₦airaland Forum

GloryIsaac:
@DonOms

Thanks for this piece....

Every point there applies to me, esp No6... I've succeeded in evolving anyway, more like wired to think fast, only downside to it is that i don't get to give the best possible answer then compared to what comes to mind when having a re-think....

You're welcome. You're very right about point 6. Some of the extroverts around me never liked my long pauses (especially on the phone) before responding to a question. So if I perceive I can't give a well-thought answer quickly, I'd usually just say things like "I don't know or I'm not sure." Even though they won't like that answer, it saves me from saying something I can't stand behind .

As for No7, my mates are holding a birthday celebration right now on the ground floor but yours truly is here responding to this post .....

Ah! You better go and collect your take-away pack..lol. That's the introvert life, we don't see as 'gain' what extroverts think we're missing on.

Fiyinfoluwa20:
Thanks man, makes a lot of sense. Would apply the above.

You're welcome.

fatymore:
Do you buy anything for him on his birthday
Start doing it cos do unto others what you wished to be done unto you.. Start appreciating him too on his birthday if you haven't been doing that.. Maybe he would have a change of mind

This is by far the best thing that woman can do, I think. Some men simply just don't understand these things even if you try talking to them. They'll simply think, "it's all those emotionally-driven women thing" and not take action. So, wendypenny, tell her that when her birthday or wedding anniversary is approaching, let her make plans (book a table at a nice restaurant and all) and drive the man there to celebrate (she can even make him pay part of or the full bill). By the time she's done this twice or thrice and showed her happiness and appreciation about it, the man will know how much it means to her and take the initiative. Except the man no get shame sha...lol.

I don't think you need to worry about your fiancée having a "sense of entitlement" or feeling lazy if you give her the fees for her fashion education. While I understand your concern (and trust me, it is a genuine one), you need to put things in perspective. Here are facts you should be conscious of:

1. The fact that she did not ask you for the money means she currently doesn't have that sense of entitlement. Will giving her the money change that? Very unlikely. You used your hands to type that she is decent and has 1000 yards of wife material (I'm guessing that's a whole lot in today's world, right?).

2. She didn't ask you for financial support to buy Brazilian wig or Gucci bag, she is actually investing in her future (and yours, should you end up married) and that is no sign of laziness. In fact, if she's good at what she's choosing to do, she's tapping into a multi-million naira Nigerian industry that will give good returns on your investment.

3. "The generous will themselves be blessed," (Prov. 22:9, Holy Bible) so one way or another, the universe will reward you for your kindness - and most certainly she will too.

So you don't need to intervene in any way to ensure her drive to work hard and be motivated is not killed. Helping this dream of hers is literally empowering her independence and capacity to "hold the fort" as you desire. Simply tell her that you like that she is taking the initiative to follow her passion and you will remain supportive of her following the path to self-actualisation.

All the best.

12 THINGS INTROVERTS ABSOLUTELY NEED TO BE HAPPY

By Jenn Granneman

1. Time to wind down after a busy day. An absolute must. Due to biological wiring, introverts are sensitive to stimulation and process information deeply. Time to unwind allows them to fully comprehend the events of a busy day — and lower their stimulation level to one that’s more comfortable and sustainable.

2. Meaningful conversation. Introverts can’t survive on a diet of small talk alone. “How was your day?” or “How ’bout this weather?” won’t be enough. Introverts tend to dive deep, both in their interests and relationships. They need something more: What’s one new thing you’ve learned lately? How are you a different person today than you were 10 years ago? Does God exist? Of course, not every conversation has to be deep. Sometimes introverts really do just want to know what you did this weekend. But occasionally, to feed their minds and souls, they need those wide-awake-at-midnight-can’t-stop-talking kind of moments.

3. Comfortable silences. On the flip side, introverts need people in their lives who are content with quiet. People who can sit in the same room with them, not talking, each doing their own thing. People who will not nervously jump to fill a pause in the conversation, but will let thoughts linger, waiting until each idea has been fully digested. Trust introverts when they say that silence can be beautiful.

4. Space to dive deep into their hobbies and interests.

5. A quiet, calm space that’s all theirs. Admittedly, this is something I don’t have right now. But the dream is real: A room to be alone in. A room to arrange however I’d like. A room with a door that closes out the world, even just for a little while. For introverts, having a space that’s all theirs makes an incredible difference in terms of their energy levels. Being alone — truly alone, without fear of intrusion or interruption — is freeing and invigorating on a nearly spiritual level.

6. Time to think before responding. There’s hardly anything more stressful than an impatient boss or spouse standing before you demanding an answer right now. For extroverts, it’s usually easy to spout something off. But not so for introverts, who may rely more on long-term memory than working memory (for extroverts, it’s the opposite).

7. Friends who understand that sometimes they will stay home. Introverts won’t attend every party or get-together. They do enjoy some socializing, but it’s all about dosage. Too much, and their sensitive systems will have them begging for their beds. They need friends who understand that sometimes they just can’t “people” anymore today.

8. A deeper purpose to their work. Many introverts want a job that is more than just a paycheck. Sure, they need to pay their bills, but they want their 9-to-5 efforts to feel worthwhile, too.

9. Permission to not explain sometimes. There are times when they just have no words. They may be feeling something strongly, but they can’t describe it. Or they need to be alone right now, but don’t have the energy to provide a lengthy explanation. When an introvert says, “I don’t want to talk about it,” or simply, “This is what I need,” let that suffice. After some time to process, they will likely come back to you with more words.

10. Time and space to work uninterrupted. It’s no secret that introverts do their best work alone. Unfortunately, our offices and classrooms are not geared toward quiet reflection. As a result, you may find introverts sneaking away to the abandoned corners of the office building. Or coming early or staying late. Or begging to stay in the classroom — where it’s quiet and empty — during recess. To all teachers, supervisors, and parents — give introverts the quiet space they need to think. You may find that you get higher quality work in return.

11. Their tribe. Rarely the ones for chasing popularity, introverts usually have just a few close friends — and they prefer it that way. However, note that the key word is “close.” For introverts, friendship isn’t about just occupying the same space, doing the same activity. Nor is it about trading gossip. It’s about finding a kindred spirit, someone who will peek into the introvert’s inner world — and reveal theirs in return.

12. Time to slow down. Breathe. Take it all in. Just be. Repeat.

NB: Some parts of this article has been cut for the purpose of summarisation.

Source: https://introvertdear.com/news/introverts-happy-need/

Which of these strongly apply to you as an introvert and which ones have been somewhat suppressed?

fergusen:
I have seen quiet/reserved people repeatedly being labelled as wicked even when no act of wickedness has been committed.

Yours truly has been a victim. And it isn't a one-off experience.

A colleague once told me He was scared of me. Why? For being reserved and introspective most times.
I've heard my neighbours say something similar.
It seems this perception is widespread.

How does being reserved translate to wickedness or being evil my fellow Nairalanders?

There are two main reasons why many have this misconception.

1. Human beings generally fear mystery. In context, abstruse people who are not easily understood are seen as mysterious and unpredictable because there is no telling what he/she can be up to. And unfortunately, in this part of the world we are very bad with rightfully naming things as we just tag something with any word that feels close enough to describe it even though it is not apt (for example, calling a quiet person wicked).

2. We generalise easily and assume a lot. The fact that Mr Ade who is a quiet person also happens to be villainous does not make quiet Mr Bade or introverted Mrs Sade equally wicked.

sarzai:
i know yeah.. But having a female friend is more fun like they're things u can't tell males.. Andyou guys can't just go out to chill without it seeming like you're in a relationship.. And guys can consider some things we girls do as silly and not b interested

Well... It depends on the guy actually. You don't want to know about some 'funny' boy-girl friendships where the guy knows so much about the girl and the girl knows so much about the guy without either of them making the friendship look like a relationship. It's rare though, but very possible.
On the other hand, I quite agree about guys easily being disinterested in some girls' acts and consider them 'silly'.

I guess the trick is to have your mature male friends and relate with them accordingly then get some great female friends that you can be all girly with .

sarzai:
thanks though I'm working on my self.. I've lots of guy friends I wish I could convert them to girls..

If you have lots of great male friends then why do you wish you can convert them to females? From personal experience, quite a number of introverted and/or mature ladies seem to prefer male friends to female ones because men are not often petty as ladies tend to be (no offence to women).

So except you fear what society may think about your male companions (or perhaps because of some religions which may also frown at it), I don't think you need to be concerned your reasonable friends are of the opposite sex.

Blackfyre:
Not a compulsion, but it naturally happening so people see life in facets

Okay.

Blackfyre:
... [Truncated Post]

Yeah i did write some down, did alot of that. The worry is about wanting to bring it to reality.

Definitely hope it's a passing phase, thanks anyway.

@ the bolded: Are you saying you have a compulsion to create/enact that imagination? If this is the case, then the issue MAY be a different thing than what I was saying before. While I'm not saying it may be a neurosis (since you have not been fully analysed/evaluated), I think you may need to talk to a psychologist, especially if you're very concerned.

Blackfyre:
Lol, i am flattered you call it artistic workmanship

1) Not often, just when something feels amiss in the world can't place the something tho.
2) It slightly varies, this is mild. In most cases its very violent and i snap out of it.
3)Often accompanies it, brings about a relief tho.
4)Let's see, none whatsoever. But i remember often watching news that showed war torn countries, famine or drought and how helpless those kids in particular are from Somalia to the middle east.

I hardly read such books, havent read any so far, movies not fascinated by such movies. I think what triggers it most is when i see people bicker over the most irrelevant things or take for granted certain things or hold trivial matters when somewhere else, somebody is facing life threatening situations, that part of the world is virtually upside down.

The one question I forgot to type is, "how long has it been happening i.e. from the time you had the first imagination?"

Anyway, in my opinion, I don't think there is anything wrong with you. The imagination may just be a projection of some reality you have recently come to become more aware of. Like you said about what you think triggers it, the imagination roots in your consciousness of your environment and your disapproval of others' obliviousness to the suffering around us all.

Suffice to say, it is just a passing phase I think. It will surely pass. If you can, you can write about these imaginations whether in poetry or prose form. It might help you come to terms with it and easily move on from it, especially as you begin to realise what lie within and beyond your powers, as regards the imagination. Like Talkwell said, take your mind off it and it will fade in no time.

Should you feel too disturbed about the imaginations or if my suggestions don't work, you may want to see a psychologist.

Blackfyre:
I don't know if it suits the depressing thread or this one, but i am sure to get inputs here.


So i have these moments where iimagine am in the center of chaos. Chaos like full on war, people being cut down, blood spilling everywhere, babies crying clutching on to their dead moms corpse, fathers weeping over their dead sons. Some choking on their blood, smokes in the sky that has seemed to eclipse the sun, temperature falling rapidly like it's about to rain and a young baby girl not far from my feet crawling towards where am seated sobbing after growing tired of crying. I am in the middle of that and some sort of melancholic song is playing from a distance, like from a violin, depressing at the same time bringing some sort of calm to it all even as the chaos is still raging on and just when the song is about closing the chaos gradually ebbs till there is none anymore at this point the young baby girl is in my hands holding tightly to me as she sleeps as the temperature becomes very cold and everywhere becomes deafening silent.


I don't know why i have it, something wrong?

I personally think you're being jocose with this question which is most likely an example of the vivid imaginations you've developed burying yourself in books and films and what have you.

However, in the event that you're being serious, you need to answer these questions:
1) How often do you have these "moments of imagination"?
2) Do you get the same exact picture as you described, or it gets slightly varied or different ones on different occasions?
3) Do you know if you are (or have been) depressed?
4) Do you have any memory of an event which may have triggered these imaginations, whether it's a coincident or linked event?

If you answer these, it might help to know what the issue might be. That's if the imaginations are truly imprinted and not some cheap way of showing your artistic workmanship.

charley94:
You just said same thing I am going through right now. I can be very chatty with my fellow guys, but whenever I find myself in the midst of ladies, even if it's just one, I will just off and find it difficult to keep conversation. it's a bother also, though I am still young , but I tell myself if I continue like this , I no go marry o

preciousuweh:
please Fellow introverts, any suggestions on how to overcome this problem.

Truth be told, being 'shy' around the opposite sex is an issue that goes beyond the scope of introversion ... suffice to say, it is not exactly an introversion problem. However, that is another different issue so we'll just leave it.

For the average person experiencing shyness/social anxiety around the opposite sex, the root cause centres around three things: Overthinking, Lack of confidence and what I'll call Biology.

Overthinking is when you think as a guy, talking with a fellow guy (which is done easily) is different from talking to a lady (which is then found to be difficult). You subconsciously overthink what the lady thinks of you, you overthink what she thinks of your voice, your clothing, your looks and even your grammar. The truth is, when you meet new people they build a mental résumé for you and consider all those things you're overthinking anyway. So what should you do about this info? Ignore It. Yes, ignore it. You can't tell what they'll like or hate anyway because we are all different individuals. And you're just having a conversation with them not proposing marriage, so no big deal. The worst that could happen is that they won't be interested in talking to you for long and you both can go your separate ways - no qualms. So quit overthinking as it won't help in any way. It will only hinder you from having a decent conversation with a potentially lovely person. Just talk to them as you would someone of the same sex, just be polite and reasonable is all. You might do well to know what interests the lady and discuss topics around that. Don't go talking about soccer to a lady that detests it, she'll run away; and don't use cliché pick-up lines, if she's smart she will run too - just flow naturally and don't talk with the intentions of wooing or getting to know her. Talk to her as though she were a guy.

Confidence is a clear-cut concept and we all understand what it means. Just believe in yourself. And like Nike's slogan, Just Do It!. Ever seen a guy shabbily dressed and speaking English laden with grammatical blunders wooing a refined-looking lady on the street? That's confidence! Whether or not he has a chance, na you sabi that one. And the only way to get confidence is to Build It. Do the uncomfortable and leave your comfort zone. Say that little extra when talking to waitresses, or colleagues or classmates, people inclined to reply you really. Just don't overdo it. The idea is to feel relaxed talking to the opposite sex and building confidence, not being presumptuous or a nuisance.

As for Biology, this is a deeper psychological talk so let's just leave it. The idea is that it's one of the causes of the issue being discussed and unlike overthinking and confidence, it doesn't exactly have a "solution." But once the first two are overcome, 'Biology' will be suppressed and won't be a problem.

Mrchippychappy:
Lafarge and their useless cements wey no they ever dry properly. Lafarge products are substandard, the Ghanaians shouldn't allow Nigerians flood their country with sub standard products, next thing we would start hearing news of collapsed buildings in Ghana.

Don't say what you don't know and mislead others in the process. I have personally been on teams that conducted laboratory tests on various cements produced in Nigeria, and trust me (or the test results, if not me), Lafarge products have always performed very well and even ranked best under certain test parameters.

By the way, collapsed buildings are rarely caused by sub-standard cements but mainly caused by sub-standard practices.

chupcake:
I applied for a masters degree. The school might accept it but if it listed on your CAS for visa application, UKVI WILL NOT accept it!!

Okay. I understand you (though I'm surprised UKVI will do that since they're only supposed to verify the document and not do "another assessment". So best thing might be for the school to say on the CAS that they have examined the English proficiency of the student without listing the IDP IELTS document on the CAS.

adebayo3449:
Am to you all

Good morning.

Neyoor:
Good Day fellow introverts

I have this question please. Which is personality is better for an introvert to get along with, as far as dating and relationship is concerned?

If extrovert, won't their be clash of interest or whatsoever?

If introvert, won't the relationship looks too boring?

In my opinion, the truth of the matter is that there is no "one size fits all" when it comes to the personality of the perfect partner of an introvert. I don't also think that compatibility of mates through personality assessment is an exact science since exceptions always arise.

If an introvert marries an extrovert, you cannot predict a clash of interest because several factors are always involved when it comes to interest. Factors like fantasies, domesticated beliefs, environment, individual differences e.t.c. Suppose an extroverted male prefers to marry a wife who will be drawn towards the home and not be quite the life of the party. If it so happens that this man marries an introverted lady who shares certain common interests with him, there is a good chance they won't have problems associated with each other's personality. (NB: Many introverts easily accept the life of an extrovert and don't feel the urge to 'change' or overbear the extrovert).
It could also happen that an extrovert-introvert relationship can be turbulent with clashes of interests. But really, it all boils down to understanding and love and maturity.

On the other hand, Introverts marrying each other MIGHT perhaps have the best chance of having compatible personalities. If both introverts understand introversion and have accepted it, they would do things in their own interesting way and not feel any boredom in marriage. Extroverts observing their marriage may see boredom but the couple might just be on a merry ride of fun in their own way.
Of course if one or both of the introvert couple have not embraced introversion and desire to be extroverted, it is easy to feel boredom in the union and it can potentially lead to separation.

So basically, an introvert can do well with both an introvert and an extrovert if the "settings" are right.
In the final analysis, I think there are two things to note as regards your questions: 1) The introvert must indeed genuinely know herself/himself because I guarantee you many people do not know/understand themselves.
2) Know what you want in a potential spouse and be sure that potential spouse knows what they want in you. While this might not be so easy, it isn't impossible with communication, love, understanding and definitely an added advantage of the God-factor.

taiocol:
people have been complaining too much about the way I choose to live. from the guys to the Ladies. There feel I don't engage in discussion with them unless am called upon. One of them even claimed that numerous of his female friends has been complaining too.


I think it has eaten deep into the soul

Before @Olarewajub comes around to answer you, let me just say this: PLEASE AND PLEASE, DON'T LET OTHERS' COMPLAINTS ABOUT YOUR PERSONALITY EAT DEEP INTO YOUR SOUL AND MAKE YOU WORRIED (Except you mean it ate deep into the soul of the complainers). People will always complain about you so ensure you weigh their grievances very well and understand what their motives are. If it makes sense and you can adjust to their demands, try a little; if not, move on to other people who will not mind that you choose to keep quiet during a discussion.

Mcy56:
Thanks for this eye opening write up.
For me now I find it hard to make friends, just need a friend for a start to chart and share with, preferrably a male cos women gossip a lot and Im not that type, Im someone that's always conscious of what anyone will say about me and I hate pple going behind my back, I detest a wayward fellow, the set of people around me are just not my kind, thus making me to keep more to myself

You're welcome.

I understand your kind of personality as I've met people who want exactly what you want in a friend for the exact same reason you stated.
The interesting thing is that it is only innate to desire companionship and have trustworthy people to want to share with, so even the most introverted of persons are not excluded from this need.
I can assure you there are people out there who meet your criteria of friendship, albeit few perhaps.

Olarewajub:
What's the problem?

I really love the picture you attached. It really explains how I believe many introverts feel.

@ taiocol

Speak, people are listening (or reading).

Windflower:
Waow,you really understand the introvert nature,but I think introverted ladies are as affected as men too.

Well, you may not be wrong about your opinion since you are a lady and I'm not, clearly. But here are the reasons why I suggested introverted ladies may not be as affected as their male counterparts: In our society, the male species approach the female with his intention to have a relationship with her. He scouts, he schemes, he impresses, he blows his 'horn,' he literally attempts to win over her affections and prove himself a worthy mate in the sea of lurking men. What does the lady do? She literally 'positions' herself to be seen, she makes herself attractive both in personality and physically; yes, she might also attempt to seduce (or attract) her kind of person.

Given all of that to be true, would you not agree with me that the social demand to get a life mate is more on the introverted man than it is on the introverted female? Yes, I agree it might as well not be easy for the female introvert to put herself out there to be 'seen' by a potential suitor since she favours locking herself in and within. But as far as social interactions go, men are notorious in finding women once an attraction takes place. Don't tell me as a lady going your way quietly at some street corner, you haven't had a guy walk up to you and tell you how he has been noticing you in your neighborhood for weeks, and tries to woo you.

I understand the social struggles can be as real for the female introvert as it is for the male, but when it comes to marriage I strongly believe the female introvert should have less (maybe just a very small disparity) to worry about than her male counterpart. The only real contradiction in my stance maybe, is the recent social trend where trust is becoming a rarer virtue found in both men and women hence making blissful social unions more unattainable.

Mcy56:
Just saw this thread now, pls how true could this be cos I'm an introvert and born in Nov.?

Also, I read somewhere that introverts marry late, how true is this?

Windflower:
Hmmm,I need an answer to the question above too.
I mean if an introvert doesn't socialize or relate with people,then how does such a person settle down.
I am 24,and the only event that I have attended is just one wedding which I was forced to go. I guess that's the disadvantage of being an introvert.

1) It is completely fallacious (without any iota of factual verifiable truth) that most introverts are born in October and November. To the contrary, a UK study actually even suggests November-born children appear least susceptible to depression (October-born least likely to have Bipolar PD) and January-born ones tend to talk the least. Now, all of these are just research studies and not even completely factual science. There is no proof that month of birth can affect personality although there are predictions that the seasons may partly influence personality. I'm an introvert and I was born in Summer time, not Fall.

2) Well, it is easy to conclude that Introverts marry late through Inductive Reasoning. Introverts don't socialize easily, they prefer their own company and they over-analyse small issues extroverts overlook. Now, those three factors would ordinarily mean 'late marriage.' However, there are other factors such as culture, wealth, tradition and environment, all of which may actually favour an introvert in certain situations. So, in essence, INTROVERTS DO NOT NECESSARILY MARRY LATE. In fact, I personally think Introvert ladies are not as affected as men since our society makes men do the "hard" social part.

In conclusion, Introversion may come with its own disadvantages but many things attributed to it aren't even true. Most introverts are very easily lovable people except for those who don't understand them and therefore label them as all sorts.

chupcake:
THEY WON'T TAKE IT. I WASTED LIKE 60K WHEN I DID MINE AND IT WASN'T UKVI. I AM SORRY BUT YOU WOULD HAVE TO APPLY AND WRITE IELTS FOR UKVI.

What were you applying for when the result wasn't accepted? All IELTS exams (IDP Australia ot British Council) are tested the same way i.e. same exam. However, for immigration to the UK (not non-immigration like going for studies) the same IELTS exam is conducted in a special administrative condition and it is called "IELTS for UKVI". In my opinion, IDP's IELTS can be used to study in the UK except maybe for certain special student visas/certain schools. I may be wrong though but that's why I have asked what you applied for with the IELTS result.

Ericsunday619:
I have IELTS academic but it's not British IELTS. it's Australia IELTS

If UK is your first choice destination, then follow guiddoti's advice first by asking your prospective school about that IELTS result being tenable before changing your mind about your study destination.

You seemed to have made your points appear Bible-based but there was no single Bible reference or quotation. Why?

flowers4me:
Many thanks to you and Amen to " getting what i want".

You're welcome.

Your confusion is not rooted in the fact that you don't know who among the two guys you should stick with. You are confused because your conscience is judging you about thinking of leaving the student. You don't want to hurt Mr. Student perhaps because of his deep affection and your promises to him.

Mr Non-student is "made" and ready for marriage which aligns with your short-term goal of marrying soon. The question is, how do both guys fit into your long-term goal of ending up with a great man in a wonderful marriage?

Here's my single advice: Wisely re-prioritize your goals and stick with it. When you do this well, you won't find yourself in a relationship with Mr. A only to start giving audience to Mr. B six months into the relationship and contemplating marriage with Mr. B.

Good Luck!

HiddenManna:
Hi all! I'm writing a book titled: © The Life and Diary of an Introvert

Actually I was thinking of making it *journal* instead of the word *diary*

What do you all say about this?

Also, do you think it can make much sales? Because [some] people have nothing to do with introverts or being an introvert.

What do you say?


In addition, I'm also thinking of writing it in american style or the native nigerian style.
I tend to write in american style because I want to sell it as an ebook on Amazon. Most americans who by from Amazon never prefer reading books by africans talk less of nigerians.

What do you say about this too?

.

I personally feel a title such as "The Journal of an Introvert" or "The Diary of an Introvert" without the "life" should do the trick. It feels like the diary of someone speaks volume about their life anyway. Just an opinion and not a direct response to your question.

"American Style." You will reach a wider audience that way, including the local one the alternative targets.

sisisioge:
Oh, you see a good size 40 leather shoes that promised durability, comfort and affordability. Baby, you a perfect size 40. Thank God! It should fit...You took it home a happy person.

On your first wear, it didn't quite fit well but you told yourself it's leather, it's one of a kind, you will grown into each other Whew! cos now you've got tons of blisters to show for your bravo. May God help us shop for the best fit... hallelujah

I didn't kuku say anything, I just said check your shoes wella

Not only did you say "something," you said it with an admirable style I couldn't resist commenting. Your prayer (in bold) is the ultimate though.

flowers4me:
Okay, thanks. i have met men online and offline who dont agree, even in the churches.

Then regarding the 'hiding stuff ish', nothing is being hidden, the decision is in a bid to lookout for one's self in order not to become damaged goods to the deserving man after falling prey to professional samplers fronting to be suitors.

The fact that a man is found in a church does not mean a church is in him.

As regards your topic, yes of course there are such men. One fact of life is that there are always exceptions to conventional ideas/beliefs. That you have been meeting "beta testers" doesn't mean you're attracting them and neither does it mean all guys out there are the same. Some things only happen so that we can learn from them and that God can take glory from them.
Sooner or later, you'll find what you're looking for (or rather, what you want will find you).

@Fabulouscity

To say I am not shocked by your son's action would be a big lie. I had to login to comment again when I saw your update.

Even though at age five, the formative years of a child is just beginning, I still didn't think he would want to experiment what he saw on his dad's phone. The logical explanation would be that he either saw the video for a long period of time, or that morning was not the first time he was watching it. (I didn't envisage that).

It's okay you beat him (though it sounds like it was a little too much beating) but I hope you made him realise why you have beat him. You must take extra care to watch him closely henceforth. And you and your husband should sit him down and have a stern talk with him. He must know his action was unacceptable and a repeat would have dire consequences.

It's only unfortunate your husband was careless with the phone and has put your son in this position but your son can still easily unlearn what he saw. So don't be overly worried he's going to turn into an addict or be sexually pervasive. Just take extra effort to teach him in the right way to go and hope he follows that path.

All the best!

Fabulouscity:
I will go straight to the point, have come to seek advice on how to handle this, I have been here on NL for awhile, but I created this account for advice.
so I woke up early to prepare my children for school today, there was no electricity supply but my son (5 years) was busying with his dad's phone in the sitting room, his composure made me decide to have a glimpse of what game he was playing, I snooped behind him and guest what? He was watching porn!! the way he was clicking and pausing it showed it wasn't his first time, I took the phone from him,and decided not to make a scene that early, Now am confused... I don't knw how to handle this (haven't told his father either). Am just annoyed after all the blocking TV channels... This had to happen. pls how do I handle this?

You do not need to beat the boy - he is only a child who found videos on his dad's phone and watched it out of curiosity (assuming he didn't download it, of course).

The first thing you should do is to have a talk with your husband. Of course he is an adult who can keep anything he likes on his phone but for God's sake (and the boy's of course) he should not make that phone accessible to the children.

Once you have had that talk with your husband, let him be the one to talk to your son about the video thereafter. You should also be there but don't talk to the boy. Only ask him if he understands his dad and has taken note. Your husband should tell him it was wrong to watch such videos but please do not punish the boy in anyway as it's in no way his fault he watched that video.

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Hmmm... I see. Interesting explanation too.