₦airaland Forum

Vivipop:
Exactly what I had in mind.
My fantasy world is so perfect and quiet. It is very private and contented.
Unlike my younger sister, I have hard time making friends, not like I try because I don't buy into the reason for making new friends.
Call me shy but I like to keep it very distant, that way, I can avoid you when I don't feel like it. Admire me from afar but don't try to connect because i won't have it and you are gonna ruin it all. I am scared and shy of having to bring up something during conversations, not because i don't have anything to say but i am always bothered about the other person liking or buying into what i may bring up. That awkward moment when he/she says "hi" and you say "hello, how have you been? How has your day been?" at the end of the line, what next? Maybe I should wait for you to start up another discussion, maybe I should ask what you ate today, no maybe you have not eaten, maybe I should rather ask you what you are doing. Arghhh! The whole thing freak me out. I'll rather keep to myself. Privacy is a sacred deity for me, i love watching other people from behind the curtain. I am much more comfortable there. Once in a while i try and let myself feel the attention but just for a little time and nothing more I hate too close attention, I love black colour or any other dull colour. Most times I put my phone on flight mode, so I don't get to answer calls from my few friends. A habit I love so much. If I see you coming towards me, I would give anything to take the next road so you don't get to see me and we start "catching up" with God knows what.
I hate chatting on social media, same reason I quit Facebook, too crowded and public for me.
Most time I go on my WhatsApp, I put off my data so people don't get to know I'm online. I creep in very quickly to check my contact's dps and I creep out almost immediately.
I love staying indoors. If I must breath in fresh air outside or put in a little alcohol into the system, I go to a very private place with a close and trusted friend, in house parties are the best. Mask wearing wouldn't be a bad treat. LOL.
In all these, the few friends I have come to make, have grown on me, I try most times not to appear too clingy. Anyways, they are the ones who wouldn't mind a long time of silence when i am with them, i don't feel awkward when I have nothing more to say, I don't feel the need to always bring up something around them.
I feel contented watching other people from the sidelines while fulfilling my aspirations.
Oh I love introverted guys, they are so cute. I feel I can always have an upper hand when dealing with them. I act like an extrovert around them, seeing myself in them gives me a butterfly feeling in my stomach.

Now, this is a very interesting read. And I can relate with most of it too. What a life!

Boole3:
thanks a lot!.... I don't want to start all over again I want to continue with the course... and hopefully my grades will get better

Okay. That's a good choice. It may be challenging but it's not impossible to still come out with some good grade...people have done it and more people will. The more important thong is to feel happy with your life and trust that things will be fine in the end. HOPE is a very powerful force and you need it as a strong ally. Wake up everyday with the feeling of optimism, no regrets at all and the drive to make the most of every day.

joe4real12:
I had my customary wedding on 10th January, registration on 15th January and Church wedding on 17th January.

Which of the dates is right for me to have my wedding anniversary?

10th January. Court registration is the state law that makes you officially married while the church wedding is, well, a celebration with the 'saints.' You got married already when you were joined together on the 10th January.

Boole3:
I've already created a topic on this but thought I should post it here.... being an introvert et all

I'm having suicidal thoughts because of my poor grades in school.
I'm so tired.. i read for more than 8hours daily but I still fail... 200l sitting on a 1.8 cgpa with loads of carryover courses. I feel like a complete failure.
At the rate at which I'm having suicidal thoughts these days I'm scared that one day I might just do it ... I need your help I don't want to kill myself.
I cant even think straight anymore

Boole3, I tried to look through your thread to see what you have been told and if you have shed more light on your situation. I however decided to reply your post here instead of the thread.

I think it is clear you're studying a course you don't feel passionate about...although that's not the cause of your low grades. Passion only ensures 'ease' and 'consistency', it isn't the primary requirement for academic success.
I know people who studied courses they were "given" by their university and still came out with flying colours so here are things you should seriously consider:

1) Study Effectively: Now, this term means two things here - OBSERVE & STUDY. Observe patterns and styles your lecturers use and that which your individual courses have. Don't skip class as those lectures are more important than your reading sometimes. Then Study and not just read. If you study for 1 hour, even if it is just one concept in one page of your note, make sure you understand it enough to teach it. If you can do this for all your courses and cover at least 80% of your course syllabus, your grades will definitely improve.

2) Develop Interest: If you don't develop genuine interest in your course of study, there might be no improvement. Read things beyond your text book and notes leisurely and get some drive to succeed at your study.

3) Pray: I don't know if you believe in prayers (though you say you're doubting God's existence, that's kinda normal when one passes through difficulties). But I know prayer works. Just as @Margy said on your thread, there is the need for spiritual back-up in some situations. I for example had only one single course all through university where I had grades below what I expected after my first-year exams. When that happened and I couldn't possibly explain it (I saw my script later and I did exceptionally well but had a low but passable grade), I simply prayed about it. It never happened again ever.

4) Consider your Options: I read some people telling you to switch course or change school or leave school or get a job... And you seem too opened to all these. Please, take a break, go some place and sit down to consider what your options really are and what you'd want to do (write them down) - mark the best option that pleases you the most. Then do it. That way, you'd have less regret and you'd be happy for it hence no more suicidal thoughts. Even if the choice is to take JAMB again, don't be scared. Do it! And make it count! Don't do things to please anyone else...not your mom or the society. It's your life after all. Explain your choice to them with reasons and hope for support.

Finally, be involved in a variety of interesting things that interest you or you're passionate about. If your passions rise above your existence, you'll forever bid suicide thoughts farewell. You can also get a trustworthy adult/shrink you can talk to if need be. Discuss your issues and interests...this helps with the depression and suicidal thoughts. I pray you get better pretty soon.

Giel:
Thanks,

I don't actually think so, i didn't intend for it to come off as if most introverts needed anger management(my bad), I just wanted to find out if most introverts need anger management or not, I don't know if it's true or not but i know introverts who at a point needed anger management (not all though) and the links to articles posted here about introverts and anger brought back the memories so I decided to come here and ask if there actually is a link between introversion and anger or if it's just based on the individual, introvert or not, I came to learn


Edited
(I had to edit the statement below, read it through again and I think it could be misunderstood, thanks again for the reply DonOms).
thanks for the reply, personal opinions are needed also, from you I know that anger management is based on the individual, thanks

Okay, I think I understand you a little better. And of course, yes, we're all learning.

Firstly, I think the whole idea of associating introversion with anger may be a perception of extroverts and/or the way introverts react to misconceptions/disappointments.

I looked online and found, for example, the result of a study (Boddeker, I. & Stemmler, G., 2000) on who would respond when and how to anger which showed that introverts reported feeling more anger than extraverts. Now, the explanation is not too far from the Introvert's mood and sensitivity to irritation. Just as GloryIsaac mentioned, Introverts tend to be sensitive to change, irritation, displeasure (all especially in other people) but try to bottle emotions up - including anger - until the "cup" gets full and a burst of anger over trivial issues occur.

On the other hand, the extrovert perhaps hardly notice little irritations and more so, never bottle them up. So extroverts are more likely to get angry over big issues instantaneously unlike introverts whose anger is somewhat an accumulation of small issues.

Also, from my observations, introverts are more likely to get that feeling of disturbance from people who mean no harm but encroach on the introvert's space. And because society partly supports this invasion, the introvert shies away from complaining (or avoid complaining over and over) and then react in anger.

In my opinion, these supposedly unnecessary bouts of anger (as perceived mostly from an extroverts angle) make it appear the introvert is overly irritable and angry and hence needing anger management. And while that may be true, I think ultimately, the introverted person needs to become aware of the self and avoid bottling up negative emotions to avoid "unwarranted" anger and passive aggression. This comes with maturity though.

NaijaIntrovert:
I have been thinking this morning about how uncomfortable I do feel in parties. Don’t get me wrong here, I am always happy people are celebrating one thing or the other like the birth of a new baby, birthday celebration, marriage ceremony or all but attending a party is always like a big problem to me.

http://naijaintrovert.com/2017/05/29/birthdays-and-me/

You're not alone. I personally try to avoid crowds and by extension parties. Crowds and loud noise (or music) just make me unexplainably super uncomfortable.

It's good you're blogging your thoughts.

NaijaIntrovert:
@ All

can been introverted lead to depression?

I created a blog to post what's on my mind daily because I don't think I have the nerve to share it with people and this is getting to me like a lot.

Instead of creating a two person conversation in my mind, I decided to blog about it.

Of course, I run it as an anonymous.

So I ask again, Can introversion lead to depression?

I'd say KINDA (instead of YES). Introverts have increased blood flow to the brain and are sensitive to the feel-good neurotransmitter, dopamine - hence no pleasure derived from active and "loud" activities. This make acetylcholine more produced in the brain so that pleasure can be derived from thinking and planning.

That said, since depression is characterised by melancholy, lack of desire in activities, feeling of inadequacy... This can be easily simulated in the introvert if more attention is not given to pleasurable activities like writing, reading, planning, thinking e.t.c.

Hence, it can be deduced that introverts are more susceptible to depression compared to extroverts. But it won't be completely fair to think introversion leads to depression because it doesn't.

Giel:
Thanks for the welcome, it was really cool

You're welcome.

Giel:
seems like most introverts need anger management, I wonder why, I need to search this out,
please does anyone know any reason why, I would really like to know

Hmm... I'm a little surprise you think most introverts seem to need anger management. Firstly, I doubt introverts are susceptible to anger due to their introversion. On the contrary, logic dictates because introverts are recluses, they would have less interactions to evoke anger and even if they want to get angry, the turbulence and emotions required might be unbearable and therefore avoided.

However, it is possible that due to the quiet nature of introverts, they may easily be cheated (or easily feel cheated) and hence react in anger because of this. But that'll still not a case of most introverts.

This is just my opinion though as I haven't read anywhere or researched about the link between anger and introversion.

grocery:
thanks dear

Vous êtes bienvenue.

Trudax:
@ Crackhaus, Onegai, megareal, lovelygurl, donoms, joavid, fadamant.

You guys commented well on my other threads. Please I would like you to comment on this one too. The responses I am getting are quite appalling.

Hello Trudax. I am just seeing your mention. First things first, I am a Christian and I practice that way of life as best as I can. But I am also as objective as it gets so I am not in support of those who were quick to sentimentally censure you without engaging in an intelligent discourse with understanding of your viewpoint before making theirs.

Your proposition on the said topic in this discourse roots from a place of intelligence, deep thinking and Individualism but your topic may have been blended with the same common error I observe with issues that have to do with religion, followership and beliefs. You cannot say the Bible as a moral guide to raise a child is harmful and ineffective without first assessing what methodology was adopted in an attempt to create that moral. That's the error.

Most of those who use the Bible as a moral guide to instil the concept of morality in children often misuse the Bible teachings as a means to a moral end without understanding the implication of their process and how it may counteract the intended goal of rigid progressive morality.

The field 'Child Psychology' exists simply because children process very differently from adults. Children are inquisitively daring, stubborn and poor in judgement. And it is partly because of this (and debatably wrong too) that adults use bible teachings, fables and taboos to instil morality in children so as to maintain a balance as best as they can. Of course until the child grows and realises it was either all lies or half-truths and becomes defiant, rebellious and recalcitrant. I think Acidiosis mentioned this in his early argument.

The failure you think the Bible-use for morality in children possesses is not a failure of Christianity or the Bible but the failure of these "religious adults" (or Self-made hypocritical moralists, if I may) who teach half-truths even God did not teach. I don't entirely blame us Adults though, Children are a complex when it comes to teaching them. I only think we should refine our methods.

You were wrong to say the Bible teaches us to do something simply because God instructed it. No, we always have options of good and evil - and their consequences, of which God advises we choose good. This is same about morality that precedes religions or Christianity - We always have a choice and its accompanying consequences.

I agree with you that the concept of hell to instil fear in children is bad. Especially when that Child now learns about grace later in life. He/She may be inclined to doing wrong only to ask for forgiveness without seeing the need to strive for perfection or moral uprightness. Hell should be taught, yes, but not as a means to sell the idea of fear but only of consequence just as Jesus Christ taught.

As for the violence and killings or suggestive anti-moral acts in the Old Testament, I do not see those as moral lessons to be taught to Children and I don't think even the "religious adults" teach them for the reasons of instilling morality. Those are completely different stories that carry different meanings and should not even be in this discourse as regards the scope of your topic.

Having made my point, and in the hope it was well conveyed albeit lengthy, I would summarily disagree that using the Bible as a moral guide to raise a child is harmful and ineffectual but the methods employed by adults in these moral teachings with the Bible cries for a review and change. In my opinion, the tool is fine but the handling and process are faulty.

Gloryne:
Damn!!!!
A whole lot of people like me. I've been following this thread for quite some time now but finally got the nerve to respond.
Being an introvert rocks as there's nothing compared to the happiness you derive when you love yourself. I love my space, my bed, love been indoors doing stuffs that interest me.
One of the challenges I faced growing up was being timid, shy and inability to face the crowd but I'm overcoming it joining a dept in church where facing members is inevitable.
I'll end it here, others have said similar stuffs. God bless ya'll.

It's great you thought to join the lounge. It's understandable when an introvert refrains from joining an Introverts' Lounge. As a 'gbeborun' extrovert once mockingly asked on this thread, "doesn't this lounge contradict the idea of introversion?" The idea of the lounge (all the thanks to @olarewajub) is to learn more about who we are and share experiences from similar people. How best can we do that other than have a quiet room where all that is said, or not said, is about introversion?

It's lovely you're working on your people and social skills by joining a group in your church. Participating in small groups doing activities of interests is perhaps one of the best ways to improve social skills as an introvert. And improving people skills is important in this age - introvert or not.

So, a big welcome to you, @grocery, @missuniverse and everyone just joining; and more importantly to those who follow quietly around the edge but haven't walked in.

missuniverse:
why did I see this late??

You weren't looking perhaps.

The societal demand to force introverts to become extroverted transcends the shores of Nigeria and is indeed a global menace and murderer of diversity and creativity. I'll be quick to add that some more introverted countries however, do not embrace this obnoxious stereotype and has through individuality and diversity created a plethora of novel ideas.

Nigeria is a country where unfounded notions are spread like wildfire and believed as ultimate facts even in the face of alternative more reasonable ideas. It is only in Nigeria that I have seen people speak confidently of stereotype ideas without allowance of exceptions - no matter how little, and this is so sad as even the supposed elite groups are hardly exonerated.

We may speak and type all day clamouring for true change but the truth is that the Nigerian society has a long way to go. Until we leave behind hypocrisy, self-proclaimed supreme knowledge, fallacious way of thinking and selfishness, not only will we remain a backward society, we will remain globally irrelevant and keep revelling in utter ignorance.

Sadly, these marriageability stereotypes have been in existence in Nigeria for decades and they're not fading off as fast as one would expect in this globalization era.

It is often true that some of these stereotypes had factual concerns which birthed them, but it doesn't make it right to judge a whole ethnic group or tribe based on common past events.

The problem of love - between the duo - being unable to overcome this stereotype is simply because in most of this part of the world, it is believed "you don't marry an individual but a family (and by extension, a people)". So love is sometimes not powerful enough to break this barrier; and when it does, God save that love because it will be hunted to be killed.

Of course, as hinted earlier, some stereotypes are, sadly, true. But we all know that there are always exceptions in such matters. We don't need to be a prophet to even spot a few exceptions where the potential problems associated with stereotypes didn't come to exist. But these stereotyped parents (or families) simply don't like the odds, hence refusal to take the risk.

I am a strong hater of these stereotypes myself and I so desire their complete sudden annihilation but the effect of stories and beliefs passed down from generations is so strong that I (and any hater likewise) may have to settle for a gradual destruction over time.

Bidexluv:
So after reading "How to win friends and influence people" again and jotting down notes, I am still 100% introverted. Isokay!

Serving in a secondary school and resumption date is 2/05/17, still scared of resuming without any changes in my attitude.


Happy Sunday Everyone!

That's funny. I honestly don't think the book promises to "change or reduce" introversion by some percentage. As a matter of fact, it will only teach you to make the most of relationships and get people to count on you.

Introversion is not something we exactly choose and can therefore flip a switch for. Some introverts crave the extroverted life because that's more popular and more socially "acceptable," and that's fine. However, the first thing to do is not desire change but embrace introversion. Understand it first and make the most of it. Then find out some things you'd love to do but can't do, and begin to practice doing them strategically. Then and only then can one find the required balance and stop feeling 'out of place' or desperate for change.

Krasid:
What is it with introverts and stuttering anyway? No matter how much I know about a particular topic, when it comes down to public speaking I begin to stutter.

Lol. I think the stuttering problem is not so much about our introversion as it is about our often-poor social skills. Suffice to say, an introvert can still remain an introvert and be an excellent orator. Because we are introverts, we prefer solitude and therefore avoid social events or public speaking. So as we grow older, our social skills doesn't quite grow on a par with our age.

I think one sure-fire way to help with the stuttering is to catch one's breadth and not overthink the situation. Speaking publicly kukuma no dey kill so we should just try to make light the situation.

Stuttering has been scientifically linked to anxiety (and social anxiety) so catching one's breath and taking it slow helps to eliminate the stutter with time. Also, one thing that helped with my own public speaking skills is that I repeatedly tell myself that talking to a group is the same as talking to one person and I act so. That way, I can speak well to a group because at the back of my head I am speaking to one person only.

Finally, I think preparation and practice help a lot too. And learning the rules of grammar helps to increase confidence which in turn reduces anxiety.

mrmrmister:
Hi, I'm new here.

Welcome aboard flight INTRO2017 flying from Room to Couch. Don't expect unlimited options for in-house entertainment on this flight as introverts are not so big on that. You'll be glad there'll be little or no bashing but you can count on getting real-life experiences of introverts once in a while. Also, there's a wide range of encouraged activities to help passengers become better versions of themselves although that won't come up too often as introverts cherish their ME-time and recharge moments which can take forever sometimes. All things being equal, this flight promises to live up to its expectations and extroverts never board because they can't stand the in-flight activities. Sit back and relax. If you have any questions, do feel free to ask as all passengers are always ready to help. Your Pilot's name is @Olarewajub. Enjoy the flight!

SugaryBelle:
Being an introvert is not as people make it seem . I for one have grown to love the things that make me an introvert,there are still challenges I face with friendships but that's ok too because I honestly can't deal with people expecting me to be some particular way in order to maintain a friendship with them especially extroverts so I just stick to my 'kind' or not,where I don't have to go anywhere or do anything, sitting together in happy silence is fun too.

Now that's the Introvert spirit! Introverts need to accept it's okay to be who they are and not be bothered by the intimidations and complains of extroverts about them.

onegig:
I don't get what most people are posting on here and maybe someone has posted what i have to say here before. I actually can't say but the way most people put it across , seems like introversion is someone who doesn't love fun or likes to stay indoors or they are socially awkward.

Very very wrong. It's simple, we all have our ways of relieving stress. I would prefer to stay in a room with my phone alone without noise and sleep in between to relieve stress and in the end get happiness and joy from this simple action while to someone else that's brain tasking for them.

Their idea of relaxing is going out to loud places, shaking and greeting 10s and hundreds of people. Good for them as long as it is relaxes them. But for me the thought of greeting 10s of unknown people and trying to fit in to their personal space and trying to belong or form some kind of chemistry that is non existent is brain tasking to even cause me stress.

Am i socially awkward to want to avoid such situations? No. So maybe you guys take a chill pill and calm down on all these stereotypes and enjoy life to the fullest. If staying indoors and watching a movie makes you happy, then for goodness sake do it and stop whining.

Yes, a number of people have tried to explain introversion as best as they can on this thread. But as you know, some people have stereotyped and misguided understandings of things so it takes time and courage to accept what is factual and true. So these explanations may have to be repeated often, I'm afraid.

Either way, the truth is, one of the purposes of this thread (and loads of other blogs, posts, books and even the World Introvert Day) is to sensitise and enlighten people who are somewhat less informed about introversion to get rightly informed about introverts and why they do things the way they do.

daniakut:
Basically one of my cousins (well not really my cousin) said to me that I don't keep in touch with her mum which is not cool. I realise this with most of my aunties and uncles. I have grown up in the UK basically all my life and I was brought up to always respect my elders.

So for some reason now at the age of 26 I still find it very hard to talk to my aunties and uncles because of the fear of being disrespectful. Because every time I visit they will make sarcastic jokes about the way I talk to them.

Basically what I'm trying to get at is I can't have a real conversation with them just asked me about school or work and that's as far as the conversation goeswhich makes me very uncomfortable because it seems fake to me.

Can anyone give me some advice

I don't think there is a problem here. You'll be surprised to hear that your situation is quite typical as many people do not have much contact with their extended family.

That said, you should communicate with them as you would any older friend or family. There is no special way to communicate with such people. If you have an accent, try to speak slower and clearer for their sake. And if they make fun of you, ignore them. They'll get used to you in no time. There isn't anything fake about the few things you're able to converse about. Just give it time. The more you know about them, the more you'll be able to discuss about. All the best.

International Left-handers Day is August 13 every year. The opening of your post is somewhat misleading as it makes it appear today is Left Handers Day.

penitential:
I don't agree with this assertion. Although, it might be the trait of some introverts but not majority.
I am one of the introverts that hates noise; not even the sound of a dropping pin especially when I need my lonliness.

I agree with you penitential. To say, "true introverts don't read when it is quiet" is not factually correct. However, it's true some introverts don't like complete silence when reading. I, for example, don't like to read in a dead zone - when it's completely quiet, because my mind tends to wander. So a good distraction such as table tapping or distant fading music helps to keep the wandering in checks. BUT I can't read with NOISE and definitely NOT a noisy singer blaring nonsense into my ears.

So Alphasoar, truly, some introverts' minds (I've met a few) tend to wander in complete quietness so they may need some low sound to ensure they concentrate WHILE some other introverts require complete silence to concentrate. But ALL introverts hate loud noise/sound.

Melsan:
Alright..hope it gets replied this time?

It will. This time? I always reply my mails.

Melsan:
Yes oo grin..Should I open it here?

A PM maybe... Except you feel it's alright here.

femsheart:
You myt need Mike Ross' presence as well

I know, right? But at least Harvey can just show face first in case I need to bluff my way out of the case while Mike remains in the background digging up something Harvey will use to make a deal

Melsan:
Been great..Good guess ..You even get case to answer sef,not a serious one though.

Case? Do I need to get my lawyer present as I answer my case? *Harvey Specter (Suits) to the rescue* Oya, open my case file...

Melsan:
And where have you been?

Here and there ... Busy with life, I guess. I visit Nairaland often though - when I need to relax with funny comments. How have you been too?

IceDaNemesis:
first time here
i actually have a problem with starting a conversation esp with girls and i can't even look at people straight in the eyes, even my siblings think i'm weird cause i like to be alone at all times

That's quite normal for an introverted young person. My guess is you're still very young (perhaps below 22) and trying to figure out how you (as a young adult) fit into a matured society.

Don't see your quietness and difficulty starting conversations as a problem. It isn't. It's just something you'll have to grow out of. It's easier for extroverts but it takes introverts a while to blend. Practice makes perfect. As I advice people, just start by developing conversations with people who are inclined to answer (waitresses, security personnel, attendants e.t.c.). Then in a matter of time, you'll feel more comfortable making conversations with just anyone.

As an introvert, you most likely will not become the life of a party or some garrulous type that will chat with every thing that has ears, or not. Introverts prefer solitude and get tired of small chats so brace yourself for this kind of life if you're predominantly introverted.

Here's a good read for introverts who feel confused whether they're perhaps extroverts.

15 Signs You're Really an Introvert, Even though People Say You're Not - introvertdear.com

http://introvertdear.com/news/introvert-signs-people-say-youre-an-extrovert/

And an extra rich info introverts should know: http://introvertdear.com/news/introvert-brain-takes-longer-to-process/

Melsan:
Yeah..How do you do too?..Been a while.

Very well, thank you. Yeah, always off and on here; hardly comment too.

Ranchhoddas:
Only very backward people will discriminate against lefties. I would not change to right even if I could. My left-handedness is one of my selling points.

Like a boss, init?

https://ireadhands.com/2016%20Images/obama%20writing%202.JPG