Me too; I thank God that I can fart because it's the sweetest experience in our bodily functions.

Govt stops cash, cheque payments, goes electronic
From Mathias Okwe, Abuja

HENCEFORTH, all Federal Government transactions requiring huge payments would be done electronically to the beneficiary's account and not with cash or cheque instruments, the Accountant-General of the Federation (AGF), Mr. Ibrahim Dankwanmbo, declared yesterday.





The development is the cashless system strategy which the Minister of State for Finance, Mr. Remi Babalola, championed as part of measures to check corruption and enhance accountability and transparency.

And to give teeth to the new measure, Dankwambo yesterday directed all commercial banks in the country to dishonour any cheque instrument drawn by Ministries, Departments and Agencies (MDAs) from January 1, 2009, because they have since been warned to desist from the practice.

He spoke while addressing Directors of Finance and Accounts of MDAs and other stakeholders such as banks and contractors at a one-day sensitisation on the new payment strategy.

The AGF recalled that enough notice had been given on the strategy, including the date of the presentation of the 2009 Federal Budget by President Umaru Yar'Adua.

Dankwambo said: " In order to implement the Presidential directive on e- payment, my office immediately commenced to work out modalities for easy implementation in collaboration with the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN), MDAs and commercial banks. The concept of e-payment, which is a subset of e-governance, is not new in Nigeria because it is similar to the use of ATM cards, smart cards e.t.c, which are other versions of e- payment."

According to him, the objective of e-payment is basically to facilitate payment from one end to another through the medium of computer without manual intervention in putting the payment data.

" My Office, as a first step, issued a Treasury circular No: TRY\A&B8\2008 OAGF\ CAD\026\026\Vol.\11\465 of 22nd October, 2008 on implementation of e-payment from funds of the Federal Government of Nigeria which made it mandatory for all MDAs and agencies of government to commence the e-payment on 1st January, 2009.

" This was followed by detailed implementation guidelines for e- payment from all funds of the Federal Government of Nigeria. The objective was to further clarify the issues in the Treasury Circular.

I went further and signed a letter to the Governor of the CBN to direct all Commercial Banks to dishonour all cheques issued and dated from 1st January, 2009 as a demonstration of the commitment of the Federal Government of Nigeria in this regard."

At the meeting, CBN staff and Inter-switch companies were on hand to shed more light on the new payment procedure just as the revised detailed implementation guidelines for the e-payment was distributed to the concerned key staff.

Meanwhile, as the controversy over the actual amount recovered from MDAs as unspent capital vote for 2008 continues, the AGF yesterday announced that the mop- up is to continue till the end of June this year when it will be remitted to the consolidated accounts of the Federal Government.

http://odili.net/news/source/2009/jan/29/14.html

Will they keep the rules?

whether you spell it from right or left, Mallam na Mallam.

Barrackallah_{new naija muslim name en vogue after Obama's inauguration}

Boss, you have created such uncertainty and mental anguish in my mind that I was forced to wake up my shrink in the dead of night for some emergency counselling. Here is a partial list of the many Gods that I worship.

1. The God of Thunder ( Sango )
2. The God of Iron ( Ogun )
3. The God of Rivers ( Oya )
4. The God of Sex ( Hugh Hefner )
5. The God of Money ( Late, Great Sanni Abacha )
6. The God of Inactivity ( President Yar Adua )
7. The God of Silicone ( Pamela Anderson )

Well, you get the idea. Now, before my nervous breakdown becomes official and my lawyers get involved , which particular God are you claiming does not exist ?

8. The God of satellite(Nigeria1/Becomerich)

more meaningful giving it to US than Nigeria

Abi ooo because they will line their pockets with the whole thing if given to them.

there a numerous alumni that donate to their school without it being mentioned in University paper. some people just aren't interested in all that fanfair. There's nothing wrong in donating to your alumni. it's a sign of appreciation. Maybe the Alumni of Nigerian universities should do the same thing rather than abandoning their schools.

Exactly.

No wonder you have a corrosive Ijesha accent.
After all the money spent on ur education, the Ijesha accent still reflects like a aurora borealis

My IJ accent is sexy, egba is crap.

You guys should leave Daddy GO alone. He's not the cause of your wahala in Naija, your Hausa mafia is the problem.

@earTHMama: « #40 on: Yesterday at 05:31:26 PM »


Muhammad (AS) and all of us are slaves and servants of Allah. Now you know. But I intend to excite you, this morning.

You can as well come and be my slave for a little pay. My own God cannot enslave you. How can a father enslave his own children in his own kingdom? How can a King enslave his prince and princesses?. You see what religion has reduced you to? A beast of burden . Come to Christ all you guys that are heavy laden, and you will have rest.

Allah does not have any children. This is the difference between a real God and the pretenders. The pretenders are surrounded with childrens and "helper gods". Just for kicks, who is the mother or who are the mothers of all the children of the christian God, or Gods, since there are three that witness in heaven; the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost? Read again. The conjuctions "coma" along with the "and" simply let you know that you have more than One God.

What are you to Allah? His bitch?

Funmi is a goddess. **Osisi is also a goddess. Davidylan is a god. Wow, every one of you is a god. Who then is the real God? If you are a god or goddess and no slave or servant anymore, why worship any God? Am sorry, I forgot that you aguys are pretenters. Before Jesus made you princes and princesses, what were you in stature? And did Jesus willingly get sacrificed?

You have a very shallow understanding. Religion has messed you up big time.

Funmi. Wake up woman. I have news for you; Lincorn is dead. Barackallah Hussaine Obama is now the President of this Unisted States. And before the slavery that happened in US, there was the one that happened in Egypt. The slaves of pharaoh then were the family members of your lord, small god, Jesus. These people were called Israelites, before they change up to Jews.

When did Barrack become Barackallah?.

Funmi is having her own fantasy or maybe impossible wish, or allucination.

Typical Ijebu man. It's hallucination and not Allucination.

The Chief thread spammer is on a 12 hr shift. He will not leave work today until this thread has been completely spammed to a halt with frivolous pictures and maps.

You are on the bus when you suddenly realize , you need to fart.
The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat.

After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop. As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down,


and that's when you remember: you've been listening to your IPod.

U are a case!!!

A child should be taught English @ home. . . . .He can learn Yoruba anytime he feels like learning it.
There are some fundamental stuffs about English that a child must not miss while growing up.

The reverse should be the case because it should be his/her native language. A child can always learn english in school.

Once he misses that train, it's biddy-bye.
Why do u think some people still pronounce Chicken as See-keen(Ibadan folks) even after spending decades in Universities.
H-factor, S-factor, L-factor etc.

Same way the Chinese pronounce 'chicken' as 'chikun'.

My Lord, Next Suspect…, is a goat
Editorial
Thursday, January 29, 2009
THE Nigeria Police in Ilorin must be watching too many Nigerian movies and creating reality from them. Last Thursday in Ilorin , the police paraded a goat as the suspect in an attempted car theft.





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Like a home video script, the Police Public Relations Officer Mr. Tunde Mohammed said, the neighbourhood vigilante group chased a two-man gang, “while one of them escaped, the other was about to be apprehended by the team when he turned his back on the wall and turned to this goat”. Not ones to be fooled, the police promptly arrested the goat. Home video knowledge is that at some point the goat would become human again.

Soon those who made the arrest could be honoured by one of the numerous organisations that dispense awards, for cracking a case that gave detectives sleepless moments.

We are interested in the conclusion of this case. The police claimed the suspect turned into a goat. It follows that they have to keep the goat, watch over the goat to prevent it from straying, feed it, and ensure that it is not poisoned and nobody converts it to food.

Goats’ rights organisations may weigh in to secure bail for the suspect, a goat that cannot say a word, maybe knowing that anything it says could be used against it. Without a special facility for detaining goats, this suspect could suffer many indignations, including exposure to the elements.

The police should send a supplementary budget for the construction of special detention facilities to hold goats and other animals that might imitate goats in this manner. They cannot detain them in the same cells with suspects who neglected the great opportunities turning into a goat offers.

In our unique crime bursting techniques, suspects and their associates, even those who do not know about the crime are all guilty until they prove their innocence. Therefore, the owner of the goat cannot risk confessing ownership of this criminal.

One of the details of a suspect’s case files is his written statement. Have the police obtained one from the goat? Who will pay the legal fees of the goat when the case goes to court? It is an interesting case that signals a new chapter in crime fighting.

Goats are on the brink of extinction. The police can shoot them as suspects, arrest them, and detain them until “our investigations are over”.

There are many reasons the Federal Government should call the police to order immediately. This could be a new business for the police. Thousands of suspects and convicts could be freed. If the suspect in Ilorin is a goat, what stops our inventive police from freeing suspects elsewhere and replacing them with goats?

Merchants, who transport goats round the country, could in the fertile imagination of the police be involved in “human trafficking”. There are more possibilities.

A goat’s day in court would include suspect being introduced thus, “My Lord, the next suspect is a goat”

http://odili.net/news/source/2009/jan/29/318.html

Thursday, January 29, 2009 Printer Friendly Version
Kwara police to auction 'goat suspect'

By Olalekan Adetayo

The Kwara State Police Command may soon dispose the goat "arrested" by its men after an armed robbery attack through public auction.





The command had last week paraded the goat before journalists for allegedly attempting to snatch a car from its owner at gunpoint.

The claim of the command was that a man, who was attempting to commit the crime, turned into the goat when he was about to be arrested.

Our correspondent learnt on Wednesday that the command was set to get a court order to sell the goat.

The move, a police source said, was aimed at dousing the tension and ridicule generated since the news of the "arrest" of the goat became a public knowledge.

The source said, "The issue has become an embarrassment to the command. Concerned citizens both within and outside the police circle have been calling the commissioner of police to register their displeasure over the incident.

"It is obvious that the issue was not properly handled and that is why the command resolved to get rid of the goat so that the dust raised by its 'arrest' could settle finally."

http://odili.net/news/source/2009/jan/29/417.html

This man don dey kolo o. Was Bush's inaguaration act of the devil?

He even said God told him of a new world order

God told him Nigeria would be great as well and he couldnt tell his friend to stop stealing Nigerias wealth. This is the same man Yaradua in company of Bode George went to visit during the election and he gave his blessings. Now what would he say of yaradua's election now an act of devil perhaps.

Proof please.

Vicar of God(niara, dollars, euros or pounds)? Why does his God keep telling him to lie to people? Remember his 300km journey on an empty tank or his ability to make a short man grow taller. This man is partly responsible for Nigerian being where it currently is with all the lies and scam he keep advocating on behalf of his God. Stupid Gods of men.

Are you doubting what God can do?

earth watever , you have actually confirmed it, that you are very myopic and retarded. i pity who raised you, a shame to the yorubas.

Is this 1996 or 2003 Honda?. Who will pay 1.1M for a stick shift transmission?

Paedophiles are not to be spared.

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-225520.0.html

www.nairaland.com/attachments/124473_details_jpgca10229324646f26b4fbc3215dafc815
Dapo Famoroti
Is this his real name because he looks igbo or Niger Delta or even hausa to me but definitely not Yoruba?


This story is in the wrong section tho. Moderator move please.