₦airaland Forum

xendra:
there is a day for introverts ??

Yes! interesting, right? Introverts deserve it!

Melsan:
Happy new year

Happy New Year Melsan.

pointblank247:
any introverted lady should say i. introverts like me are lovely poeple. we dont rush into nothing without thinking it out .we may not be out door people but and we me be suspicious but we are carefull and fun to be with because we are very deep are calculative.

Very true.

Here's a post about 12 reasons to celebrate introverts today:
http://introvertdear.com/news/world-introvert-day-celebrate-introverts/

2nd January each year since 2011 is World Introvert Day - a day to celebrate the introverted ones. World Introvert Day, more importantly, is a time to bring awareness to introversion; to let everyone know introversion is something awesome, not shameful. Introverts rock the world - quietly of course.

femora007:
The newest introvert to join the thread.
J'ai besoin d'une amie introvertie sérieuse, envoyez-moi si vous êtes intéressé

Vous êtes bienvenue mei collègue introverti. I'm not sure many of us here will understand your request in French except you want only french-speaking introverts to.

gidjah:
why are we always like that,..we find it pretty difficult to communicate, they hardly greet to commensurate, they just like been quiet, I had to switch off my phones since y day,(don't want any "Happy New year bla bla bla..) some one is bereaved, I find it difficult to go see such a one too, it's like it's terrific disturbance.sometimes I say to God in my prayers, Lord 'no one must die o... [truncated]

Lol @ the bolded. The good thing is that it's a good prayer point . I put my phone on flight mode sometimes too like I did from 31st night till midday of New Year's Day. I do well to reply all messages though. I just avoid calls as best as I can.

Apus:
Gussh! dt's just what i did yesterday & my sisters thought i was being mean and anti-social. But wht dey dnt knw is dt around these guys i come off as d sweetest friend they ever met, but keeping in touch afterwards bcomes a huge task for me. Till nw i havn't replied sm of d new year messages i got.

Really? You should try to reply those who messaged you at least if you don't initiate the greeting. They remembered to message you because they have you in their thoughts and care about you (I guess) so it's only noble to try and reply, please.

Happy World Introvert Day! I just created a thread on this so as to increase awareness about the day:
https://www.nairaland.com/3550560/happy-world-introvert-day

"Jan. 2 is World Introvert Day. Although not an official holiday, World Introvert Day has been celebrated by introverts around the world since 2011. It’s not a coincidence that World Introvert Day falls immediately after New Year’s Day; the idea is for introverts to take time to recharge after the chaos of the holiday season. No more forced socializing and uncomfortable small talk in the name of being festive. World Introvert Day is all about pajamas and Netflix.

World Introvert Day is also a time to bring awareness to introversion — and remember why introversion is something awesome, not shameful. So here are 12 reasons to celebrate introverts on this day (and really, every day of the year):

1. Introverts really know their stuff.
2. Introverts are problem-solvers and idea-generators.
3. Give up? Not yet.
4. Introverts make better team players than extroverts over the long run.
5. Introverts bring incredible depth and intimacy to their relationships.
6. Introverts know the power of words.
7. Introverts are low maintenance.
8. Introverts are the calm in the center of the storm.
9. Introverts “get” you.
10. Introverts look before they leap.
11. Introverts create worlds in their heads — and help create the world we live in.
12. Who runs the world? Introverts."

Source and full article at:
http://introvertdear.com/news/world-introvert-day-celebrate-introverts/
...

Olarewajub:
I also experience this, for me there is a special time to reach out to the world. For example, a former colleague of mine just lost her dad recently and yours truly still haven't called her to wish her my condolence about her loss . I'm waiting for the perfect time which is known to me. Whatsapp is worst, sometimes it takes me weeks to reply a message.

It always feel good to suddenly realise one isn't being a weirdo. . Happy New Year!

Olarewajub:
You ehn.... Please place a call if you can. I love the Introvert doodles. Wish i could get a copy.

Yeah, I'll try to call some people as long as they keep the call short . One could print the introvert doodles on large A3 and paste them .

I've been doing something funny lately. I could be watching a movie or doing nothing really and then my phone rings... I look at the phone, then ignore it. I'll then text or call whomever it is later. (although if the caller calls again I'd usually pick it just in case it's urgent.)

At first, I began doing it because I don't want my 'me' time interrupted but it seems I'm beginning to do it often. I am just wondering if that happens to you or anyone else.

Olarewajub:
End of Year Introvert Challenge.


Ensure you contact your family and friends to wish them a happy and a prosperous new year.

This is easy . Just text! *covers face*

Olarewajub:
Introvert Doodle

I love those pictures.... Especially the "holiday party survival pack" and "How to love an Introvert". I could order a survival pack right now. Although the good thing is, I'm home alone. I escaped family travel home.

GloryIsaac:
Merry Christmas guys!!!

Cc Olarewajub
Akposb
Mumben
DonOms
And other intros here ...

Season's greetings to you GloryIsaac and every introvert on this thread. I can only hope some of us tried to have fun with family and friends (Although I must confess I spent the chunk of the day in my room seeing a series film. )

JuicyGee, you're most likely chronically depressed and it may or may not have begun with your parents' divorce -- which is devastating enough to distort a child's psychological balance.

Nevertheless, you must strive to become a better version of yourself; you owe yourself that at least. I strongly advice you see a psychologist who will be able to properly assess you and guide you through a healing process for your mind. Or if there's any close adult female humble friend you can pour your heart to, please do.

You see, depression is a lingering psychological problem and that's the reason it's difficult to cure. However, the first step on the path of healing is enough force to overcome inertia. You're definitely melancholic which indicates introversion but you must begin to do these regularly and infinitely so:

1) Love yourself (and love others). "Count all your blessings and see what the Lord has done." This will help you value yourself enough to avoid self loath, low self esteem and the feeling of incapacitation.
2) Channel your passion: There has to be some good cause you're passionate about. Take it up. Write, if you can. Join that group, start that class or whatever it is, just do it. Channeling it right will set you on a path of self discovery and liberation.

3) Stop Worrying. If you can get Dale Carnegie's How to stop worrying and start living book (or ebook), trust me you'll be thankful you did.

4) Start Living. Like all introverts, you'll crave being alone. However, try to defy that craving once in a while. Take an evening walk and greet as many people you meet on the road. Sit by a park and watch birds or whistle or embrace nature. Take a break from social media. If you resent anyone, call them and joke with them. Smile a lot. Love people. Love someone.
5) Get closer to your God. Religion has proved helpful to maintain a certain level of social balance for ages despite it's propensity to do just the opposite.

It may sound all funny, but you can trust these are proven ways to bounce back. I pray you get out of these soon and start to enjoy life as God intended.

Olarewajub:


Bro are you sure? They say loneliness kills. It is psychologically not healthy to be lonely i think.

You're very right to say loneliness is psychologically unhealthy. And there are so many disadvantages. Although the very idea of loneliness and its degree vary from one introvert to another.

All introverts like Lawal1470 enjoy and crave solitude especially if they are in a company of people for too long. However, it will be wrong to say introverts want solitude all the time.

The truth is, as time goes on, introverts too stylishly desire company of people they have common interests with. Although, the introvert may soon get tired of the company once it's made available. Funny beings, yeah?

mylove4God, trust me, you don't want to struggle to be an extrovert. It will wear you out. Everything that happens to you happens to most introverts. But some have successfully adjusted to social balance and so must you.

Challenge yourself to take that normal route and greet people. Step out of your room and chat with that neighbour for 5 minutes. Laugh out loud once in a while. Once you start consciously, it becomes a part of your social skills. Just don't try hard; ease into it. Reading some of the comments in the last 15pages of this thread can also be helpful.

Melsan:
True but one has to adapt by fire by force

Yeah, by fire or by force o. Adaptation is very key. Just like Mumben said, she hasn't considered herself changed but she's well adjusted. One can't afford to be seen as some distant unloving parent or spouse. Things we do for love.

Mumben:
i love ds thread. I used to be a very chronic introvert before i got married, i hardly talk, i couldnt look people in d face when talking to dem, it was dat bad. I woudnt say iv changed but iv adjusted a whole lot cos my husband is my opposite, u cant stay wt hm and not talk, its not possible. Secondly my kids re hyperactive, ther is no way ull b wt them n not talk. Sometimes i feel like locking them up in a room so i can have my peace. Its well sha

I'll be lying if I say I don't seriously dread how family can change one's personality especially those little look-alikes that roam around the house

Lundii:
Solved.

I just solved it too. You got it almost right save the mixup with house positions. The 4th house is the GREEN house and the 5th WHITE house. Other details correct. The German dude owns the fish anyway and that's the answer to the question.

NB: I looked at your solution after I had solved mine.

ModestGal:
Hi,think this room is for sharing how we do nd mayb Knowing whether what we ae doing is right or not,
my neighbour,we gat to tlk cz he said he jx like talking to me,but i knock him off,we gat tlkng due to no water stuffs in d house, then he was goin to work nd told me to see him off which i did,then d nxt day he askd me take his room key till he comes,i dodge it,i kept doing those pretending shits until i finally knockd him off, i cnt jz cope with having to smile whn i dont rily wanto, having to tlk when i dnt feel lik,so sinc like a week we hvnt seen,whnever he knocks my door,i wnt answer,he did for som days til he stopped,nd i dodge him whnvr i am going outside, not like a hate or dislike him, thats jx me, are mine a bad person please?

What defines us as bad or good is often subjective. So while Mr. A considers your withdrawal and reclusion as "bad," Mr. B might see it as a choice and hence neither bad nor good.

The honest truth is, you have complete power over your choices and it matters less what others think. You don't have to smile or talk when you don't feel like but everything has its implications. As Akposb told you, your vision and aspirations truly matter. Everyone leads at one point or another - whether introvert or extrovert - only subordinates differ in size and you need people management skills to be an excellent leader.

At least as a mother, you'll lead your offsprings. And you can't afford to frown at that lovely child because your mood says "don't smile" and you don't want to do any "pretentious sh*ts." We must learn tolerance and love and acceptance.

In conclusion, Mr Neighbour may be trying hard to be a nice neighbour or a man with a motive, it's therefore your call to know where to draw the line. However, how you draw that line without coming off as an arrogant recluse who is hated by her neighbours is a very important skill you must have at your disposal. "Better is a neighbour who is near than a distant brother." - Holy Bible (Prov. 27:10)

Oahray:
ha! You remembered? Your brain sharp o. Talk about elephant memory

Just seeing this mention. Been offline for sometime. I rarely write anymore, make I no lie. So much to do, so little time.

Lol. Don't mind this my brain joor.

Yeah, I totally understand as it is the same with me. I guess life just happens to us. But I sincerely hope to go back to my poetry soon and maybe publish a book sometime.

damesilver:
The questions being raised were not adequately addressed. You have succeeded in only window-dressing the thoughts of the Enquirer. If you are an introvert you will sense that there is a strong connection with introverts and tendency towards sexual perversions such as masturbation, pornography and the likes. We are not saying only introverts exhibit such but often too common among the introverts. I had wanted to ask the same thing here on this page long time ago but distracted.

Mr olarewajub, please what are your thoughts? And again, what is it like when a couple are both introverts. How has it been like?

If there is any lady here who is wiling to be a friend with a male introvert, you are welcome.

Lol @ window-dressing.

Perhaps, my avoidance of a lengthy discourse on the said matter made my response so concise that you easily concluded I didn't address his question though I subtly did.

Now, if you carefully read the post by Dking99 which I replied, you'd notice two main points from the bolded section:
1) he opined that there were 'negative tendencies' with being introverted.
2) He queried that those 'negative tendencies' should be curable but asked if they really are curable.

So, firstly, he asked only one question and not questions. From my previous reply, I answered that question in the last paragraph of my post.

Secondly, I believe Dking99 and you are somewhat right that we (introverts) have the propensity to exhibit characters associated with reclusive people. The neurotransmitter dopamine (controls reward and pleasure) is reacted to differently by introverts and extroverts and this (over-stimulation) may be partly responsible for our tendency to become addicted to reclusive-inclined acts. That is to say, it's possible we get 'high' easily on things like pornography and thus may get easily addicted. HOWEVER, there is no thorough scientific proof just yet to make that a fact.

Now to my stand: the fact that we MAY be inclined DOESN'T mean we will choose to perpetrate such sexual perversions. So we can't conclude introversion directly relates to sexual perversions.

Consider this:
I, for example, was chronically depressed for a period of 5 years without any cause. It took me a period of 6 months to figure out a mind-conditioning/spiritual approach to get out of the senseless depression. Did I choose to be depressed? NO. Does it mean many introverts would turn out that way? NO. So it may be an inclination, but I didn't have to choose it or not.

But consider your point on pornography and masturbation; as far as I see it, they are simply lifestyle choices at best. Some introverts have a well-balanced lifestyle so much so that they will spend 7 days in their own company and not be bored at all. If their spiritual and lifestyle choices won't favour an addiction to sexual perversions, they simply won't indulge in it.

Finally, like we all know, an idle mind is the devil's workshop. That's completely true. Therefore, for example, someone who stays indoors all day and doesn't get so engrossed in any serious activity probabilistically has more time on his hands to venture into pornography than another, if his beliefs and lifestyle (amongst other influencing factors) permits. NEVERTHELESS, it is still mostly a matter of choice when you compare it with depression or selfishness with space.

With the hope that this epistle is not another attempt to 'window-dress,' I believe I have made it clear that while some inclinations are innate, some are nothing but results of lifestyle choices and influencing factors...whether or not easily controllable.

Oahray:
Hmmm... So there's a thread like this with meaningful discussion in it. Who could have guessed?

Hey... I knew your moniker was familiar when I saw it but I assumed I may have come across it briefly in a post long ago. But I was so certain it was more than that so I thought hard and figured it out: Nairaland Poet Competition Season 2 (2013). We were both contestants . I hope you still write 'cos I can't exactly say same for myself.

Dking99:
A full time introvert. On a scale of 14 with 7 as the centre point for introverts and extroverts, I resonate from 2 to 8. Take the average and u will find my position.
..Being an introvert has good and and bad sides... the good aspects are fine but the negative tendencies like not initiating and sustaining a conversation, watching pornography n masturbating at the slightest privacy, suppressing feelings comfortably and being selfish are quite terrible and I am sure they are curable or are they not?

I guess this is part of what Oahray meant when he mentioned the potential problems with labelling terms.
The truth is no two individuals are the same. So the fact that one introvert exhibits those traits doesn't mean all would. More so, we are all differently influenced by social, psychological and cultural factors which in turn produce different effects on us.

There is no such thing as curing introversion. Fine, we may have a propensity to get depressed and also become selfish with our personal space but certainly, not all those things you mentioned there are peculiar to introverts due to their personality. We owe it to ourselves to improve the self and manage our personalities by creating balance as best as we can.

Oahray:
our personality trait doesn't have to be a tag or label with which we define our whole essence. It's all to easy to try to stay true to our labels.

An example is a person on this thread (don't ask who) trying to explain his poor communication skills by concluding he's introverted. As far as he's concerned, everything about him boils down to his introversion, and there's no need to try to improve if that's what we are. That's what a label can do.

I completely agree with you on what a 'label' can do. However, it's more of perception than anything else. Whether Dr Carl Jung defined the introversion/extroversion concept or not, people would still be what they are; just perhaps without a name for their personality.

My point is, we can't always control how people understand things or how through misconceptions, believe what is false. We can only try to educate each other and hope that many people can be properly informed.

I really do like your line of reasoning as I sometimes think 'labelling' has done more societal and psychological damage than good.

aihie1:
gud pm guys. pls i read Elect/Elect and am yet to receive invite for d flour mills test...abeg any elect/elect don write? abi e neva reach our turn? i need answers pls

An Elect/Elect guy got invite on the 10th Nov for a CBT and Competency based test for 15th Nov. I don't think the invites are about discipline, it may be random batch selection so remain optimistic.

It's a known fact, albeit suppressed and largely unaccepted, that the school system kills creativity. I think it was Sir Ken Robinson, who in a TED Talk, explained how the school has killed creativity, done little to prepare the students for the real world and practically made so-called educated people nothing more than zombies.

The truth is that schools have done only little over the years to create products of ingenuity, independence and creativity; contrary to what it ought to stand for. It has made 'certificate' the sole prize for education and ticket for acceptance into a confused world.

Though the evolution of the educational system remains slow, a time comes - and sooner than we may think - that a big part of school as we know it will become obsolete and totally unnecessary. It may be at its peak now as everyone thirsts for certificates, but it will plunge and follow a normal distribution curve: We'll eventually make our rooms, garages and bathrooms the greatest schools there are.

Greatihex:
overcoming introversion is by determing to get out of the box. The determination will lead to adventure. Just free yourselve and do what your first thoughts tell you sometimes without thinking it through.

For temperament, it can only be controlled not changed.

Introversion and Extroversion traits are not exactly distinct hence the idea of Introversion-Extroversion continuum. Just think of a PH Scale. So one can only SLIGHTLY slide along the scale but never make an abrupt change.

What you can overcome is shyness, fear of public speaking, level of difficulty of engaging in small talks e.t.c. These are common in Introverts but doesn't define introversion. So there can't actually be a CHANGE but only management of social skills.

For example, introverts react highly to dopamine and can easily get worn out from small talks and crowded places, thereby often needing a recharge moment (alone time). Now, that's something you can't change by flipping a switch.

So if you think you changed abruptly, you may have been very close to the midpoint on the continuum, so making certain lifestyle choices enabled you to keep a certain "balance." This balance is very beneficial as you mentioned but the ease of attaining it varies from introvert to introvert.

RICKYMARIO:
Good afternoon wonderful people, good to be back :
ermmm i want to know who else has experienced this:
Fear of marriage, fear of relating with your inlaws, in summary fear of future responsibilities

yeah, kinda. The marriage bit only though. I guess I've never had issues about the other two.

I'm not sure it has much to do with introversion though. Psychoanalysing myself made me realise I may dread marriage for fear that I may not effectively share my personal space (which is very personal ) with my spouse, which may make one's partner feel unloved. Secondly, the fear of not knowing the true heart of someone to whom love is professed and wondering if the love is purely mutual.

These fears kinda disappear along the line once the self is reassured that 'all will be well' and once one allows love to rule (which increases tolerance). This is why I think it is very important for introverts to marry people who truly understand introverts.

Olarewajub:
Link fixed.

www.introvertdear.com/2015/05/06/introverts-5-hacks-to-turn-small-talk-into-meaningful-conversation/

Thanks. By the way, I just subscribed to the mailing list on Introvert, Dear... Should be interesting.

Olarewajub:
You are not alone. Most introverts don't know how to initate a conversation and that is why it is a challenge. Try and go through the links provided.

Bro, this page gives the "Page not found" error. Could you verify it, please?
introvertdear.com/2015/05/06/introverts-are-you-stuck-in-a-loneliness-loop-5-hacks-to-turn-small-talk-into-meaningful-conversation/

Real "Change" can begin with her, who knows? And she's definitely looking younger than Mr. President anyway.

It's really annoying that things like these still cause serious issues in Nigeria. Giving up true affection for tribal differences, religious or denominational differences and social differences. It's appalling!
To your question, I know some Catholic churches do that (same with some other few denominations) and it's all because they want to keep their members within the fold. You can only be sure about your church if you ask some elders there.
However, I think you need to sit your dad down and have a serious talk with him. He has to move past such way of thinking and care more about your happiness than the 'tradition' of his church.

Peachess:
I'm gradually overcoming shyness (thanks to the tips online) and I know shyness has nothing to do with introversion. I really love your tips maybe I'll contest for the SUG President when we resume (lol, I'm joking)

Lol. Actually you could contest . And it won't matter if you don't win but you would have gained loads addressing crowds and building communication skills. I'm glad you've been learning and improving.

Peachess:
... Is there any way I can get out of being an extreme introvert? Or any tip to help me out of my shy nature?

JUSTbuchi:
Finally here

It hurts being an Introvert seriously ... . I can really trade anything to change this part of me I hate so much!!

Introversion is a personality. And although it's not a stand-alone concept (since no one is exactly completely introverted in the real sense of it according to Carl Jung's Introversion-Extroversion continuum theory), when it is extreme, it can make people easily misrepresent the idea.

Having pointed that out, you can effectively manage other areas of your life by gaining (or learning) social skills such as public speaking, science of persuasion and influence, making friends and interpersonal skills. You'll still be an introvert but you'll have fewer issues with people and love yourself more.

Shyness for example has little to do with introversion. Some extroverts can be shy, trust me. It's just common with introverts but you can overcome it through practice and mind-conditioning. Simply gradually do things you'd ordinarily be uncomfortable with.

I, for example, managed shyness years ago with leadership (forced to be class captain in SS1-3 & eventually a prefect) and group participation (Religious activities). Yours can be something else; you don't have to force yourself to contest for the PRO post in your School society but you can read helpful books and practice what you learn one by one.

An example of the weirdest things I ever did was to sometimes look into the eyes of someone in a public place. Maybe in a large hall in Uni and there is this opposite sex that stands out elegantly...stare at him/her and let them see you doing it then stop after some time. Stand in an elevator and face every other person. Ask questions in class; stop for a minute and chat with that colleague...
Although your heart will pound heavily and you'll sweat profusely or get panic attacks (still happens to me sometimes *covers face*), you'll gradually evolve. Mind you, you'll still crave being alone and all that introvert stuff but you'll have useful social skills anyway. And please always relate with like-minded people who will love you for you and not make you feel less human for being an introvert.

@Olarewajub posts challenges here too and they can be very helpful.