₦airaland Forum

Sunshine2016:
Should I be concerned? Boyfriend has traveled to South Africa for 12 days for work/ holiday purposes.


Dear All,

First time poster here. Great and informative forum. Hoping you can assist me with some truthful advice.

I'm currently dating a guy whom I care about deeply. We've been dating for some months now. He's currently in South Africa ( Johannesburg specifically ) for a conference and a brief holiday thereafter, spending a total of 2.5 weeks.

Now my question is, should I be worried about him cheating on me or messing around with South African girls when he is there? I know he went out to some bars and clubs on Friday night and Saturday night. Some of the bars he went to are located around the "university area" ( is anyone familiar with that area?). I also know that he visited these clubs with some of his Nigerian friends who are based in SA.

I had no problem with him going clubbing ( he's on holiday and nothing wrong with a night out with friends) until I started reading some of the comments on this forum about SA women, their protruding backsides, their sex appeal and rumored casual/ liberated approach to sexual matters. Nigerian men on these boards describe SA women like goddesses who cannot be outmatched or even rivaled by Nigerian women and it's made me feel quite insecure, inadequate and jealous about my boyfriend as he's currently in SA . I asked him casually if "the rumours about SA womens' casual approach to sex are true" to which he responded "yeah I can't even lie, it's true". He also confirmed that SA women have no problem approaching a man and "toasting him" the way Nigerian men accost or chat up women here in Nigeria ( in terms of frequency and aggressiveness ).

Like many Nigerian men, the guy I'm dating frowns on female promiscuity ( and would never take a promiscuous woman seriously) but nonetheless really enjoys casual sex with casual lovers. ( double standard I know). He's a typical Yoruba man.

I've been told that I'm pretty and good looking... I get a lot of male attention. Im petite and slim and well educated with a good career. I'm 28 years ago if that's of any relevance to your assessment of the situation. I'm also a loving and kind person. Guess those are my good traits. I however have a conservative approach towards sex- I'm far from a virgin but I don't sleep around. I haven't had sex with my BF at this point because I'm trying to take it slow in that department and want to be certain about the direction of the relationship before going too far. He's asked for sex but I held back/ resisted- guess that makes me boring compared to the SA girls. We've kissed and engaged in some "petting" but no intercourse or oral (s*x). I'm trying to be careful because I don't want to make anymore mistakes.

In a nutshell, I'm a bit concerned and I'm admittedly feeling insecure about my boyfriend's trip to SA. I also feel a bit inadequate. Is he likely to cheat seeing as he went clubbing a few times in SA and admitted that the women are very sexually permissive? ( I don't mean to be disrespectful to SA women, no offence intended at all). Is he going to start comparing my body to theirs? After all I don't have a big bum or wide hips and we are currently not having sex although we've kissed etc. Do the SA women truly approach men and "toast" them? I can't block the images of him having steamy sex with a curvaceous South African woman and it's doing my head in!!

Your responses would be much appreciated.

Thank you for reading.

Wat u should be worried about is his returning alone not if he cheats.

EazyMoh:
Na so dem dey do useless people. My fiance told me the same thing, of course I dumped her a55, that's the only way to feel good about yourself.
Even if you intend to forgive but make her realize if she has better offers somewhere you could as well live comfortably without her.
As she said it, that's how she truly feels. So she needs a change of mindset, which break up best offers at least even if it's temporary. Just cut off and ignore her, trust me it hurts them the most.

maynot be really how she truelly feels. I asked my woman years later why she made such useless statement. Remember she said it infront of my parents OMG! My people insisted I was not going to marry her. Now all these things transpired while I was not in the country. She didn´t know such 4k-up would escalate the way it did. She later explained that my mom had asked her what she saw in me and why she wanted to marry me cos I was on the calm side while she was lively and flashy. So she had tried to explain to my mom that she had met other "better looking men" who probably were "wealthier" or so but it was misunderstood.

Anyway, whatever, I still tackled her 4k-up and tackled it well and she never repeated such rubbish again.

alexistaiwo:
Had a heated argument with my girlfriend today. In the course of exchanging words she said that she is always approached by guys better than me, guys I can never compare to. she made it sound as though she is doing me a favour by dating me.

Though I love her and she loves me too, some words are relationship deal breakers. I just can't get that statement out of my head even after much apologies and crying on her part.

guy get used to such statements but u dont have to take it. If u take it now she will repeat it infront of ur parents, now that´s a deal breaker. When I was still dating my Wife years ago she once mentioned something similar to that and after what I told her she never repeated that mistake. I told her "fine, so if u meet men better than me. What are u still doing with me? Move on now, I am not begging u to stay, neither am I forcing u. Instead u are leaching on me cos although u work u depend partly on me financially". Then I told her "if U dont leave within a week make sure u call urself a fool to staying with a man u say is less than men u have been meeting and who have been asking u out". I walked out on her and didn´t see for weeks. She came begging after some day probably after the lose screw in her head had tightened back.

Guy if u follow women the way they talk to their men, u will commit sucide. But that doesn´t mean u have to swallow many of the 4k ups like this one we are talking about. But then again, u need to be calm and clear headed to handle them and if u think she is still worth it after making such statement then tackle her 4k-up well she she doesnt repeat such nonsense. I married mine.

yaskarahyelhope:
LETTER TO NIGERIAN PARENTS (PART 1)

Dear All- Let's be real.

I wish to start by adding the benefit of my time as a student and then resident in the UK. Living in Abuja now. The first thing that I discovered about UK-born, white, English undergraduates was that all of them did holiday or weekend job to support themselves – including the children of millionaires amongst them. It is the norm over there – regardless of how wealthy their parents are. And I soon discovered that virtually all other foreign students did the same – except status – conscious Nigerians.

I also watched Richard Branson (owner of Virgin Airline) speaking on the Biography Channel. To my amazement, he said that his young children travel in the economy class – even when the parents (he and his wife) are in upper class. Richard Branson is a billionaire in Pound sterling. A quick survey would show you that only children from Nigeria fly business or upper class to commence their studies in the UK. No other foreign students do this. There is no aircraft attached to the office of the Prime Minister in the UK. He travels on BA. And the same goes for the Royals. The Queen does not have an aircraft for her exclusive use.

These practices simply become the culture which the next generation carries forward. Have you seen the car that Kate Middleton (the wife of Prince William) drives? VW Golf or something close to it. But there’s one core difference between them and us (generally speaking), they (even the billionaires among them) work for their money, most of us steal ours

If we want our children to bring about the desired change we have been praying for on behalf of our dear country, then please, please let’s begin now and teach them to work hard so they can stand alone and most importantly be content and not having to “steal” which seems to be the norm these days.

We have Nigerian Children who have never worked for 5 minutes in their lives insisting on flying “only” first or business class and using the latest cars fully paid for by their “loving“ parents.

I often get calls from anxious parents” my son graduated 2 years ago and is still looking for a job, can you please assist!”

“Oh really! So where exactly is “THIS CHILD?” is my usual question. “Why are you the one making this call dad/mum?"

I am yet to get a satisfactory answer, but between you and i, chances are that the big boy is cruising around Abuja with a babe dressed to the nines, in his dad’s sparkling new SUV with enough “pocket money” to put your salary to shame. It is not at all strange to hear a 28 year old who has NEVER worked for a day in his or her life in Nigeria but “earns” a six figure “salary” from parents for doing absolutely nothing.

I see them in my office once in a while, 26 years old with absolutely no skill to sell apart from a shiny CV, written by his dad’s secretary in the office. Of course, he has a driver at his beck and call and he is driven to the job interview. We have a fairly decent conversation and we get to the inevitable question- so, what salary are you looking to earn? Answer comes straight out – N250,000.00. I ask if that is per month or per annum.

“Of course, it is per month”

“Oh, why do you think you should be earning that much on your first job?”

“Well, because my current pocket money is N200,000.00 and I feel any employer should be able to pay me more than my parents.”

No wonder corruption continues to thrive. We have a society of young people who have been brought up to expect something for nothing, as if it were a birthright. Even though the examples I have given above are from parents of considerable affluence, similar patterns can be observed from Abeokuta to Adamawa.

Wake up mum! Wake up dad! This syndrome – “my children will not suffer what I suffered" is destroying your tomorrow. You are practically loving your child to death.

I learnt the children of a former Nigeria Head of State with all the stolen (billions) monies in their custody, still go about with security escort as wrecks. They are on drugs, several time because of the drug, they collapse in public places. The escort will quickly pack them and off they go. What a life! No one wants to marry them.

Henry Ford said “hard work does not kill.” We are getting everything wrong in Nigeria now, including family setting. It is time to prepare your children for tomorrow, the way the world is going, only those that are rugged, hard working and smart working that will survive. How will your ward fare?

Please forward this to all the parents you know and love. We must begin to save our young children from unintended consequences of "too much love" and weak parenting. It is the only way we can build a strong and decent Nigeria.

A billion million likes. Nepotism is the order of the day in Nigeria. This is something Buhari can´t stop cos his kids too are guilty of that fact. It will require a fresh face like Fayose to make such changes.

farano:
Ok let me go straight to d point...lol tho not funny. This morning in a public transport, a guy sitting next to me was romancing my lap in a coded manner I was like 'wtf?!' Immediately the guy said ssssshhhhhh and handed his phone to me to enter my contact. I refused to collect the phone. So he wrote his number on a piece of paper and gave it to me and whispered "call me and send your account number too". I got very angry that I gave him a hot slap. What an insult! People were curious to know what went wrong. I didn't say a word and he didn't too.

Why do some men behave like this

[size=28pt]LOL[/size] this is the biggest joke of the year. Its too funny I actually laughed. It just goes to show some of our naija sisters still have self respect for themselves. Way to go and ata gurl.