thatthickgurl:
I've made the mistake every other person makes

I tried to contact him again

How many stages are there to heartbreak?

You're approaching the whole matter wrongly... asking for the stages of heartbreak or what you need to do to overcome the feeling you have now.

Some people have given you the best advice up there but I'll just summarise the key facts or lessons to note:

1) You will not get an instant healing for heartbreak, forget it. It will be a while, so accept that first.

2) "Time is the best healer," is not a quotable quote, it's a tested and trusted fact.

3) How other people treat you have more to do about them than it has to do with you; DO NOT change who you are (From good to 'bad') because of the way someone else treats you.

4) Take a stand, and take it now! If you will not want to be with him again, delete all your correspondence with him (or save it in a place you won't reach easily, if you must keep it) and don't contact him again or accept his call/reach out. If you still want him despite the fact that he cheated, be sure the cheating is not in his DNA else what's more than heartbreak awaits you.

5) Finally, love yourself first, forget the idea that you have low self esteem - life is what it is and everyone is in their own lane, running their own race. Live your life and make yourself happy. Go out, have fun, enjoy with or without other people. Life is short and there's no time to be stuck for too long.

All the best.

Now, OP, you will surely be blessed for making me laugh so hard this morning. Fiction or not, that was one piece of a believable funny story!

Hi TheresaMarii

Besides the pay, does the new Lome job offer good prospects and will it also offer new experience and also look good on your resume even if it is 4 months you spend there?
If yes, take the new Lome job and gain that experience until November when you can resign and move to Kenya.
If No, you can consider to stay put at your contract job if the Kenya job is certain without fail.
You need to look at the big picture when considering career progression.

You should also watch out for the contract you'll be signing at the big firm in Lome. Will it easily allow you leave to take the Kenya job without impacting you financially and all? If yes, do take it. If No, you may want to reconsider.

All the best.

SamuelLoch:



The only difference between this and an okada is the shape.
By the way, where's the fuel tank?

I think the motorbicycle's frame doubles as the fuel tank. It's ingenious if that's the case.

MyVILLAGEpeople:
If the Vacation will commence today April 1st and ends on 23rd April, then it's 23 days and not 15. Abi na me no read what's up there well

Just the work week (Mon - Fri) excluding public holidays.

MunaEjio4:


This is awesome...I love the way you write

Thanks.

chingle5:


Well na true I feel ya pain bro Crazy year

Real crazy year..

sisisioge:


Well said, I hope your people are reading it. When we make an effort to befriend you, listen to you, ask you questions , show interest in your life and just plainly sit with you...biko make an effort too. It could be mentally tasking wondering what's on your mind biko. You know same the way you're internet extroverts? Just make a little efforts to talk to us in real life too .

I have a female colleague that I had to practically stress myself to befriend too, babe will sit with you all day without saying more than three sentence . Anyways, shout out to you guys, keep trying to join the rest of us in minimal socialising. Sense of belonging is a major human need fa.

Yeah, I agree with you on the need to keep making effort. Truth is, whether introvert or extrovert, we just need to keep improving ourselves. It is the one who keeps learning, unlearning and relearning that makes the most of living.

chingle5:


Na 2021 we dey nw

Pardon me jare . I've modified it. You know how these date things take some getting used to after writing a certain year for over 360 days..

sisisioge:




Darling! You are definitely one of the good ones. So its world introvert day...na wa o. A whole day earmarked for the weirdos . Pardon me, I tried loving one introvert last year and dude almost killed me with quietness. While I love cool people, being cool to the point of not expressing oneself is stressful for those around you. He was everything minus expressive thus making it hard to communicate.

Anyways, it's good that you're trying. My bullying is for those who think its fashionable to be a social recluse. Humans must socialize, we are nocturnal and not islands. Cheers to those trying

Weirdos bawo?

Actually, I can sincerely relate with how you may have felt with the quiet guy. I know a woman who is married to someone like the guy you described and sometimes when she talks to me about her husband's "kind of quiet", I can almost feel the pain in her voice.

See, while I can't deny that the quietness and reclusiveness can be a problem for those in the lives of introverts, I think it is important that the introvert learns to find comfortable ways to engage their extroverted friends, lovers and family. It is also equally important that the extroverts in our lives also learn to understand our nature and help find common grounds to make things work - achieving a win-win situation of sorts.

Happy World Introvert Day dear Introverts!

Happy World Introvert Day 2021!

sisisioge:
Hmmmm...happy new year o

Somehow, I feel like bullying you lot! You guys are terrible to befriend! Your social skill is zero! Your communications skill is non existent! Continue o...continue wearing the "I'm an introvert excuse" like a badge of honour and remain difficult to love. Love, life, promotion usually fly over social recluse fa...change your ways

By the way, I am 51% introvert and 49% extrovert but everyone thinks I'm by far more tilted towards being an extrovert. Try...just try to be less difficult to befirend

Lol. Aunty, you chose the wrong day to bully introverts o. It's World Introvert Day!

Okay, now to your post, your comments about introverts and "our possible problems" are not very true.

I often wonder why there's so much misconception about introversion that I think it's probably the most misunderstood term of the 21st century.

I am an introvert. I don't give it as an excuse, in fact I never have. My social skills isn't zero as I have friends and colleagues I have relationships with though I hardly hang out in loud and public places. I have excellent communication skills so much so I challenge myself to be better - I was once awarded Student Orator for giving commencement speech at a graduation ceremony.

As for love, I may not be the best lover but I make up for it in various ways - I can be super caring and a great listener though not quite outgoing. I am learning to do the hangout thing by ensuring I pick a relatively quiet place that won't burn me out easily . I am so not difficult to befriend though while some find me uninteresting because I avoid small talk and often enjoy my own company, I have a handful of those who love me for who I am and are glad to be my friend while respecting how I want things - and the last I checked, no one is loved by all, yeah?

I am an introvert. And I am not what many think I am.
I may not speak for all introverts, but I sure speak for a handful of us.

So bully us all you want ma, it makes us stronger and more aware.

BluntNigerian:
Luluosas, Sanchez01, Seunayantokun, Bossman, NobleDeSage001, DonOms, DukeJoe17, Alawiiyeyoruba..
Please Your Opinions Are Needed.

While the questions you raised are guenuine, we all have to understand some things have the "Nigerian Factor" involved.

About Number Reallocation, it's not new and Nigeria did not start it. In other countries, this is also done. And it is done for two key reasons i.e. to save cost and protect data statistics.

About the cases of arrests and fraud oweing to previous number owners, the problem is Nigeria not getting the system right. Once a number is to be recycled, I expect that all the data of the previous owner be wiped and the new data of the new owner be associated with the number, then these updates should be regularly shared with ALL concerned parties (The Police, NCC, NBS e.t.c.). Unfortunately, in Nigeria, there is no system in place to accomodate this (that's something they're just trying to achieve with NIMC anyway).

The current NIN linking for almost everything (Phone Number, UTME, Drivers Licence, Passports e.t.c.) is an effort to build data which is the right direction but we're not quite doing it right and it's also taking longer than required (story for another day).

So, before we get things right, the best thing is for people to keep the oldest numbers they have and keep using it. If it gets lost, welcome it back! If you don't like your network, port the number! If you travel out and you plan to return to Naija, roam it! Just do everything to keep using the number.

And if you must buy a new line, ensure you pick a relatively new number series (For MTN it's 0913 I think...don't buy 0803, 0806 e.t.c). And keep your sim pack, receipt and sim registration KYC Customer copy. Because if you get in trouble, you may have only received some slaps and slept behind bars for a night but you may avoid prosecution when you provide all those things above.

Nigeria isn't there yet and these are some of the consequences but we will get there someday, hopefully.

jacoik:
please bro. what do you mean by recycle number, does it mean destroying the number? and more so, don't you think what telecom company need to do is put this thing online and allow it customers do it there rather than going to queue over there? don't be annoy for my silly question bro

Recyling numbers means to reallocate a number not actively used for over 3 months to another customer. You stop using your number for over three months, it gets deactivated and made available as a new sim for someone else to buy and register it.

Actually the TELCOs are putting it online. I have matched my MTN lines with my NIN through the link they provided:
mtnonline(dot)com/nim/
Although it is said that physical matching may or may not be required later.

Yes, number recycling will continue so the number blocks are not wasted since it costs these telecoms company (TELCOS) money to get extra numbers.

What I expect the TELCOS to do is to update the NIN info at the point of re-registering a recycled number i.e. a recycled number will get updated with the NIN and data of the new customer buying the recycled number.

You cannot judge GSM by calling him "useless and grossly incompetent" based on his tweet in comparison to Sanwo-Olu's.

The honest truth is that there are often a lot of factors in play when it comes to what a governor can influence about Federal matters. The political party, relationship, 'Federal might' affiliation and all.

Suffice to say, you wouldn't want GSM to resort to violence or force to make the police do his bidding, will you? That can escalate fast and even cause more trouble within the State. 'Wisdom is profitable to direct' in some cases.

Hi grasiouso,

1) Are your actions entirely wrong?

No, not so much.

2) Are the issues you mentioned things that can be overlooked even after apologising?

Yes, definitely.

3) Should the issues lead to threats of divorce?

No, they ordinarily shouldn't in and of themselves.

Having simply answered your questions, here are 2 main possibilities to note:
1) Your husband may have been nurtured in a home where the woman is almost totally subject to her husband. And any slight shift from that idea makes him label the act as lack of submission. He probably sees your little "independence" (which is completely normal and even encouraged) as not being submissive. It's also possible that you don't often easily take to some of his advice or you argue against them which has made him very critical of your actions.

2) It's very possible your husband has some other dissatisfaction in the marriage or personal life making him very critical of you (almost in a way that resentment could start to brew). How's his expectation vs reality chart on issues like sex, finances, children, romance, family e.t.c. Did one or both of you marry out of coercion of some kind? You need to look into these areas.

Solution to both possible issues?
You need to have a serious heart-to-heart talk with him. I guess your marriage is under 2 yrs. He probably doesn't really get some of these things well and needs re-orientation. If the talk doesn't work, talk him into seeing a counsellor or psychologist. If there are books on marriage that deal with this issue, buy and you both should read.
Your husband is probably a really good man as this issue discussed seems to be the only issue. You both married each other and there's got to be reasons you both chose each other. Explore those reasons and make the most of your marriage. Divorce shouldn't be sought unless it's the last option or a life is potentially threatened.

All the best!

Olarewajub:



Happy weekend. Apologies for the late response.

Yes, we need to create more awareness on the introversion personality. There are still a lot of people who haven’t figured why they behave the way they do. Thankfully, this thread has been a source of enlightenment for many of us.
I am mostly concerned about parents who are not aware about the introversion personality. This results to problem for their introvert kids.

We need to do more awareness on introversion personality.

Rightly said! We'll keep at it - one book after another, one article after another and one chat after another.

Olarewajub:


Good evening to you. Hope you are keeping safe?
I've been around, went on mute mode.

Below is the link to the post.

https://obodiary.com/happy-introvert/

Doing my best to stay safe, thanks bro.
I'll look at the article.

EDIT:

So I read the article. Great one! I completely agree with you that we need to create more discourse on introversion as the misconceptions around it keeps increasing.

I didn't also catch on fast about why I behaved the way I did as a child, but I was so self-aware that I first accepted myself the way I was and was less subjected to pressure. The knowledge of personality traits soon followed as I grew.

We really must create more awareness around introversion so people can be more informed and act accordingly. It's ironic that this thread which sets out to do just that is sometimes flooded by people who don't understand what personality traits are and won't even learn (Dunning-Kruger Effect alert) so they can inform others right.

Introverts need to understand themselves and why they are the way they are, while extroverts need to understand introverts so as to know how to better relate to them as spouses, family, friends or colleagues. The world will be a better place for it.

Olarewajub:
Hey guys, I just wrote an article on Why we need to talk about Introversion. I will appreciate your thoughts and feedback.

https://www.obodiary.com/2020/07/introvert-diary.html

Hi Olarewajub! Long time, no post here.

Did you remove the article? Got the response "Page Not Found."

It's a little unfortunate that your husband is not very understanding and quite self-absorbed. Ordinarily, if he were very reasonable and treats you respectfully, you would not even have need to want to buy that property in the first place.

Personally, I'd say you do due diligence on that new peoperty to ensure it is genuine. Then convince your husband that since the property is coming at a giveaway price, it would be good to purchase it, with the intention of developing it later and renting it out for additional income. You should keep supporting him with the second house he is building though, so it doesn't appear you've stopped being supportive.

You seem concerned about how he might treat you should you go ahead with your plan, so kinda make it a plan for both of you. If he sees it as something he agreed to, he won't have reasons to make the house hell for you.

Goodluck!

litigator:


Thanks. I was able to respond and keep it simple like you said. Sometimes I try to act the extrovert, but I get drained quickly. I just hope I am able to keep up with it.
My mention keeps blowing up at intervals.

That drain is something you will have to keep enduring for a while. However, from experience, it gets better as you keep trying. I don't think it ever goes away, but it sure gets better and we learn to manage it better.

Whenever you need to withdraw and recharge, don't hesitate. Always do!

litigator:
How do you handle attention? I have boxed myself into a situation and I am getting attention. It's in a good way cos someone acknowledged I did her good.

But she did a review on Nairaland and I am getting mentions I never planned for.

It's freaking me out and my alter ego thinks I should face it and ride with the trend.

Problem is I don't know how to do that. I will appreciate any help. Thanks

Hi,

From your post, the attention is actually on Nairaland and not in your physical environment, right? Then it makes it easy because you can ride with it at your own pace and in your own terms.

For example, you don't have to agree to PMs as you can make all exposure be based on posts. That way you won't have to be overwhelmed by intrusions into your personal space if you don't want.

Also, like typical introverts, let your responses to this attention be simple and succint (for those you actually have to respond to) so as to not lose control of it. You should know that attentions are often short-lived most times so don't allow it get into you. Attend to it knowing you won't have to do it for too long.

I do think it may be an opportunity for you to learn how to manage real life attention too, so even if some people want to PM you, you can agree to it if your guts say yes. Perhaps you should just manage the flow as you don't want to get overwhelmed and destroy everything.

Like I often advise, Introverts often need to take adjustments slowly but must keep challenging themselves to be socially better. I hope I have helped but if not, you can ask more direct questions and hopefully there might be better answers for you.

.

Hakeem12:
So true, whatever a rich person says is considered as wisdom, even if is the most absurd thing ever. And yeah, Tesla took it too far, guy died alone, that's no way to live.

Yeah, wealth and power speaks volume. You can imagine how Hitler convinced a whole Nation to fight "the world" - the power of 'Power.'

Hakeem12:
That's society for you. "The mind is sharper and keener in seclusion and uninterrupted solitude. Originality thrives in seclusion free of outside influences beating upon us to cripple the creative mind." - Nikola Tesla.

Society is robbing people, especially young people of a lot of things.
1. Choice.

2. Being Ourselves.

3. Love.

Sorry I had to truncate your post while quoting it, I didn't want the whole comment quoted due to its length.

I very much agree with you on how society is robbing people of a number of things especially Choice and Individuality. On Love, maybe I wouldn't put it the way you did.

Tesla (whom you quoted), though a great guy did take his seclusion a little too far. Not that I don't agree with him though, I actually do know that originality thrives in seclusion.

However, I also think that the society is something we all are a part of and we cannot exactly get rid of it that easily. The society was formed with good intentions but lile most things, it is being abused. I guess humans rarely know when to draw the line. Sometimes (not always), the way to win society is to keep things from it. Society doesn't accept what it doesn't believe in and it not only rejects that new idea, it criticizes it, chastises it and ostracise it.

What angers me the most about society is their need to be judgemental, hypocritical and/or sentimental. As long as they spot individualism, their eyes go red and they begin to fight it, not realising that most of those who history taught us achieved great things did so by doing things in a different way - individualism.

In the end, the advice I always give when these talks come up is this: Fight the society silently and don't conform or care about the opinions they force down others' throat; while striving to make the most of your life. When you're powerful enough, rich enough, old enough and wise enough, you'll be able to have a voice they won't be able to take from you.

I have gone through the last three pages of this thread and I feel pained at some things a few people are sharing here. It sincerely shocks me that a lot of people don't care to study and research things properly. I have seen the wrongest things termed as introversion on this thread and it's painful because it is simply not true.

For the sake of the many silent readers who follow this thread to learn, I think it's best you go to the earlier parts of this thread where people shared correct information about introversion so you don't get misguided by the many fallacies and labels I have seen in recent posts.

This is a public forum where personal opinions can be shared, no harm in doing so. But it is very sad to see people share those erroneous opinions as 'supposed facts' when there's a gazillion data supported by science and experiments available online and offline.

Shout out to Juell for trying to speak the truth though it wasn't well understood anyway.

babyfaceafrica:


So why do you think we need extroverts to guide us?



Extroverts guide who?.. How can noisemakers guide people?.. Individuals who are lousy, not patient, and noisy.. Guide introverts?... Only an introvert or probably an ambivert knows how to guide an introvert.. You can't teach what you don't know

It's either you didn't read my post or I don't understand you. The very idea of my post is that extroverts CANNOT teach introverts how to socialize in an extrovert-dominated world where everyone is expected to be an extrovert.

Usorohtheman:
I believe this lockdown is actually favouring the introverts.

I wouldn't put it in those exact words because introverts too do have lives - work, friends, religious groups, social circles in some form and what have you. And we can't really do all that in the proper way now, can we?

Having said that, yes, Introverts will thrive and perform better during these period. And I dare say that the extroverts have a lot to learn from us at this time because we're all in the Introvert's 'comfortable situation.'

An extroverted colleague of mine was complaining to me how he is going insane being inside his house. I had to give him helpful tips on "how to not lose your mind during lockdown."

@Karleb,

I couldn't help but mention you having read all your comments here. While your intentions appear righteous, you're getting the whole idea of this thread wrong. Like I said above, Introverts have a lot to teach extroverts during this time. So it would make sense to also say that when things are normal, extroverts can teach introverts a lot too, right? Not exactly sir (I'm assuming you're a man).

The world we live in today is "made" for extroverts and introverts have been 'struggling to find their place' in a noisy world. So why do you think we need extroverts to guide us? It's not a case of finding yourself immigrate to France and getting the locals to teach you French (That's your take), It's a case of being disposed to low noise and your new neighbour blares his woofer to your ears. You don't go to your neighbour to teach you how to adapt to loud music, that neighbour didn't have to adapt at any point, he was born to listen to loud music. You find a fellow introvert who had adapted and learn from him.

So, while you may mean well, this thread is not for what you think. But it's good to have you come around and learn a thing or two on how to cope with lockdown. *winks.*

Tundexi:
My greatest fear as an Introvert is how am i going to cope in my Occupation / Job line?

That should be the least of your worries...

The best thing to do is to first overcome shyness (if you have it) because introversion in and of itself doesn't mean you cannot thrive at anything you do. There are loads of introverts across ALL types of jobs/careers - including comedy. Yes, comedy! The likes of Late Robbin Williams, Jim Carrey, Conan O'Brian...even internet sensations like Maraji are introverts. Now, if introverts can do comedy, why can't we have introvert tech gurus, Engineers (I'm an Engineer), Doctors, Teachers, Broadcasters and the list is endless.

And the second thing you should do? Well, choose the right profession. One that agrees with you and you can easily thrive in.

If you can do those two things, then that fear will be gone like wind. Cheers!