicing a speech..nah, it doesn't help shy people. Always try to start talking about an existing situation (like talking about the sermon or asking her about what you may have perceived she's interested in). Above all, just try to improve your conversation skills by deviating from routine when talking to people who may be obliged to answer you. For example, complementing a fast food attendant about her smile, having a quick chat with a security at the entrance of a bank about his/her day, speaking to that pretty usher in church about how you can change seats...the list is endless but the point remains practicing makes perfect.

Coyotejack:
PS I ain't him let's clarify that , the same reason u reached out to him ,is why I was Lauding u , cause the first thing that came to my mind was that he was suicidal, then I saw the his post where he said it went a downward spiral after something happened to him that he didn't want to share , my shock was that it was only u that picked interest, and the self taught psych analyst was no where to be found , but I have been away then I came across ur conversation and I tried to reach out but he has deactivated, and I recalled u were the one that conversed with him last thru this medium,so I tot U made some sort of breakthru. I pray he overcomes.

Hello Coyotejack,
If I'm not mistaken, you were referring to me when you said that bolded part. First, I'm not a self-taught psych analyst. I was asked if I was a psychology student and I replied saying I was a self-taught Psychologist and Philosopher.

Secondly, having studied psychology to some level (and on top of that philosophizing), I know that different problems have different solutions. And I'm almost certain I know what he (NinjaX) needs and it's not someone online trying to talk him out of anything. He is not suicidal and he won't kill someone else. If anything, he is very smart. I won't say anything beyond this about him. And the truth is, "although everyone needs help, help cannot be given by anybody." (You may want to read that quote again and deeply to understand)

I'm glad you later said this below, meaning you will understand my point.

Coyotejack: Okay I see
You can only help somebody that wants to be helped.
Happy Sunday

ore291:
quys quick question does being introverted eventually go away,am 17,I study at unilag am in 200l most of my coursemates don't even know me,it annoying am just too quiet.how can I change?

Akposb has answered you very well but I just want to add a few things especially for others who may also have similar questions.

True introversion doesn't exactly go away. If a teenager is inherently ambiverted or extroverted but reclusive and shy(therefore appearing introverted), he/she will likely grow out of it in due time once social skills are learned.

Now, some young introverted people crave being outgoing and full of life but are rather reclusive and private. The craving is normal. It could either be caused by the Popularity Contest Syndrome (simply because more people around are extroverted and it looks like the winning side) or it's just about someone still discovering oneself (here, one tries out a number of options before settling for what is more favourable or convenient).

So, don't let it feel annoying you're too quiet. It's pretty cool to be anonymous and exceptional. I didn't know 70% of my classmates as at 300 Level and I was still meeting new coursemates into my final year.

Take Akposb's advice: Be exceptional in your studies and give it time to settle into knowing people. If you're very brilliant, you'll be known by force anyway. Don't force yourself to change. Just embrace yourself and try to be more sociable as best as you can.

misterh:
So, a challenge I face regularly is how to initiate or join a conversation. Sometimes, wrong information might be passed as being the truth in an ongoing conversation but joining in to disprove it seems herculean.

Except the topic is really something I truly have interest in (like movies), I don't join in.

That's very much how Introverts roll, so don't see it as a challenge per sé. However, when there's an ongoing conversation where a false statement is made, I think it's good to correct that erroneous talk and do so with humility. Although if someone tries to oppose or start an argument, better to just remain quiet and kill the argument before one's energy is drained .

ModestGal:
Hi everyone,pls i need the help of a psychologist that could help me in determining what to live the rest of my life doing, I mean job,etc, am begging,someone shld pls help

Truth is, what's happening to you happens to a lot of young adults. I'd say the reason is because we are hardly prepared for life. Having spent at least 15 years through school and finding oneself faced with life and suddenly realising one isn't exactly properly equipped makes one somewhat dejected, confused and lackadaisical.

Depending on what you have studied in school, you're already trained to have a bias in a certain field of work. So you should start there. If you read Computer Science for example, you should seek a job in that line and also train and retrain yourself in that line. Honestly, the system in Nigeria is so poor it doesn't groom us well for life so you realise that a chunk of graduates don't even have an idea of what they're passionate about. But one must beat the system and discover oneself.

You may need a session with a psychologist to help you through a path of self discovery. But trust me, you can do it yourself. Your family and close friends will almost certainly know what you're passionate about. You can interview them. If you think deep within yourself too, you can figure it out. Something's got to make you happy and fulfilled when you do it - you just have to discover it. And then start on it...you'll find your way.

I'm not always game for this but if you still need help on discovering yourself, we could have a few anonymous email sessions where I can help with trigger questions.

Talent,gift i hv searched if i really hv any,I dnt knw but I think i dont no matter how i try to convince myself,thier are things I do dat makes me happy, I only see myself good at something I wanna be good at, not that those things are in me,with all my readings,and researches, am coming to belive talent is a myth,I beliv being a genius in something is real,being extra ordinary super brilliant is real,nd some physical features enable some to do some things better than others,e.g being an athlete,the say that everyone has some hidden talent,is something i belive is false,especially as regard some things.I knw this is not the best place to discuss this,pls pardon me.Thanks

Talent is not a myth. People are definitely born with natural abilities. Now, it may be a myth that "everyone has a talent," and I don't agree with that notion anyway.

Now, you say you see yourself being good at something you want to be good at but you haven't found yourself being exceptionally good at something naturally. Have you ever considered this: if those so-called talented people never tried out what they're good at, would they have found their talent?

Imagine Mozart or Beethoven not trying their hands on music; or Picasso and Michelangelo not on art. What happens? Maybe we wouldn't have heard about them, yeah?

Lang Lang is a popular Chinese concert piano who started playing at age 3. He was expelled from his teacher's piano studio at age 9 because they said he didn't have enough talent. Today, he is considered one of the most talented concert pianist currently living. If he stoped playing the piano at age 9, would we know him today? Definitely not.

I can go on and on about people who were at first considered untalented in a certain area they later became notoriously popular for. My point is, forget the definition of talent, if you find something you love, do it and derive joy in it. It's probably your talent. It could be writing, poetry, dancing, helping or what have you? Don't beat yourself up imagining what you should be good at but not.

ModestGal:
Okay,thanks,i will love a deeper look into it, I love knowing *why I am what I am**
You talk very official,I like that and are you a psychologist student?are you an introvert?

Talk official? Lol. I guess I'm not a big fan of "informal." I'm Introverted, yes. Self-taught Behavioural Psychologist and Philosopher.

Melsan:
Introverts!Introverts!!Introverts!!!

It seems you have a lot on your mind about introverts

ModestGal:
I agree with you deary,but not totally,**Nature and Nurture**,hmmn,I do believ in nature,but no matter what,I think nuture has more effect than NATURE, ... [truncated],so I think without NURTURE,nature is a trash

ModestGal, that was quite extended. Interesting too I must say, but somewhat off from the initial stance we took. The discourse was to ascertain if the environment had more influence in creating the introvert personality.

The environment is a great influence on behaviour, dispositions, beliefs, tenets and societal inclinations no doubt. Studies prove it. Even I have studied the empiricist philosophy of John Locke and I couldn't agree more that the environment and experience greatly influence and 'create' us. But when we talk of introversion and extroversion, now, that's a topic that requires careful approach because of the abundant biological markers.

I wouldn't want to go too deep on that matter as I fear it may begin to get more abstruse and unnecessary if we go deep into psychological and biological studies/research.

Maybe one day if by chance we have the opportunity on a better platform other than this, we'd do the necessary justice .

ModestGal:
People are so many in this group,it makes me wonder why i cant jx find my type in many environment I have been,apart frm primary school which i cant realy remember my personalty then again,through to my JSS2,from my JSS2 upwards till i finish the university, i couldnt get somone with my introverted personalty type,and yet so many ppl are here claiming introversy,i think introversy has categories and my category is kinda realy rare i guess.I do have gentle nd quiet ones in my classes but we still dont fit

Lol @ the bolded part. Seriously, I think you're not getting one funny thing about introverts. You may think that other introverts will behave like you and be attracted to each other but no, that's not how it works because it's the nature of introverts.

I remember a lady who posted here a while ago how she doesn't have any friends and always run from those who try to come close. The truth is, most introverts do that so how will two introverts meet and become friends?
Besides, many introverts are good at hiding emotions. So how do you think one can easily figure the other out?

Also, about your comment on unfolding different personalities. I think you're simply moving slightly along the continuum:
https://www.psych2go.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/3016031-inline-scale.png

This means your personality isn't exactly changing but you're using adaptation and need to slide along the scale. I personally encourage introverts to slide closer to the 'Ambivert' point but never to force it or try to change themselves.

ModestGal:
Proof it pls,i think most Nigerian poor mases personalties are more environmentally determined

Okay...

I didn't intend to be assertive nor discredit your position on the matter of introversion and the environment. I know you came to that conclusion rationally.

Truth be told, the argument that introversion and extroversion are caused by nature or by nurture is an age-old argument that both proponents have fought to win. While truly both nature and nurture have influence on personality types, recent studies have favoured the school of thought supporting nature as the cause of either personality.

Now let's consider this scenario: Two children were bullied and isolated and ostracised between the ages of 3 and 11. From the age of 12, they both got into a new environment of inclusion and acceptance. One child becomes reclusive and shy, the other becomes attention-seeking and loose-mouthed (those two outcomes are psychologically very possible of the same early conditioning).

Do we categorically say it was the environment that was responsible for the making of the introvert child while neglecting the outcome of the other extrovert child? No, we wouldn't.

Scientifically, brains of introverts and extroverts have been examined to have more blood flow in certain regions of the brain justifying the personalities. Also, the brain chemical dopamine is confirmed to show reactionary difference between intros and extros - introverts crash when it's too much while Extroverts burst with life.

So finally, while the environment is a good influence on personality, it is hardly conclusive that it is responsible to cause introversion. It sure will make an introvert become more introverted but it will not make an extrovert possess chemical and biological traits of introverts.

Although you could want to argue that: What if our environment is the great influence deciding our biological traits while we are yet babies, only to grow into what the environment has predetermined? I'd say good question. But then, we'd have to conduct more research to support that new hypothesis.

ModestGal:
I realy think environment somtimes makes som ppl bcm introverted

I'd say not quite! The environment may make one more reclusive (and therefore make an introvert more introverted) but I don't think it can solely create introverts of people not biologically predisposed.

Mowoe:
It was meant to be a compliment.
Well, well! I'll tell you what, one can never be too correct on the definition of introversion.
I know a guy who hates small talks, can never initiate a conversation with someone unfamiliar, doesn't interact with hostel neighbors, but is the life of the party when he's around his friends; like there's never a dull moment with him...what do you call that kinda person? Intro or extro? (I might have swerved a Lil from the original topic tho)

Well, first things first: No one is a complete Introvert or Extrovert. We all find our place on the continuum (think of this continuum as a PH Scale where one end is Introversion and the other Extroversion).

Having said that, I think the said guy is largely introverted anyway. You said he is a life of a party when around friends, so he is that way among known faces of a small group. That is consistent with introversion. Although I expect he shouldn't be able to keep up for too long being the life of those parties.

Mowoe:
Well said, but I think it would be rather absurd of me to presume introverts to be socially withdrawn. People interact with other people whether they are introverted or extroverted; what I do know however is that introverts are non-meddlers; they prefer to keep away from external affairs...
By the way, you sound quite philosophical.

Now, that bolded bit is a much better assertion about introverts.

Introverts may be socially withdrawn and this is often misconstrued as "social awkwardness" but we find our own lovely ways to socially interact often characterized by small groups, low or no noise, break & recharge periods, known faces with similar interests e.t.c.

I'd take your perception of me as a compliment, thanks.

Mowoe:
A group of introverts hanging out... What does that make them? Extroverts I presume.

Your presumption is therefore wholly built on the premise that "introversion means the inability to interact or abstain from interacting within a social group, physically or remotely." Now, that's so fallacious.

OSTERREICH:
1.honest thoughts on the name itself do you like it? (Its practically a ‘new’ Yoruba name)
2.Would you change it ..?
3.General thoughts on having new native names instead of recycling old ones.

1) It's a lovely name. Uniquely lovely, though I'm not a fan of long names.

2) If I change the name, it wouldn't be because Afe means monkey in German. Truth is, names are cultural and it often happens that a name in a language means something else in another. Were it a product for sale (like Pajero means "jerk" in Spanish hence the change of name to Montero), you'd change it for marketing sake. But a name? You'd simply explain what it means, init? Preferably though, call her Afeni and don't cut it shorter.

3) A new native name is good. Not only is it creative but also unique. However, avoid making it ridiculously long. Yoruba has that propensity for long names. ELIJAH means "Oluwalolorunmi." Imagine OLUWATOBIJUGBOGBOOTALO? That's creative and unique but how does that even fit on WAEC form boxes for name?

kokoprincess:
I recently relocated to a new city with no family and friends around, hoping to start afresh and its not working

Trust me, it will work. Rome was not built in a day. Give it time. Settle in. Live life. Don't pity yourself or feel any sad. Tell yourself everyday that you're happy and live happy. You'll be fine.

Just what I needed to read right now. God bless u

Amen.

Vanceastro:
Thank you very much sir I am not getting what I want from my undergraduate programme. Would it not be better I grab this skills than graduate with a poor cgpa and no skill?

Quite a lot of people who go to the university don't get what they want from it until they're out of it. Trust me, you should want to graduate with a good CGPA AND gather all the skills you can.

Pay your tuition. Negotiate with a fellow student who will be taking the training to train you thereafter and give him a token. Then devote your time to learn the software in details. Trust me, google will offer you all the extra training hints you'll need if you can seek it.

The truth is those memories won't leave instantaneously, if and when they leave. The memories will only fade away. And how can that happen? By rediscovering yourself and planting new memories of happiness.

These may sound somewhat surreal but it's effective. Nature abhors vacuum so you need to start taking conscious steps to live life the way that will make you happy; pick up long lost hobbies, do some sport, invest time in your children, associate with wonderful people who will love you for you and not judge you.

Also, go on a journey. A concept from Julia Roberts' film Eat. Pray. Love. called "The physics of the quest" suggests that if you're brave enough to leave behind everything comforting and familiar and set out on a truth-seeking journey -- regarding things that happen to you as clues, accept new people along the way and forgive some difficult realities about yourself -- the truth will not be withheld from you and you can discover yourself.

You can dream again. All you need do is relax and shut your eyes, falling into that state of bliss. Reboot!

Caring for introverts